Wind Me Up, Push Me Down, Start Me Off & Watch Me Go…

This weekend I’m going to have use my A.D.H.D. to complete everything that’s on my plate & my plate is so full I feel like I’m in an endless buffet line. From the moment I punch out of work today I’m on the go. *Winding Up*

Kicking off this marathon is a very sweet invitation to my boyfriend’s family’s Girl’s Night. Yeah his mom invited me out with the family girls for dinner & a movie. We're going to see "Going the Distance" with Drew Barrymore & Justin Long. It will probably be predictable but at least it'll be cute. I think CJ's family likes me. They did the 20 questions thing a few weeks ago & the “What are your intentions with CJ” stuff too already so now they are just being chill & cool. I’ve NEVER had a relationship like this. It feels like this is how it always was supposed to be, but somehow I kept missing it in my past relationships. This guy is the real-deal.
Then tomorrow I have the Tag sale for my condo development. I have a few toys, bags, books, & odds & ends I’m going to try to sell. Anything to get rid of some of the stuff I have that I won’t use anymore. Maybe someone else can find the value in it. I can’t overload my new condo with stuff. Cutting back is my number #1 priority with the condo. THEN I’m going to October Fest at Bear Mountain for one of CJ’s buddies’ birthdays. Hopefully I’ll get to do some festival fun things. Maybe they’ll have a Gravitron! That is my favorite festival ride! Later that night I assume there will be more birthday partying for the guy.
Sunday I’m hoping to get to the gym for a lil bit. I’m getting a lil self-conscious about how much weight I’ve actually put on. I’ve gained 15 pounds since this relationship has started. All this partying & eating out is still bothering me but the funny thing is CJ is so thin!! He has the dream metabolism. I however need to exercise more. I’m going to put on my ipod & rock out like that lil doggie. That is probably going to be next week’s Weekly Goal. But regardless of that, there is an Italian Festival going on in my town that I promised my mom I would take her to. Get a cannoli or something. My mom is 100% Italian so she should enjoy it.

MAYBE I’ll get some sleep in or some packing in but who knows. Hopefully next week I’ll find out some form of real information of when my closing date will be. I hope! Well I hope everyone has a great weekend. I have a feeling mine will be over in a flash & I’ll be hoping for the next one. I'll be sure to take tons of pictures tho!See you soon!

Here are my posts from this week in case you missed them!

Those Three Words...
The End of the Pack Rat Era...
It's Always a Nightmare never a Dream...
One the Best Concerts...

Those Three Words...My First Time Ever Hearing Them...

Sometimes people tell you things while they are living in that heartbeat of the minute. It might blind-side you to laughter, tears, smiles, or even the look of shock. At some point at the concert last week I looked up at CJ with his arm around me & asked him, “Do you still like me now that you know what type of music I like?”. I expected a look & the eventual yes. I didn’t get that answer. I got this:

“Melanie, I fucking love you.”
My eyes went wide . I’ll admit a secret to you all. I’ve NEVER been told that before by any boyfriend or lover I’ve ever had. The Mess one day said, “I love you too” without me saying it first so that doesn’t count. In the 7 real years I’ve been truly dating those 3 words always escaped the situation. I once said it to an ex but then got the sound of crickets. BUT in the beginning of my 25 years I actually found someone who loves me. So I thought...

Later that night CJ was acting weird. Before we went to bed he then told me he had a confession to make. I freaked. I thought he was going to tell me he saw me talk to the Mess, but no it wasn’t that. He was squirming for the words. He told me he was scared to say this but then admitted he told a Lie. The words left his mouth a lil shakily.

“I have to admit I lied to you. I don’t think I’m in love with you.”
This is what I was used to. A million thoughts raced through my head in the moments. Maybe some more time we will love each other or what did I do wrong or…or maybe…or maybe…BUT he wasn’t finished. He continued…

“I think I’m madly in love you.”
I hugged him & said, “I love you too.” I think I do love him. Wow yeah. I think I do. I feel like such a fool that I put up with other guys crap hoping they would love me if I stayed around. Sad I know, but I learned. But now I’m in unchartered territory for me. That word, “Love” has never been an equal factor in any of my relationships. He loves me. Wow. I was wondering how or what would happen that would make one of us said it. Now all he does is say it & I say it back.


Last night I went to his house & he said “I love you” & I said, “I love you too.” I forgot about all the chaos with the condo, my job, & the world. This is so new & I’m going to hold on for the ride.


The winner of my Mini Random Giveaway is: #10: ANGIE from Cinema Obsessed!! =) Email me when you get a chance so I can send it out too you! Thank you everyone! New Giveaway soon! =)

The End of the Pack Rat Era...

Many of you have asked if I’ve moved into my new condo yet. Well unfortunately I have not moved in yet. There are TONS of mini lil factors that somehow get lost in the fine print. I’m waiting for the title of the property to get to the bank. My lawyer didn’t order this title til 2 weeks ago. I’m beyond furious because I thought I’d more than be in there already. But alas no. I have NO clue when my closing date is & yes it’s been over 2 months & they can’t give me a date. I’m not losing sleep over it but it’s upsetting to stare at the empty windows of my future home every day. No one is currently living there so it’s just collecting unnecessary dust. One day very SOON I’ll know my closing, until then I can have a lil more fun collecting things I need.

I didn't know buying your own place would be such a pain in the ass.

BUT there is a lil matter that needs some correcting that CJ reminded me of the other day. I am a self-diagnosed Pack Rat. I’ve come to terms with it because I am not a hoarder. If that was the case I’d seek professional help. Hehe. I can see my floors & walls & there isn’t a Christmas tree hiding in the corner of my bedroom, at least I don’t think there is. =P Jk. I have to learn tho to resist buying that lil smurf porcelain box, & that Alex Mack board game I bought for a buck @ a tag sale or the Sega console never been used form 1986 for 10 bucks. I can’t flood my new place with junk, even if its cool junk. Let the throwing out & selling begin...


This weekend my condo complex is holding their Fall Tag Sale & it’s the first one I’ve ever done. Any Tips on holding your own Tag Sale? I know don’t sell complete junk that’s broken or dirty & try to keep prices reasonable, but what else? Not sure. I’m going to feel it out & get rid of as much as I can for a lil profit, hopefully.

Amongst the madness of the past few days I did pick up a few things for the new place. I can’t wait to move in. Soon. Very soon I’ll know everything. TIl then I’ll have to wait.

Here are some pieces tho I picked up & was given:


Cute lil cow milk pitcher. I couldn't resist it at the Christmas Tree Shoppe! It only cost me $1.99!


Dress Frame to hang on my wall. I got it at TJ Maxx for $5.99.


Future DIY fixer-upper chair. I took it from one of the offices in my work building. They were going to throw it out. I'm going to paint the wooden arms & put new fabric on the cushions. It should be fun! It's too good a chair to just leave.


Cake Server plate with server paddle. Gift from my friend Debra. I can't wait to use it! =)


Tea Bag holder. Picked these up in Rhode Island this past summer. Too cute to leave!
All my new collected housewares are scattered throughout my parents' house right now & I have boxes in my car waiting to be used. Maybe I'll be in by October. I hope I hope!!!

OHH!! Don't forget to ENTER MY GIVEAWAY!!! End Date is Tomorrow!!!
Mini Random Giveaway!

It's always a nightmare, never a dream...it's been so long...

"...feels like pins & needles in my heart...I can feel it tearing me apart..."
-The Birthday Massacre, "Pins & Needles"
The concert was the dream, but the memory that I ran into was the nightmare. The band played on Friday night perfectly & the crowded room was just too dark for me to see clearly ALL the people in the ballroom. The band stopped & the sea of goth/punk kids parted & there he was. My ex, the Mess. He had told me about the concert because he knew The Birthday Massacre was my favorite band & I even had introduced him to them. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't be there. I guess I was foolish.

Two girls surrounded him. One I reconignized from another concert, the other I didn't. However neither girl was his girlfriend. So the girl he chose to be with doesn't even go to concerts...what the fuck? Well the lights came on & I saw him & I froze. CJ could instantly tell the difference in me. I played it off that I was nervous that the band wouldn't remember me. I KNOW that Mess saw me because the ballroom was clear except for some few people standing in mini clusters. He didn't even have the guts to come over.


I panicked because I didn't want CJ to meet him. The fear of the two men who smashed my heart & then the one who repaired it coming to blows terrifies me, I'll admit. It would be like that scene in Bridget Jones Diary where Mark & Daniel Cleaver fight maybe? Ahhh..The thoughts ran through my head of what to do if the Mess came up to me. After a while I gave up & realized I should just let it go & not talk to him. THEN the tables turned.

CJ left me for a brief moment. Just a moment. When I turned to my left I saw the Mess standing not 3 feet next to me. He knew I was there because when I poked him he slowly turned to me & pretended to be shocked to see me. He looked like hell. He hugged me & I felt nothing. I looked at him & the anger was all I could see. He has replaced me in every way, he even got new people to take him to the concerts. I used to take him...no more tho.

We did the typical how are you's? He looked nervous for some reason. But then the Mess had to leave & asked me if I needed a cab back to a train or bus.......This was the most rewarding thing I could have ever asked for. I replied...

"Oh my boyfriend drove me. I don't need a cab."
The Mess went Ohhh & then turned to leave with the replacement friends. It felt so good to watch him leave. He used to tell me it would be my loss if I left him. Nope it's his loss that he doesn't have me. I'm so proud of myself for being the bigger person & poking him. I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't see him. I'm not that type of person. He's a monster because he told me I didn't phase him anymore yet he's still doing the things I introduced him to. It makes no sense & it probably never will. Somewhere in my heart it will always sting, but I hope in time that'll fade away.

As I watched my past walk down the NYC street, my future walked back to me. Like magic my CJ returned to me moments after the Mess left. I couldn't have planned it any better. I gave CJ a big kiss when I saw him & told him I was so happy to see him. He returned the kiss a lil harder & I think I fell in love in him at that moment. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I got my autographs & CJ & I continued on our night.


Things work in mysterious ways. The Mess doesn't phase me anymore & that is a wonderful dream come true. So the story goes...it makes you wonder...

One of the Best Concerts Ever with a few Suprising Twists....

That’s me & CJ all ready for The Birthday Massacre concert. Everyone has that one obscure band that that they totally love! This one is mine! It was probably one of the best live concerts I’ve ever gone too & I think the company I went with had something to add to it too. This is the first concert I’ve ever went with a boyfriend, who actually danced with me, rocked with me, & got all dressed up too!! Cj came with bells on. He was all ready to party & he drove us in. I couldn’t have asked for a better time. The venue was small so I was right up there watching them right in front! =) Ohhh where to begin?


They are one of those bands who sound exactly like their cds when they sing live. My fan girl fanatics started the second they came on! My lil goth rock girl came out! They played songs from all their albums, including their new album, “Pins & Needles” that omg is a great song. It’s so hard to get pictures of them in concert because they are moving around so much! But that’s so cool because you can almost feel the energy from them! It’s awesome!! See they’re lyrics are basically everything I’ve ever wanted to say in relationships & break-ups & I just couldn’t find the right words. But the BEST part of about it ALL was that they totally REMEMBERED ME!!!

I was in their music video about 3 years ago and when they came out to sign autographs they ALL remembered me. The drummer, Rhim, before I even said anything was like "I know you! How do I know you! I see tons of faces but yours sticks out, I know I know you." It brought such a smile to my face I can’t begin to describe. I told him the video is how he knew me & he was like "Yes!! That’s it!!" Hehe. I got to talk to them all & they told me thank you for still being a fan for all these years. I was beyond thrilled. I got pictures with all the members except the lead singer Chibi but she was hounded by tons of fan kids. I did get her autograph tho! It was such a fun night & having CJ with me made it a 100 times better!! =)

Here are the pictures from the night:


I got all their autographs on the CD Pamphlet from the music video I was in! Oh yeah my name is in that CD Pamphlet too!


It was so dark in the venue!! But they rocked it!!


The Drummer, Rhim, & me


O.E. The keyboardist! That's make-up so don't worry! He's a sweetheart!


One of the lead guitarist, Rainbow! He looks like Marilyn Mason lol!


Falcore the lead guitarist & me!
One thing I absolutely love is going to see my favorite bands in concert! I'm lucky that I’m near NYC where a lot of my favorite bands perform! It was a great night & Oh yes there was a HUGE TWIST to the night...

Remember that my ex the Mess told me about the concert...well he was there...AND I did talk to him...

To be continued tomorrow...

Its been 9 years...

We will never forget. This is a photo I took of one of the beams at the Franklin Ave Elementary School. In Pearl River, NY every school has a beam. My high school has 2 beams. The next town over has 1 beam in a courtyard in the center of town.

I remember on September 11th being in gym class around 8:40am. I'll never forget one of the other students saying to me that plane looks a lil low...and we heard the noise of a plane overhead. It might have been one of the planes. I looked up and it was eerie, reallly eerie. I finished the soccer game, ran to change back into my clothes, and then ran to Mr. Licht's class. I mean ran, because I was late. I ran up the 3 stories of stairs from the gym to the Math Wing all out of breath and when I entered the classrom everyone was sitting and Mr. Licht saw me and said Oh good now everyone is here. I sat down out of breath & Mr. Licht said, "Just to let all of you know there was a terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers a few minutes ago." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. We finished class for 42 minutes and then I went to Latin. There I found out that the buildings collapsed. Mrs. Probst was on the phone with her husband and she said it out loud for us all to here. My high school is about 20 minutes from the George Washington bridge just outside Manhatten, so we were in a lock down. My memory is fuzzy of the exact moments but I remember falling out of my chair at some point or I missed the chair of those horrific desks that have the chair glued to it. No one noticed. When I left Latin I thought the world had gone nuts. I heard that the Sears tower had been hit that there were planes at the Pentagon and soo much other stuff. A friend's father worked in the building but for some reason he didn't go to work that day.

Next thing I know I was walking to the main office to call my mom but my mom was already there. It was like she just appeared out of no where. I didn't have a cell phone back then so it literally was her appearing from behind the line of buses. I remember running to her because she got let out of her job and they told her to get your kids and go sit in your basement. We went home and watched it on the TV for days. I don't think I'll ever see people walk out of Manhatten so calmly again in my entire life. I think I watched Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon because it was the only TV channel that was still broadcasting other things.

What boggles my mind is the people that for some reason didn't go to work that day. My friend's dad didn't go in. Some people were stuck in traffic. Some people were sick that day. Others just didn't go to work. I luckily didn't have any family that was killed or injured but I know of soldiers that from my high school and friends that have served to fight against terrorism. It's just...Our whole world changed that day.

I've been to Ground Zero and it's just...there are no words to describe. On the road I used to go my college on you used to be able to see the towers of light they did in memoriam. I remember when i was a cheerleader and we had away games in Westchester county you could look out from the Tappan Zee Bridge and see New York City. It's the eeriest & sadest thing in the world to not see the Twin Towers because I always tried to look and see them whenever we by. I was going to go have lunch on top of them for my 16th birthday but I got sick and me and my parents didn't go.

All I can think about is that scene in the movie Signs where the lil boy says, "All the history books are going to change".

I remember asking my parents where they were when Kennedy was shot years ago when I studied it. My mom was in sewing class & hmm can't remember where my dad was and When my future child one day asks me where I was when the World Trade Centers went down Ill tell them the above answer and give them a hug shortly after.

Where were you? What will you tell your children when they ask?

Blessings to all the families and lives that the day irrevocably changed. We will never forget. R.I.P. I hope one day the war on terrorism will end. I hope.

I will be your Punk-Rock Princess & he’ll be my Garage Band King!

This just in! I am going to the The Birthday Massacre Concert tonight!! Yup! I got the tickets, CJ is driving, & I’m keeping my fingers crossed that no drama happens. See about 2 weeks ago I got a random text from my ex that my favorite band is playing in NYC tonight…I still don’t know why he would show me any kindness because he literally is a monster, but I let it go, I didn’t contact him & just took the information. I doubt he’ll be there anyway because he usually works on Friday nights. And if he is...Oh well, I’m too excited to see my favorite band anyway to care. But for those of you who don’t know my ex & my current boyfriend have the same name. If he is there it should make for a very interesting & infuriating introduction. I’m really hoping he’s not there tho. I’m keeping my fingers crossed.

In a perfect world tho I wouldn’t be sick. I’m not sure if I’m sick with a cold, sinus infection, or just plain allergies. It’s a lil upsetting but I’m going to push forward. CJ is driving so I can bring a jacket so I don’t catch pneumonia or something. Gilda Radner was right. It is always something…



So who are The Birthday Massacre you might ask & why are they my favorite band? They are what is called bubblegum pop goth. I like them more for their lyrics & they put on one hell of a kickass show. AND I was actually in one of their music videos. Their song "Looking Glass". They did a casting call for extras in the NY area & I applied. It was probably one of the coolest days ever because basically I go to chill with the band the whole day & night. They are really nice people & they do it for the music & the fans. They hardly ever tour so I’m really happy to get this opportunity to see them. It’s also a small venue so I might catch their autographs after the show again!! =)


Me on the day of shooting the TBM music video! I'm Mask #3
It’s funny how our lives change. The last time I saw them in concert was 2 years ago & I was still following around the Mess like a fool. Now I have someone who actually wants to take me & volunteered to drive me there. It’s incredible. I feel like I have actually moved on. When they say the storm will pass, well it does. It might take months, years, many tissues for tears, strength & power but it is possible to move on with your life & be happy. I saw the sign I guess….

Okay well I’m going to finish up at work so I can get out of here early to get ready for the concert! I also will be in NYC & they have the memorial lights up to remember the attack on the World Trade Centers. I can’t believe that was 9 years ago. Shit. I hope tonight is a good night. I really do. I'll take tons of pics! Wish me luck & Have a great weekend everyone!

Here’s the music video I was in for The Birthday Massacre: I’m in Mask #3:



OHH!! Don't forget to ENTER MY GIVEAWAY!!! End Date is next Wednesday!!
Mini Random Giveaway!

I got to see another new state: Maryland! They have Free Range Horses!! Ohh!!

Before about 4 months ago I never really traveled. I live in New York about 20 minutes away from Manhattan on the New Jersey border. My idea of vacation was maybe Connecticut, Pennsylvania, & of course New Jersey. Well when CJ came into my life a whole new door opened to me. Traveling. I’ve actually become obsessed lately about all the new places I can go & see the differences from where I live. Last time it was Chicago, Illinois. This time Ocean City & Assateague, Maryland.

There isn’t 7 Eleven’s but Royal Farms & Wawa (<3), instead of Burger King & Mcdonald’s there is Hardee’s or Arbys, or instead of a Denny’s there is a heavenly place called Waffle House. I <3 Waffle House. There smothered & covered hash browns were delicious!!!! CJ’s friend has a house in Assateague Maryland & that’s where we stayed. I had no idea tho what lil treasures this new state had to offer me. I quickly found out.


At Assateague Beach there are wild horses that roam freely amongst the beaches. Isn’t that crazy? Wild ponies that are free to roam & wander as they please. They’re beautiful absolutely beautiful. One of the days at the beach we were just sitting drinking some beers & watching the waves when I noticed 3 of the ponies eating some of the sand dune grass. I did some research on the area & there is no true story of why the horses are there, but they have adapted to the land & live there all year round. They are tinier than then regular horses so they all look like ponies. I wish I could have taken one home!!

I wish I could have done more but we only stayed for 3 days. We walked the boardwalk of Ocean City, saw America’s oldest carousel, ate funnel cake, & tried to relax for a lil time. I did learn that the next time I go anywhere with CJ we have to use my car because his is a stick shift. I got up way earlier than everyone so I would have loved to go out on my own more. Maybe next time. We played mini golf twice & ate all the seafood we could eat. Hehe. I did like it down there but I wish I had more time. Next summer please come faster! =)

Here are some photos from the trip:


More of the Assateague Horses. Aren't they beautiful?




The Pirate/Volcano Mini Golf course CJ & I went to! Crazy huh?


The most delicious Scallops with garlic sauce & tomatoes dish. Omg it was soo good @ Phillip's restaurant.


The Oldest carousel in America located on the boardwalk in Ocean City!


Doesn't this look like Merlotte's from True Blood??? hehe.


CJ & I stealing a quick kiss! <3


Random shark at Frontier Town. I conquered it.

So if you live on the East Coast & looking for a very quiet beach that isn’t the Jersey shore & have a love for horses, Ocean City & Assategue might be for you! =) Have you ever been there?

I'm Back & It's Giveaway Time!! =)

Hey everybody! I just got back from Maryland & omg I'm exhausted! Apparently there is wild horses on the beaches of Ocean City, Maryland! Beautiful!! It took us like 6 hours to get home!! While I get all my photos & thoughts together for my trip post I'm going to be holding a Giveaway to celebrate my 300 followers!! Wow! I still can't believe that! Thank you =).

Here are a few random items that you can win in this Giveaway!!!

Here we have a Dirty Dancing movie Compact with Patrick Swayze & Jennifer Grey keychain, to get ready for the Fall Season there is a book about all the different ways to make Hot Chocolate, a few wine bottle charms for your fall & upcoming parties, & then a cute lil beanie bear just because it's cute!

Here's a closer look!



How to Enter!
1.)Become a follower of my blog! (Let me know in you already are!) (1 Entry)

2.)Follow me on twitter! MelsRandomness. If you already do let me know! (1 Entry)

3.)Tweet about this giveaway!! (1 Entry)

4.)What's your favorite thing about Fall! (1 Entry)

5.)I love my blog & always looking for improvements! What's something you'd like to see more of here or something I could improve on? (1 Entry)

Please leave each entry as a {SEPARATE COMMENT}! Do all or just one! OPEN TO EVERYONE! =) Giveaway will End on Wednesday, Septemeber 15th!
Okay everyone I'm going to start preparing my post about my mini vacation! Enjoy this & Have Fun! See ya tomorrow!

Wishing Tree...I actually found one! *Make a Wish*!

Yesterday CJ & I were walking through the streets of Sleepy Hollow, NY (Yes it is a real town & yes they do stuff for Halloween) & my A.D.D. noticed something odd. We passed by a tree with a lil strips of cloth tied to it’s branches. At first I thought it was some girl scout project or something but then I looked a lil closer. It was a “Wishing Tree”.

I have never heard or seen such a beautiful thing. The tree I believe was a Dogwood, so it was a lil short so you could easily get to the branches & low & behold I’d say there was at least 50 fabric strips all with people’s wishes, hopes & dreams on them. I, of course, had to stop & sample some of the people’s wishes.

“I wish for happiness for the next 5 years of my life”

”I want to do good in college this semester”

“I wish good health on my family & friends.”

"Let her know how much I love her."

“Please let me win the lottery.”

“I wish for him to come back to me.”

It was so sweet & heartfelt some of them. This must have been like how the girl felt in the movie “Letter to Juliet”. I loved that movie so much. It was so cute with all the letters the women wrote to Juliet & stuck in the wall hoping to find an answer. You want that lady to find her Lorenzo so badly.


Anywho…the trip to Maryland is actually back on so I will be leaving shortly from work to battle Hurricane Earl. I’ll be back on Monday. If there had been anymore strips of fabric left on that wishing tree I would have wrote:

“Please let me make a new friend & have a lovely weekend. Oh & P.S. Let my mom find a new job.”
I’m hoping!! I hope everyone has a good Labor Day Weekend & I hope Earl doesn’t mess with your plans!

P.S. I will have a giveaway when I come back! =)
P.S.S. I will be going to that concert regardless if the Mess is there or not!!

Have you ever seen a Wishing tree before? If not what would your Wish be? You can totally leave the comment as anonymous. Maybe your wish will come true.

But it's only been 3 months??

From the beginning I knew CJ & I’s relationship was serious. He wanted a commited girlfriend who saw him as a potential significant other. I’ll admit it was scary when he was throwing that at me by like the third date but we waited a while before we became boyfriend & girlfriend so we knew it was real between us. He was done with all the crap that goes along with dating in your 20’s. He’s had his fair share and so have I. I always thought that by the time I was 25 I would be a grown-up & would be able to take the next step in things if they happened to come along. But lately I’ve been asked a few things by CJ that I’ve just stared at him blankly because somehow I forgot to think about them.

No I did not get proposed to, but he asked me the other day…

“What would you want to be your wedding song?”
I have no clue!! I always thought “At last” by Etta James would have to be played at least once but I don’t think I’d want it to be my married couple’s first dance?? He would want, “In my life” by the Beatles, but that song makes me cry to no end for some reason… hmmm…I just never thought of the wedding song?

Then he asked me the other day,

“Where would you want to go on your honeymoon?”
I have no idea. Paris, maybe? But I can’t speak French well, so it might be a lil hard to maneuver. Italy? Bali? Bermuda? I don’t know. BUT he has thought of it. He would want to go to the Carribean or Europe. I just never thought about it because maybe I truly never thought I’d get to this point in a relationship??


Wow…I can’t believe I’m actually writing this post. I thought I was ready for all of this but maybe I’m not. Cj & I have been dating now for a lil over 3 months & the fact that we’re talking about what we’ve always planned on for our future weddings is freaking me out a bit. I don’t think it’s wedding jitters because I’m not scared to get married I think it’s because I feel like we are rushing this relationship so much that we haven’t had a moment to breathe & really enjoy ourselves. Now it’s all family parties, friend’s parties, my obligations or his, and so much other stuff that we’re not enjoying each other enough. Before I know it, a year is going to go by & he might propose & I’m going to be like Uhh…Uhh… but we don’t spend any time together doing what we want to do? It’s not out of control but we need to change some things. I don’t want him to think I’m unhappy because that’s not it I just want us to do something for ourselves. We didn’t even get to see Inception yet…

This weekend I was supposed to go to Maryland with CJ & his friends but I doubt that’s happening now. I’m a lil sad because I was looking forward to the break. Maybe him & I could chill on the beach & just enjoy the silence. Nope. It might be run-around city. Somehow I need to have a talk with him over this weekend. I feel like I’m drowning a lil. We need to start acting like 2 people in a 3 month relationship not a 3 year relationship. Here goes nothing…