“Am I More than You Bargained for Yet?...I’ve Been Dying to Tell You Everything You Want to Hear 'Cause That’s Just Who I am this Week...”

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New Week, New Plan, New Goals. I’ve been looking forward to this week for quite some time now. This week I want to spend some alone time with CJ. Somehow him & I missed each other this weekend. We saw each other pretty much the whole time with people all around & slept in the same bed but we were never truly alone & I was just off. I don’t know why I was so off. My mind raced & the stress took over. I want to reach out to him & bring him back. I miss him ever so much.

The battle that has been my first home purchase has drained me of my excitement & replaced it with regret. I’m seriously thinking of career change to something mortgage related because not one person knows how to do their job where I went or communicate properly with others. It has been like that scene in “Kill Bill Vol. 1” where Uma Thurman fights the Crazy 88. You think you have won but then there is 60 more right behind them or then another coming at you then another.One problem turned into dozens.

BUT this is a new week with a deadline…

By Tuesday & Wednesday I will have my final paperwork for the approval of the mortgage and the choosing of the closing date will not be far behind. People get confused when the words “Pre-Approved” & “Approved” come into play. I’ll admit I was one of them. Maybe when I sign the papers the excitement will return & I can take my shoes off in my own place and take that next step in life. Maybe…

This week I’m also going to continue with my Weekly Goal of Eating Healthy & Exercising. I realized that my diet has taken a vacation & I’m eating horrible things & I’ve seen the light of why I’m still not losing any weight. So it’s not so much a diet as “I’m not going to eat the following things that I seem to be living on”: Taco Bell, Bacon, Chinese Food, Cheese & Chips, Beer, Icing, & Pizza. When I wrote out my food diary I was kind of embarrassed. No wonder my skin also has been a mess. Where did my mind go eating all this junk!?!

 

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I will find it this week and get back on track with it all. I’m tired tho. I HATE when it gets darker earlier. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been so thrown off? It should be midnight instead of 11? Now it’s bed time. I’ll be back tomorrow. =)

Anyone else thrown off with the Daylight Savings Time? 

Title of Post: "Sugar we're going down" by Fall Out Boy

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way..."

All this Halloween buzz is starting so I’ve made my decision. Jessica Rabbit. CJ & I decided to do our own costumes this year & next year will do something really authentic & cool. The 31^st is creeping up on us so we have to act fast. When Halloween stops being fun, there is just no point. We were so stumped on what to do so we compromised. I believe he’s going to be Pee Wee Herman. It should be funny. I don’t know how he’s going to get that gray suit but I’ll help him whatever he needs. 

I think Jessica Rabbit should be a lot of fun actually. I’m going to dye my hair red (Wigs just never look right on me), buy purple elbow length gloves, I actually own red shoes, I do own a red corsette (I gotta do my own kick to it), & my mom said she can make the skirt. I do own a garter belt & get stockings so yeah that’s that!! I’m so excited. I can buy a red dress but I think it’s more fun to improvise & put your spin on it. BUT if CJ can’t get a Pee Wee Costume, it might change. I really don’t know why this is getting so hard. Perhaps we’re trying too hard. I… 

 This actually brings me to my Weekly Goal. Cj & I have been dating now a lil over 4 months & we are starting to get to scenarios that I honestly don’t know how to handle because I have no previous relationship for past guidance. I’ve never been in a relationship over the holidays…People are starting to ask me now so who’s going to who’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas. His mom is asking me why doesn’t my two sides of the family all get together & what would she do if CJ went with me to my family. I don’t know what to do. It’s one thing that all the stores are starting to put up Christmas decorations but I like to do one holiday at a time. Halloween first & let’s deal with the others when we’re closer. I fear that the holidays & who goes where might hurt our relationship. 

The whole condo ordeal has taken longer than I’ve expected so people are asking me, “When is CJ moving in?” “Did you both buy it?” or “Is it big enough for the two of you?”…etc. I’m not even living there yet & people are worried about the next step. Those two words are starting to plague me. The Next Step. Everyone is pushing for the next step on seriousness levels when I still want to be just in the relationship. Why is this all so hard? It’s so much stress from all his friends talking about  their future engagements or kids or weddings when I just want time to go by so I can enjoy having a boyfriend, being in a relationship but everyone is rushing me for other. IT’S BEEN ONLY 4 MONTHS!!!!!!

My Weekly Goal for this week is: To be a 100% honest about all of this with CJ. 

I have to tell him that we have to slow down. Relationships should not be rushed or become a chore. I have to tell him that it irritates me that he’s always Go Go Go & not considerate that I want more time to do things. I have to tell him that the reason why I haven’t been chilling with him constantly as much is that I want him to have time to do his coursework for his college classes. I want to tell him that I love him & don’t want the holidays to destroy us. I want to tell him that I’m his & I don’t want anybody else. I want to admit that my biological clock isn’t ticking yet, I feel like I have all the time in the world. I’m 25 & it’s only been 4 months.I want him to know I want this to work so badly because he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. Lil steps. Yeah.

This week is going to be very interesting indeed. Off I go from 10.10.10.

This Week's Weekly Goal!

Doing the same thing over & over never gets you anywhere. You can’t eat at Taco Bell every day for unch without noticing you might run out of notches on your belt… You can’t keep hoping a guy will suddenly love you after he’s treated you badly…You can’t go out every night and spend $20, $30, etc a night or day & expect to be able to save money…Basically you have to introduce the dreaded word CHANGE. I picked the photo above because the ladies up there in Mad Men didn’t know what to do when they got their first Xerox machine. It was a huge change & they of course were very stuck in the 50’s. You have to succumb to change because it will make your life better & easier. I’m slowing learning that wow that statement is ever so true.

In the past few weeks I’ve started Weekly goals so I don’t feel so overwhelmed with all the lil things I’ve wanted to change in my life. The big changes like a boyfriend & buying my own condo have taken a toll on me so I need to take it easy on the small ones so I don’t have that drowning feeling. I’ve made new friends & started a very flexible diet plan that I believe is working & so now what should be next? Hmmm Ah money. Saving money. I’ll take it for this week.

Weekly Goal #3:  Save Money.

Yes I’ve been able to buy my own studio condo at an extremely affordable price, put 10% down with a 4% mortgage, BUT it does come with a very fine print things that I didn’t realize til way into the process. How they determine whether or not you can afford a place of your own is they look at your income. BEFORE TAXES. Pardon my French, but I think that is the most fucking stupidest thing ever. This is how people fall into debt. They didn’t account for taxes being taking out that amount & that fact that I pay my health insurance out of my check too. So my budget belt will be extremely tight. Actually that’s an understatement.

I don’t own any designer things but that’s okay. I am very happy with my lifestyle & I know one day I will own that Tiffany necklace, Michael Khor’s glasses, or those red-soled Louboutin’s but for right now I need to clip some coupons. Here are a few things I’m going to do to push off from:

1.      1. Bring lunch to work at least 3 times a week or keep my lunch spending to under $5.

2.      2. My best friend Erin can get movie tickets for $7 each. That’s hella better than $11.50. I will be calling her a lot.

3.      3. Dave N Busters has buy $10 of game play, get $10 free coupons in your info center at the mall. COOL!

4.      4. Actually going to the gym so I don’t feel I’m wasting my money.

5.      5. Using coupons for market items & if they are on sale your saving even more money!

6.      6. Enter your email address at stores. You will get coupons & notification of sales. Express, Nine West, Victoria Secret…etc…

7.   7. Home Goods & The Christmas Tree Shoppe…Way cheaper than Pier 1 or Pottery Barn. Sorry.

8.       8. Going to Happy Hour for drinks. Sometimes drinks are half-price. I like the sound of that.

9.       9. In NY you can bring plastic bottles, cans,  & glass bottles to stores and get 5 cents per can. It adds up.

10.   10. Outdoor activities like going for a walk along the Hudson river pier costs nothing. I’ll take it!

What have you’ve been doing to save some money?

Tomorrow I start my cake decorating class. It was free to sign up because my mom is the teacher. Hopefully it will be a good class. I’ll make sure to take pictures & not eat all the icing! =) Til Tomorrow!

Free Range Melanie on the Loose!!!

After the shenanigans of the weekend I needed a day for myself. Omg one girl can only take so many days of pure uncensored drama. Thursday to Sunday there was drama so I threw it all out the window & took a day off a work.  I was Free-Range, ready to go as I please. Sometimes you really need to get off the merry-go-round, take that day off of work if you can spare it, because it is refreshing & you don’t feel like you’re at such a dead run. It was a new start & I loved it. I feel refreshed & am ready to go back to work after my lil break. You have to smell the roses…they are there for a reason. Lol.

 

I would like to return to my Weekly Goals part I tried to start a few weeks ago. The first Weekly Goal was make a new friend. It wasn’t very successful over my trip to Maryland. I never had the “We should chill again” moment or the “Oh can I get your number” with CJ’s best friend’s girlfriend. It was okay because I didn’t want to push it. It’s so hard to make new friends I think after college, especially when you work with all guys. I guess I turned to my boyfriend’s friends to see if their girlfriends were friend lonely too. Oh well it didn’t work.

 BUT the world works in mysterious ways. Two other of CJ’s friends girlfriends over the weekend both asked me for my phone numbers, asked to add me on facebook, & told me they were happy CJ found a great girlfriend. They said they haven’t seen him this happy in years. I’m glad for that. One of them took pictures of CJ & me at Oktoberfest & she was like Oh don’t we look cool all together. It made me smile in my heart. I’m hoping for the best. Maybe they’ll call us to go movies here & there or go to mini golf or hell just sit & watch TV. Who knows but I think Weekly Goal = Accomplished.  Here’s the photo:

 

This week’s Weekly Goal #2 is inspired by my Free-Range status of the day. Go back to the gym & watch what I eat. I actually went to the gym this morning & walked 2 miles. I didn’t over do it, took things slow, & feel like I did something healthy. I LOVE my gym now because they updated their treadmills so they now have chargers for ipods in the lil console on them. EUREKA! Talk about motivation. I’m going slow but I want to lose 15 pounds over the course of the next 2 months. I think that’s a realistic goal. Let’s see what I can do.  My inspiration ladies are Jennifer Hudson & Marilyn Monroe. Ms. Monroe to remind me whatever size I wind up she was still beautiful in a size 14. Okay, here we go..

Do you have any goals for this week? If so I’d love to hear. 

P.S. I’ve been having some problems with blogger too lately. Has anyone had problems with their posts showing up in the Items reader on your Dashboard? Mine are horrifically delayed. Any help would be most appreciated too. =) Have a good day!

A World Full of Maybe...

This weekend was slow & a lil more relaxing. I have to get off this huge roller-coaster ride because it’s starting to affect me more than I’d like. The next 2 days I’ll be running errands, hopefully seeing “Eat Pray Love” & relaxing. Is it bad that I wanted to go to work today so I could relax? Yikes! Well I’m going to introduce a New blog feature for me to get the ball rolling. At the beginning of every week I’m going to do a Weekly Goal to get a jumpstart on some of the mini things I need to get done before I move & somehow get a lil of my sanity back. Lol. Here we go:

Weekly Goal #1: Make a new friend.

I realized recently that all my friends’ lives have twisted & turned as well as mine so I don’t get to see many of them as much as I would like. Relationships, jobs, family, moving away, yeah know the facts of life. It happens but what’s awesome is that when I do see my friends it’s like no time has passed by. I think that’s a measure of true friendship. I also realized that I haven’t made many new friends since high school & my first year of college that aren’t acquaintances. Yeah know the people that you see in the super market or if there’s a huge party & you’ll say hi to them, maybe ask how they are, but it’s not really a friendship. Maybe I’m lonely lately. I’ve been hanging out with CJ so much that I miss my friends but their equally busy so I’m hoping to broaden my horizon a bit.

I might have a chance to make a new friend this week. I might be going to Maryland with CJ & his best friend this coming weekend. The cool part is Cj’s best friend has a girlfriend. I’ve met her a few times & she did come to my birthday party so I’m hoping maybe just maybe her & I can become friends. I’m not going to force it but I’m going to try & be extra nice & maybe we could have a developing friendship. CJ doesn’t get to see his best friend much because he is always with this girl so if her & I become friends maybe we can all do things together once in a while & CJ can have his friend back? Who knows? The girl & I are facebook friends so I’m going to do some research to see if we have similar likes & use that to see. We’re also the same age & used to watch “Buffy the vampire slayer” so maybe we’ll click?

Who knows what this weekend will bring if it happens! There is a rumor of a hurricane coming towards Maryland but I looked at the weather for this weekend & it doesn’t say rain so I don’t know. I had one of my best friends do a very crappy thing to me recently that I’m still not over yet so I think this would benefit me to get some new friends too. I’m going to keep my fingers crossed! See ya later! =)