“Am I More than You Bargained for Yet?...I’ve Been Dying to Tell You Everything You Want to Hear 'Cause That’s Just Who I am this Week...”

Source

New Week, New Plan, New Goals. I’ve been looking forward to this week for quite some time now. This week I want to spend some alone time with CJ. Somehow him & I missed each other this weekend. We saw each other pretty much the whole time with people all around & slept in the same bed but we were never truly alone & I was just off. I don’t know why I was so off. My mind raced & the stress took over. I want to reach out to him & bring him back. I miss him ever so much.

The battle that has been my first home purchase has drained me of my excitement & replaced it with regret. I’m seriously thinking of career change to something mortgage related because not one person knows how to do their job where I went or communicate properly with others. It has been like that scene in “Kill Bill Vol. 1” where Uma Thurman fights the Crazy 88. You think you have won but then there is 60 more right behind them or then another coming at you then another.One problem turned into dozens.

BUT this is a new week with a deadline…

By Tuesday & Wednesday I will have my final paperwork for the approval of the mortgage and the choosing of the closing date will not be far behind. People get confused when the words “Pre-Approved” & “Approved” come into play. I’ll admit I was one of them. Maybe when I sign the papers the excitement will return & I can take my shoes off in my own place and take that next step in life. Maybe…

This week I’m also going to continue with my Weekly Goal of Eating Healthy & Exercising. I realized that my diet has taken a vacation & I’m eating horrible things & I’ve seen the light of why I’m still not losing any weight. So it’s not so much a diet as “I’m not going to eat the following things that I seem to be living on”: Taco Bell, Bacon, Chinese Food, Cheese & Chips, Beer, Icing, & Pizza. When I wrote out my food diary I was kind of embarrassed. No wonder my skin also has been a mess. Where did my mind go eating all this junk!?!

 

Source

I will find it this week and get back on track with it all. I’m tired tho. I HATE when it gets darker earlier. Perhaps that’s why I’ve been so thrown off? It should be midnight instead of 11? Now it’s bed time. I’ll be back tomorrow. =)

Anyone else thrown off with the Daylight Savings Time? 

Title of Post: "Sugar we're going down" by Fall Out Boy

Uncertainty.

There are about 3 categories of life that sometimes make or break a person. Job, relationship, & place to live. I think Carrie mentions it in some episode of SATC. There are of course more factors but those 3 have been plaguing me & throwing me around for multiple loops lately. It's really difficult to have all 3 at once apparently. I had the job for the longest time & that was about it. No relationship & I lived with my parents. Somehow recently my life did a 360 for the better...a new condo & a boyfriend. I had all 3. I was learning what it was like to be happy. However I learned last week that one of those may change. I don't know much information right now but from sitting at my desk at work & seeing closed doors of my bosses & hearing that there is uncertainty of my future employment I'm freaking out. I kept waiting for the ball to drop with CJ or the condo deal so I forgot to watch the other. It's uncertain & it's making the pit of my stomach hurt like I just got hit with a cannonball. I can't afford to lose my job. I'm in the dark on all of this. I don't know what to think or do except let time go by to find out more. *fingers crossed* Please let all this have a positive outcome & not a boot out of the door. I'm just shaking my head cuz I don't know what else to do. I'll be back later today with part 2 from my trip. Right now I just can't seem to think straight at all.

A total Romy & Michelle Moment....

Okay so I was sitting at my job today & my mind was wandering & I tried to think back to 1999....& honestly I hit a pretty hard mind block. I have a very vivid memory of omg so many things that I would truthfully be devatasted if I lost them, but for the life of me I can't remember what I did for that New Years or most of that year. I know the New Years included episodes of The Twilight Zone but other than that.......*Insert Cricket Noises*

Luckily Romy & Michelle have video montagues throught out their movie so they can remember everything...especially the magnet incident. I, on the otherhand are not that lucky. I know I was 14 & the COOLEST thing on TV was like Buffy the Vampire Slayer & Roswell. I know I was in 8th grade & was on the Varsity Cheerleading squad, & my Earth Science teacher was an absolute bitch. Other than that...I remember Hurricane Floyd & how I had to abandon my house because my whole street flooded a few feet high...I was obsessed with Sailor Moon too & Tuxedo Mask...but the bigger stuff escapes me.

I probably don't remember because I didn't have a cell-phone like Zack Morris & the internet was still ridicolously newish. Oh, and the word "text" had a whole different meaning to it. lol.


OHHH YES I do remember the whole Duct Tape & Water thing. Remember that????? When the world told us to stock up on Duct Tape & water for Y2K??? I think that's why I found boxes of tape in my attic a few months ago...hmmmm.....

High School memories is like this for me. I remember a few times, then another one will peek through, but overall I think I've forgotten most of it all. However I think that's a good thing. I do remember having the Sixteen Candles dreams tho...they were fun. Althought I'm starting to think my guy is lost somewhere on some train platform caught in a snow storm or his GPS ran out of charge so he can't find me & the cake has long ago melted. lol.


But this is now 2010. What do you do when you waiting for it all?? Waiting for the dreams, waiting for the boy, waiting for the hopes, waiting for the smiles...waiting for your life? You take it all & let it carry you wherever it will take you. Also you sleep & laugh all night at crazy youtube videos. LOL! I'm exhausted. Shorter work weeks always mean more work than ever. I'm going to go tomorrow to buy a piece of flare of New Years. Maybe a feathered handband, or a new dress, or just something to spice it up. lol. I'm soo happy I don't have to do the whole water & duct tape thing for this decade turning New years. hehe =P

Sleep well everyone...1 more day of 2009. I hope the door hits it hard on the way out.

The countdown starts...

Just a few lil updates.

I want to write ever so badly that I had a great time meeting Mr. Platform guy whom I've been wanting to meet for a long time now. I wished for a perfect hair day, had my outfit all picked out, I was going to make brownies.....and then try to get in the other million things I was going to attempt that night.

But there is an evil twisted messed up part of mother nature called Snow. I'm sorry to say that I didn't get to go anywhere & didn't get to him or go to any other party. I literally stepped into my parents house (I live with my parents) at 3:30pm on Friday night and have not left the house since then. I live in New York state about 20 minutes from the George Washington Bridge in NYC...I think snow has a secret crush on us. The weather channel forecasted about 10-14 inches starting 8am Saturday morning. It aggravatedly didn't get here til about 9pm that night, therefore wrecking all my plans. We did get about 8-10 inches by Sunday morning tho. I do like snow but truly only when it has snowed during the night & I then don't have to go into work. I work 5 minutes from my home but in snow it can take 30 minutes to an hour to get home.

BUT I did get to finally talk to Mr. Platform on the phone. He's cute on the phone, he answered within 2 rings. I don't know why but somehow we never talked on the phone in the 4 years we've known each other. This is a step to me. Small but a step. He was upset that no one could come to his party except his neighbors because I think he got more snow than me. He COMPLETELY understood & is TOTALLY going to Reschedule the party til after the New Year. I'm sad that I didn't get to go but I'm SO HAPPY he is rescheduling. =) This Platform story isn't over, it's just a lil post-poned. Sry.

I guess I'm going to have to wait some more...Ironically "Sleepless in Seattle" was on this weekend. Go figure.

On another note, does anyone ever watch those cleaning shows? You know the ones where they take everyone's clutter out onto the lawn, gutting the house, so you can actually really clean the house? My favorite one was "Clean Sweep". I really need to do that with Everything. Just lay it out on the lawn and do the "Toss, Sort, Keep". A new year is coming up and I have way too much on my plate. Everyday aomething else pops up. Even my Drummer Boy ex again tried to hang out with me. I'm not sure what he wants from me still. He wanted to go to lunch but I don't understand why out of the blue he's trying to come back in my life. I don't know if I'm even ready to have him back in my life as a friend or other. Wrong ex I wish would come back, ya know what I mean? But I declined because my street & parking lot wasn't even plowed yet. Stupid snow is messing up everything. It may even snow on Christmas, I hope not. I have alot of traveling to do throughout the day it would be a royal disaster if it snowed.

I did not put up a Christmas tree yet. I know. From being sick & the weather I didnt' get to go out and buy yet another one. I have til Wednesday. I will get a tree up. It just doesn't feel like Christmas this year. It's odd. Maybe I've been through too much to relax. Maybe I need to listen to the Christmas songs tomorrow at work & drive through the snowy town to feel it. To really feel the Christmas spirit. It's a goal of the week. To try...

In all of this, I tried. That's all anyone can ever do, is try. That's what I'm going to keep on doing.

Alas, one of my favorite actresses died today. Brittany Murphy. For years people have told me I looked like Brittany Murphy in Clueless. The big brown eyes, the curly hair, and the attitude. Every retail job I've had they called me "Tai". It's upsetting. She was an only child too. Her characters are so classic. She was funny & such a good actress. Poor thing. I hope she rests in peace. R.I.P. Brittany.

Thanks for making me a...Fighter.

This post is a reminder to everyone to never give up on your dreams & be happy. Now I don't mean to fight physically, I mean within yourself make sure you don't forget who are you are, who you want to be & make sure your actions show it. If your tired of getting walked on, then say something about it. If your job is beating you up 8 hours a day, 5 days a week, go out and look for that next opportunity. If you want to wear those cute lil red shoes even tho it kinda doesn't match your shirt, Go for it, if it'll make you happy. If you want to go on that trip you've been dying to go to since you were little, start today saving up that money to go. If you can't stand to look at that painting you've had over your mantle-piece for years, go out and get a new painting; one that will make you smile. If you want to go to Space Camp like the guy in the movie, "Stranger than Fiction", get some brochures today...


My motivation for this piece is life. Sometimes it's really going to throw you a curve ball & there is no U-turn to look for. I found out I have to have my gall bladder removed. Once again I'm going to be back looking for surgeons, doing the prep work, & sitting back in recovery. Last year I had 3 fibroids (non-cancerous tumors) removed from my right breast so I know this drill. It's a hard thing for somebody to go through and this extra stress is not something I've been looking forward to. But for now, I'm okay with this. We'll find a good doctor, a good hospital, & maybe it'll make me feel better about things without a constant pain in my side (physically & mentally). Tomorrow I'm going to start calling doctors. I am upset but I'm trying to just stay calm because it means 2-3 weeks of recovery which means I will have to take off of work. However that is something I have to say I'm looking forward too because I'm hoping it'll give me time to do somethings I've been wanting to do. I used to do a craft a week, I have a few books I want to read ( esp. Lovely Bones), some DVDs I've bought that I haven't watched yet, and just some much needed sleep. But for now...it's a waiting game til I know more information about when, what doctor, what hospital etc...Sigh. *Waiting once again*


"When life gives you apples, make a pie." Or is that saying about lemons??? I'm not sure. But life has definitely given me a few apples this week so I made an apple pie with my mom. I'm going to try and do things that make me happy all week & remind me that I will fight and that everything is going to be okay. I go to demos because I don't know how to cook, but now I can say I know how to make apple pie. =) It's uber easy. I just had a piece & I'm going to bed with a smile on my face.

So I hope all of you do at least one thing tomorrow that will make you happy & make you have happy thoughts & that you can go to bed with a smile. You can do it. "We can do it."- Rosie the Riveter. I know you have it in you to be happy, so make sure you remember that happiness is worth fighting for. <3

Title is a quote from Christina Aguilera's song, "Fighter". Love that song.


“The phoenix hope, can wing her way through the desert skies, and still defying fortune's spite; revive from ashes and rise.” - Miguel de Cervantes Saavedra

No Outlet.

It came to my realization that I'm actually at a few Dead Ends in my life, I think. However this maybe because I couldn't eat or drink today for 6 hours & your brain can get a lil fuzzy. You may think you can be like, "Oh it's not that bad, it's only 6 hours"...Um I was wrong. I have a really big headache. I had to go today for an ultrasound of my gall bladder. I might have aggravated it or might have gall stones or I'm not sure what yet. I couldn't eat or drink for the test. They unfortunately didn't even give me any info they just took pictures so I'll know eventually if I'll have to get it removed or just watch my diet. *Waiting* I've been eating so many veggies lately from all of this I'm starting to feel like a bunny. lol.


Which brings me back to the dead end. Have you ever sat at your desk at work and say to yourself, "What am I doing here?? This job is a dead end?" Or have you ever sat staring at a guy that some part of you loves but in that moment where he is being an asshole you say once again, "What am I doing here?? He will never change. This is such a dead end!" Or looked at your messy room & say "Woa I gotta get my own place."? I did all 3 of those yesterday.

I know I gotta wait to move out a lil while longer & I am totally okay with that fact. But the other 2...You have to change things to move on. Sometimes things need to happen to make you realize "Oh I have to do something different to change this." Like today, I Had to go get my gall bladder checked out so I can get better. It's not just going to miraculously get better. Like I didn't know olives & coffee (yes, coffee) & soda & fatty foods can upset your gall bladder. I, no matter what the verdict is, will have to change to my diet. Well if I don't go out & look for a new job, one is not going to fall into my lap. If I don't let it go or confront the Mess, nothing is ever going to change. Ironically he was mean to me, then called me the next day to see how the doctors went like he cared? The confusion of that boy alone is a dead end. lol. So, I'll be needing the motivation to push myself forward.

I'll admit I was the kid in college who always waited to the last minute to finish the term papers & essays. The deadline made me do it, sorta speak. I kept putting it off but I knew I'd do it eventually because I had to finish it. With my job, I've reached that point where I need to do something else. With the Mess I need to either have a fight, not be scared of it, or I need to just walk away. So perhaps if I set deadlines then I'll HAVE to sort things through.

Have any of you tried that? Setting deadlines to help you do something??
I'm going to take off tomorrow of work to sleep a bit & put my head back on straight. The stress of not knowing about my gall bladder is driving me a lil crazy. I had surgery to remove fibroids from my right breast a year ago so I've been through these hectic, "not knowing" days before. It still is stressful. All I can say with that is, if you feel pain anywhere in your body GO TO THE DOCTOR!! I can't tell people that enough.

To lighten this lil post I wanted to throw in some Halloween spirit. It's ridiculous that stores now have Christmas stuff up already!!!!! So here's a dash of Halloween. I collect "Nightmare before Christmas" stuff and I was lucky to find these two gems for $5 each. It's Jack Skellington with his figuring out Christmas table play-set & an Oogie Boogie Plush doll that is uber soft!!!! =)






Oh Don't Forget to Enter my Giveaway!! Here's the link to the post.

My Dirty Dancing Eye Make-up Compact Giveaway!!

It ends tomorrow night!!

To Find Love.

In the movie, "Sex & The City" Carrie asks Louise(Jennifer Hudson character) why she came to New York City. Her answer was the following, "To find love." I think I'm going to start my search of finding love. I've been thinking a lot in the past few days what is it that I want? Love and Love Returned. And THAT combo is something I have never experienced.

I was told when I was 18, that "Oh Hunny it's your age & guys your age are just so immature." I was then told that when I was 20. And 21. And 22. And now 24. I've had relationships but every time it came to the Love word I either never say it or did say it and then got a blank stare in return. Yes I actually told a guy I love you and he just stared at me... Ironically I've even gotten an "I love you, too" from the Mess BUT I never said it first tho.(I still don't understand what happened that day, I was closing the car door, made an arrgh sound and got I love you too out of him, while he actually had a girlfriend and we were just friends, as I was closing the door so I didn't get to ask him wait what? but he acted like it never happened.) I have been in love but yeah I have never had it returned and have a guy show it. Every time I've heard "I love you" the guys have shortly thereafter dumped me or never mentioned it again and next time I saw them they had a new girl or never called again.

I was going to say, "I want a grown up relationship" but then I realized hmmmm...What age do these "Grown Up Relationships" Start?"

Or rather...

My questions are: What age do the games stop? What age does a guy not play games? What age does the guy have to be to be able to say, "Yes, Melanie is my girlfriend". We can work up to the I love you bit but seriously what age does it take for a guy to answer the texts? When will they not treat you like you dispensable? What age will guys not treat you badly so you will leave and they won't have to break up with you? (I am a constant victim of the drive-by break-up, which is basically stop speaking to her & she'll get the picture) Now I'm 24 and the Mess is actually 26, so I guess 26 isn't the answer either. What age will a guy not shy away from a girl who says they love them?

I don't even think this argument can be broken down to age to blame, either. Maybe it's me. This blog's purpose is for me to discover my inner self and perhaps I'm being too understanding and too not-clingy or I'm scared of saying I love you or assuming too much or I'm not broadcasting my feelings from a roof top enough. Or Maybe it could be the guys that I'm choosing or who choose me. But I think what this all boils down to this conclusion: Something has got to change.


And I think it's time for a change. A much needed healthy change.

In the movie, "Fight Club" the narrator mentions that if you keep tonguing a cold sore in your mouth it'll never heal, ergo you have STOP tonguing it and you'll get better. Horrible analogy I know, but it's the first one that popped into my head. Maybe I need to stop certain habits, and recognize what my real feelings are deep inside so I'll look and feel better.

So to find love, I think I have to clear out all the junk in my head and try to let love in. I want a guy who will admit I'm his girlfriend, who won't switch his moods every time I see him, one who will show in his actions that he cares, one who will give his hardest try to pick up the phone or answer my texts, who one day will say, "I love you too" and one who will kiss me awake and maybe JUST maybe stop looking for another girl for a lil while because he has me or maybe forever stop looking. Regardless of whatever age we might be in the future.

Once again I am Rapunzel in the castle, waiting for love but this time it has changed. There is a positive spin to this waiting because I'm not waiting around for a fool and I MUST have the strength try to stick with this.



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Btw tomorrow will be my 50th post and I'm going to do my First Giveaway! Be sure to check back around 11pm E.S.T. in the U.S. I bought something a while ago and had to go back and buy a second one to give out as a memento of a great actor and a fabulous movie. <3

It's where you hang your hat....

I never had Barbie's dream house but I always wanted one. My lil cousin had one so when I went to her house I always hogged it. hehe. Sorry Marina, but I was 5 years old when I did that. =) Image via Toy's R' Us.

Well I almost put a bid on my own very first home this week. There was a studio condo in my parent's complex up for sale about 6 doors down from where we now are. ( I still live with my parents btw...hey struggling recent graduate needs all the help she can get.) The studio condo was on the 2nd floor with the big studio room with a raised bed like a loft, a separate room for the kitchen, a full bathroom, 1 walk-in closet, and 2 other smaller closets. I regret to say that it would have been perfect for just me. But I just can't swing it yet.

I went to the open house and I thought Ohhh Maybe Just Maybe I'm heading in the right direction. My problem is that I could afford to live there no problem with the common charges & the mortgage payment but the money down is the problem. I just don't have enough. I should be sad but I'm actually not sad at all.

This actually was a very realistic moment for me but in a total good way. I'm doing the self-discovery, trying to not feel so lost, but I think I actually needed this event to put things in perspective for me, realistically. I feel like there is soo much pressure on me because the stereotype thing is to Graduate college, move out, find the job in your career. However, a lil known personal fact about me is that I am Never Ever the stereotypical anything. The fact that I could even possibily afford a mortgage payment & still pay my bills too made me feel soo grown-up. The whole not having enough for the money down thing tho did remind me of Woa, I'm only 24 just turned, I just graduated college, my parents aren't kicking me out yet, I need to find a better job...so I actually can just peacefully march a lil time until I do have the money. (I drew a picture of ants in my lil cherry notebook when I wrote about marching time. lol.)

I can't march too much time but I think I need to take a step back & live the life I have right now. Alot of bloggers have recently said this and I think it's because the fall is coming which mean the holidays are lurking around every corner. It's soo hard to relax when everyone keeps tellina ya too. But I'm gunna try.

There will come a day when I will have my dream home and a place to hang my hat that I can decorate and always have a fresh batch of chocolate-covered strawberries on my coffee table for my guests...just not yet. It's okay...I loved the feeling of house hunting & when I can truly afford something Ohhh I can't wait for that joy. =)

"Sweet Dreams are made of this...Who am I to disagree..." - Eurythmics

I have my resume writing class Tueday Night!! Can't wait!! Hope everyone has a lovely week.

See there is a light & life in the cracks. I saw this lil leaf trying to grow in the cracks of my parking lot of my parents condo and I had to take a picture. Photo by me. =)

Wake me up...When September Ends...

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - Crash, 2004

In NY, we crash into each other too just so we can feel. I miss feeling. Oh how I miss it. Excellent movie too, btw. It's jam back with emotion, & how our lives are soo entertwined with each other & we barely even know it.

Today was one of those wake up, put the alarm a few more minutes, down some coffee, go to work, come home, take a nap, go to the gym, watch Stepford Wives and that's it days. I used to be called to go out by the mess and his friends alll the time. There was a time I hung out with them everyday, even if it was just to play monopoly for a while. Yes, monopoly. Or even lazer-tag or a movie or frisbee in the mall parking lot...But I'm left out now. The other people in the group don't realize that things went on between me and mess so I'm wondering if they are thinking at all, "Hey, where's Mel? How come she's not here?". Perhaps on a subconscious level they realize oh he used to call her and now there's another girl so why call her now? All I got the other night was lies about what the mess has been up too, from him himself. Why lie, is what I want to know? Just be a man and fess up to it, that you are with someone else. Don't wait til your sure of this new relationship or whatever reason he has for lying to me... Just ugh Don't lie & say oh I've been doing overtime & I haven't been up to much...

I feel like in the "Time Traveler's Wife", when Clare is young & Henry wont tell her the future or the present when he time travels to her. That book is a whole other story for another time.

I don't mean to carry on about it, but it's really bugging me. I should just come out & say yo, I figured out why I haven't seen you since my birthday, but like so many other people after years of trying to figure out things with people, you just get tired. Too tired. Too tired to fight, too tired to remember, too tired to try to save what I thought was a best friend...

Isn't Stitch cute? I think thats gunna be my reminder pic to go to the gym. Anywho, I was going to do a blog about what do I think about when I'm on the treadmill. But I didn't think of anything while I walked. I actually went to the gym today, after eating a whole thing of chinese food for lunch and did 3.75 miles in an 1 hour and burned 546 calories. That is ALOT for me. I used to do Track in high school but I threw the discus & shotput. Not running. Hell no. I tried not to think of the mess, tried to organize my thoughts and my mind was actually just blank. All I thought of was how much time I had left of the hour to walk. But Ohhhh the joy of the sounds of silence. (I <3 Simon & Garfunkel song, "Sounds of Silence" & hearing it in the movie, "Watchmen" made me ever so happy.) My thoughts race constantly (A.D.D. kid)...and I actually felt a lil better that I wasn't thinking of anything.

But when I stepped off the treadmill, everything crashed back.

What started my weird mood was the dream I had last night. I had a dream that I was talking to the mess on the phone. I didn't know you could have phone conversations in a dream & actually hear the person on the other line. Has anyone ever had that?? I'm a lil freaked out by it. It was almost more like a memory that never happened than a dream. Well I was walking near his house & talking to him on the phone & I was soo happy in the dream cuz I was talking to him & cuz it felt so real. Like that holagram program they had in Star Trek. But then he was like yeah Im walking to so & so's house and I looked over and saw him in the dream & ran away from him in the dream. I dunno why I ran. I have very vivid dreams, that just toy with my emotions. This was a total nightmare cuz it made me remember all day. Sigh.

What do you dream about? I love hearing dreams because it makes me feel not as weird. lol.

Ironically I looked at my dreamcatcher to take a picture & noticed it wasn't on my window sill right. DAMNNIT!! No wonder I'm having nightmares. Dreamcatchers are supposed to ward off bad dreams, and I didnt hang mine right. I fixed it right before I wrote this. Here is my dreamcatcher:


"A dream is a wish your heart makes" - Cinderella. Yup. Thats true.

I can't wait til tomorrow because that just means more time has gone by....Ill do a positive blog tomorrow cuz I thought of a way of decorating these black boxes I have, so I can add a lil color to them & spirit. Gotta remember happy thoughts!!!!! Please let me remember happy thoughts!!

Til tomorrow...Nighty.

Who needs Ihop...I can make it myself!!

Well, try to make it myself.


Today I went to another demo at William Sonoma. Thats a lil collage I made of the some of the demo. This one was about Crepes. Crepes are those lil think french pancake thingies. I've never really been a fan of them because EVERY time i ever went to Ihop I got ridicolously sick. I don't have a bad stomach but without fail I get seriously ill from that place. Well not anymore!! I'll make my own. It wasn't the usual teacher so this lady seemed a lil scattered but it was still intersting. I'm becoming known as the Cocoa Cola girl because I always get one before showing up. Well it's early on Sunday mornings and I need more caffeine.

Well you can find really good recipies for crepes and things at William Sonoma. OH!! I know the William Sonoma;s in NY and NJ have these demos but i don't know if its everywhere. BUT!! They are doing an Espresso, Cappuccino, or Coffee Anyone demo...I'm hooked. I must go. Free Coffee!! Woohoo!!! I got offered a part-time holiday job there. I might take the offer. Not sure tho. I could use the money for future-apartment fund. hmmm....*thinking*

These demos are making me feel like I'm watching the opening of the remake of the Stepford Wives. Ya know that scene in the beginning where you see all those scenes from the 50's & the 60's conventions. That's one thing I wish I could go to. A World's Fair. My parents have told me that they were just amazing to see all new futuristic things. I wonder why the world stopped doing that?

Side Note: I wonder when the world especially certain people also stopped caring about each other's feelings. A little birdie told me information last night that just hit me like a ton a brick. I knew the information already but when you hear it from somebody else it hits home. I have to realize I'm not Carrie Bradshaw and Big won't come back in the end. My Mr. Big( I call him "the mess") didn't stop his chase when he met me. I can't understand why he still talks to me when he doesn't want to see me? If we were just friends and that was it to him, he would tell me Im sorry I'm dating someone else but I still want your friendship. It would give me closure. I'd cry, maybe hit a pillow, but I'd get over it because there would be closure. But no. I get lies. I get, "Oh I havent been up to much, just chillin in his job parking lot & then go to bed". That's a lie. I never thought I could meet a man who could be so cruel. I would & have walked the line for this kid...and yes i mean kid, even though he's older than me. I have to give up the ghost. I have to stop waiting for him to come back. Maybe just maybe if I'm not there......he'll understand. Maybe this just needs to be a fade out. I just have to let it go...But its hard. Ever so hard. But ya gotta take it one day at a time and just march time. I HATE that expression, but it's all that left to do. The one thing I have never done is leave. Perhaps if I left I'd be missed? In all honesty probably not. Soo I just gotta let time pass cuz eventually the smile will come in some shape & form. I hope.


Back on track. I realized that Im Preparing. It's almost like I'm doing a "nesting" thing, which is kinda weird. Im basically preparing myself for new people to come into my life. New friends, New guys, just New. I'm trying to find out what makes me happy, what makes me tick, who is this character that I am and what lets me forget the world. Thats why Im going to demos. Thats why Im trying to do a craft a week. That's why I'm buying lil pieces of flare. When someone asks, "Who are you" I want to give them an answer. Also when I go on job interviews which i need to start, and they ask me, "So tell me a lil bit about yourself" I won't studder and go Oh No what do i say?? I want depth. I want to get rid of the, "I just don't know what to do anymore" feeling. I don't want to be a Stepford Wife version of me. I want to be the real me. Maybe I'll buy a GPS it'll help me find me? lol. I'm lost. kinda like Stitch in Lilo & Stitch, but he was found. And I will find myself too n someone will find me. *Keeping fingers crossed*

I want to date a guy who would take me somewhere so I could have a reason to buy this dress: It's Jessica McClintok!:


Absolutely gorgeous. lol. I saw it before the demo and had to take a picture! I'm not that big of a Jessica McClintok fan but I'm in love with this dress. If there is ever an Enchanted by the Sea Dance like in Back to the future I want to go!

Okay stuff to do this week: #1: go back to the gym. #2: Make my own crepes #3: Move on with my life.

I'm liking those plans. =) After all, "Tomorrow is another day." - Scarlet Ohara, Gone with the Wind.

Hope everyone has a good week.

Yes! I cant cook, guilty, therefore I go to Demos.

I cant cook. I'll admit it. I can boil water and make cups of soup, I can make simple pasta, um...i can make instant coffee, and I can make killer chocolate-dipped strawberries. My mother almost fell over one day when i started dipping the strawberries and it came out really good. She was like uhh when did you learn that? I told her about an ex-boyfriend who is now a host for parties taught me. Its my favorite thing to do. Whenever someone comes to visit me when i have an apartment, that will be the dessert. Sorry in advance =P.

But its a lil talent that I keep secret to those who know me so i can suprise them one day.



To try to change this, me and my mom have been going to these free demos at Williams Sonoma. It's that gourmet cooking store that omg they have those most gorgeous cookware. I'm in love with this mini cupcake holder.

Here it is it can be found here: Cupcakes!!



I wanna learn how to make those mini cupcakes. Watch I'll then turn into Nicole Kidman from Stepford Wives the remake with a million cupcakes in the house when I learn.

Well my mom and I went to the demo this morning and it was on Olive Oil. That sounds boring but the lady made this fresh pesto that Omg I asked for a second helping of the sample and it was soooo delicious. I went to the class on Vinegar last week and I've been living on Balsmic Vinegar from Modena brand and Olive OIl mixed together on cucumbers all week. It's something to do ya know? But they gave us little booklets with recipies and hey it was all free and it was fun. I'm not sure if every Williams Sonoma does this but the one in the Palisades Mall in New York does it.

In 2 weeks Im learning how to make crepes. I love crepes. I love french cooking. One day when I somehow get over my fear of flying I'll go to France.

I realized today Im doing the typical single girl thing. Find things to pass the time. I feel like Carrie when she was in between her flings with Mr. Big (Yes I have my own Mr. Big, but he has brown eyes instead of green). I dont have to prepare for school so yeah. Not having to buy school supplies for a fall semester is fucking weird. I feel like I'm forgetting something all the time but I dont know what it is.

Maybe I'm Rapunzel trapped in the tower But I accidentally cut my long hair and Im waiting for it grow back and Im trying to find things to do to pass the time til the prince comes or the time traveler shows up again or I can get down out of the tower and not worry about them.....



Waiting...

The Time Traveler's Wife.

I am SOO Uber excited to go see this movie. I haven't been this excited to see a movie since The Dark Knight. I have a total soft spot for the romance movies. It looks so cute and meaningful and I think I need a good cry. Ya know that chick flick cry that actually makes you feel good? Even watching the trailer Im crying. I'm a hopeless romantic and I crave it oh soo much. I hope it has a good ending. I really do. *Fingers Crossed* I hope she waits for him to come back and be with her. I love this idea because it seems like I'm painfully waiting for things in my life to come and Rachel McAdams is in that position too. I'm waiting for that turning point, that moment where I smile and it all makes sense.

Here's the trailer for The Time Traveler's Wife if you have not caught it.




I wanna be someone's big event.


It reminds me of this book and movie I've read and seen called Portrait of Jennie by Robert Nathan. Its one of my favorite books ever. Its a story about a painter who's a little lost in his life and he sees a little girl one day playing and he talks to her and she immediately falls in love with him, then she disappears...BUT! Then he sees her a few days later again and she's ice skating but she's much older...of course he then falls in love with her and everytime he sees her she's older til she gets to be his age. And he paints her picture but there is a heart-wrenching twist that I won't spoil. It's such a good but sad story. The movie is in black and white but oh it doesn't matter. The book is a fast read too. If they remade the movie I would give anything to play Jennie. Maybe one day...

Okay I gotta go get ready to meet Erin shes another one of my best friends. I can't wait. I hope they wind up making it work...I truly do.