Saturday, May 29, 2010

"Your Home now, Peggy Sue."

Hey Everyone! Everytime I come home from something major, whether it be surgery, a long trip, or a hard day my dad says to me, "Your home now, Peggy Sue" like from that movie, Peggy Sue Got Married. I'm not sure where he got into the habit of doing it but yesterday he said it once more to me.

I'm okay & I'm home. It honestly seems like a blur 24 hours later. I have a hard time waking up from anesthesia & as the day went on I could barely remember the recovery room. The doctor came to see me before, initialed my breast (which I think is hilarious), & proceeded. He said the fibroid came right out without having to remove any breast tissue. Thank God. The nurses were so nice to me & I tried so hard to remain calm because in situations like this it really is the best way to do it. The anesthesiologist was a very nice man & I barely have any bruising from where he did the IV. When I told him I had 2 other surgeries he said to me,"Sorry we don't give frequent flyer miles here". It was cute. I'm not in that much pain which is good but my arm hurts for some odd reason. I dunno I'll ask him on Thursday when I go get the bandages removed.

I just want to thank everyone so much for lending your support to me through all of this. It's hard to pull yourself together in moments of adversity but with kind words it does help. Thank you all!! *hugs*

This surgery does mean alot of changes that I will be putting into effect. For example, I'm nixing caffeine from my diet. I think the head-ache I have right now is caffeine withdrawal but who knows. I want to try to prevent having a 3rd case of fibroids. Little steps but it will make a difference.

OH! And I got a wonderful suprise from CJ on Friday. He sent me roses. Beautiful roses. I couldn't believe it. I never get flowers. Regardless of what happens between him & I, the kind gestures were just something I needed. It's true when they say you can slowly rebuild yourself & your self-esteem with someone new. =)

I'm going to try to get some more sleep. The doctor didn't give me any pain medication so Ive been taking advil & it's been knocking me out. I'll be returning the lovely comments & catching up on everyone's blogs too. Goodnight everyone, and thank you!! =)

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Surgery is tomorrow, Meeting a Real Housewife of New Jersey, & Of course the Date. =)

Yes to all three. My fibroid removal surgery is tomorrow, I met Danielle Straub of the Real housewives of New Jersey, & had a great date! I’ll start with the romantic date.
The Date:

I have never seen a guy more nervous!! Apparently he never asks girls out to dinner so he was super nervous but was a complete gentleman. When I showed up to the restaurant I saw him standing there with the above rose in his hand. I’ve never gotten a rose on a first date!! He held the door open for me & we got our reservation & basically talked or 4 hours about everything under the sun. OH yeah I didn’t tell you guys about the MOST FUNNIEST THING EVER with CJ!! His mother works with my father & they are friends. What are the odds???? He did some research on me, like he found my facebook & his mom recognized the last name & the town I live in. I couldn’t believe it. It did tho make things a lil easier because we weren’t really strangers anymore. He’s an only child too & we sat and told each other our dramas, our likes, what superpower would you have, what time period you’d live in, & so much more. After dinner we walked to the pier & sat watching the geese in the Hudson & the sky was light up by the full moon.

It was probably one of the most awesome dates I’ve been on because it flowed. There weren’t any akward pauses. He told me I looked very beautiful in my polka dotted dress & held my hand so I could walk on the cobblestone in my heels. He kissed me too at the end of the date. I…I didn’t feel a spark or anything but it was the first date & he was really nervous. It was a nice date & we will see each other again. We made plans to play mini-golf after I felt better from the surgery and something a lil more casual. You can’t tell a guy no to the second date when he had brought you a rose. I don’t know where things are going to go with him but I agreed to a second date. He was too romantic. I’m looking forward to the next date & seeing if feelings develop. =)

Meeting Danielle Straub of the Real Housewives of New Jersey:

Well let me tell you about Ms. Danielle. Omg, she is a piece of work!! She walked in the room in Louboutin’s with the red sole & talked to us for about an hour before she signed our books. She talked about the drama and how when people are talking about her it only makes her more powerful. I COULDN’T believe the people that showed up with flowers for her?!?! This book is about the truth of her story. She did seem fake. Teresa didn’t seem fake at all. Danielle seemed a lil put on, but she worked the room & kept winking at people.

I told her she motivated me to call my friends out on their drama & basically I put the book on the dinner table. She high-fived me & told us all that you gotta live your lives & be genuine. I don’t care if she’s the villain in the story, it was still awesome to meet her. She signed my book, “Pay attention pluhleeze”. It’s so weird now watching the TV show because I’ve met them. OH & Danielle’s daughters came too!! They are so pretty in person. Danielle’s last words were like watch the season…it’s going to get real good! =)

Surgery is tomorrow:

The long wait I’ve had for this surgery has been driving me crazy. For new followers, I found another fibroid in my right breast & I’m having it removed tomorrow morning. It’s not big like the other I had, it’s small but it’s still a surgery. I’m calm about it because I know it has to come out because I can’t afford for it to get any bigger. The surgeon is my surgeon who removed my gall bladder so I know him. This surgery means a lot of changes to me because I will be changing my diet starting tomorrow. I can’t go through this every other year. Surgery is a hard thing to go through regardless of what your having done. I learned that if you listen to what they tell you & remain calm it’ll be over in a few hours. I’m trying to remain calm. I did cry this morning, but it’s only natural to be upset. It’s almost over. My mom is coming with me & my aunt & my friend Debra. I think the harder part is the waiting.

I do get sick from anethesthia so I don’t know how I’m going to feel tomorrow but I will try to post to let you guys know I’m okay. =) Thank you for all your support through this. I didn’t tell many people in my real life so to get that cyber hug & that shoulder was beautiful & I appreciated it. I hope everything goes okay. I really do. Aurora will sleep again for a lil while, but I’ll be back. =)

Tuesday, May 25, 2010

I'm just trying to change the color on your mood ring...I love first dates!

I absolutely love first dates. It is actually the thing I love most about relationships. That first date where he's still a stranger & I haven't a clue what he's going to say. The playing of the 20 questions, seeing if his smile goes up to his eyes, watch him fiddle with his hands cuz he can't decide whether to take mine or put an arm on my shoulder, maybe the surprise laugh, & perhaps the spark when he might say, "Omg I love that too!!". It's a clean slate & the possibilities are endless.

Tomorrow I have my first date with Batman. Let's actually call him CJ. That's his nickname & I've been using it to everyone so they don't think I'm still talking to the Mess, my Brown-Eyed Mr. Big. They have the same name. It's weird saying his name again when I'm trying so hard to forget the mess BUT CJ is quickly replacing those thoughts with pleasant ones.

I got a text this morning from CJ confirming Wednesday night. I was shocked, then relieved. This is actually going to happen. He's cute, he's older than me, & has a good job..& he was sweet when he kissed me on the cheek on Saturday night. I told him, "Yeah sure we're on for tomorrow night" which I got this lil text surprise:

"Okay Cool! I made reservations for 6:30pm at La Fontanna's. I figure if things go well, we can grab a drink or go for a walk after. Does that sound good?"

Of course I responded that it sounded great. It's a beautiful restaurant that overlooks the Hudson River. This is embarrassing to say but this is the FIRST time I've had a guy make reservations to take me out to dinner. I might have found a real grown-up guy who knows how to take a girl out on a REAL DATE!! This isn't some guy I made out with at a bar & then we started to chill. This is a dinner date. It feels so real to me & I'm liking this feeling. I'm not even freaking out, I'm ready for this.

Ironically tonight my friend Erin's sister gave me a new rope key chain for my set of keys to replace my old one. I've been using the one the Mess gave me for my 22nd birthday. I guess it truly is time to move on. New key chain rope, new date, new guy, new mind set. Eventually you gotta start again.

I don't know CJ well but that might be a blessing in disguise. At the date tomorrow we'll have tons to talk about getting to know each other & we do have mutual friends so there is stories that can be told & maybe we'll end up going for the walk. I told him I was having surgery on Friday, that's why we're meeting tomorrow & he seemed completely cool with it.

Who knows...It might work might not...but regardless it's nice to be asked out for dinner to a nice place with "La" in the title, not just some mall place, & maybe it'll be nice to go on a real date with a man, not some pricky lil boy who has 3 other girls on his speed dial. I'm going to take a chance & who knows...Here's to hoping! =)

Monday, May 24, 2010

A blink of an eye...


Before I knew it, I'm right back here at my lil desk writing another post. Today just went by like a blink of an eye. 9am turned to 5pm & 5,000 pages indexed at my job & 5 or so phone calls later. One nap down, one day of walking through my office building in heels enjoying the loud sound of them on the ceramic floor, one zoning out time of random thoughts & one day down before Wednesday & then Friday. I was wondering how this week was going to go down. Fast or slow? Fast...too fast to hold on to, but I guess that's a good thing.

I'm not scared or anything for my surgery Friday. I trust the surgeon, he explained that there won't be much of a scar on my breast, & that it's not cancerous so I shouldn't be alarmed. I've had 3 other sugeries, one of which was also to remove fibroids, so it's not first time jitters. It's just...Well I haven't told many people. I took off Friday from work but I didn't tell my boss about the surgery, he didn't really give me a chance to tell him anyway. I didn't tell either set of grandparents because I didn't want them to worry because they barely handled the other ones I've had. I'm the only acknowledged grandchild (yes every family has secrets) on one side, & I'm one of 3 on the other. I don't have the heart to tell them I'm sick again. Maybe what I'm feeling is the pressure of dealing with it & staying calm & covering it up & trying to be an adult & a big girl in all of this.

I know the drill. I know what to do to make it go easy too. You put your arm out for the anesthia, you take the nail polish off your nails, you take the hair clips out of your hair, & then you lay back & sleep. You wake up & then you go home. It's as easy as pie. But regardless of how many times you go through something like this it changes you. Break-ups, moving to a new house, new relationships, friends, health issues, even missing that cup of coffee in the changes you. I think this one has changed me the most & it hasn't even happened yet.

It's made me a lil more tired, more paranoid, my tear ducts are screaming at me, a lil more closed off to my close friends, (whom which 2 thought I had it already which means they didn't listen to a word I said), a lil more touchy at certain subjects in conversation, & I feel like I crawled into myself a lil bit more. I feel like pieces of me are being taken away literally & mentally & I want them back. I know I can't go back to the days where I could play a video game without a bill to pay, I actually like paying my bills, but I wish I had that spring to my step again. Maybe not worry about things for a day, an hour, or any fragment of time. I'm really looking forward to a vacation sometime soon.

I've backspaced & deleted & had such a hard time writing this post. My mind is everywhere. I think after the surgery I'm going to take 2 weeks away from my life to heal. Not answer the phone, not go out, not deal with other people's drama, or my own, & just heal. Regardless of the surgery I think I really need to heal. Heal my wounded heart, heal my body, heal my mind, heal my lil world. I haven't forgotten about Batman, I will go out with him Wednesday & see where that goes. He will be one exception...maybe it'll be a good one.

A few more days...I hope they blink by fast.

Sunday, May 23, 2010

I couldn't have planned any of this...even if I tried...

How do I make this long story short? Hmmm…I’m not sure. To sum up my Saturday in one word: pandemonium. To conclude it tho in 7 words: I GOT A DATE FOR WEDNESDAY NIGHT! Remember the post about Signs?? Well…the first guy that I met with the same name as the Mess, I saw again & he asked me out on a date. Let’s call this guy Batman, because he was wearing a Batman mask for one of the bar’s Half-Way to Halloween parties. Batman even did it the proper way like a gentleman. He told me he was flattered that I remembered his name, (Hahaha) & he was like: “I think your cute & would like to get to know you better by taking you out to dinner”. I smiled from ear to ear. He left to go with his friends after getting my number & then kissed me on the cheek softly & said, “Hope to see you soon cutie.”

There really is a silver lining to clouds sometimes. I'm not picking out curtains but I said, "Yes", because of his honesty, up-frontness, & he knows friends of mine so the guys told me he wasn't a creeper. Who knows? He's 28, has a job, he's cute, lives in my county, & likes Batman. Sounds good to me! I told him I like Italian food & he said he knew just the place to take me. I hope he calls. It would be refreshing to go out on a real date alone with a guy, not those group dates where it's basically a hang out.

I guess I read the sign of hearing that name wrong, but I'm glad I remembered the name when I saw him again. I was going to go into how ridiculous the chaos of this weekend was of not going here or there cuz so & so would be there or does this dress make my hips look big or the Omg why did that ex-new guy text me at 4am to see what I was doing because I accidentally ran into him on Friday night or that Drummer Boy called me but I didn't pick up the phone or me freaking out because I thought the delorean I saw was the mess's delorean...but I'm not going to. I'm going to hope the future & keep on sailing. The few moments with Batman made me blush.

I did however get to go to the Turkey vs Czech Republic Futbol Game Saturday in Newark, NJ with my friend, Debra & it was SO MUCH FUN!! I had never been to an Futbol game before & especially never to one with international teams. It was like walking into another country hearing all the different languages. I love observing different cultures because you learn so much. We had great seats, 5th row from the field, & I got so into it. I learned how to yell, "GO THAT WAY" in Turkish. From book signings, to concerts, & now sports events. It seems I really am random.

This week is going to be a lil chaotic because I've been cleaning like a mad woman, (The bedroom issue is being taken care of) so I won't have to worry come Friday for my surgery. Just breathe. Well I hope everyone has a good week. I can't wait for Wednesday!!!! =)

Here are some pictures from the weekend & the game!!! =)

Turkey vs Czech Republic Game! We were THAT close! No zoom needed!

My friend Debra & I on the right at the game!!

This is the bridge at the end of the movie, "Annie", when the lil orphan Annie is running away from Tim Curry at the end. It's in NJ.

Me all ready after the game to go out!

I can't believe I saw a delorean!!! I had to ask the guy for a picture in it!!

"Til Tomorrow..."

Friday, May 21, 2010

Hoarders Anonymous...

Well, you want to know what happens when you keep going out & going out & just kinda sleep in your bedroom & that’s about it in there? I think you become a hoarder……. Now I never have a clean bedroom, even tho my school notebooks were always obsessively neat, but it’s gotten really bad. The above picture, (hanging my head down low) , is the state of my bedroom. Is their Hoarders Anonymous anywhere?? Ohh Oops…I guess I’m not anonymous anymore. Nah, I’m not a hoarder but I guess I haven’t been paying much attention to my bedroom. Yeahhh….I need to move out.

I’ve decided to put a lot of my energy this week & next week into cleaning & starting the process of looking for a condo. I would rent but where I live it doesn’t pay at all. It would be like throwing money away. I would much rather spend the “rent” money on a mortgage payment. Ahhh mortgage. It’s easy to forget the technicalities that go with living on your own. However after my fibroid surgery next Friday & some healing time buying my first home is totally in the picture.

Can you register a New Home Party at like Homegoods or Pier 1 Imports?? People register weddings, baby showers, & now birthdays…why not register for a new condo? Maybe?

I can’t wait for the day I can have an open space all to my own to do with as I please. I have a small bedroom at my parent’s condo so it’s really become hard to find places for everything, especially when I go around to thrift stores all the time!! It’s literally all the major holidays at once in here. I got ornaments next to Halloween decorations next to sleeves of palm. Lol. I got cat ears hanging on the same hanger as my “Interview” suit. Lol. It’s time to move out. I’m going to be 25 in August. What better way to ring in the next quarter than with a new place to live.

To have the dish on a lil ornate table near the door for my keys, a cute lil glass dinette set with service for 8, a red comforter with cherry blossomed colored pillows, maybe a small fainting couch at the base of my bed, a lil potpourri bowl in the bathroom, dimming light fixtures, bookcases galore, & then, & then…. I get carried away with my dreaming.

First things first tho. Cleaning up this messy room. Yikes. I can’t believe I let it get THAT bad. Mini project for the weekend. Clean this mini bedroom up so it’s liveable. Is it bad that my calendar hanging on my wall still thinks it’s March??? That’ll be changed first. =) I need to find a place for these lil things too that I picked up around the week at the thrift store I go to all the time. I got these 2 ladies for $4 bucks each! So cute!!

This weekend I actually got a cool trick up my sleeve. My friend Debra & I are going to the Czech Republic vs. Turkey Futbol Game, European soccer, in Harrison, NJ. She randomly got tickets so we’re going to venture out there for it!! I’ve never been to a futbol game so it’s going to be interesting. Hopefully I’ll have a voice left tomorrow night. =)

Alrighty back to cleaning I go.

Thursday, May 20, 2010

I saw the sign...and it opened up my eyes???

In the confusing days that have been the past week I have been bombarded by a certain nagging thought in my head. A certain boy that I used to love had a birthday. I’ve tried my hardest to move on & I’ve made such progress that I would love to pat myself on the back. I let him go physically when he showed me the door but mentally it’s been hard. Break-ups are hard, that’s not new news for anyone. The reminders of him are starting to come fewer & fewer but that looming birthday of his brought him back to my thoughts like a runaway train. I will admit I texted him, “Happy Birthday”. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have given him kindness, which is all I’ve ever given him, because he left me out in the cold alone…with not even the friendship left. I did get a reply from him of “Thanks dear!”. What the fuck?????? Why add the “dear” when you deleted me from your life? Who cares. It’s over…I didn’t expect anything to come from a simple text. I’ve been looking forward to my never-ending quest to find someone who at least would pick me up when I fell or fall right along with me.

BUT ever since that text I’m literally being haunted by signs of him. I’m not describing the “Oh we ate a strawberry once together…and now I’m eating one, I must cry now with the reminder.” No, it’s not like that. These are absolutely ridiculous things. I promised myself I wouldn’t analyze things about him anymore, but come on, this is driving me crazy… Here see for yourself:

Sign #1: Saw a friend on Friday night then he introduced me to his best friend. His best friend has the same name as the Mess. (Ok, he has a common name, didn’t bother me)

Sign #2: An hour later I make a face at the fact that the bar was playing “Tricky” by Run DMC in ohh um 2010 & some guy saw me & came over to ask why I made that face. We start talking…we get to the name part. He has the SAME NAME AGAIN as the Mess.

Sign #3: Next morning after the two guys with the same name as him, I go to an antique show in town. I’m walking around then BAM…I see 2 of the Mess’s aunts selling antiques. He does have 3 aunts but COME ON….they didn’t see me, but really? Did I really need to see them?

Sign #4: A day goes by & I’m blocking this all out of my head, & I go to a diner & then I look at the pie refrigerator……………Apparently the Mess’s name is a BRAND OF A PIE REFRIGERATOR!!!!! Big letters on the top of this guy’s name. I almost lost it. I had my friend with me double check the name so I wasn’t losing it. Nah, she saw his name too.

Okay…I don’t know what to think? Once…okay. Twice…creepy. Three & Four…wtf?? (I don’t curse much here but it’s needed now). I do believe in signs. I believe that if I have a bad feeling it’s for a reason. However all of this? I don’t know. People have told me that when someone should be in your life somehow you know. Some way it is made known to you. If he’s supposed to be in my life, well how come he left me countless times? How come I could never tell him how I truly feel? How come he’s so mean? How…there is too many of hows & too many whys. I just don’t want to drown. I don’t want to be plunged into all that madness again. I don’t want to sit & watch him be with someone else & treat her great while he treated me awful. So why the reminder? Why the signs?

What do you think all of this means? Nothing? Everything? Or I really need to just get all of this crap out of my head & just stick to the moving on plan? I’m all ears.

Tuesday, May 18, 2010

I can't cook, therefore I go to Demos...

(Finally figured out of my computer problems!! Back to the show!!)

Yeah know something? I’m glad I called my blog, “Melanie’s Randomness” because it’s never a dull moment around here & my posts are usually like a grab-bag. You never know what you’re going get. (Forest Gump was on this weekend so I needed to work that quote in here somewhere. =P).

Today you’re all going to get a lil cooking lesson. I can’t cook, therefore a go to free cooking demos has returned. I actually got up early enough this past Sunday morning & My mom & I went to the local Williams Sonoma for the free cooking demo. I can’t afford to take a cooking class right now, so these demos will have to do BUT they have taught me so much that I’m still in shock. I made their pumpkin cheesecake a while back for Thanksgiving & it was such a different treat that I am eager to make it again. They give you pamphlets at the demos so you can take it home & try it yourself.

Their lesson today was about Braising. What is braising you might ask?

Braising: is when you simmer meat in a lil amount of liquid slowly.

This liquid can be a marinade or olive oil or juices or broth or other. The menu items the instructor, Susan, did were Braised Seaseme Ginger Soy Chicken, Pulled Pork, & Bok Choy with a Seasame Ginger Soy Marinade. Well let me tell you…that the Sesame Ginger Soy Marinade is one of the most delicious things I’ve ever tasted. The demo was Sunday & I’ve asked my mom to use it 2 days in a row for our dinner. It tastes just like the Chinese restaurants. So…onto the lesson:

When Braising you need to make sure that you DON’T RUN OUT OF LIQUID IN THE POT! If you leave the meat or chicken alone to slowly cook you got to check it or else it will burn. However don’t submerge the meat in the liquid. Just fill the pot half way. You can flip the meat too at half way points to the recipes to make sure all of it gets covered. Braising is better in a pot or a pan then a grill, because it can get way to messy & there is no way to submerge the meat in a liquid. With the marinades… don’t be ashamed to buy mixes. Sometimes it’s really hard to get a sauce just right & with everyone being so busy, it makes things super easy.

Another point the instructor made was about Salt. Don’t add salt to your meat because the salt is usually in the marinade. The additional salt will overpower the meat. When braising chicken, you can use a knife to test if it’s cooked. When braising pulled-pork…really good side-dishes are as followed: spinach, corn, cornbread, grits, beans, & maybe macaroni & cheese.

Everything tasted so good. The Chicken was so delicious. After she braised it she cooked it on a griddle. I love the eating part of these demos. I don’t have to go eat breakfast after!! Now she taught us also a lil secret. Ya know those griddle marks on TV on the chicken? They are apparently painted on in the commercials. Lol.

Do you ever braise your meat?? I wish I had my own apartment so I could cook every day. This demo is another thing that has lifted my spirits lately. This week I’m only trying to do positive things. Cooking is something I wish I knew more about….even if I learn one lil thing from these demos I’m satisfied.

Is there anything useful you’ve learned about cooking lately that you’d like to share? I’d love to hear

If you have a Williams Sonoma near you, see if they have these demos. They are a lot of fun to do with your mom, grandma, gal pals, or whoever!! You never know what you might learn and of course the free food is a yummy treat. =)

I hope you enjoyed this post. I’ll have more randomness tomorrow……

Mini Technical Difficulties....

Okay so you know those moments where you have written your blog post in a word document, & then your finding pictures & your like Ohh this one is going to be good!!...when BOOM your computer shuts down & decides to be a lil brat. I saved my post for last night thankfully in Microsoft Word but I just don't have access to it. I'm sorry. I don't have much luck with computers.

I'm currently at work in those blissful minutes before your bosses come in, so I thought I would just update you on what's coming this week here & some dates.

The post that will hopefully be later today is: "Cooking Demo: Backyard Braising". Tomorrow will be about "Signs", yeah the world has been driving me nuts by having a certain man's name EVERYWHERE!! AHHH!!!!, another post will be about: "Geocaching". Ever hear of that? It was so much fun!! And I have a friend who has the most gorgeous eyes ever & I think I might like him...but I'm doing this one smart and asking for opinions before I even fathom going near him. Next week I also will be going to another book signing for one of the ladies from the Real Housewives of New Jersey!!! Can't wait!

Next week on Friday, May 28th, is going to be my surgery to remove fibroids from my right breast. It's a small one, so it's no where near as bad as it was the first time, it's just surgery is never easy. I'm trying this week to stay positive & keep myself busy & make healthy choices. I have strawberries for a snack & oh damn I forgot my yogurt. Oh well I'll run to the store at lunch-time. My cousin's graduation party is actually the day AFTER my surgery so I don't know if I'll be able to make it. It's in Conneticut, & I have no clue what shape I'll be in & being in a family function where you can't where a proper bra & are on Viccidion is not the best idea. Yeahhh I doubt that's happening, but we'll see.

It's raining...I'm actually enjoying the rain today. It's a soft rain, so it's pretty. My hair is curly today so I don't have to worry about frizzing. lol. hehe. I'll try to get my computer up back and running later today...For now...I hope you have a quiet day today!

P.S. If anyone with an Etsy Shop would like to Sponsor a Giveaway for me in the next 2 weeks...let me know!!

Monday, May 17, 2010

Apples to Oranges: The Collision & an Explanation...

“Why is everything confusing? Maybe I’m just out of my mind…”
Avril Lavigne, “Im with you”

Hi Everyone. I thought it be best to explain what happened on Friday night that had me so done. Actually I’ll let the movie, “500 Days of Summer” explain. My Expectations didn’t match my Reality. Nowhere near it. Now I knew that magically ex-assholes were not going to miss me, that I wouldn’t have a few drinks & not get shit-faced or hungover, & that the night wouldn’t be the best night ever because for starters it was humid & my hair was frizzing. But I just didn’t expect it to be that bad. I had a feeling tho it was going to be one of those nights where I would regret my decisions. I handed the reins to one of my close friends & she took me to hell, figuratively speaking. I did the “Whatever you want to do” routine because she had been sick. I didn’t expect though to be left alone at the end of the night waiting for her to come retrieve me at the bar I escaped to. I thought we’d go grab dinner, head out for a few drinks, & maybe meet some new people whether they be future friends or future other… My friend, she runs with this pack…I don’t. I left because I’m not going to purposely sit and rub vinegar in my eyes. She let me go to the bar down the street & returned to her friends. I hate to say it was the highlight of my night. I went to a quieter bar alone & had a small drink & let out the breath of anxiety & tears that was burning in my throat. Eventually she came and got me & drove me back to her house to get my car. So what now?

What to do now? Never hang with that group again. They are bad people, without a trace of humanity left in them. I think the drugs, their values, & their own lives forced it right out of them. I thought it would be okay, but entering a lion’s den there will always be that possibility of a sudden attack. It’s completely fine too. I’m not a masochist so I don’t purposely put my hand in the flame. I know never to go with them again to a bar or go to their house. My friend tho……she is another matter that I will deal with accordingly, all in due time. I won’t ever let her drive for the night again. I don’t care if that means I’ll have to be the designated driver, if it means I have control over the situation that’s all that matters to me. People really need to think of others…like seriously ASAP.

You are all wondering where the apples & oranges part comes from in this post. It’s the perfect analogy for what I did Saturday night. I had my two best friends asking me to chill & up to this point they really don’t chill together. I’m not sure why they just didn’t mesh after high school but to each their own. The pressure of the two them asking me to chill was too much so I combined them. For some reason my friends are not friends with each other…barely any of them even like each other. It’s odd, so I usually have to pick sides & frankly I was sick of it.

So I called both of them & told them we were all going to chill. It was a total SUCCESS!!! We went to Dave N’ Busters and played games all night. It was nice to just have a girl’s night & not have the drama. The three of us went to high school together so we gossiped about who was now pregnant & who has gotten married & girl stuff. It just worked & it was such a reprieve. It is possible to have a good night out, thankfully. The weekend turned around & wound up being a good one. I’m actually still in a good mood because the night went so awesome. =)

I think I’ve talked your guys’ ears off so I’ll stop now. I got a few interesting posts for this week that I’m looking forward to writing. You gotta pick yourself up & keep going. That is so important. Til Tomorrow...

Saturday, May 15, 2010

Have you ever been so done that you just can't even describe?

I know this picture has snow in it but it was the only appropriate one I could find. I'm done. It's literally 4:14am in the morning in New York state and I've reached my limit. I've always been that kid who waited to the last minute to finish a report the night before it was due....well I've reached my life's due date for change. I think I've had the worst night possible...including watching the ex-New Guy make out with some new girl, whom I know from high school, and meeting 2 new guys with the same name as the Mess, my Brown-eyed Mr. Big. Is it possible to have a worse night. The friend I went out with copied my outfit & of course tried to out-do me in the night's attire by EVEN wearing hair extensions...she copies me all the time...AND remarked that my necklace was too small to notice so she wore this huge one that cost at least $50 bucks. I'm pissed. I'm really pissed.

I tried to go out tonight to have some fun, but no. I got my face just rubbed into the past & was treated horribly. I'm done. If it wasn't 4:19am I would go to the hardware store to buy nails so I could spit them out....I guess that's what they mean when they say, "I'm so mad I could spit nails". I'm NOT giving up but I'm done. I'm done pretending things don't bother me, I'm done pretending I don't miss certain individuals, and I'm done being kicked around...not physically.

Tonight was horrible. It's part of my story. I was going to write this in my live journal but no one reads that. Here....All I can say is...if something a friend does or an ex does to you hurts you or pisses you off..TELL THEM. You can't go on with a mask on your face. You need to be a real person. I'm a real person & I want to live in the real world. I'm done. Just soooo done.

I need to somehow get some sleep. It was a bad night, a real bad night. I wish I could erase at least 5 names from my phone. I think I will. I can't go on like nothing is the matter. Saturday is a new day.....and oh it's going to be hell to pay.

Thursday, May 13, 2010

200th Post with a New Layout, New Button, New Oppurtunities for You!!!

In honor of my 200th post I decided to give my blog a mini make-over!! 200 Posts!! Woa. Seriously I had no idea I would be blogging for this long or have as many followers!! THANK YOU!!! I've had a rough few days but blogging has really cheered me up & all of you have been so supportive! I can't thank you enough!!

Well...I now have a 3 column blog & let me tell you it's NOT that hard to do yourself. Yeah I do know a lil HTML but there are websites that can help. It's a lot of trust & copy & paste. Easiest way to find out how is to: GOOGLE: HOW TO GET A 3 COLUMN BLOG! If you want help, by all means leave a comment on this post & I'll send you the links of what I used!!

Do you like the new layout? I'm not sure if I'm crazy about the pink. I plan on changing my header too but that'll come soon. It took me a few hours to figure all this other stuff out, so I need another night to do that! =)

Ohhh and I now have a BLOG BUTTON!!! That's my lil gift to my blog for it's 200th post. Every now & again, you need to splurge on things.

Melanie’s Randomness

Now...Here's where you come in!! IF YOU HAVE A BLOG BUTTON, LEAVE A COMMENT & I'LL GO PICK UP YOURS & PUT IT ON MY NEW SIDEBAR!! I'm going to go around to blogs I know have one, but I don't want to leave anyone out!! Send me a shout-out so I'll know!! Also if you'd like help on how I did this, let me know!!

It's been one hell of week. I've been trying to keep my mind off of the upcoming surgery, my brown-eyed Mr. Big, & one of my good friends has been really sick this week. My head is spinning. Doing all this to my blog really made me feel good & of course all of you. Thank you!!!

Okay, I gotta head to sleep...til tomorrow...TGIF!!

For your information...

Hey everyone Im going to take a few moments to change around the layout. Forgive the appearance for a lil bit. Soon we'll be baack to your regular scheduled program...

Tuesday, May 11, 2010

hmmm...I think I missed that strand of DNA....

Oh shoes....Pretty, GORGEOUS shoes. How I love thee...but in that lies the problem. I'll explain. I have a passion for high-heels, long knee-high boots, stilettos, or basically any type of heeled shoe. BUT for some reason I just can't walk in them. I can last maybe a few hours in them if I'm lucky but I usually wind up switching to my sneakers half way through the night or secretly taking off my high-heels under my desk at work. I know I have high arches & have literally tried on I think at least a thousand pairs in my life but only a handful of them ever fit. Perhaps I missed that strand of DNA.

I don't know what is it with me & heels??? When I was lil I paraded around with in my mom's high-heels & always wanted to grow up & wear them...tho when I do its a losing battle. I can never walk a straight line, actually I can't even in sneakers, I usually sway to the right, & I walk so slow. The ex-New Guy hated when I would switch to sneakers but I'm not changing things for him, it's for me. I even once tried on a pair of red bottom Louboutin's & couldn't walk 2 inches in them without almost falling over. lol.

So what to do? I'm trying to break my "Wearing Sneakers" 24/7 habit & you can only wear so many flat shoes because those adorable heels & wedges are calling to me wayyy too loudly!!!! hehe

Does any of you girls have problems wearing high-heels? Any tips of advice?

I have a pair of Nine West boots that my feet don't hurt in so I've been wearing them all the time to get used to wearing heels. Maybe I have to constantly wear heels so my feet can adapt more? I don't know I'm at a loss, but I'm willing to work at it!!! High-heels somehow make me feel all grown up & I like hearing them on the pavement. I need to get away from the sneakers so I'll take any suggestions ya got!! =)

Monday, May 10, 2010

Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!

After one spout of tears today I just literally said to myself, "What the fuck are you doing to yourself?" No seriously Melanie, what are you doing?? Your crying over some idiot that is so done with you, he can't even remember your favorite color, and what for? Nothing. Nothing will come of you crying except your masacara will run & ruin your pretty stripped shirt. So what I did was put on my shirt that's in the pic above, (I LOVE THE BACK!), and went on with my life. So as the Rolling Stone's said it, "Hey! You! Get off of my cloud!".

A small unexpected treat happened today that surprised me with so much happiness that it cheered me right up!! A stupid person had put those lil club ads underneath my windshield last Friday night & I was too tired taking my sick friend home that I forgot about them. Well it rained that night. They got STUCK to my car window & then when I ripped them off half of it remained on my window. I was pissed. Well today I asked the boys if they had windshield cleaner. They said I could borrow it. BUT when they went out for their morning walk, they cleaned my window for me without me asking. I hugged them both. They can be brats to me but that act of kindness was just what I needed today. =)

"All those who wander will be found"...I will prove that phrase to be true. I know deep down inside it's ever so true. Also lil lost treasures will be found too. I tried to get my mind back in order & continue my happniess so I went to my favorite lil thrift store at my lunch hour to see what I can muster up. I always feel weird going in there and not buying anything because it all gets donated to the hospital across the street so I have to buy something. Today I found a few gems:

Heinz Ketchup Metal Antique Recipe Box: $5

Future Peppermint Candy Cermaic box: $2

Glass Rose Jewelry box with mirrored insides: $3

I think $10 was a 10 bucks well spent on those 3 items. I have NO IDEA where I'm going to put them but when I get my own place I'm sure I'll find a spot.

It started out a bad day because today but it ended on a great note. I'm looking forward to the rest of this week! I'm going to clean my cloud & perhaps find places for my new trinkets. Til Tomorrow...

Sunday, May 9, 2010

One day....

First of all Happy Mother’s day to all the mothers out there!! I took my mom out to lunch & we watched some TV together. I love my mom, my aunt, & my grandmothers. They are all mothers to me. I think that’s a benefit of being in such a small family…we are always lending a helping hand. Without some members of my family I don’t know how I would have gotten through as much as I have. My mom is one of my best friends & I’d love to give her the world. So happy Mother’s mom & to all the mom’s!

One character trait of mine is that one day I wish to be a mom one day. I know people that don’t have kids sometimes have this fantasy view of early motherhood & having a kid but I want to have a kid someday in the future, not anytime soon. I want to kiss up baby feet, I want to have the nurse put a baby in my hands & tell me it’s mine, I want to comb his or her hair, I want to go buy all the trimmings for them, & I want someone to call me “Mom” one day. I wish that I get to make the cupcakes for the school bake-sale, to put them on the bus, to cry & rejoice the day they go to school, & I want to be the one they cry to when they had a bad dream. Even at 24 years old I’ll lay down in my parent’s bed in between them & watch TV with them like I did was I was very little. But they seriously need a bigger bed. Lol.

My grandmother showed me a picture today of my parents holding the 2 year old me & they looked so happy & it made me smile. I hope to have that some day. I hope my mom will make my kids Halloween costumes like she did for me one day. I’m such a dreamer sometimes…

A friend of mine was sick this weekend so I went to stay with her & I gave her a garbage pail just in case she was going to be more sick. I wish to be there for my future child when they get sick…and in turn probably get sick myself. Lol.

It all seems wonderful to me. The goods & the bads because those goods…those lil baby feet that will be too cute for words, those giggles, those memories, those hugs…are worth it all. Maybe one day...I hope one day...

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Maybe you will always be...just a lil out of reach.

There comes those weeks were it really goes in slow motion & your just left with your thoughts. You get ready for your day, brush your hair, & push forwardPerhaps it’s because of a few looming dates coming up & how my life seems to throw me back into reality whenever I least expect it. I’ve always been a realistic person but geez sometimes it can be a real struggle. Health issues, the past haunting my dreams, up-coming holidays, friend issues, ex-crap, my job driving me more insane, & of course the unknown future. It’s been almost a year since I’ve graduated college, almost a year since the mess disappeared on me, almost….sigh….too many almosts…but I feel like I haven’t done much to improve my life in that year. Too many steps back…not enough steps forward.

I’ve mentioned this before & will say it from time to time. Whenever I drive around in my county in New York, sometimes I’m up high enough on a hill, or there is a clearing in the trees, so I can see the skyline of New York City. That Empire State building stands tall in all its glory. It peeks over the trees taunting me. It seems like its so far away but then again its right at my finger tips for the taking. That’s how I’ve been seeing things. It’s there…I somehow need to find a way to get to that happiness. I’m not just going to magically appear in NYC so I need to do things to make me get there as well as the other things I want.

I hope the new job, the new apartment, the new boyfriend is not completely out of reach. It takes time. Maybe I’m being impatient but I want to feel better, I want to decorate my new apartment, & I want to have another kiss that makes the world slip away for a while. A friend of a friend asked me to go out tonight to the Brewery…I’ve met him before & he knows the movie, “Escape from NY” with Kurt Russell so maybe we might hit it off if we start to know one another better. I dunno. I’m sort of apprehensive meeting people through this friend because her track record isn’t good. Every guy, including one of her family members, wound up being assholes. I got nothing to lose tho, meeting someone new…who knows. I guess I’ll see.

One thing that is Gone is my Brown-eyed Mr. Big. He will always be just a lil out of reach. Well he’s not Mr. Big, he isn’t going to rescue me in Paris, & …the void that came back when he left is crushing me more than I’d like to admit. I should be elsewhere this weekend but there’s not even room left for me in his life. Every spot is filled…I gotta let go, consciously & subconsciously. I loved him so much but he couldn’t see it. I wonder if he’s happy. I really wonder.

Well today I’m going to be cleaning & hanging out with my mom for the day. I think we’re going to go get new curtains & do lunch. She’s been through so much with me in the past 3 years, I really appreciate her in ways she has no idea. Without her, I don’t know how I would have kept myself together.

Today I’m going to go with the flow…keep my heart open…my high-heels clanging on the street…& try to put that smile on my face & hope for the best.

Title is from the song: "Satellite" by Guster. I love that song.


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