Tuesday, March 30, 2010

I like you...just as you are.

There is a very important part of one of my favorite movies that I would like to share with you tonight to prove a point. The movie is "Bridget Jone's Diary", the scene is when Mark tells Bridget these lovely words. "I like you just as you are." It makes my heart melt every time I see that scene when he repeats it because she can't believe he said that to her. Yes it's a movie but it does happen in real life. There will be someone that will like you just as you are, whether it be just a friend or a significant other, so just BE YOURSELF!! Don't become something your not, & don't forget who you are, & just shine through with the truth.

I think I'm going to hold out on a relationship with any guy I know til one of them tells me a version of "I like you just as you are" because seriously this is all I've been getting....

Guy #1:"Ohh your wearing sneakers??? Don't you have heels in your car?? The heels are hotter!"

Guy #2:"Those heels make you look like a witch. Go put your sneakers on if it makes you more comfortable"

Guy #1:"Oh I like you better with your hair down & straight. I dunno I think you look like a librarian with your hair up."

Guy #2:"Ya know. You look like Brittany Murphy with your hair curly. I like it, its cute.

Guy #1:"Your a mess. Oh I can totally see you & your ex driving around in a dishwasher. Two perfect messes."

Guy #2:"Well I'm glad you dumped your ex because he sounds like a tool. Your better without him."

Guy #1:"What are you wearing?? Your shirt is not tight enough. You should wear a skirt. Skirts are hawt. I hate jeans."

Guy #3:"Oh I like your shirt. It makes your boobs look big. What other clothes tho do you have in your car?"

Guy #1:"Oh if you had a tattoo that'd be hot."

The sad part is that those are actually things I've been told by different guys about the same things. I could go nuts trying to be what this guy would want or that guy might want. Now I could have gone in my car and changed into heels, I could have went home & put on a hotter shirt, I could have changed myself to cater to any of these guys but fuck it. If I want to wear heels I will. If I want to wear a certain shirt with jeans...then so be it. Eventually I will find a guy who I can just be myself around...and I can't wait for that day.

This is a short post, but I really wanted to send out a reminder to be yourself in each & everyday. Don't let anyone turn you into something your not & just embrace who you are! =)

Monday, March 29, 2010

This is why I am not a Sports Fan!!

Because I'm get Wayyyyyy tooooo into it!!! Okay let's back track. I have job where I work with 5 men who are Sports crazy. Constantly allll day long!! It drives me nuts! AND when I go deaf from listening to music 8 hours a day, I will send them the bill for hearing aids. If a day goes by where something baseball, football, golf, poker, basketball, or hockey is NOT mentioned then I realize something is wrong. lol. Well they roped me into doing March Madness. NOW I don't watch basketball, but gotta say now I'm hooked.

There is $40 that I could win if Duke University wins it all. I WANT THAT MONEY!! Mama needs a new pair of shoes & a cute purse to match!! hehe. I really don't care about the STATS but for some reason watching the game last night I was totally yelling at the TV...looking through my fingers at the 20 second mark...holding my breath at the Foul Shots...& Rooting for Duke to steal the ball away from Baylor.

Oh No...I'm going to the darkside & they totally have cookies!!!

I used to be able to tolerate Sports in High School. I actually was the Captain of my HIgh school cheerleading squad. Yeahh I don't mention that much but I think it's time to do my "I was a Cheerleader" Post. I always used to throw the discus & the shotput on my high school Track team. See I did like Sports a lil but from the job Constant Jabbering...it just irritated me to No END!!! I guess throw a lil money on anything people will become interested!! =P GO DUKE!!! I could use those $40 for some new things.

Are you a Sports Fan?? Or are you like me & got suckered into doing the March Madness at your job so your doing it for the Money??? =P

I bought a few new things in the past few days that I'd love to show you! Yes Emotional Shopping is my enemy lately but most of everything was On Sale all in regular stores so if you really like the pieces totally pick them up yourself! Stay tuned til tomorrow!! =)

Sunday, March 28, 2010

Take the Bull by the Horns & Press On...

Sometimes you have to stop Running. You have to stop avoiding the issues, running away from the drama, and confront the bull staring you in the face. This weekend I had to face my past & I think I did so with flying colors, after a few moments in completely PANIC mode.

So I got invited to go to a party & because of a certain concert that I declined my invitation to go, I thought I could go to this party & avoid seeing a certain man & his certain girlfriend. The Mess, my drama wheel Brown-Eyed Mr. Big. I thought he would be in Pennsylvania, rocking out at the concert I so desperately wanted to go too. He wasn't.

I walked into the bar & saw him standing about 20 feet in front of me with his girlfriend on his arm. I freaked, not going to lie, and ran out of the bar. I didn't cry, but the SHOCK of seeing him just overpowered me. It still hurts to see him. I'm trying to get over him but it still pains me to see him. BUT the story doesn't end with me leaving & going home crying...

I collected myself together, put on my high-heeled boots & walked BACK into the bar & stared him dead in the face. Maybe it was momentary insanity, or perhaps I just got too tired of running away from the drama. I didn't talk to him long, I said Hello & proceeded to the bar. Yes, he didn't follow me, he didn't say much to me, he still didn't introduce me to his gf, BUT I showed him that my life went on without him. I didn't say goodbye to him either. It might have been rude to just leave but I could care less. He hasn't been fair to me or human to me in months, so fuck him. I walked out of the bar with my head held high & tried to swish my skirt a lil more just in case he did notice that I left.

In that freak out moment I had when I first ran out at the sight of him, I think I got a lil more over him. He wasn't going to ruin my night. I want to be able to go on Facebook & not have to be upset when I see something he's posted. I wish I could dream & not have him make guest appearances. I try to be tough & say I'm over it, but I Actually need to SHOW myself that I am. Words are words...Actions show the truth. I'm proud of myself for walking back in the bar.

Oh well...it rained awful today so I didn't get to go around to the companies. I will do that tomorrow. I need to confront other things like my job issue. I can do this...baby steps, but steps are being made. This is going to be a very interesting week....

Have you ever confronted your raging bull of drama? Have you made any steps lately to make you feel better about yourself?

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Save the last dance for me...

So with my randomness kick & trying ever so hard to feel better & back on track I went and did something completely different. For starters if I haven't told all of you, I used to dance. I danced for 10 years when I was younger. Tap, jazz, Ballet, & Pointe. I think my toesies still hurt from pointe but that feeling of gracefullness & weightless that comes with dancing is something I truly miss. A friend of mine told me of a party at a Ballroom dance studio & I jumped at the chance to go.

Like a true dancer, the owner named Natalie, would not stay still enough for me to get a clear picture of her!! That's her above. She was having a birthday party for her & celebrating the opening of her studio. OMG! It was so much fun. I don't know much ballroom dancing & Latin dancing, but I still put on my party shoes & black dress.

That's me & my friend Debra, who knew the dancing lady. For a few moments I didn't have to think...all I had to do was move my feet & let my skirt twirl around. It was such a breath of fresh air to an insane week. I got to learn a lil bit of swing dancing too. I'm not sure of this type of dancing is something I'd want to take lessons in but it was fun for the night. It brought my smile back for a lil while.....

The New Guy didn't answer my phone call. I asked him if he would like to learn how to dance...he said No, I don't dance, lol. But when I tried to be cutesy & say I'll teach something small lata...he didn't answer. He didn't pick up for my phone call a lil bit later either. Well I hope he had fun last night...NOT! I'm not sure what to think so I went home & actually got to sleep. It was glorious to actually sleep at night!! I woke up this morning & was outside in the daylight. I felt refreshed, I felt the rays of the sun on my face, & Woa it was just what I needed. I needed to feel free from the confines of drama for a lil while...

Tomorrow I'm going to drive around a couple of the industrial parks around where I live & write down the names of the companies. I need a new job so I'm hoping to go look at the companies websites & see if they are possibily hiring. I can't just rely on Monster.com. Here's hoping!!!

I hope everyone is having a good weekend. I'll be around to catch up on everyone's blogs. Sometimes you need to just sit back & take a breath. Seriously you'll feel much better after. =)

Thursday, March 25, 2010

I fall to pieces each time I see you again...

Ya know something? I was in Victoria Secret today(I actually couldn't find a bra that actually fit right, too) & I took a look at myself in the mirror. I don't have a full-length mirror in my home so I took a good look. I didn't see myself, but someone I don't think I'm liking. Somehow the past few weeks have made me look tired & haggard & about 5 pounds heavier in key spots. My eyebrows were furrowed so I could see a lil line in the middle of them, my lips were not smiling, & the darkness under my eyes was definitely NOT left over eye-liner. See I forgot something in these past few weeks. I forgot to actually do anything to better myself or make me like who I am.

I was reading all your comments about the Teddy Bear with a chainsaw, New Guy, & I realized that those bad things are actually really bad. It seems like there's anger to my words too. That's not good. I'm going to let time tell with this guy but unless he shows me some promising quality that isn't surface-like & see him not drunk then I will call the "NEXT" card.

Lately, I feel like I'm going through the motions & literally jumping from one scene to the next scene to the next movie, but how can you really enjoy yourself if the only time you get to breath & a moment to yourself is when your asleep?? You can't.

The one & only thing I did to better my life & make changes today was buy a lottery card. That seemed a lil sad to me. I've lost some of my drive to go get the new job, save the money for that apartment, my writer's group has been on hiatus so I haven't written, this guy seems like he's looking just for hook-ups wherever he can get them, & a few other things have me wanting to bang my head against a wall. What happened to me?? I think I'm forgetting to smell to roses & enjoy what I'm doing. I Have to get it back. Have to.

I feel like I'm falling to pieces inside from all of this from all sides & somehow holding it together to keep everyone happy. I gotta work on this. This weekend I gotta do something that I want to do...something that will make me smile. I don't want to sound self-fish but I really need to just sit back and chill. Maybe not do anything this weekend, maybe just sit & curl up in bed & watch TV? Maybe scrub off the make-up & go without for a few hours. Take my hair down & let the curls go wild. Leave the curls instead of straightening it....

Maybe I need to go on that train I hear everyday, every other hour?? Just escape for a lil from the world. The beauty of life is you can ALWAYS change your mind & change directions. I think I might be switching lanes....I think my sanity depends on it.

Sorry for the long post I just needed to say all of that. I'm not a follower but I seem to be just following the crowd, that's not like me. I need to get Me back. I'm going to try....Starting tomorrow....

Thank you Patsy Cline too for my favorite song too. "Fall to Pieces".

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

Meet me at your best behavior...Meet me at your Worst...

After all the hours of working, partying, & thinking are done I am left to stare out my window waiting for the possibilities of my actions. I keep sparingly mentioning a New Guy in my life...well I think its about time I told you a lil more about him.

Frankly I don't know what he is right now. He's the guy who him & I are having a few stolen moments ever now & again over the last few weekends, when everyone has left & it's just him & me. His kisses have been the balloon that has carried me back to the Earth with my two feet on the ground. However there is a good side to him, as well as a bad side. (btw, I've come to the conclusion that nothing will ever be easy in my life, especially my love life). So I'll shed some light on the goods & the bads of him & maybe you can help me see if the goods outweigh the bads.


-If he's going out drinking he'll call a cab for the night. Never drinks & drives.
-He kisses me so deeply that he's wearing my eye-liner at the end of the night.
-He notices that I have switches in my personality...he can tell when I'm mad, upset, happy, or frustrated.
-He's tall & handsome like he has a beard that's somehow soft.
-I actually like the band he plays the drums for (I don't really like Drummer Boy Ex's band at all)
-He let me make a playlist on his computer just for the time we spent together.
-He will buy me drinks & tries to feed me when i go to his house
-He lives with 2 other guys but technically has his own place.
-Got a great job in a Union that he cares about & knows he has to show up for work.
-He keeps a photos of his family in his bedroom & shows me his nephews pictures.
-He does call me pet names.
-Will ALWAYS take a shower before we all come over so he smells really good.
-He likes movies & actually cuddles & will turn my face to his if he wants to kiss me.


-He doesn't sleep. He thinks nothing of being up til the sun comes up. I think he might take Aderol or something to keep himself awake. That could be a problem.
-I never see him during the week or hear from him.
-He called me last Saturday night at 5am to pick him up & his roomate to take him home after his night of partying without me. He said he didn't have enough cash for a cab & wanted to see me...yeah right.
-He's a cigarette smoker, but he does have really white teeth & pops alot of gum.
-He's a biter. I like to keep my flesh on my bones without lil markings. He doesn't give hickies he leaves bite marks. SO I guess he's a wolf marking his territory?? I dunno its starting to piss me off. Why not just ask me to be your gf instead of biting me?
-I always see him when we're all going out so he usually has a beer in his hand.
-He has trust issues apparently from a really bad ex.
-He is a teddy bear with a chainsaw. We have already had 2 fights & we're not even dating yet.
-He's bluntly honest, but he will tell you when you look like shit which will make me feel like crap.
-He's a bit of a gossip whore. He wants to know everything that it's not even my place to tell.
-Oh yeah & he is another drummer...i've had bad history with drummers.
-Hates girls who wear sneakers & that's usually what I wear

Soooo yeah, as you can see there are reasons why I haven't really talked about him because I'm the on the fence with this New Guy. From writing all the out it really seems like I'm just the girl at the end of the night who just happens to be there so it's falling into place. But...then again I still don't know him well, this might be the beginning stages of something or just a fling that's keeping my sanity a lil in check. I don't know. All I know is I will keep my eyes open. I'm not going to be blindfolded by another creep. No way.

It's hard to even come up with a Nickname for him? Drummer Boy II? Teddy Bear with a Chainsaw?(I like that one) Idiot? Fence Boy, cuz I'm on the fence with him? Wolfie, cuz of the biting? I dunno. I'm not even sure if its worth giving him a nickname at this rate. Time will tell.

I really just wish I could find someone to stay. Someone, who like the 50's song, will love me tomorrow. It seems that SOME guys are just in the moment these days & when the dawn of light peeks through the truth comes out or your left to go home alone to once again start the search. I should see this guy this weekend again so I think I'm going to bite the bullet & ask him "What's going on with us?". I got NOTHING to lose because right now I have nothing. I hope he's on his best behavior next time I see him. I hope...

Monday, March 22, 2010

I can't cook, therefore I go to Demos...lol.

Yes I finally went back to going to the Williams Sonoma Cooking Demos. I can cook a little, but without the funds or the time to do a cooking class I’ve been going to these demos since August. Most Williams Sonoma’s do a free cooking or baking demo on either Saturday or Sunday mornings, I try to go to as many as I can! This week’s demo has probably been one of my ultimate favorites. It was on Cakes & Cupcakes! Woohoo! And it was full of free samples of the icing & the cupcakes!

I did learn a few things that I thought I should share with you. Apparently there is TWO Essential things you must have in order to make a great cake:

1. Round Basting Brush: This way you can easily butter your cake pan! Make sure also that you CHECK your recipe first before greasing the sides of the pan! Some recipes you don't have too!

2. Offset Icing Spatula: This is used to smooth the top of the cake with icing as well as the sides. You can use a regular knife but it's apparently a pain the ass. lol. You can find these icing spatulas cheap at Ac Moore or Michael's too!

Well I didn't even know what an Off-set spatula was! I'm glad I went. The lady demoed cupcake decorating too with the standard pastry bags & metal inserts that make the designs. I never realized how relaxing cake decorating looks. One of my favorite things to do is to make chocolate-covered Strawberries. I think I might have a new passion tho. hehe.

I also learned that the BEST way to tell if your cupcakes or cake is done you should do a TOOTHPICK Test. It's as simple as it sounds. If you stick a toothpick in the cupcake & it comes out clean then the yummy goodness is done!!

AND if you are using a mixer machine to make your cake, make sure you get all the ingredients off the sides of the bowl!! =) Oh & parchment paper. Make sure

I will definitely be making some more cupcakes this week! I'll post pics!! I would recommend these demos. They really are a lot of fun! Next weeks one is Pies & tarts. Can't Wait!

I'm listening to the rain fall right now...it sounds angry. I wonder what would piss off rain...hmmm....

Sunday, March 21, 2010

Madness? This is Sparta!!

I don't know why I'm giving this post that title except that I'm watching 300 as I write this, hehe. Big apologies for not writing in a few days, that's totally not like me. I've just been doing alot of stuff & very tired. I actually have Chronic Fatigue since I've been a teenager, & sometimes it gets the best of me. The weather switch too & the time change has thrown me off. What can I honestly say? I'm one of those people affected by the sunlight, the weather change, & the chaos that comes with the being 24.

From the past few days I think I reached the point in my life where I'm living every hour of the 24 hours in the day. Even those twilight hours of the morning where the "Last Call" is heard in the bar. I'm living them. It's been non-stop work, partying, calls at 5am to retrieve drunk people cuz the cabs stopped running, concerts, shopping, & totally forgetting to clean my room or sleep. I'm kinda looking forward to a basic work week & letting the only madness be the March Basketball Madness.

BUT I did get to chill with the New Guy & got myself another set of goodnight kisses. *Dun Dun Dun*. I took the picture above before I went to visit him. I'm going to try & think of a nickname for him. He's yet another drummer & I don't want to confuse people, so hmmm...not sure yet. I will write more about him later in the week, I promise. The only thing bad about him tho is that he doesn't sleep. lol. He thinks nothing of being up til the sun rises. My mom is cool with me staying out late as long as I tell her where I am. I have NO problem telling her where I am. I got nothing to hide.

(Side Note: My mom just told me she bought me Trix cereal!! YES!!!)

I have a few cool things in store for this blogging week. I went to my Williams Sonoma demo about cakes & I'll post some tips I learned! I have to do some serious cleaning for the spring coming & I need some help how you guys are getting ready! I got some awards & I really need to post about them! I will post about the new guy...he's cute I might like him enough to say something about it to him....and of course a few other tricks up my sleeve.

I can't wait to catch up with everybody's blogs. For now I leave you with today's sunset to conclude. I wish I had a whole day to sleep. Now that would be glorious. =)

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Oh...Who might you be??

And shepherds we shall be... Well Happy St. Patty's Day everyone!! I'm not Irish, but today I still wore a lil green & watched Boondock Saints!. I thought I would take a break from my drama and tell you a lil bit about my heritage today.

My nationalities are 50% Italian, 25% German, & 25% Dommincan; & part Panama-American Indian & a wee bit Scottish. It actually really fascinates me how all those things could come together to form a person. America is definitely a melting pot. My mom is a 100% Italian & my father makes up the later. I'm a total blend of the two of them, which is kinda funny. See...

That's itty bitty me dressed as a doll & my mom & dad circa 1985.

I wouldn't change a thing about my heritage. You know it's really hard to tell people's nationalities today. My mom is blonde and green eyed yet she's Italian. Who would have thought! So I propose a question to you!

Who might you be? What nationalities are you?

I love interacting with people from all over the world. That's one of the reasons why I kept up blogging. The interactions are priceless.

I once dated a guy who was Greek, Italian, Syrian, & Irish. I can't imagine if we had ever had a kid because the poor lil thing would have had to just point to a map of Europe if someone asked them their heritage. hehe.

Short post today, I know. I'm just tired. I didn't talk much today either, maybe I'm over-tired or just done. Don't worry, I took EVERY one of your comments from my last post to heart. I will be running, far far away from that train wreck of an ex. Thank you everyone.

I keep thinking about that stolen kiss goodnight from that kinda new guy friend I have. It's a refreshing thought in the chaos that is my mind lately. Maybe I'll get to see him this weekend. We have mutual friends so it's possible. I'm going to keep my fingers crossed. I don't want to pick out curtains with him, but I sure as hell want another kiss...maybe...who knows...

Tuesday, March 16, 2010

If you can make any sense of this...Please let me know!!!!

So I'm going to shed some light on my lunch on Saturday. I have a Drummer Boy Ex, (NOT THE GUY THAT GAVE ME THE KISS) who I had lunch with also on Saturday during the day. Now, he re-appeared in my life a few months ago to um...hmmm....still not sure. I thought just as friends but I've been a wee bit confused about his intentions for a while...now I just don't have a fucking clue. I'm OVER HIM, completely...but I don't understand what he's doing now? It makes no sense!!! Well for my new followers (Hi!) I'm going to give a simple backstory.

Past:We met fall of 07' one night, made out the whole night and then dated for about 6 months. We've been dating for a month when X-mas came around, and he got mad at me for buying him a x-mas present for a reason I still don't know. After that drama he dumped me once, called me 4 hours later, we got back together. He never seemed like the "On" switch was clicked on in his brain. It wasn't the best relationship, but we continued to date.

Long back-story short, we didn't see each other for about 3 weeks and then one day I went over his house and noticed there were condom foil wrappers on top of his open trash can that was over-flowing, so it was really noticeable. He didn't have that big of room. I stormed out and we didn't talk for about two years.

Present:Okay so on Saturday, he invited me to lunch. He in the confirmation text was like,

"Sweet! I'll call you in the morning to set things up!"

Drummer Boy Ex called me at 10:52am to go to lunch. That's really early, I guess he really wanted to see me. He volunteers to drive. He starts talking about a X-mas gift he felt forced to give me. He was like "Do you still have it?" and he keeps going down memory lane... He tells me I look cute in my glasses. He invites me to this concert that I couldn't go to that night. He was kinda like sad when I said I got alot of stuff to do later.

Well he keeps smiling at me, we share some appetizers, and he starts talking about his band. He was like "Oh remember when I used to do this...and that". After eating the check comes and he refuses to let me pay. That sends the Red Flare of "DATE" to me. I was a lil like ahhh crap about it, especially when the bill came to about $50 bucks. I felt bad so I suggested we go play pool so I could pay for something. It was closed due to the weather so we called it a day....

Now this I don't understand. I happen to see his Facebook status later day and he said, "VERY EXCITED FOR MY VISITOR TOMORROW". I'm like huh???? Soo I look at his profile. Apparently his ex-girlfriend is coming to visit him this week and she is all over his page saying "Your Hot!" or "Break me off a piece of that". OH and in between him hanging out with me a few weeks ago he went to visit her....

So if he is still apparently seeing his ex


Why is he taking me out to lunch and wanting to pay?? Why is he asking me to go bowling, ya know date like things??? Why even call me?? Why try so hard to get me some-what in his life?? I don't get it. I don't Understand it. Why ask me if I'm seeing anyone before we started hanging out again?? Why bring me in to see his mother before I left because she told him she missed me???? Why ask if I wanted to chill in his bedroom???? (I declined to that btw).

I don't want to see him again for a long while because I don't know what game he is playing or what ego trip this is or what role he thinks I am or going to be. I don't get it. DO YOU?? Why hang out with me when his ex-gf is visiting him and he's excited to see her. What a mess, and Drummer Boy Ex isn't even the Mess!!

Do you get this? Do you understand this at all? I sure as hell don't......I'd Love your two sense!!

Monday, March 15, 2010

How to be in a million places at once...

How to be in a million places at once...well the answer is to keep on going. Don't blink, don't pause, don't hesitate, just do. Easier said then done when the world is basically fighting you the whole night through.

My last post was entitled "The Four Horsemen of the Apolcaplyse came and they didn't bring flowers" and that is the only way I could describe the aftermath of Saturday. Seriously, when I was driving home on Sunday morning there was debris everywhere in the road, road blocks, the fire-house sirens going off every other hour, cops everywhere, darkened houses, tow trucks, people rushing to the super markets; it looked like a twister had gone through the Rockland County. This sounds weird saying it but I guess I have inspiration now for my zombie novel. Forget about the snow, endless rain is worse. It's going to be pretty easy to write about world after a zombie raid because I've seen an aftermath in the twilight of morning...

Somehow til the morning I didn't grasp how serious the weather problem actually was. I was everywhere on Saturday. You know the movies where is actually only a day but a MILLION things happen, where your left with your head spinning half way around? Well those movies would be the PG version of my weekend.

The lunch with Drummer Boy will be another post because he has completely confused the hell out of me to the point where I'm just dumbfounded. But other than that, I went to see a concert of a friend drenched cuz I ran arcound Nyack, NY in all the rain and saw the fire-trucks wizz by me with a fury. Then went home to dry off...then went to see another concert at another bar but it was cancelled. Saw the Mess at a party, who just happened to be at that SAME bar ironically....yeah that's another post. (I don't know how worlds collide so badly sometimes).

Then I went to help bail out the lead singer's basement of the first concert I saw. It was a disaster. There was soo much water everywhere and it kept coming in. Then he kicked us all out and I wound up spending time with the drummer of the band, a friend that I never really got enough quality alone time with. Oh did I mention he's another drummer?? I DON'T know how I keep meeting drummers???

BUT somehow in the madness I wound up with a very cute & long kiss goodnight from him. He put his hand on the side of my face and turned my face to his. I felt like the world just fell away. None of the drama of the day had happened, none of the upset mattered, (Not even the lingering hands of the Mess on my hip, don't worry I'll write about that), the sirens outside were silent to my ears, and all I thought about was this new guy's cologne and sweet kiss. I opened my eyes and he smiled at me. It was a moment to come up for air from the insanity.

Roll credits...lol. I have some interesting posts that I need to write this week because I don't understand any of it. Maybe you guys can help me sort out the non-sense. The pictures are mostly from the movie, "Garden State". Love that movie. It's still raining...I'm so incredibly tired...I'll be back tomorrow. I can't get that goodnight kiss out of my mind...*Dreaming*

The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse came & they didn't bring flowers...Part I

Hey everybody, I didn't forget about posting last night, I just couldn't. My computer decided to be a tool and boycot working. New York and Northern New Jersey got hit with like a 3 day storm that is still going on now, so my electricity has been going in and out for the past 3 days. I'm shocked my job has power cuz the two boys I work with don't have power at their homes. Talk about taking the 21st century for granted, huh?

This weekend was a clusterfuck, only way to describe it. It looks like 2012 happened everywhere. Roads closed, trees down, sadly two men lost their lives walking on Saturday, tree limbs falling on cars, and just madness. I'll be back at my usual scheduled time later. It's still raining now. If a Biodome ever opens, I'll be one of the first ones joining Stephen baldwin & Paulie Shore. Yikes.

If any of you live around lower New York state & Northern New Jersey be careful still for the next 24 hours.

Friday, March 12, 2010

I want a dream lover so I don't have to dream alone...


Well it's been one hell of a week. It went turtle slow. I have had a lot of work to do at my job so that's a good thing. I've been trying to make myself irreplaceable at my job so God forbid they do an employee cut, I won't be part of it. However staring at a computer screen for basically every hour I'm awake is a bit much. My new best friend is "Clear Eyes". lol. I guess it comes with the trade...

Mostly I've been just dreaming. Dreaming of so much. Picturing my future apartment when I move out my parents house, decorating it the way I want, and having people come over to my actual place. Dreaming of the next person I will meet, what gates will they open for me. Contemplating the plot of my story's characters. Wishing that the pillow laying next to me was somebody whom I can't help but miss. The songs I hear over the radio during the day make its way into my head too.

The day turns into night and I'm left with my mind racing. My head is like the remote control that is stuck between the sofa cushions, hurriedly flipping through the stations...jumping from one thought to another.

I dream of going into a store and then a fitting room and the clothes actually fitting properly. It seems I have a problem that the juniors clothes look too tacky and the Women's clothes too older looking. It's a problem for me. Or it just doesn't fall right on me and it shows every lump and bump. I dream of when I won't have the lump and bump and I will fit into that bathing suit without a shirt over it...

So many dreams. I conjure up dreams of closure or possible outcomes of new situations. It makes my job go by very fast and sweetly. But alas I will wake up, however those dreams will be my fuel. A never-ending fuel for me.

Tomorrow I'm actually having lunch with Drummer Boy. Yes, I am over my Drummer Boy ex, completely & utterly, but I think he's lonely. I'm lonely too so I will be his friend, nothing more. He's searching for himself and I am too, so it's sort of created a common bond between us. Not a strong enough bond that I would want to date him, but enough of one where I would chill with him and maybe we can help each other out along the way. I will pay for my own stuff and vise versa. There is no harm in a lunch. He better not call before noon tho, or I'm not going. lol.

I leave you to dream some more...maybe I'll find a dream lover to keep my company this weekend when I go out tomorrow night...who knows....

Wednesday, March 10, 2010

The irony has me at a loss for words.....

So a crazy thing happened today...Somehow things got ironed out, whether or not I've actually made up my mind what I was going to do. I don't know what I was going to do to be honest. I wanted to say "Fuck no I would never set foot in that concert hall with you and your girlfriend" but I was tempted to go with someone else to show him he had no power over me and I was in fact over him...What I'm talking about is that concert that was looming over my head like one of the plagues. I was supposed to go with the Mess, my Brown-eyed Mr. Big who has been driving my subconscious insane for the past few months, but I would have had to go with him and his new girlfriend & new life basically. Well...it's not happening.

I got the text some point early this afternoon from him that the concert was sold out. I didn't buy my ticket, so that's it. The concert was in May so I'm dumbfounded that it was sold out, but it is a small venue so I guess that's why?? Maybe it's a sign...that I wasn't supposed to go and not have the torture of seeing the first guy I truly loved with his ignorant girlfriend. I call her ignorant only because she knows nothing. She seems nice but she has no fucking clue. She doesn't know that he has cheated on her, that he didn't want to date her(Probably a lie), she doesn't know that I was there for him and put back together the man she sees before her, that his obsession with this band is because I took him to see them the first time, and she doesn't know that even now he described her as "Sadly that's her". Well I won't have to hide my tears this time.

I can't believe the concert is sold out. Sold out!! Excuse me while I let out a breath of fresh air. I have put up so many walls to try to let this guy stay in my life because he...well I thought he would be my other half, the Clyde to my Bonnie, but I was wrong. He's not in my life anymore and I'm happy that I don't have to put on a mask for that night so he can do a guest appearance to see some band that I actually haven't been able to listen to because it hurts. How could I ever trust him anyway if he ever wanted me back??? Who knows...

The rope is drawn and I'm on the outside now once again...I was so happy in October at the first concert...I have the picture of him and I and we are both smiling...shortly after that he left me and our friendship for the other girl. Well back I go to resisting the urge to text him(I got no real reason to now), shelf my hurt feelings and live for the future.

Tuesday, March 9, 2010

I have a secret to tell you....

"Leave with me." - 2046

Once upon a time there is a movie that just touches your soul. It grips you from beginning to end and leaves you dumbfounded because it was just so good. You sit there longing to be one of the characters that is captured by the plot and then you cry because you recognize yourself in the others. The movie 2046 is this movie. At least for me that is. It's my ultimate favorite.

It's a love story yet not. It's actually a sequel and I just have to get my hands on the first one. Well there is a man, who happens to be a writer, and this is his story in writing his novel entitled, "2046". 2046 is a actually a place, where you can go to relive old memories. No one ever leaves this place. WHo would if it's all your dreams from the past. But...this man has left his past and will deal with the life he has chosen.

The movie is a story within a story. There is a futuristic part where the man in the above picture falls in love with an android on a train leaving 2046 that just happens to look like the woman he loved in the past. Yes there are androids in this movie and beautiful opera music to comfort every scene. This man tries to find out if the android loves him because if he knows she does then maybe he would find out if the real woman she looks like really loved him too.

Back in reality, the writer is going through the motions just looking for someone to love and spend his time with. All the women that cross his path wind up his stories...as androids or beautiful cabin women on the train leaving the past....He meets the above girl and all hell breaks loose. She asks for the wrong kind of love...and the writer is left with his thoughts running over and over in his head....

I love this movie...It is a Korean film so there is subtitles but its a masterpiece. If your looking for something to rent or just happened to see it on a shelf somewhere buy it. You won't be disappointed. I leave you with the trailer and some of my favorite quotes so you can better get a feel of the movie...Goodnight.

Chow Mo Wan: "Whenever someone asked why I left 2046, I always gave them some vague answer. It was easier."

Chow Mo Wan: "I once fell in love with someone. I couldn't stop wondering if she loved me back. I found an android which looked just like her. I hoped she would give me the answer."

Mr. Wang: "Our cabin attendants are superbly designed... But there's only one problem : when they've served on so many long journeys, fatigue begins to set it. For example, they might want to laugh, but the smile would be slow to come. They might want to cry, but the tear wouldn't well up till the next day..."

Chow Mo Wan: "Maybe the reason she didn't answer was not that her reactions were delayed but simply that she didn't love me."

Tak: "I want to know how you feel. I'm scared to hear your answer but, I need to know. Do you like me? Or not. Leave with me."

Chow Mo Wan: "Take care. Maybe one day you'll escape your past. If you do, look for me."

Chow Mo Wan: "He didn't turn back. It's as if he boarded a very long train headed for a drowsy future through the unfathomable night."

Quotes via Imdb.

Monday, March 8, 2010

Like putting a band-aid on a wound too deep...

A friend told me that I seem to be putting a band-aid on a crack in a dam, hoping it'll hold back all the gallons of water. I feel that way too with alot of things. I feel buried like that poor lil kitty. Today was one of those days where I was most definitely buried in the sand at my job and I'm stuck because I don't have another job to go to yet. I wish I had kept on driving...

It was an okay day & I brought in those cupcakes I made yesterday to work. I had this "Let's calm the beast boys by making them treats" idea(I work with 5 men & am the only girl), but alas the sweets made their brains go soft and almost made me go postal on them all. My boss was updating things on a site I work for and basically DELETED half the work I've ever done on it. I was beyond aggravated!!! He also did a lil boy thing even tho he's in his 40's and said,

"Oh I'm sorry. I'll try to be more careful next time".

MORE CAREFUL!?!?!??! Are you 5 years old who only just knocked over a glass of milk????!!! I told him I was going to lunch early and walked out. I almost lost it. If this was an anime I'd have an angry bubble over my head and be all red and snorting like a bull. I hate re-doing work, especially work where I have to go to websites and cut & paste product descriptions over and over again.

If the economy wasn't so bad, I would have kept driving. If I didn't want my own apartment so badly I wouldn't have batted an eye. The cupcake band-aid didn't work. They ate the cupcakes when I came back and tried to make all nice with me. Yeahhh that's not happening for a while. I even got to the gym today and walked 2 miles to calm down.

Back to the drawing board. I seem to be spending my days being happy for a lil while and then being just slammed back down to the sand in a flash, where I gotta start all over again. Drats.

So I got a question for you!

What motivates you? I mean what really motivates you to get things started. Life is not a high school track race where a gun goes off to start your race...so what makes you push off from the ground and start running towards your dreams! I'm not that much of a lazy person but I need a lil push, a lil motivation today if you don't mind. I'd appreciate the help!! =)

I'm going to try and get some shut eye to calm down from this and work on my resume some more. A band-aid isn't going hold over for long...you gotta make a difference yourself. I'm going to go watch the movie "2046" before I go to bed. It's my favorite movie. I think I'm going to post about it tomorrow. Til then...

Sunday, March 7, 2010

"I took a walk around the world to ease my troubled mind..."

..."I left my body lying somewhere in the sands of time".....

A funny thing happened during the fast-paced wild world that became this weekend. I was driving home around 3am, pissed off & mentally a lil hurt, and then I saw something peeking above the rows of trees. I saw a quick glimpse of the Empire State Building. Now I live about 30 minutes outside of Manhattan on the other side of the George Washington Bridge & in some points of my county if your just high up enough you can see the city for a brief moment. I don't know why but it made me stop and say "Oh, Woa, look at that".

It kinda took me out of my funk for a moment and made me see that there is something just beyond the horizon. There is a future out there...there is a light at the end of tunnel. Right now I'm trapped in this rut but there is other options, there is more, there is going to be a bright star to light up my life. For some odd reason my future is doing the cat & mouse thing where I'm chasing it and not catching it. It's like the lil cat on my sidebar trying to catch the butterfly. Its always out of reach...but its there and I'm going to find a way to get it. Definitely going to find a way I think I just need a lil bit of luck. If I find a four leaf clover that would be awesome!

Besides this I basically ran around like a mad woman trying to jam as much as I could into this weekend. *Deep Breath* Went ice skating, saw Shutter Island, went to a quilt show, went to visit my best friend Danielle, drank at the brewery where I wrote some of my zombie story, got to try a 10 year old cigar, watched Crank at a friend's house, slept a lil, ran errands, saw my mom's friends chickens, went shopping, and then made cupcakes. *Let out breath* My weekends seem years long sometimes...years and years.

Well I did take some pictures so I have proof of my craziness. hehe. Yes apparently you can keep chickens as pets. I did not know that. I wish I could have stole one of the baby chicks cuz they were too cute!! So I'm going to watch the end of the last of the Academy Awards & bid you all good night and hope each of one you find a lil bit of luck!!

Title & first line is from the song "Kryptonite" by Three doors Down. Goodnight everyone!! =)

Friday, March 5, 2010

And the winner is....

The winner of the glasses Giveaway is.......

#48: Cee from the blog Curiosity!!!!

Thank you everyone who entered the giveaway!! I plan on doing alot more of them because everyone seemed to enjoy it so much!! Cee, dear if you could check your email address as soon as possible I'd really appreciate it!! =)

I'll be back tomorrow with a regular post! Have a good night everyone!! =)

Thursday, March 4, 2010

Why is all the Tea Gone??

So I've decided to join the bandwagon but with a lil random twist!! Alice in Wonderland is one of my all-time favorite stories & Disney Movies. I have my hopes up for this new one, so I really hope Tim Burton nails it. I loved Helena Bonham Carter in "Fight Club" & of course Johnny Depp in everything & Crispin Glover in "Back to the Future" so I tip my tea cup to them! What I'm wearing is actually my Alice in Wonderland costume my mother made me a few years ago. hehe. Yea I'm a bit obsessed.

The reason for this post is to bring up a few "Other" Alice adaptions that you all may not know or remember!!

For example Tom Petty's music video for "Don't come around here no more" is Alice in Wonderland themed. If you get a chance Watch it.

I'd never thought I'd see Tom Petty as the Mad Hatter. I think he did a pretty badass job!!

Secondly, do any of you remember the TV show that used to be on Disney called "Adventures in Wonderland"? Remember the white rabbit was on roller skates?? Twiddle Dee & Twiddle Dum had parachute pants?? I used to be addicted to it! Here's the intro! Maybe you'll remember?

Then of course there is Jefferson Airplane's song called "White Rabbit". It's one of my favorite songs!! Here are the lyrics and the video.

One pill makes you larger
And one pill makes you small
And the ones that mother gives you
Don't do anything at all
Go ask Alice
When she's ten feet tall

And if you go chasing rabbits
And you know you're going to fall
Tell 'em a hookah smoking caterpillar
Has given you the call
Call Alice
When she was just small

When men on the chessboard
Get up and tell you where to go
And you've just had some kind of mushroom
And your mind is moving slow
Go ask Alice
I think she'll know

When logic and proportion
Have fallen sloppy dead
And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's "off with her head!"
Remember what the dormouse said;
"FEED YOUR HEAD!" - Jefferson Airplane

Ohhhh I can't wait to see this new movie too!! Anyone remember any of this above stuff or have I lost my head? Maybe I drank out of too many bottles that said, "Drink me" on it? Oops! hehe. Til Tomorrow...

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Well now...Hello Everyone!!!


Well Hello everybody! I never thought that giveaway would bring soo many new people & make everybody happy! I think we all could use a lil bit more happiness & more smiles in our days. Things just seem to be up one minute, then catapult down, & then of course hang in the middle just to drive you extra nuts. I'm not to the point of boiling rabbits but it's been a hard few days. I'm shocked I don't have a few white hairs popping up. But anywho, in this post I thought I'd re-introduce myself for those of you who are new & for those who haven't been here for that long. The one downfall of blogging that it seems to be sometimes like catching an episode of House right after the credits so you miss what the punch line is of the episode. Your then left always guessing what happened in that first scene. Let me turn on the light for ya & roll my opening credits. =)

So who am I? That is exactly what I'm trying to figure out in this blog. One thing I do know is this quest of identity is nothing but random!! I've found out that I was in a mess of a relationship where the only option to save some form of my sanity was to leave, I know that "One Size does NOT fit all" (no where close to it), I realized it's actually possible to get over an ex who truly burnt you to the ground, and if you try a whole bunch of random new things you will actually find something you like to do & it will make you smile! Life throws you these tangents that will make your head spin & you will literally be upside down for most of the ride. What's funny is that you pay for that at 6 Flags Great Adventure, life gives you it for free.

I'm currently writing a zombie novel in a Writer's Group that I will talk about from time to time, I go to Cooking demos at Williams Sonoma to try to learn how to cook, I'm a recent graduate with a bachelor's in Mathematics so I do posts of Saving Money Ideas at the end of each month, I'm trying to see if I like doll-making, and Oh yeah I can catch over 20 pennies off my right elbow. People tell me I look like the late Britany Murphy (R.I.P) so I've been called "Tye" most of my life. I like it. hehe.

I have a past & I will sure as hell have a future...so I'm basically working on that middle.

I used to describe myself as Rapunzel waiting in the tower for her Prince to come back. Well now, I'm waiting for a new prince to find my glass slipper. I've found many frogs lately that I just have to throw back because its not worth the aggravation. I also try to take as many opportunities as I can...

I'm a lil lost at the crossroad but isn't that every 20 something at some point or another? You try new things to see what fits. Well here's my story with all its randomness...I hope you enjoy your time here and once again...HELLO!!

Monday, March 1, 2010

It's March so its a lovely time for a Giveaway!!

One of my all-time favorite things to do is to sit & have a glass of wine. Now you can too if you win this giveaway sponsored by CSN stores. They have everything from bar stools to totes to glasses to everything!! They are an online retailer based in Boston that started out in 2002 as two employees and one online shop. They have now become one of the top 3 online US reatilers of home and office goods with over 400 employees and 200 online stores. They sell cookware, toys, furniture, pet supplies, the list goes on and on. And they even ship most items to Canada!

Well today I will be hosting a giveaway from them for (2) iittala Essence Set of Two 11 Oz. White Wine Glasses. Here is the link to the specifics on them: iittala Essence Set of Two 11 Oz. White Wine Glasses. Isn't it pretty?? I love wine glasses! =)


1. For 1 Entry: Visit CSN stores & leave a comment below stating you want to be included in the giveaway with a valid email address!

2. For 2nd Entry: Become of follower of my blog & leave another comment! Or if you are already are a follower tell me in another comment & you get an extra entry.

3. For a 3rd Entry: Leave another comment what you would toast to with your new wine glasses!

4. For 4rd & 5th Entry: Post about this giveaway on your blog or sidebar!! Leave yet another comment with the link!

I'm sorry to say this giveaway is only open to
U.S. & Canada.
I'll do another one soon for everyone.

This giveaway will end on Friday, March 5th. Good luck everyone!! Have fun with this! =)


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