Friday, January 20, 2012

Alas...A New Blog.....

 Hi Everyone....Finally I'm back & I have a New Home...

I love you Melanie's Randomness and all the joy & awesomeness you have brought to me. I may be back from time to time to write here but times have changed for the better.

It is still new & fresh and I will be building it up over time. 

With that said, 
Please come follow me to my new adventure...

Have a wonderful weekend everyone. 

Hope to See you all Soon!

Monday, November 28, 2011

The "One"...Not a Movie Reference....

The one ring to rule them all, the one starring Jet Lee, the number one who wins at everything, the one who stays to the last call, the one....

There are many ones...but I honestly and truly think I've found the "One". Cj and I have been dating now a year & a half and the words slowly but surely slipped out of my mouth to my friend Debra the other day.

"He's the One". 

I said it out loud a few more times just because I loved how it sounded. I have never felt so happy lately and so in love with my boyfriend. The mini silences are no longer awkward, the simple caress of his hand on my cheek for absolutely no reason at all except to make me smile, the hours of dancing, yes dancing we will do when we go out where the world disappears for me, the "I love you" he says that ends every phone call, the desire to go out in the dead of night on Black Friday and be successful in getting him the exact Christmas present he wanted, the...everything. I truly am happy and ever so lucky.

Maybe it's because we are so much alike, or maybe because we are so different. It just clicks. I've never been more happy that he came back to that bar the second week to see if I happen to be still sitting on that bar stool. 

We are planning to move in together after the holidays and planning a vacation for the spring... I can't wait because there is no other guy I've been with that has made me feel so wonderful. I'm at my place and he's at his right now...I miss him tonight but I know tomorrow when I fall asleep next to him he'll hold me a lil bit tighter because he missed me too. Can't wait...

CJ & me <3

Thursday, November 3, 2011

"Don't you know that your Toxic..."

However, I'm not quoting the same context of that oldie but goodie Britney Spears song.

I have a very toxic person in my life and it's honestly affecting the rest of my daily life and it can't go on like this.  The "The Devil Wears Prada"is a hint on to who it is, but even with freedom of speech there are subjects you can't go blabbing about online without thinking of the consequences. Someone left my life that I really trusted to show me the way...I've mentioned it sparingly here but as I've said, the result is affecting me all over the place.

I feel anxious and have come to the point where I fear asking a question. I've been warned of the sarcasm and a warp sense of humor but it is now ridiculous. I'm crying almost every day and there is a dull pain in my chest where anxiety is calling it home. I hope people don't ask me "How was your day" because I will start to rant about it and no one wants to hear it.  It's fine some days, I'm treated like an adult with half a brain, but other days it's feels so demeaning. I don't believe the demeaning comments, but it's wearing me down. If I hear "I'm sorry" from one more of my friends because they don't know what else to say I think I'm going to snap.

I wish I could just dress more fashionable and play the game but it's going to work off the giant movie screen. I've tried to listen and learn but under the pressure of it all it's really difficult. The fake smile and the child-like answers and questions are big chunks of ice and I don't have an ice pick to break through it.

BUT I'm not giving up. I've tried taking it from this person because of her position above me but I have to fight back. It may cost me more than I can afford to lose right now but something has to change. I have to stick up for myself. Cj is right. I have to bring order to the chaos...Yeah....

Order to Chaos...

I miss my smile. Everyone does...It needs to come back. It will...Starting tomorrow I have to remember this crying, anxious girl is not me. I'm better than this, and I can do my job better than the girl before me did it. I will show them they hired the right person and just because I'm asking a question doesn't mean I should be treated like this and/or that I wasn't taught something doesn't mean I'm dumb when I struggle.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'm counting on it...

Til Tomorrow...

Monday, October 31, 2011

Snowtober & Halloween....

FINALLY I HAVE POWER BACK!!! It is the hardest thing ever to get dressed up for Halloween in the dark. Yes, NY got hit with that freak snow storm too and there is at least 6 inches of snow still on the ground...Unbelievable. There are trees down, power lines down, street lights weren't working and there was no hot water for 2 days.

Luckily my power must have come back during the night. It was like walking around a real horror movie the last 2 days. Pretty cool but man it sucked putting on make-up!! lol.

I have to hop into my nice hot shower and head to work.  I will be back later to share more of the ridiculousness that was the past few days....


Friday, October 28, 2011

A Halloween Costume Hint.....

I'm almost done designing my costume....Here's a hint: Red Corsette, red hair dye, purple shoes, purple gloves, and bunny ears.....Pictures to come soon....

Tuesday, October 25, 2011

Not Saying the "D" Word but Actually Seeing Results!

A busy day here and a busy day there. The clock will fly by and 5pm will come...but where did 12 go? The yogurt will help and the apple a day still will keep the doctor away. BUT as I keep forgetting to eat lunch these crazy days a weird occurrence will happen. Dinner will come and I will be so famished that it's almost a mania when I get home. I want this and that and maybe a lil bit of this and a tench of that. Ugh.  It's a vicious cycle that goes round and round.

However I caught on to it. As work got crazier, and as my hour lunch got depleted, I decided to start bringing lunch into work. Honestly it has been the most effective thing in my diet. I guess it's the control I now have. Yes, I control my car driving me to Panera and my willpower is my own to order the panini that I crave so much all the time, but the extra calories are just too much right now. Instead home-made pizza works, a sandwich I made with a normal amount of cold cuts, and oooo the right snacks. I think it's all paying off.

Technically I have not lost any weight but gained muscle and have certainly lost inches. My shirts are loose, the questions of "Hey are losing weight?" are starting, it's almost a normal habit for me to drink lots of water and tea, and I can definitely tell I have a lil spring back to my step. That sounds corny but it's true. I love going to stores and having clothes fit right, not worrying that the shirt is too tight or that the jeans are making a muffin top. I'll stick to my cupcakes. hehe. I actually allow myself to have 1 cupcake a week from my class. There is no use in depriving myself, because if I indulge a lil bit I won't want more than 1.

Seriously this is all sounding like Buffet Calculus. Some girl on Drop Dead Diva said that term and it is so true. If I eat this I can't eat that, or vise versa. It can drive a person crazy. lol. However little steps...they work...

Are you on a diet? Any tricks up your sleeve? 

Monday, October 24, 2011

The Roulette Landed on Rut...Yup That's the Word...

Thank you everyone with the well wishes and the welcome backs! I missed writing ever so much. I've mentioned my sanity and my job and now I'll let you in on Cj and me. I love him so much and it's my favorite part of the day when he calls me in the morning or kisses me goodbye in the morning and says,  "I love you too, baby." However I think we're in a bit of a I hope we are slowly growing out of. I'll explain.

Recently certain events have brought us closer and farther apart. Closer because one of his cousins is now dating one of CJ's best friends we have a couple who calls us all the time to do things. Closer, (okay this may sound cheesy) because we have tons of new TV shows we wait to watch so we can see them together.  Now the really didn't dawn on us that if he started car-pooling with someone who lives in his building he wouldn't be able to stay over my house during the week. Farther in that our lives are so busy we barely have times to ourselves to have our lil relationship because people are always dragging us here or there. Farther in that it had been a while for *Cough*. Pure and utter tiredness didn't help that. But it all seems like all we have been doing is watching TV together...that I think signals the word, "RUT".

New lingerie from Victoria Secret helped quite a bit lol but this rut seems to be going on for a while. Ocktoberfest and Halloween coming up is going to help and oh yeah the holidays coming up too are things to look forward to as well. However Is it really a rut tho I've asked myself? Are him and I just in a patch of time where we are just living? Just doing our daily routines and are lil moments are what we have? Marching time maybe between next steps? Waiting for one of us to make that move? I dunno...

I love him too much not to try to change things...Now where to start??

Have you experienced a rut in your relationship? What did you do to push out of it? 

Sunday, October 23, 2011

Where to begin....

Where to begin...Sometimes life gets so unbelievable hard and you will feel like you have an anchor shackled to your ankle dragging you down. That feeling has had me sort of prisoner for the past few weeks. The smiles were short in coming and the "me" time I used to use to read and write blogs stopped. My "me" time stopped. I am slowly getting it back. I think that's one of the overlooked beauties of life. The art of starting again. You may not be able to rewind the tape fully but you can hit the delete button and move on to a better path. Yup, it's possible to return to happiness.

Also, the girl that was training me at my job left early and I've learned just how much she did not teach me. It has a part of me bitter towards her if I ever happen to see her again. It's been a complete struggle at my job because I wasn't there in 2009 or 2010 when things changed, AND if someone who was there didn't keep emails as good as everyone thought she did, I'm literally in the dark with not even a half of a match. She used to say "You have to play around with it." I didn't realize until now what that "playing around" truly met. BUT things are getting better...however it's taking time to catch up. It's a challenge and hoping the better sticks for real.

Time changes people...that is the ever so true. But in my time away I remembered my blog is part of me and I had to pick it up again. I have to remember to do things I want and find my "me" time again. Find me again. I'm back and I need this blog I think to keep my sanity going. It was running a lil be honest. New day attitude. =)

See you all tomorrow....

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Pardon me...

Pardon the sudden step out of blogger. Upon watching the movie, "Stranger than Fiction" with CJ the other day I got hit with a unicorn of motivation. My hands couldn't keep off the computer keys and a tale unfolded in my mind. No it's not for my zombie novel, but a new piece. The zombies running around in my head will not be forgotten just put aside for a lil while.

I love new projects...The possibilities are endless. You'll be sitting writing for an hour than suddenly two hours and the page count magically racks up. It's intoxicating and I want to be drunk with it. I'll definitely tell more details soon....

I'll be back tomorrow....

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Changing Who You Are or Just Growing Up? You Decide...

Upon entering and being in a relationship it is a natural thing to embrace the change it brings. The "I" becomes a “We”, you’ll watch the same shows, eat sometimes similarly, hang out with each other’s friends, and adapt to one another. I’m talking like matching hats changing (*I still can’t get over that ridiculous night*) because that is just creepy, but the subtle changes over time that affect both of you in the relationship. I know I’ve changed a lil bit in my relationship with CJ but I feel he thinks they are MAJOR changes while I don’t think so at all…I’ll explain…

He only drinks Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. I really could care less which one I drink but I do love French Vanilla. Solution: I keep Coffee Mate French Vanilla in my fridge. Cj likes to wind down at night by reading or playing a game before bedtime. I usually just go to sleep but sometimes I’ll watch TV right before. Solution: I’ll stay up extra with him because I really do love going to sleep with him because we cuddle before (I know, hold the aww’s lol). Sometimes tho I say fuck it and head right to sleep without him. If I haven’t seen him in a few days and then I know he’s busy the following day and If I have plans I’ll push them to the next day so I can see him…

Writing all that out it may seem to you that I have changed to cater him but those minimal things I don’t see as big changes at all. I think I’m just being a good girlfriend to be honest. I’ve been trying to make him more comfortable in my condo by buying food I know he likes. So what I changed coffee creamers? CJ thinks that I have changed for him and he doesn’t feel like that’s fair to me but with those small things as the changes I don’t see the big deal. Maybe he feels guilty because he hasn’t changed as much for me so he’s trying to make himself feel better by getting me to stop instead? I’m not sure, but I don’t think he realizes that when I tell him he is the first relationship where I’ve truly been myself I actually do mean that with all my heart.

When someone changes their hair if their bf or gf says they want it that way, loses weight because they call they’ve been called heavy, change their clothes to what the bf or gf likes, only listens to their significant others music, gives up hobbies to like only what they like, etc…THAT to me is changing. Not me. 

Perhaps he’s seeing me grow up more than when I first met him so he’s mistaking that as me changing for him? I’m four years younger than him and still have lots to learn especially becoming a homeowner. Of course I’m going to change. I'm not picking him over other friends, I'm not changing my shoes because he doesn't like them, I don't feel like I've changed the real me…hmmm…now how to tell him this? 

Today’s Question:
Have you changed since you’ve been in a relationship or did you just grow up within the relationship? 

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Goodbye Social Life, Hello Fall TV Line-up!

I’ve always been victim to the hype of the Fall TV line-up but I usually stick to the old favorites. I blame Channel 11 WB for the habit because it started when I was in high school. Roswell, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, Angel, Charmed, 7th Heaven, Dawson’s Creek…I was stuck in front of the TV because the shows were too good!!! Yeah for changing of writers and loss of plot or I never would have wandered into the real world. Hehe. Just kidding.

Now this year it seems EVERY channel has a cool show that I really need to consider getting DVR because there will be no way to keep up! Here's what I just can't wait for!

1. The Ringer - Yes, Buffy's back in her old time slot! Here's the synoposis: "A young woman on the run from the mob poses as her wealthy twin sister to try and evade them, but soon discovers that her sister has a price on her head as well." via IMDB. I'm looking forward to this show so badly. Sarah Michelle Gellar is so talented and people have very high expectations of this new thriller. Can't wait!!

2. Pan Am - I will give this show at least two weeks because A) Christina Ricci and B) The costumes are going to be really cool! "Period drama about the pilots and flight attendants who once made Pan Am the most glamorous way to fly." via PAN AM IMDB If I was my age in the 60's I would definitely have wanted to be a stewardess.

3. Two Broke Girls - Advertised as the Modern "Laverne & Shirley." Rich girl loses money and has to move in with broke friend and they are both waitresses. It does star Kat Dennings and she is awesome so I'll give it a few episodes.

4. The New Girl - I actually got to watch the pilot of this episode because it was on my FREE On Demand and I have to say it's really funny! You have to have an appreciation for the movie, Dirty Dancing, tho. I think it's trying to be another show like "Happy Endings". Target audience both guys and girls in their mid-20's but it will be a girl show if it lasts. It looked promising!!

5. Once upon a Time - "Centers on a woman with a troubled past who is drawn into a small town in Maine where the magic and mystery of Fairy Tales just may be real." via IMDB I'm a sucker for fairy tales, plain and simple. I'll definitely watch the first few episodes. Ginnifer Goodwin I believe is supposed to be like Snow White and there is a modern evil queen. It looks too interesting to pass up!  

{Okay I'm going to have to stop it at 5 or maybe 6...}

6. American Horror Story - Honestly I don't know much about this show but it's going to be on FX and it's supposed to be creepy. I'll watch anything with Dylan McDermott for a lil while, at least.

So there you have it. Those will be the reasons I will give my friends when I disappear for a while. hehe.

What will You be Watching this Fall?

Monday, September 12, 2011

"We" is Now and "I" and I Have to Step Up to the Plate!

When I was hired at my new job in April I was still under the crutch of the last girl that was the marketing analyst. She was supposed to leave a year and change later. I've worked hard and she has tried to teach me how to do this position as smoothly and effiecently as possible. But now she has decided to change career paths a lil bit early and I will now be in that first chair spot ready to pounce at the next issue. Needless to say I have first day jitters all over again...BIG TIME.

I know I will go in there tomorrow morning bright and early, battle the Garden State Parkway traffic, and break a leg figuratively but I'm nervous. I know I will get the job done but the girl that left on Friday did the job so good. I need to do that job as good and better to make my lil footprint in this company. I have to step up to the plate and roll with the big boys. It is true that you have to kiss a lot of frogs to find your prince, and it is equally as true that you have to have many mediocre jobs to prepare you for that big break. I've never been more thankfully to have worked at my last job for so many years. Without it, I don't think I would have the courage to go in their tomorrow with my head held high. Also my family and CJ...they are totally in my corner and I need them now more than ever! Yeahh...I can do this!!

I'm watching the movie, "Morning Glory" for a lil boost in motivation. It's a cute lil movie where a girl doesn't give up on her dream. She goes against adversity and saves the day! I need and will do that! Big breath, lots of water, and a smile on my face. Okay...tomorrow is going to rock!!

Wish me luck!! 

Sunday, September 11, 2011

We will never forget....

{This is the same post as last year because there is nothing else to write...this says it all}

We will never forget. This is a photo I took of one of the beams at the Franklin Ave Elementary School. In Pearl River, NY every school has a beam. My high school has 2 beams. The next town over has 1 beam in a courtyard in the center of town.

I remember on September 11th being in gym class around 8:40am. I'll never forget one of the other students saying to me that plane looks a lil low...and we heard the noise of a plane overhead. It might have been one of the planes. I looked up and it was eerie, reallly eerie. I finished the soccer game, ran to change back into my clothes, and then ran to Mr. Licht's class. I mean ran, because I was late. I ran up the 3 stories of stairs from the gym to the Math Wing all out of breath and when I entered the classrom everyone was sitting and Mr. Licht saw me and said Oh good now everyone is here. I sat down out of breath & Mr. Licht said, "Just to let all of you know there was a terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers a few minutes ago." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. We finished class for 42 minutes and then I went to Latin. There I found out that the buildings collapsed. Mrs. Probst was on the phone with her husband and she said it out loud for us all to here. My high school is about 20 minutes from the George Washington bridge just outside Manhatten, so we were in a lock down. My memory is fuzzy of the exact moments but I remember falling out of my chair at some point or I missed the chair of those horrific desks that have the chair glued to it. No one noticed. When I left Latin I thought the world had gone nuts. I heard that the Sears tower had been hit that there were planes at the Pentagon and soo much other stuff. A friend's father worked in the building but for some reason he didn't go to work that day.

Next thing I know I was walking to the main office to call my mom but my mom was already there. It was like she just appeared out of no where. I didn't have a cell phone back then so it literally was her appearing from behind the line of buses. I remember running to her because she got let out of her job and they told her to get your kids and go sit in your basement. We went home and watched it on the TV for days. I don't think I'll ever see people walk out of Manhatten so calmly again in my entire life. I think I watched Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon because it was the only TV channel that was still broadcasting other things.

What boggles my mind is the people that for some reason didn't go to work that day. My friend's dad didn't go in. Some people were stuck in traffic. Some people were sick that day. Others just didn't go to work. I luckily didn't have any family that was killed or injured but I know of soldiers that from my high school and friends that have served to fight against terrorism. It's just...Our whole world changed that day.

I've been to Ground Zero and it's just...there are no words to describe. On the road I used to go my college on you used to be able to see the towers of light they did in memoriam. I remember when i was a cheerleader and we had away games in Westchester county you could look out from the Tappan Zee Bridge and see New York City. It's the eeriest & sadest thing in the world to not see the Twin Towers because I always tried to look and see them whenever we by. I was going to go have lunch on top of them for my 16th birthday but I got sick and me and my parents didn't go.

All I can think about is that scene in the movie Signs where the lil boy says, "All the history books are going to change".

I remember asking my parents where they were when Kennedy was shot years ago when I studied it. My mom was in sewing class & hmm can't remember where my dad was and When my future child one day asks me where I was when the World Trade Centers went down Ill tell them the above answer and give them a hug shortly after.

 Where were you? What will you tell your children when they ask? 

Blessings to all the families and lives that the day irrevocably changed. We will never forget. R.I.P. I hope one day the war on terrorism will end. I hope. 

Friday, September 9, 2011

It’s Not Really Lying, It’s Just Withholding Information...

I’m all for airing your dirty laundry to your significant other because you never know when it will bounce back and bite you in the ass. BUT even with that said, there are things that I have never discussed with CJ. I haven’t exactly lied to him about certain people or events but I’ve most definitely withheld information. It’s nothing horrendous or life changing that I’ve kept from him…just a few minute details that are so minimal it doesn’t matter. Some I’m embarrassed about, like an ex-fling long before I met him, or my secret love for uncooked pie crust. I really should have told him about the ex-fling because the guy reared his ugly head when CJ and I first started dating but it was so in the past I didn’t care to mention it. I don’t think any of these things I’ve kept are groundbreaking…so no harm no foul.

However I do have two friends that have kept secrets from their boyfriends and I’m a lil lost at what to tell them. One friend I think she needs to tell her boyfriend that she has a darker side to her. She will put on this act of almost a “Stepford Wife” type and won’t let the guy see the real her. Well if she winds up this guy, eventually the real her is going to break through. I don’t think it’s fair to her or the boyfriend to keep up this charade. It’s almost like the guy would be falling in love with a fake…I’ve told her to let the guy into her craziness because it might make him love her a lil more. That is something I would tell the boyfriend…

The other friend it’s a lil more sensitive of a matter. She had gastric bypass surgery for health reasons and has decided to not tell her boyfriend until later in their courtship. I’m torn whether to tell her to tell him or not. I understand why she hasn’t told him, because it is a very sensitive matter and it’s almost like you have to come to terms with things yourself before you can disclose it to someone else. I was apprehensive to tell CJ about my breast surgery to remove the fibroids but I bit the bullet and told him. With my friend however, it’s a completely other matter. I think she does need to tell him one day and eventually I believe she will but I think she needs to realize it won’t change her bf’s view of her. He loves her to no end and worships the ground she walks on, so I don’t think it will affect their relationship. But it’s her choice and one I will be supportive of it as a friend. Once again tho, it might make him love her a lil more because she was so strong during the process…

When I tell CJ about past things, he’s very “Well I’m glad it happened because it made you into the girl I feel in love with it.”  He sometimes boggles my mind how he can be such a great boyfriend. Aren’t we all just people wanting someone to love us back? I think so….

Today’s Question:
What would you do? Have you told your Significant Others your past stories?
Withheld any Information….?

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

Don’t be “THAT” Person, Okay? It Will Cost You Friends…

Twenty-somethings are notorious for their big groups of friends, having “The” bar they always hang out at, and routine outings. BUT all of this changes when a certain event happens. One of the group will meet someone to date. We’ve all done it, it’s okay to admit it…drop your friends for the first few days or weeks of the new relationship. It’s COMPLETELY understandable that those first dates are going to be one-on-one time with the new person and then slowly but surely the couple will integrate back into the groups of friends and hang out. However then you have “those” friends who drop everybody except for the new significant other and you never see them again….that really should be unacceptable friend behavior. I mean it…

Recently CJ got a few buddies of his together to start the promise of a band. They were all excited for their jamming sessions and I was a 110% supportive of this change. They had a few songs they all agreed on to work with and the reality of true possibility was staring them in the face. Alas, it was staring them in the face. The lead guitarist met a girl…

It’s very soon to say if this will be the downfall of this band dream but I’ve seen this happen countless times before. An ex-friend of mine, the second he got a girlfriend, dropped all of his friends & a film-making dream and only hung out with her friends. CJ’s best friend Sean only hangs out with the girlfriend and her friends. Another instance here and yet another instance there. It’s an epidemic. 

I’m hoping that this isn’t the case with CJ’s band. He was so happy about the band and like me the winter is not kind to our emotions. We both have seasonal effectiveness disorder and I thought this could be his light for the dark winter.  Mine will be my novel that will be done this winter. His should be his music. There is another band member that CJ hasn’t really talked to yet about the other’s “new girlfriend” so I wonder if two against one will push the other guy to do some very serious time management so they all won’t hate him. Lol.

Guys will be guys tho. I don’t know…I’m wishing CJ some luck in all of this. Lots of luck! 
*Crossing my Fingers*

Today’s Question:
Have You Had a Friend Disappear into a Relationship? Do You Think There is Anyway to Prevent it?

New Relationship Milestone for Me...A BIG ONE!


Oh Labor Day were ever so much fun! Too short tho...definitely. While one friend is now engaged, another takes a pregnancy test, a new one starts a new relationship, and well for me...Cj and I declared that we are going to move in together!! Amongst the other drama, while folding a blanket for a drunk friend who stayed on my couch, Cj and I came to terms that we will be taking that next step! Our drunk friend was like "Aww I just witnessed a relationship milestone...yay!" Yup and all I have to say is..."Woohoo!"

It isn't going to be tomorrow or next week but it will be soon other than later. Now my shower liner blogpost is really important to me. Cj tho had a big car repair bill a lil while ago so when he finishes paying for that we are going to take that plunge. Right now he's actually sitting on my couch playing a video game...I guess this a taste of the real life living together. It's awesome by my standards. I'll have to always keep French Vanilla Coffeemate in the fridge but I can more than do that! ;)

This will definitely change things for him and me. Our identities, I think, are going to be the most in jeopardy. CJ and I have become a "we" and an "us" but we can't forget who each other are deep down. We mustn't change who we truly are in this whole process. I've often felt that I've lost myself a lil in this relationship but even just acknowledging that helps me bring it all back to focus. There has to be a happy medium of understanding, compromise, and listening to each other's needs and above all else, sharing. Of course there's been other 2 only children couples that have lived together but this might be a challenge for us sometimes. However I'm up for the challenge. This is going to be an awesome test run for the rest of our lives...I'm strangely comfortable with that.

 I wonder tho if he'd bring his cat....erm...we definitely have to talk about specifics...definitely.

I wish I had his and hers sinks but that could be a goal for the future. The future...I smile a lil bit more brightly about it. Cj at some point this weekend told me he loves me a lil more each day and it erased the noisy bar around me and all I saw was him and all I felt was his kiss. I love him so very much and maybe this move is exactly what we need right now...Maybe....

Well here's today's question:

 What's something I SHOULD KNOW about him or SHOULD ASK him about before the move in? What's been your experiences?

Friday, September 2, 2011

What a Pleasant Surprise!

I knew it was coming soon but how awesome that it was today! One of my best friends just got engaged! I'm so happy for her I can't begin to tell you. They are in a horse-drawn carriage in Central Park and her bf popped the question. He even before asked her Mom for Erin's hand in marriage. I think this is so romantic and I can't wait to see the ring! Congrats Erin if your reading! =)

Now I have two weddings to go to sooner than later. I'm curious to find out who will be next...My cousin got engaged a few weeks ago and now my best friend. Maybe I'll catch the bouquet in one of the weddings ;). hehe. 

That's actually how my parents met btw. My Mom caught the bouquet at her college roomate's wedding and low and behold that was my father's cousin so he got lucky enough to catch the garter. My Mom has told me that my father gave her a kiss after putting the garter on her that went right to her toes. I've always loved their story. Their first date was to see Star Wars...too cute.

What a great way to kickoff the weekend! All my plans are up in the air so who knows what the next few days will hold. I'm going to throw on the wall and see what sticks! Do you all have any cool plans?

I gotta get finished to go meet up with Cj...catch you all soon! =)

Miss Independent...Well Are You Really Independent, My Dear?

I have had the privilege for the past few weeks to be friends with the CEO of my father’s company’s daughter from Austria, Hannah, and Wow I’ve learned some interesting things. She deserves a post of her own because the subtle differences between U.S. and Europe are so awesome that I have to tell you. (i.e. Squirrels are still squirrels but they are  different colors there!) But amongst the weeks there is one issue that keeps coming up that opened a whole new door of misconception and different understanding. Being an independent woman. 

Now I don’t mean government differences and bans of this or that, I mean how you, personally view yourself. I know we all rocked out to Kelly Clarkson’s “Miss Independent” and Destiny Child’s “Independent Women” for Charlie’s Angel’s but are you really an independent woman? Hannah came here and if you asked her about herself she would say she was very independent and loves doing her own thing. But here in America, a foreign country to her, where things are so different like having to have a car to drive everywhere she’s had to give up her independence of living on her own in Vienna with mass transit at her fingertips always. When she returns home she is no longer going to live with her boyfriend but live with her grandmother so she again is losing that independence she once had. Also her college years are finishing up so in her “independent” decisions she is now dependent on the experiences to guide her. It’s a whole new ballgame.

She turned to me last Saturday and asked, “How do you do it? You have your own car, your own apartment, and a boyfriend with a good head on his shoulders…how did you get so lucky to be independent?” I know part of it is the cultural difference and that she isn’t home asking me this, but I really didn’t realize how much of an individual I am. Even tho my parents live a few condo doors up from me, my Mom still pays for my car insurance (I really need to change that), I’m still in the same town I grew up in, I guess I am a real-life independent woman who does what she wants, goes where she wants, and sees who and what she wants.

I asked a few of my friends what makes them feel like they are their own person and one said to me, “Well, Mel, you’re not an independent woman anymore because your in a relationship”. Ironically one of the things that Cj tells me he loves about me most is that I'm independent. But I'm drawing a blank. Others I've asked are like, "I guess your one but you still live near your parents." I don't think that has ANYTHING to do with who I am as a person. They don't buy me meals, they don't pick out my clothes...pick who I date or love or what I do with my Saturday nights. So why throw it my face? I'm at a loss...

What truly is a modern Independent Woman these days? 

I'd love to hear what you think?

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

It All Comes in Three's Lately - Three New Loves for Wednesday!

Sometimes we all dream of having it all…but frankly that’s got to be boring. When you don’t have everything you’ve ever wanted I think when you finally get another piece of the puzzle it makes you a lil bit happier and your smile a lil bigger.

I’ve been putting off finding out about one my new loves for a long while now because I knew the knowledge of it will haunt me as I pledge to lose that last 10 pounds every time I frequently drive by the source, hehe. Another was pure chance, all because of an alluring “Summer Sale” window. The last was something I always said I hated but I’ll be honest…I had never even tried this type…

      1.  French Macaroons…The images of those colorful treats have been EVERYWHERE in blogger land but I would not raise my white flag in surrender to try them. Pink, green, yellow, coffee-colored, purple…it looks like a Care Bear convention gone wild! When Nicolette over at “Simple Collette” photographed her first macaroon experience I gave in to the temptation on my birthday. I got only one of each because WOW they are expensive and walked the plank. They are probably one of the most delicious two-bite creations I’ve ever tasted. O.M.G. I’m in love. My favorites were the coffee and green ones. You almost have to eat them in slow motion because too fast would be a crime.  Absolutely delicious. Now what to do with this knowledge? Go the back way to Cj’s house so I don’t pass the bakery where they make them =P. Till we meet again tasty deliciousness…

      2. Martha Stewart’s Dinner at Home Cookbook 52 Quick Meals – I’m sort of on the Martha Stewart bandwagon but barely. She’s cool and I love her products but I’m not going to praise her till the cows come home. However with a few flips of the pages of this book I had to buy it because everything looked so yummy and do-able and easy AND IT WAS ON SALE for $14.99 from $35 at Williams Sonoma so I snatched it up. I’m weird about cook books because the photos never make the food look like “ I Gotta learn to make that” and they are usually dark and dreary. Not in this book. The photography of the dishes and the ingredients and she actually uses real figs in one recipe! AH!! I’m hooked! I just bought it yesterday so I will definitely mention here if the recipes work or not or if they come out as pretty as Martha’s!  =)

      3.  Shrimp Tempura Sushi Roll – One time long ago I had an interesting experience with sushi. I’ve never been much a fan but I don’t like the taste of raw fish but then in a movie I heard was like “An orgasm in your mouth”. I had to try it myself. But it wound up being fish eggs and they all burst in your mouth when you bite down and I was horrifyingly grossed out by the taste and texture and eww. No orgasm anything here. Then one day my boyfriend Cj introduced me to a Shrimp Tempura roll which was just the right of cooked, algae, and avocado for me. It was one of those "You just haven't found the right sushi you liked until now" moments. Yummy!! I think I'm going to go grab a quick one at lunch tomorrow... =)

      Have you falling in love with anything new lately? I'd love to hear! 

Tuesday, August 30, 2011

Showerliners: A Post about Relationships & Diets....

 I wish this was my bathroom...

A lil while back the alarm went off one Wednesday morning and I scrambled to get my phone to shut it off. The blurry clock on the TV cable box read 6:59am and the phone said 7am. My mom called like she did every morning to wake her only up, a habit she’s had since I was in college. (I rely on her so much for that phone call <3) Cj’s legs started to squirm under the covers and I heard his yawn of awake. I know I heard his rooster alarm earlier but it was 7am when we both woke up. Here’s the problem: We both have to be out the door by 8am. 

Usually Cj will wake up to his chickens or rooster alarm or I will and nudge him as softly as I can to wake up. He’ll take a shower first and I’ll start the Keurig and then while he’s dressing I’ll get up and start to get ready. He’ll leave and glance at “Angel” the Tv show on the screen and shake his head because he can’t fathom how I can watch it over and over again. I’ve recently switched to watching “Boys Meets World” in the mornings. We’ll then do the stereotypical kiss goodbye and I’m thankful that it’s not 1955 where I’d be left in the house all day to putter about without a twitching witch nose like Bewitched. However this present morning, we were late…really late.
I thought we’d both have more than enough time but alas it was 7:40 and CJ was still shaving. I hadn’t even taken my makeup off yet from the day before. Cj like a considerate boyfriend was like, “Babe you should just jump in the shower while I finish.” I really don’t know why I hesitated. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before duhh we’ve dated for over a year now but I said I’ll wait. My subconscious drove my answers because all it saw was my shower curtain…WITHOUT A LINER!!! He could see all my wobbly bits as Bridget Jones so deftly puts it and I freaked out. He eventually finished and I popped in the shower quickly and started regretting my decision to not shower with him in the room. That was the moment where I realized I’m insecure with my body and vowed to try and fix that.

I know he loves me, even if I’ve gained about 10 pounds since our relationship began, but I’m apparently body conscious around him. That has to go if our relationship is going to work. So I’ve decided to make a pledge to LOSE THAT LAST 10 POUNDS not for him but FOR ME, so I feel more comfortable in my own skin and more secure. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, anyone, I need to be able to shed the clothes and step into a shower with them in the room. If Cj and I do move in together, I’m pretty sure this 7am wake-up will happen often. Perhaps I’m scared of rejection still…Perhaps I was looking for a deeper motivation then just fitting back into my clothes better…or the damage of the past to my self-esteem is rushing forward in my stress and tiredness. Not sure…but acknowledging the pledge is the first step. Stay tuned for the progress….

Have you ever had  a “No Showerliner” type incident in your relationship where you realized you were still shy around your significant other? What did you do to overcome it?

Monday, August 29, 2011

Too Many Elephants in the Room...

Hurricane Irene brought me a power outage and hours of me alone with myself. I honestly don’t know if that was truly all that healthy because all I did was think and I got so upset with everything that I spent an hour an a half crying in the dark by candlelight. It’s not as cool as they make it sound in the emo songs. Not at all.

In the past few weeks I’ve had some great moments with my boyfriend, that truly have made me happy. But then something changes or something happens and I get so pissed at him but usually I calm down. This weekend I could not calm down my anger. He said he was sorry but I couldn’t open my mouth to accept. We are starting to get a few elephants in the room that we are not talking about it and I’m starting to feel the strain. One elephant is religion. Yeah, didn’t see that one coming. We are seeing opposites on what we want our kids to be brought up as if we stay together even tho we both follow Christianity to some extent.  Another elephant is that he’s too competitive and I just want to have fun playing. It isn’t fun when someone is beating you at the game constantly to the point where you can barely play back. Then there is the Wingman shit that I hate and he knows it. It truly is his friends fault that they want him to be a wingman because he’s a safe guy to do it cuz he has me, but somehow I don’t see it that way and I feel like an idiot letting him do it. One more elephant is that his friends are all single and I think he feels like if I come around it’ll cramp his style or the guys won’t call him cuz he’s not single or something along those lines. He made a quick comment that he doesn’t think I’m badass enough too that got under my skin. Even just these elephants are making it harder to breathe in my lil studio. 

People keep telling me to march time in the relationship that it might just be a phase with him and even CJ himself said the hanging out in the bars with his friends is a phase but the phase has come back and I miss my boyfriend. I don’t want to have to occupy myself on Friday and Saturday nights or sit home the next night with him because he was out partying too much with his friends. I don’t care if I don’t see him at all during the week I just want to see him on the weekends because that’s when I feel most lonely in my life. Perhaps it’s an only child thing…the loneliness. It crept back into my life in the dark like a snake. The candles were not enough light to keep it at bay. 

I’m torn by marching more time or telling him we have to talk about these things because it’s eating me up inside. I’m scared to talk about these things because I know it will tear us apart for a good. I’m hoping once again we are just having a “Pina Colada” song moment where we are losing who we are and need to remember we do like doing things together. I wanted to make plans to go to a NOFX concert that I know he loves but he was like “Meh”. Why meh?? He should be all up for it but he wasn’t. If it was one of his guy friends suggesting it, I feel like he would have been all gong ho for it. But not when I suggested it. Grrrr.

I’m going to see how this week goes and I guess march some time. Maybe I can get the power back on in my relationship as it eventually came back to my place. I hope…

Saturday, August 27, 2011

Hurricane Irene….

{I don't know why blogger didn't post my post but here is my post from yesterday night!}

All within this past week there was an earthquake and now a hurricane coming. What the hell? Who pissed off who? Lol. I hope it doesn’t hit the area too badly.*Knock on wood* I was supposed to go up to Connecticut to visit my grandparents for my grandpa’s 89th birthday. I’m sad I will probably not make it but we’ll go next weekend but it’s been a while since we’ve been up there. He understands tho. CJ was supposed to go out to see his family in Long Island, NY and I doubt that’s happening either. Oh well…Irene you suck!

Tomorrow tho I’m in for something new that will make my life so much easier. A NEW COMPUTER!! I’ve been struggling with a Gateway laptop I’ve put up with for way too long. I don’t even have an “A” key. I’ve been pushing at a hole and hoping an “A” shows up on the screen. *Giggle Giggle* that sounds funny. I’ve decided to buy myself a MacBook Air. I know I really don’t need another credit card payment but I can afford it and it’s a necessity.  I just have to realize I have ENOUGH CLOTHES IN MY CLOSET! No excuses for buying yet another red or black shirt. No TJ Maxx and the mall for a while. Necessities only. Also I have plenty of great food choices home that I didn’t have work two hours at my job to pay for…no need to go out to dinner all the time. I can do this…

If the hurricane hits I’ll have tons of catching up time with my blog, my emails (all 2,550 unread ones), straightening up the condo, and maybe some quality alone  time with CJ. I also need to figure out a costume for NY COMIC CON. I’m going and definitely need to update my Harley Quinn costume and something else. The friend I’m going with is a size 5 and is doing Mystique from X-men in liquid latex…..uhhh I don’t have the money or the body to be THAT good but I can still rock it out somehow. Halloween is going to come twice this year…=) 

Work is almost done as I finish this quick post. I’m starting to “move in” sort of speak. I put my first picture on my cubicle wall.  I almost haven’t been personalizing my work space except for some poptarts, hand lotion, and candy in my drawer for some odd reason. I’m in for the long haul but I guess I wanted to be certain. You never know how the house of cards will fall. 

Be safe everyone if you are on the East Coast this weekend and everyone enjoy! See you soon!


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