-The Birthday Massacre, "Pins & Needles"
The concert was the dream, but the memory that I ran into was the nightmare. The band played on Friday night perfectly & the crowded room was just too dark for me to see clearly ALL the people in the ballroom. The band stopped & the sea of goth/punk kids parted & there he was. My ex, the Mess. He had told me about the concert because he knew The Birthday Massacre was my favorite band & I even had introduced him to them. I don't know why I thought he wouldn't be there. I guess I was foolish.
Two girls surrounded him. One I reconignized from another concert, the other I didn't. However neither girl was his girlfriend. So the girl he chose to be with doesn't even go to concerts...what the fuck? Well the lights came on & I saw him & I froze. CJ could instantly tell the difference in me. I played it off that I was nervous that the band wouldn't remember me. I KNOW that Mess saw me because the ballroom was clear except for some few people standing in mini clusters. He didn't even have the guts to come over.
I panicked because I didn't want CJ to meet him. The fear of the two men who smashed my heart & then the one who repaired it coming to blows terrifies me, I'll admit. It would be like that scene in Bridget Jones Diary where Mark & Daniel Cleaver fight maybe? Ahhh..The thoughts ran through my head of what to do if the Mess came up to me. After a while I gave up & realized I should just let it go & not talk to him. THEN the tables turned.
CJ left me for a brief moment. Just a moment. When I turned to my left I saw the Mess standing not 3 feet next to me. He knew I was there because when I poked him he slowly turned to me & pretended to be shocked to see me. He looked like hell. He hugged me & I felt nothing. I looked at him & the anger was all I could see. He has replaced me in every way, he even got new people to take him to the concerts. I used to take him...no more tho.
We did the typical how are you's? He looked nervous for some reason. But then the Mess had to leave & asked me if I needed a cab back to a train or bus.......This was the most rewarding thing I could have ever asked for. I replied...
The Mess went Ohhh & then turned to leave with the replacement friends. It felt so good to watch him leave. He used to tell me it would be my loss if I left him. Nope it's his loss that he doesn't have me. I'm so proud of myself for being the bigger person & poking him. I wasn't going to pretend that I didn't see him. I'm not that type of person. He's a monster because he told me I didn't phase him anymore yet he's still doing the things I introduced him to. It makes no sense & it probably never will. Somewhere in my heart it will always sting, but I hope in time that'll fade away.
As I watched my past walk down the NYC street, my future walked back to me. Like magic my CJ returned to me moments after the Mess left. I couldn't have planned it any better. I gave CJ a big kiss when I saw him & told him I was so happy to see him. He returned the kiss a lil harder & I think I fell in love in him at that moment. I let out the breath I didn't realize I was holding. I got my autographs & CJ & I continued on our night.
Things work in mysterious ways. The Mess doesn't phase me anymore & that is a wonderful dream come true. So the story goes...it makes you wonder...