Too Many Elephants in the Room...

Hurricane Irene brought me a power outage and hours of me alone with myself. I honestly don’t know if that was truly all that healthy because all I did was think and I got so upset with everything that I spent an hour an a half crying in the dark by candlelight. It’s not as cool as they make it sound in the emo songs. Not at all.

In the past few weeks I’ve had some great moments with my boyfriend, that truly have made me happy. But then something changes or something happens and I get so pissed at him but usually I calm down. This weekend I could not calm down my anger. He said he was sorry but I couldn’t open my mouth to accept. We are starting to get a few elephants in the room that we are not talking about it and I’m starting to feel the strain. One elephant is religion. Yeah, didn’t see that one coming. We are seeing opposites on what we want our kids to be brought up as if we stay together even tho we both follow Christianity to some extent.  Another elephant is that he’s too competitive and I just want to have fun playing. It isn’t fun when someone is beating you at the game constantly to the point where you can barely play back. Then there is the Wingman shit that I hate and he knows it. It truly is his friends fault that they want him to be a wingman because he’s a safe guy to do it cuz he has me, but somehow I don’t see it that way and I feel like an idiot letting him do it. One more elephant is that his friends are all single and I think he feels like if I come around it’ll cramp his style or the guys won’t call him cuz he’s not single or something along those lines. He made a quick comment that he doesn’t think I’m badass enough too that got under my skin. Even just these elephants are making it harder to breathe in my lil studio. 

People keep telling me to march time in the relationship that it might just be a phase with him and even CJ himself said the hanging out in the bars with his friends is a phase but the phase has come back and I miss my boyfriend. I don’t want to have to occupy myself on Friday and Saturday nights or sit home the next night with him because he was out partying too much with his friends. I don’t care if I don’t see him at all during the week I just want to see him on the weekends because that’s when I feel most lonely in my life. Perhaps it’s an only child thing…the loneliness. It crept back into my life in the dark like a snake. The candles were not enough light to keep it at bay. 

I’m torn by marching more time or telling him we have to talk about these things because it’s eating me up inside. I’m scared to talk about these things because I know it will tear us apart for a good. I’m hoping once again we are just having a “Pina Colada” song moment where we are losing who we are and need to remember we do like doing things together. I wanted to make plans to go to a NOFX concert that I know he loves but he was like “Meh”. Why meh?? He should be all up for it but he wasn’t. If it was one of his guy friends suggesting it, I feel like he would have been all gong ho for it. But not when I suggested it. Grrrr.

I’m going to see how this week goes and I guess march some time. Maybe I can get the power back on in my relationship as it eventually came back to my place. I hope…

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Hurricane Irene….

{I don't know why blogger didn't post my post but here is my post from yesterday night!}

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All within this past week there was an earthquake and now a hurricane coming. What the hell? Who pissed off who? Lol. I hope it doesn’t hit the area too badly.*Knock on wood* I was supposed to go up to Connecticut to visit my grandparents for my grandpa’s 89^th birthday. I’m sad I will probably not make it but we’ll go next weekend but it’s been a while since we’ve been up there. He understands tho. CJ was supposed to go out to see his family in Long Island, NY and I doubt that’s happening either. Oh well…Irene you suck!

Tomorrow tho I’m in for something new that will make my life so much easier. A NEW COMPUTER!! I’ve been struggling with a Gateway laptop I’ve put up with for way too long. I don’t even have an “A” key. I’ve been pushing at a hole and hoping an “A” shows up on the screen. *Giggle Giggle* that sounds funny. I’ve decided to buy myself a MacBook Air. I know I really don’t need another credit card payment but I can afford it and it’s a necessity.  I just have to realize I have ENOUGH CLOTHES IN MY CLOSET! No excuses for buying yet another red or black shirt. No TJ Maxx and the mall for a while. Necessities only. Also I have plenty of great food choices home that I didn’t have work two hours at my job to pay for…no need to go out to dinner all the time. I can do this…

If the hurricane hits I’ll have tons of catching up time with my blog, my emails (all 2,550 unread ones), straightening up the condo, and maybe some quality alone  time with CJ. I also need to figure out a costume for NY COMIC CON. I’m going and definitely need to update my Harley Quinn costume and something else. The friend I’m going with is a size 5 and is doing Mystique from X-men in liquid latex…..uhhh I don’t have the money or the body to be THAT good but I can still rock it out somehow. Halloween is going to come twice this year…=) 

Work is almost done as I finish this quick post. I’m starting to “move in” sort of speak. I put my first picture on my cubicle wall.  I almost haven’t been personalizing my work space except for some poptarts, hand lotion, and candy in my drawer for some odd reason. I’m in for the long haul but I guess I wanted to be certain. You never know how the house of cards will fall. 

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Be safe everyone if you are on the East Coast this weekend and everyone enjoy! See you soon!

My Heart’s a stereo, It Beats for You, So Listen Close…

Out with the bad, in with the good. This morning my mom called me to tell me that people with the condition Vertigo are claiming that they have felt “off” for the past 2 days. I have slight vertigo depending on where I am. Now that the earthquakes in Virginia and Canada have happened, things seem to be returning to normal and so am I. The odd sinking feeling in my stomach has subsided, my head feels clear, and I’m ready to take on the day.

It does help that I woke up this morning in CJ’s arms and his cat Angel nuzzling my hand to be pet. His friend Adrian was visiting for the weekend so I haven’t had the luxury of sleeping next to CJ in a while. The world works in funny ways. My boyfriend, who has the same name as my ex, has a best friend with a name of the previous ex before the Mess. I give up. Lol. What’s in a name but seriously come on…switch it up a bit to give my subconscious mind a lil break! I usually give nicknames to protect the innocent but the ex Adrian is guilty as charged. My ex Adrian was the Spanish boy with the grey eyes I’ve mentioned once or twice as a liar and an idiot who called me the wrong name at a VERY bad time. *WINK WINK*. It’s like my past is sorta haunting me…Oh well that's why there's wine!

 From Left to Right: CJ's cousins friend, Adrian, CJ, CJ's cousin in the middle, me, and Hannah from Germany!

Anywho meeting CJ’s Adrian was interesting. They’ve been friends for years so it was cool hearing stories from their high school days. That picture is the group of us from the bar last weekend. I’m shocked the photo came out so good because we were all drunk and tired at like 2am but it was definitely a sweet stolen Kodak moment. I’m going to print a hard copy of it too. =)

Today was a sneaker day so I ran around at work like a crazy woman trying to learn all that I can before my predecessor leaves. There is a disappearance of high heel days & even sandal days lately. Too busy and the sneakers help out a lot. Thankfully when I came home there was a Bravo marathon of "Just Desserts" to unwind...Perhaps it'll give me ideas for my cupcake class I'm teaching this fall. I can't wait to see my name as the instructor. It's going to be so cool!  

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2 more days left of week before the hurricane...5 more days before I'm on my own at work...

*FINGERS CROSSED*

Title: Lyrics from "Stereo Heart" by Gym Class Heroes & Adam Levine.

It ALWAYS Happens in Three's.

That saying is so true. An earthquake, a shooting, and me taking charge....it's a lot to swallow. I honestly didn't feel the earthquake but with everything that's going on I just started laughing at my ignorance to the nausea feeling. I was buried in work and then suddenly people were like, "Omg did you feel that?" Nope. Just my own nausea and queasy stomach. Oh well...hopefully I won't catch it next time around again.

The girl who has been training me at my new job is leaving next week and I will be on my own to tackle a few challenging tasks each week. I knew she'd eventually leave but I thought I had more time. I guess I took advantage of my time with her and let her do all the heavy lifting per say.  Her goodbye party was today and the pressure came at me hard to fill her important shoes. Performance anxiety and panic has sent it. I hope it passes. I'm stuttering a lot again like I did when I first started the job because I was nervous. I have to calm down. It will be okay in time...I hope. Next week I'm going to be a mess because she's leaving Wednesday. I will have help if I need but I'm keeping my fingers crossed for an easy transition. Wish me luck please!

And the third thing...In CJ's condo complex there was a shooting this morning. Some neighbor got fed up with his neighbor and opened fire. It is so abnormally quiet sometimes where he lives. I guess that's a good and bad thing. Bad because you would have no idea your neighbor wants to kill you but good because you'll hear the gun shots so you'll know to call the cops. The whole thing is fucked up but they got the man less than a mile from the complex, rhankfully.

What a ridiculous day. Seriously. 

What will tomorrow bring? Who knows...

Suddenly Seymore is standing beside me.....

And then what do you do? CJ is definitely my Seymore from Little Shop of Horrors who saved Audrey from the trenches of bad relationships. About 3 months ago the heart key locket he gave me for Christmas broke. I guess I had opened it too many times to show the cute picture of him and I inside. I was devatasted and it hit me hard because I knew there was something wrong. I had been right. I thought he was about to break my heart but the time apart was the best thing we could ever have done. We both have to meet in the middle on things and listen to each other.

He said, "I let the wrong ones in, and let the right ones out..." In a moment of vulnerability he quoted Aerosmith but I understood completely.

For my birthday CJ got my locket fixed and I have to admit he renewed my faith in our relationship. I don't know why I held so much importance to such a small lil object but it was the first sentimental gift I've ever received from a boyfriend and what made it awesome was the kiss on the lips and the "I love you with all my heart" when he gave me back the lil silver box. It was just what I wanted.

In return, over the weekend I gave him a key to my condo. I thin k I forgot about that step. We are dangling in that span of time between everything...honeymoon over and now the next steps of the relationships will ever take place or maybe not...but within those big steps there are easy small ones that have as great of a reward. I'm hoping the key will make him feel more at home and comfortable so if we do move into together it won't be such an abrupt change. I think it's working...

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I'm sitting on Cj's other couch listening to him play the guitar. He has such a cute determined look on his eyes to play his songs right. I love it. I wonder what tomorrow will bring with us and then the next day...and then maybe one day....who knows?

My Chance Meeting with the Original "Frenchy" from the novie GREASE!!!

A few weeks ago my mom told me about a small tag sale at the Beth Ann Temple right around the corner from my condo. I went with no expectations but found in the 5 minutes I was there the musical album of "Grease" the movie.  I think I paid a dollar for it. Little did I know I would get a random call from one of my friends that the actress Didi Conn, "Frenchy" from the original movie was going to be at a showing of Grease at a local library. I jumped at the chance to meet her in person!!

I knew her better in Grease but I watched Shining Time Station with the Thomas the tank engine for years. George Carlin (R.I.P) used to be the conductor. I hopped into my car last Friday and jetted to Piermont, NY with my album hoping I might get her to sign it. Ohhh was I hoping!!

 

I arrived to a sea of people and everyone seemed so cool, calm and collective. I was a lil shocked. I asked if Frenchy was coming and they were like, "Didi? Oh yeah she's coming. You never met her? Ohhh she is a doll. I'm sure she'll sign your album!" I got a seat and then the clapping started. This smiling lady ran in to the full room with her Pink Lady jacket on! She still has her original jacket. hehe. Everyone she sounds EXACTLY the way she did in the movie!! She said her favorite part of the movie was the Frankie Avalon scene. She loved the wig. She said that John Travolta took them all to see a private showing of Saturday Night Fever before it hit theaters. She also said that alot of the movie was improv because they would walk around all day "in character" to get into the role! It was really nice hearing the lil details!! =)

Then the gentleman next to me raised his hand and said I had the album and she signed it immediately!! She said it hadn't seen one of these in years! I was so beyond happy!

"To Melanie, With Lots of love Didi Conn <3 "Frenchy" 8-5-11"

We all sat and watched the movie and then she came back for pictures! It was awesome!

She was such a nice lady to take our questions!

She still has the JACKET!!!

I didn't even realize I wore Pink! Frenchy and me!

What a fun night! I'm so glad I bought that album because now I have a great Grease memento! =) Thanks Didi!! =)

R.I.P Jeff Conway(Kenickie) & R.I.P Annette Charles (Cha Cha DiGregorio)

Stolen Moments Sunday...

The weekend goes by so fast so I try to take every Sunday night and remember a few stolen moments that I never want to forget. Here are mine this week:

~ My Stolen Moments revolved around a luau! CJ's family decided to have a luau as their theme for their family bbq! It was actually a lot of fun! One of his male cousins showed up in a woman's sarong, the pineapples were in full glory, the lei's around people's necks and I brought a Luau treat of Floating Bear Cupcakes!! I think they were a big hit!! The lil kids realized that they could put their mouths in the icing to get blue icing lipstick too. Oops! lol =P It was cute tho!

I will definitely be teaching these cupcakes in my cupcake class this Fall. It is so easy. All you have to do is take butter cream icing, use blue food coloring for color, insert a teddy graham in the candy peach ring, place it in the blue icing swirl, and if you want put a mini umbrella on top of the cupcake for an extra smile. So easy and great for summertime parties! ~

~At some point in the bbq we got a call that one of our friends with stuck at a shopping outlet with no ride home. We told her to continue to shop and we would get her shortly. When one of CJ's family members asked if he was going to go get the girl, he responded, "I don't need to get a girl...I found the best." and then he looked at me. Total cheesey cute moment but they all did the big "Awwww". I really wish I blushed...~

~Go see "The Help" the movie. I loved it so much that I will see it again! You laugh, you cry, you cheer, and will be honestly shocked how true to the book they kept the story. Of course they didn't go into great detail on some parts but that's a given.  Almost word for word and then added great lil things that only enhanced the story. I can't wait to see it again because I want to see what I missed! =) Two thumbs up!~

~At the end of Saturday night when CJ and I were ready to head back to my place it was raining pretty hard. I ran up to my door first and then Cj called after me "Wait, I wanna open the door!" Last Sunday I gave him a key to my apartment. He turned the silver key in the lock and then said, "After you baby." I think it was such a great idea and positive growing to our relationship. Seeing him smile, was worth it all. ~

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What a great weekend. Sleeping in til 10:30am on Sunday made it even better! hehe. Tomorrow's post will be about my chance meeting with one of the stars from the movie, "Grease". Yes Grease! I got a great souvenir too!! =) Til Tomorrow...

What were your Weekend Stolen Moments? 

I'd love to hear...

I Miss You...

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First of all let me say I’m sorry for dropping off the face of the blog world. I have some good reasons for it too. One thing led to another and another and yet another complex other. It’s so hard to write out what I’m thinking when I can barely make sense of it myself. I would love to take myself out for coffee and ask, “What the hell are you doing, lately?” because I’m all over the place.  I blame part of it on my A.D.H.D., my busy schedule, Legend of Zelda: Twilight Princess, a shitty home computer I need to replace and me. I miss you blog…you are a part of me that I’m struggling to keep.

Also on August 7^th I turned 26 years old. I had a wonderful birthday! 26…geez. A doctor recently told me that I have early signs of carpal tunnel and he replied the dreaded few words… “It’s because of your age.” I shuddered a bit at the sound of those words but because he was around my age too I wasn’t that mad at him.  I only cursed him out in my head for a few minutes. BUT then my mom told me the other day that I was definitely in my prime because things are on a high note. It brightened my day. =)

My little blog also turned 2 years old! Actually that could explain a lot. I guess it caught the “Terrible Twos” leaving me frazzled.  Two years ago I was trying to fill up my time until an ex decided to play with me again like I was a mini toy. I think that’s all girls are to him. One of his action figures that eventually will get thrown into an old box in his basement when he got tired of playing with them. Now…I’m waiting for the next adventure and the next door to open. I’m in such a better place and mindset with my life and I truly am happy with the turn of events. I got the new job, the apartment, and a guy. =) No longer am I following the “This is as good as it gets” motto. Definitely no longer.

I did get to meet some interesting new people lately, learned some new tricks, took a mini new next step with CJ and found a new love that oooo I waited too long to try it. I’m excited to tell…Yeahh that’s what I needed. Excitement to write. Let it roll…..

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I Can't Put the Book Down....

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I was inspired to cook with Julie & Julia, I lost myself & found myself in Eat Pray Love, and even enjoyed the circus in Water for Elephants  but now I'm in the South reading "The Help".   What a real book and a real story. I got lost sometimes in the others but this one...I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN! I almost bought the book a while back but declined and then suddenly on a Target line there it was miss placed and I had to buy it. That was only a week and  half ago and I'm already on page 350. =)

I have a cheesy habit of assigning book characters to movie actress or people from my daily life so it's easier to read. I picture them in my head as I read and I think it helps get me more involved in the story. For "The Help" it was the easiest thing ever because I think everyone they picked for the movie is DEAD ON right! I haven't been this excited for a movie in a while...I think since Inception. Can't wait for August 10th! 

Here's the trailer in case you missed it!

The story is about the African-American maids in the early 1960's deep into the segregation times of the U.S. South.  One lady named Skeeter (Emma Stone) decides she wants to write about these women working for white family and it's scandalous from day 1. I asked my Mom about all of this and she was too little to remember all of this but she remembers watching Martin Luther King Jr. speak at Washington. Reading this book you literally feel like you stepped foot in Mississippi in 1962. You get so into the ladies' stories that you are crying, cheering, laughing, and deeply touched by this novel. I have friends of all races, all religions, and all colors and I'm flabbergasted about how the world used to be. It's almost unbelievable. 

I'm a lil late to work so I gotta go. "The Help" is probably one of the best books I will ever read and I'm still not even close to down. I'm going to go enjoy the conclusion of the great story. It's the "To Kill a Mockingbird" of modern times...really it is.

Have you read "The Help"? What did you think?

I Can’t Bring Myself to Go...I Can’t...

Yesterday I got invited to an “I’m back” party of one of my ex’s best friends. I knew this friend for 4 years, I even have a wedding “Save the Date” card from his almost marriage, and he is a great guy. But, unfortunately when I decided never to call the Mess again, I lost a few friends in the process. It was hard to let the time go by without texting and calling but I knew I had to leave almost 2 years ago. What hurt most was leaving the friendship and his friends that ultimately became my friends throughout the years. However I have to stick to my decision to close that door of the past. 

I feel guilty declining because this guy was my friend. I know the Mess won’t be there so I could actually go free and clear to the party. I don’t know if the Mess’s girlfriend will be there but she is negligible in all of this I could care less. I hate him, not her. It’s just all so awkward.

I remember the day when another one of these mutual friends apparently saw a look of sadness in my eyes when I found out some stupid drama and told me softly but sternly, “If you’re going to leave Melanie, just leave. Don’t make it long and drawn out…just leave and don’t look back.” They all knew too it was a matter of time before I would stop hanging out because they knew it was impossible to be friends with someone like the Mess. It wasn’t even a relationship I had with that guy. It was a toxic “friendship with benefits” unspoken deal that I let go too far. I developed feelings and the Mess didn’t. He couldn't wait for me to leave because I didn't phase him anymore. Jerk. 

Anywho...the friend...I declined the invitation and said simply I can't make it, welcome back. It's all I can do. I can't go back. I have CJ now, a new place to live, a new job, a new outlook on life...I'm completely different anyway from 2 years ago. I doubt they'd recognize me mentally. Well Sarah Conor was not the same from Terminator to Terminator 2. People change and have to stick to their decisions. Sorry dude...can't make it. Maybe one day...just not yet. 

Do you still hang out with your Ex's Friends? How do you deal with Similar Situations??

Miss Melanie...How are You Today?

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"I don't want Jessica Rabbit. I want you...only you." - CJ

It's a very interesting thing to find yourself with a man who wants you just for you. I guess I'm still not used it. Over the years I've always had to beat out the other girls, make sure I was at the computer for the aim conversation or else someone else would take my place, be at my best constantly because the idiot I was with didn't care for the off days, or having to put on a show.... Not now. I don't have to put on anything or try...just be myself. How interesting...and comforting on so many levels.

To be just me...I'm still working on it. I fell off the path a lil while ago but that handy GPS got me back to where I needed to be. I can honestly say I'm happy today as was I yesterday and the day before. My mom noticed the subtle change of dullness to smile. I thought it was just the weather lately for me losing the light a lil bit. Cj is helping me bring it back and the funny part is he doesn't even realize I think how happy he does make me.  He brings out just me...

But today was long. Apparently I have signs of carpal tunnel but I knew that would happen some day. There is a tight tendon between my thumb and pointer finger that hurts every now and again. From the rain today my right breast hurts from where I had surgery almost 2 years ago this August. It still hurts every now and again. I had a second cup of coffee and 3pm that has my eyes still wide awake. Paying bills after a $400 car repair stings a lil but it's okay for now. However a brief late night call of "Goodnight baby" made me smile despite it all. 

I miss being asked "Miss Melanie...How are You today?" at my old job. I was Snow White with her 5 dwarfs. I miss those sports crazed guys. People were talking about the Yankees and I got a lil sad because I realized I knew nothing about this season. If I still worked there I would know it all. I miss the hour before the bosses came in the most. Where me and Michigan and John would talk about our lives. I'd get a guys perspective...I'd try to give them a woman's opinion. I gotta call them soon...It's been 4 months almost. Too long without seeing each other when you worked with them for 4 years. Too long.

Tomorrow I'm making dinner at my place for CJ. I wonder what to cook? hmmm...I'm excited to see him and snuggle next to him to sleep. He wants just me...just as I am. I'm a very lucky woman. Very lucky.

Til Tomorrow...

 

Sunday Stolen Moments...A Big One....

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There is too many this week to chit chat so here are my Stolen Moments of the Week....

~Finding a Big 40" TV in one of my best friend's garbage rooms in her apartment building. She went out to throw out her garbage and then she returns saying, "Hey Mel, want a big screen TV?". We thought it odd that someone would throw out a TV with the clickers and plug taped to it....well Good News: IT WORKS!!!! Bad News: the speakers suck and are a lil busted. No problem, if it's not that expensive I'll buy new ones! One ladies trash is another ladies treasure....~ 

~I had Cj's work party to go to today and it was alot of fun! They had a petting zoo of baby chicks. Soo cute! They also had a mini pony named Dora...it was totally an explorer cuz it got out of her lil cage. It was okay tho she only went to the hot dog part and ate one! hehe. What rocked was CJ and I took a lil paddleboat around the lake. It was straight out of a romantic comedy! ~

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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life." - Easy A

~Well sometimes life is an 80's movie. CJ turned to me on Saturday night and told me that the reason why he's been acting so weird is that he was building up asking me something. He asked me about sitting down and talking about moving in together. I said okay. One of the reasons why he wanted the break was to get himself together and to find out if he was ready for this commitment. Yes he is...and I think so am I. After this we sang songs from The Cars, the Vega Boys, Chicago, and any other cheezy song you can think of...I love him so much!

"He is just what I needed..." - The Cars

~ Having breakfast on Saturday morning with my mom. She made me french toast with cinnamon and powdered sugar. I felt just like a lil kid again and we reviewed our week. Moving out of my parent's house has really improved my relationship with my parents. I think we all too much on top of each other all the time. Now when I visit we can visit and enjoy the time. My move was the best thing I ever did. Seriously.~

 

~On Wednesday night I went to a Chilean wine tasting with my friend Erin from my last cupcake class. (Hi! Erin) I will go more into detail later in the week. I had decided to facebook her and found out she was going to this wine tasting. It was awesome to see her and I hope we don't let too much time go by before we hang out again!! I got deliciously drunk and thankfully I didn't drive so I really enjoyed myself! More to come! ~

~One last thing. True Blood rocks...Alexander Skaasgard is the hottest man ever! I can't wait to see more this season! Can't wait!!~

Those are my special moments this weekend...

What were your STOLEN MOMENTS this week?

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Forever 27 Club has a new member...What the hell??

I'm shocked about the lastest news. Apparently Amy Winehouse was found dead this morning in her apartment at age 27. The cause is unknown. She had been known to be a drug addict especially with her song, "Rehab" but I'm still in shock. Her song, "Back to Black" got me over my ex. I still have "You know I'm no good" on like every one of my cds. She was the coolest halloween costume one year with her rockin hair way before Snookie arrived. Geez. Poor girl.

Alas the club no one wants to join, Forever 27 club, has a new member. Shit...That's so creepy. Well...R.I.P Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix, and Kurt Kobain. Sigh....

30 Day Blog Journal...DAY #6

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I was doing this 30 Day Blog Journal a while back and I thought I would return to it. I love letting you guys know more about me because I feel like it makes me more real.  I'm also currently working on a video blog post too to say hi! I hope you all are staying cool in this heat in the U.S. right now!

DAY 6 - 20 of my favorite things

20. Long Earrings! I love them!

19. The beach…I wish the Jersey Shore wasn’t so crowded & expensive now. I’d be there all the time.

18. New clothes that actually fit. Damn you TJMAXX. I’m obsessed.

17. Coffee. I love my Keurig! Thank u CJ!

16.TV shows that grab you hook, line, and sinker you!! =P

15. New York City…I love walking those streets with all the window shopping and different people. It’s always an adventure and an experience

14. Cupcakes…Decorating them, making them, eating them…adore them…I can’t wait to teach my Cupcake Class in the Fall!! Yeah!

13. Learning to cook. I used to just make reservations but not anymore. Slowly but surely I’m learning how to wield that spatula. Things may still look messy but they taste delicious. Taste down…Appearance next!

12. Writing my novel. People aren’t kidding when they say it’s hard to write a book even if it’s something you know about or even if you’re constantly writing. Originality is key.  

11. Super market shopping with my Mom. I know that sounds lame but it’s our like “Review our week” time and we laugh about what song is playing while we’re picking out produce. Why would you play “Stairway to heaven” in a supermakert?? Why?? =P

10. Ice skating in the summer. An ice skating rink is my favorite place to be in the summer because it is so freezing cold in there!! I have no balance in walking or dancing but somehow gravity allows  me to ice skate without falling.

9. Falling asleep next to CJ. He scoops me up to him and I just fall right to sleep. It’s my favorite moment with him.

8. Couponing. I’m not an extreme couponer just a professional one. Um..hmmm….I’ll explain in a future post.

7. Collecting trinkets. I have anything from Marie Antoinette replicas, to Smurfs, to fancy vintage boxes, to old clocks from Bangkok. I need to have my own studio one day to decorate. It is a must.

6.  Going to the Events. I do the whole nine yards. Comic-cons, meet & greets (I’ve met Molly Ringwald, Pat Benatar, Linda Hamilton, Chris Jericho, most of the cast of NJ Housewives, Dan Akroyd, and a whole lot more), Renaissance Fairs, conventions…anything I can get a ticket too. Love it.

5. Mango Sorbet. Especially Haagan Daz. Yummy!!!

4. My dear Blog that is almost 2 years old. Happy almost birthday! You have brought me to places I’ve never been, let me talk to people I’ve never seen, and learn more than I can ever imagine!

3. My job. Yes, my job. Recently I fell in love. It was the right choice at the right time and I love the complexity of it.

2. CJ…I love him so much.

1. My family. I have such a small family and I love them more than anything. =)

Tick Tock Tick Tock...Cuckoo...Cuckooo....Uhh-Uhh Clock's On...

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It's dawned on me that I am just jumping from topic to topic this week...Forgive me and hold on for the ride... And above all else thank you ever so much for your comments and suggestions. <3

Tick Tock...As I write this my brows are furrowed and I'm swimming in my own uncertainty of what to make of this. This morning my boyfriend called me to tell me about a daydream he had. A small moment in his head during quiet time where he was alone putting away dishes from the dishwasher. He picked up his favorite mug and envisioned a future lil son breaking it purely by accident. The lil boy got upset and looked shamefully at CJ with a look of pure sadness. He turned to CJ and said, "Sorry Dad, Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to break it. It just happened." CJ turned to the imaginary future son and said, "It's okay buddy. I could never be mad at you." To which CJ snapped back into reality and realized he said the last part aloud and his cat just stared blankly at him when he looked down...

Well...I assure you he is not crazy. It has been hot these days but sometimes only children will get lost in their daydreams and perhaps say something out loud that we shouldn't. We can only hope we're alone when it happens. Been there, done that. What struck me as odd was the subject of his daydream. I think his Clock might have kicked in....I guess we shouldn't watch My Cousin Vinny any time soon...But do men have biological clocks?? I wonder....

 

I remember writing a post way back about mine not being active yet. I wasn't sure when it would kick in but I can feel it starting. It happened when I was helping one of CJ's cousins with her stroller. I joined the sea of strollers in the park while she went on the ride with her child and suddenly I felt weird. It then hit me like a rocket. It isn't going to make me make any rash decisions or forget certain things but I can feel it. I guess it could be another reason why I don't fear commitment. However when the time is right I think I'll know better and clearer what this odd twinge is in the back of my mind. I'm not ready for children yet but hearing the nice words of the daydream CJ had, I don't know made me feel a nice way about him. He's going to be a good father one day and I think it made me love him a lil bit more...

What a strange topic to write about and sensitive...but it's life. His daydream has been on my mind all day. One day I'll be a Mom...later than sooner but I do think about it...apparently CJ does too. These sound like steps in the right direction for us getting back to a better place that we are both open enough to talk about things like this...Yeah...it definitely does...Til Tomorrow... =) 

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So they're Scared....Ohhh I Get It Now...

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I'm not scared of commitment. Somehow I've never been. I picked a car real fast, I choose a condo, picked a college (maybe 4), and said yes to a man I knew 15 minutes who became my world by just asking me out to dinner. Perhaps it's an only child thing or maybe the disappearance of that lonely feeling I had for what seems forever or maybe it's the possibility of a life with someone awesome! I know tho I will freak out like any normal person a lil bit before I take that big step into marriage but for right now I'm cool with taking next steps. I'm not sure other people are like me tho...I'm sure they're not like me.

A friend told me her boyfriend asked her mother for the girl's hand in marriage so he'll know they have her blessing. (Sorry ladies that guy doesn't have a brother, lol).  Then the couple who never fought began to fight...a lot. It surfaced that the guy got very sensitive around her because he was scared of that question he personally without any pressure asked her mom. Almost like he shot himself in the foot with his own fear?? But how come? Why is the fear appearing after the pre-questions are being popped? Is it that scary?

In CJ and mine's break he told me that he got scared. I asked him scared of what he couldn't answer me entirely. The words swam in a sea of "I don't know's".  Was he scared that he found someone he could have a future with? It seems that these next steps are terrifying the hell out of him yet when we met it was for commitment. We both agreed we were looking for a serious relationship. Tho we seem to be buckling under the pressure of it. I'm not sure how to deal with his fear and it's making me scared of things... I'm trying to be there but it doesn't seem to be working. I've chosen to just let him be and let him deal with it on his own in his own head but I feel like I'm not being a good girlfriend by not helping but that's what he wants? I'm at a loss...

I guess we're both in a sea of I don't knows...Fear too.
Relationships are hard...sometimes even harder.

Were you scared of commitment or Are You scared? 

I'm curious...I'd love to hear your thoughts...