"So what did you see in the FlashForward?"

It's 11:11, Make a Wish. *Wishing*


Has anyone heard of the new show on Thursday nights on ABC called Flashforward?? O.M.G. The first opening episode was amazing!!! Okay here's the basic premise. It's a normal day in Los Angeles, California around this time, and normal events are occuring. There's an FBI criminal chase, a guy is about to shoot himself (yeah that was a lil weird), a babysitter is hooking up with her bf, a surgeon is getting ready for surgery...then all of a sudden the entire world blacks out. It doesn't matter what your doing, including flying in an airplane, the entire world just stops. They stop for approximately 2 minutes and 17 seconds. After the people wake up it's complete chaos. BUT! Here's the catch. Everyone's mind basically jumped to whatever event they are doing on April 29th, 2010. Evidently they all experienced a, Flash Forward. That's soo cool!! So somehow something happened where the future became the reality for a brief moment?? And some people did not like what they saw or can't believe that's what they saw. However there are some twists and turns that they will hopefully elaborate. For example, the other FBI Agent, John Cho, who is actually Harold from "Harold & Kumar go to White Castle", well he didn't see anything when he blacked out. He just blacked out and woke up again. So how come he saw nothing, when everyone saw something? There is a few other things that I don't want to say in case one of you plan on seeing this first episode. I will tell you that the last scene in this episode literally gave me chills.


Yeahhh it's soo far-fetched, but I'm soo hooked. Reviewers online are describing it as ohh it's the next "Lost" or "24". I never watched those shows so I'm totally like Oooo OOoo, I want to see more. I LOVE shows that keep you guessing and in the last minute they just throw you a curve ball thats like Omg Omg, I can't wait til next Thursday!!! It looks really promising. If you like TV Shows that make ya think...I recommend checking this out on Hulu maybe. Oh btw there's a kangaroo in one part that just makes no sense. It kinda reminds me of the movie Chocolat hehe.

Oh great. Another show to watch on Thursdays. I got "Project Runway", "It's Always Sunny in Philidephia", and now "FlashForwad." lol. Ya know Blogger has on your profile your favorite movies, favorite music, and favorite books. I wish they had Favorite shows too!! I would love to know what people watch. You never know what's going to catch someone's attention.

Here's a list of some of my favorite shows that I love to watch!
Project Runway, Nip Tuck, Buffy the Vampire Slayer(I was soo addicted), Angel, Roswell, Xena: Warrior Princess, Herecules, Are you afraid of the Dark?, Six Feet Under, The Real Housewives of Orange County, The Real Housewives of New Jersey, Top Chef, What not to Wear, House Hunters, Bones( I just love David Borenaz), It's Always Sunny in Philidephia, Pop-Up Video, House, Sex & The City, Charmed, E.R., Whose Line is it Anyway?, Hope & Faith, Reba, Saved by the Bell, Sailor Moon, The Closer, Home Movies, Top Chef, Dark Shadows, The Twilight Zone (One of my ultimate favs), Laverne & Shirley, Flight of the Conchords, and now Flashforward.
What TV shows do you like to watch? Got any suggestions?

It's been a long week. I didn't go out this Friday night I stayed home just to chill & relax. Fridays sometimes are like that for me. I just want to sleep. Work plain sucked today so I couldn't wait to go home. I have extreme issues with my current job. I will work on my resume this weekend tho. Tomorrow should be better. I'm going to go Autumn Festival Hopping. hehe. I hope everyone has a safe & good weekend, and I really recommend checking out this show!! =)

When you Smile, I smile...I'll smile along with you...

Image is Manet's "A Bar at the Folies Bergere"

This is week has been a series of bad days for some of my friends. You know that person you call when you have a bad day? The one you vent too, the one that will do everything in her power to make her laugh, the one that will drive 45 minute to a Walmart just to make you happy, the one that even if she's dead tired will still muster up the strength and hang with you if you had a horrible day? Well that's Me.

Everybody with a bad day this week called me. I think I'm missing my calling as a bartender or a therapist. I usually don't give them advise because I'm usually as in the dark as they are but I'll listen and try to relate. It got me thinking. Ever wonder what your purpose in life is? In medieval times, you were your occupation basically. The farmer was only a farmer, the painter was a painter, and the king of course was the king. But what about now?? You work your job and the real you is who you are when you leave those doors. Figuring this out is half the fun & twice the hardships of life.

Do you ever think about who your supposed to be? What your supposed to do in life? What's your purpose?
Maybe my purpose is that I'm the person that's supposed to go in and out of groups and just be there for them when I'm needed? I dunno. It's happened to me a lot in my life, where I help someone out and then they leave or I move or forget or they move or we stop seeing each other if it's a guy or life just happens and the time is just not there. It took a friend of mine 5 years to admit that I helped save an ex of mine's life by putting my foot down & taking him to a hospital. (He was having a diabetic attack & he kept saying he was fine, but he wasn't.) Maybe I was supposed to be there. Yeah, most definitely I think.

It's odd how things happen. But they need to happen or else you'd be just a blank slate listening to the wind in your head. And that'd be SUPER boring, so I'm not checking the box for that.


I couldn't sleep at all last night. I think I got maybe 3 hours of sleep. Alot of people I've heard have had trouble sleeping. It's been very hot/cold/hot/cold up here in NY the past couple of nights but I think it's stress keeping me from sleeping. I think I'm sad about the condo I almost bid on. The people left so not seeing their hummer(yeah they had one it was HUGE) is reminding me there is a studio completely empty and how nice it would have been. I feel bad for my friends that had bad days. I don't know what to do with The Mess(He is one of the friend's that called me this week, too cuz he had a bad day). He's around lately but I just feel like I'm not doing anything to keep him around this time?? People tell me if he wants you, he'll come to you but it's far more complicated than that. I think I just need some sleep. Thankfully it's almost Friday. =)

OOOHHH!!! One more thing I was in a dollar store the other day and I actually found this Uber cute Dirty Dancing merchandise. A DOLLAR STORE!!!! Can you believe it? I was like What the hell?? It's a lil compact mirror with an image of Patrick Swayze and Jennifer Grey dancing with some makeup and a lil heart shaped keychain. I love dollar stores because you never know what your going to find. =) Here it is:


Love it!

"When you cry I cry
I cry along with you
When you smile I smile
I smile along with you"
"Footprints" Song by T.O.K.

She works hard for the money...So hard for it hunny...

Gotta love that song by Donna Summer. That girl knew her stuff. Image via unknown.


I've been mentioning for a while now about a Resume class that I attended at my library. It was majorly helpful. Alot of people I know when I mentioned "Oh, I'm going to a resume class, IT'S FREE, so why don't you come with me?" they answered "Meh, I got one." or "Nah, it's okay, I'll figure something out." Maybe I just have an addiction to free classes?? Well I think that's obvious lately. At least it's not a strain on my bank account. Ironically only 7 people in a town of 15,000 people & a county of God knows how many attended. I'm still utterly shocked. AND i was the youngest one there by oh at least 15 years. What the hell? Who knows why?

For starters, I do actually have a job. However, I'm petrified of leaving my job. I get anxiety just thinking about it. I want to get something in my career of math or engineering but with those fields it's mostly a project basis and/or they want someone with the years of experience. It sucks. I basically need a company to give me a break and hire a recent graduate and give her a chance and not fire me in 6 months time. I've had friends that this happened too. My job now has basically become a safety net but I can't keep doing data entry forever. So I had to have my raining frog day and leap off in another direction. Ergo, I worked on my resume. A resume is going to be my foot in the door. I hope.

The instructor was actually the owner of www.a-perfect-resume.com. His name is Greg Faherty. GO TO THAT SITE!!! He actually will review a done resume for free and tell you what you need to do to fix it. That's not bad at all. The main thing he kept stressing was this is your advertisement so Sell yourself to the company. If you can do it make sure you write that.


Here are a few pointers he taught us:
1.) Keep Resume in a Positive Tone.
2.) If you are mailing in your Resume, Do Not Fold it into a letter envelope. Place it in a manila folder and ship it in a large envelope to accommodate that size.
3.) Leave personality out of the Resume, make it Facts only. Professional Tone.(Don't say, I'll be the captain of the job).
4.) NEED a COVER LETTER!!! He said, "Odds are 50% won't read it, BUT you never know when it will be the other 50% that will get you in the door from the cover letter.
5.) Make it either 1 page or 2 pages. If you have to go to the 2nd page make sure it's at least half full. Don't do the 2-3 lines on the 2nd page n say you have a 2 page resume.
6.) Make sure you email address is a serious one. Perhaps a variation of your name.
7.) Companies want to know you can do the job so perhaps under the job description you did put 1 or 2 bullets of accomplishments. For example, "Produced 20% increase in sales."
8.) Recent Graduates put education on top under the summary of what type of job your looking for. It shows you mean business about your education.
9.) TOP HIRING MONTHS: September, October, February, March, & April. That's what the instructor said from his experience but he said keep sending out resumes as often as you can.
10.) Also list EVERY computer skill you have. Even Microsoft Office. It might seem basic but there are people who don't know it.
11.) Don't use any fancy graphics or fancy bullets on your Resume because it may not transfer good when a Human Resource rep opens the email!
12.) Dates of employment should actually go on the right. This way the eye automatically goes to what you did before the dates.


The economy sucks, nobody is hiring, but your resume can really help change things he said. I hope so. I never had a job where I actually truly needed a resume it's been only an application. This is all new to me. I feel like Tess McGee in the movie, "Working Girl". She needed the right person to listen to her & give her a chance. I need that too please.

If I want to reach my goals I need to start taking steps. It's soo hard though. It is quite easier said then done. I keep saying that but it truly is. Part of me is like OHH Let's do this, let's go out and get that job. The other part is well if I stay at my current job I'll have X amount in my bank account and I could fall back on that. But if I don't leave I'll get stuck...........Ugh. I feel like I'm in a friend rut, a Mess rut (I love him dearly but eventually Mr. Brown-eyed Big is gunna be my destruction), a job rut, and a home rut. I need to move forward. One lil step at a time...Maybe fixing my resume from Mr. Faherty's tips will make me feel better, and give me some motivation to leave my job, not just yet, but soon. I can't just put it on the To Do List and never look at it again. Baby steps. Maybe just a lil every day...and build from there.

Somebody somewhere in high school or college really should tell people that your 20's are like one big Bi-Polar Disorder. Your mind races, you get confused, you seem lost, your head some days just hurts like hell, and then that shiny disco ball grabs your attention and off you go to something else. Oh and you feel like a mess some days. Baby steps. It's gotta be the way. Small lil steps, like a tight rope. Just PLEASE don't let me fall. Image is painting by Jean-Louis Forain, The Tight Rope Walker.


I hope maybe those 10 things can perhaps help one of you. It helped me, now I gotta write it. One step at a time. "Just breathe" - Ever After

I have a head for business and a bod for sin. Is there anything wrong with that?" - Melanie Griffith, Working girl, 1988. <3

Absolutely gotta share this info!!

Okay now anyone who has ever worn eyeliner knows that it's awful to get off. It usually takes a few washes & then soap in the eye & then ya still gotta wipe with a tissue for a few right? Honestly I usually wait til the end of the day to take my eye-liner off because it's faded soo much it's easy then. WELL NO MORE OF THAT NONESENSE!!! =)


Image via here at the Body Shop: Camomile Waterproof Eye Makeup Remover

I don't really do product reviews in my blog but I got to for this product. I finally used some of the stuff Danielle gave me in The Body Shop goodie bag she got me and Wow. I'm absolutely overwhelmed with shock about awesome this product is. It works. Like It says it will take your make up off and BAM! It actually does it. It's The Body Shop Store's Camomile Waterproof Eye Makeup Remover. The Body Shop is like one of those retail stores that I'm pretty sure is in like every mall to compete against Bath & Body Works.

Well now I'm a real simple make-up girl. I got the eye-liner on the top lid, a lil liquid foundation, a roll-on eye shadow (It really saves time in the morning), mascara, and maybe some lip gloss if i remember. I don't really have a gothic style but the eye-liner is a must have make-up for me. But yeah it's a bitch to take off. This product took it right off with like a lil dab here and there. I used so little and it just came off on my the tissue. AND it's only $14.50. That's not that bad, but I have a feeling I'm going to have it a long while because it's a pretty big tube and I used soo little. So it pays off in the long run.

Here's the specs of the product via The Body Shop website:Camomile Waterproof Eye Makeup Remover

Best if you want to: Gently yet effectively remove all traces of your waterproof and long-lasting makeup and mascara with a mild, fragrance-and dye-free lotion.

How it works:

■Organic Community Trade camomile water, known for its calming benefits, cools and soothes skin.
■Allantoin soothes skin and conditions lashes.
■Sorbitol, a naturally occurring ingredient found in many fruits, helps skin retain moisture, leaving it smooth and supple.

I love it!! I whole-heartedly recommend it. Also it doesn't take away eyelashes. Sometimes from rubbing off the make-up you may lose one or two. *Make a wish.* I owe this to Danielle because she got me some. I'm so grateful!

No more Racoon eyes for me. I usually look like some sort of human badger or racoon by the time I go to bed. hehe.


I'm not a big Ellen fan, but this is by far the funniest thing ever from that commercial with her a few years ago. hehehe. It always makes me laugh!!

On another note: I went to the Free Resume Class tonight at my library & learned soo much. I'm absolutely exhausted tho. I'm going to organize my notes and write a blog with some of the tips I learned for tomorrow!! It's been a very very long day. My clean eye-lids are closing. lol. Nighty Night.

"Nox Nostra Est"(Latin) - The night is ours.

It's where you hang your hat....

I never had Barbie's dream house but I always wanted one. My lil cousin had one so when I went to her house I always hogged it. hehe. Sorry Marina, but I was 5 years old when I did that. =) Image via Toy's R' Us.

Well I almost put a bid on my own very first home this week. There was a studio condo in my parent's complex up for sale about 6 doors down from where we now are. ( I still live with my parents btw...hey struggling recent graduate needs all the help she can get.) The studio condo was on the 2nd floor with the big studio room with a raised bed like a loft, a separate room for the kitchen, a full bathroom, 1 walk-in closet, and 2 other smaller closets. I regret to say that it would have been perfect for just me. But I just can't swing it yet.

I went to the open house and I thought Ohhh Maybe Just Maybe I'm heading in the right direction. My problem is that I could afford to live there no problem with the common charges & the mortgage payment but the money down is the problem. I just don't have enough. I should be sad but I'm actually not sad at all.

This actually was a very realistic moment for me but in a total good way. I'm doing the self-discovery, trying to not feel so lost, but I think I actually needed this event to put things in perspective for me, realistically. I feel like there is soo much pressure on me because the stereotype thing is to Graduate college, move out, find the job in your career. However, a lil known personal fact about me is that I am Never Ever the stereotypical anything. The fact that I could even possibily afford a mortgage payment & still pay my bills too made me feel soo grown-up. The whole not having enough for the money down thing tho did remind me of Woa, I'm only 24 just turned, I just graduated college, my parents aren't kicking me out yet, I need to find a better job...so I actually can just peacefully march a lil time until I do have the money. (I drew a picture of ants in my lil cherry notebook when I wrote about marching time. lol.)

I can't march too much time but I think I need to take a step back & live the life I have right now. Alot of bloggers have recently said this and I think it's because the fall is coming which mean the holidays are lurking around every corner. It's soo hard to relax when everyone keeps tellina ya too. But I'm gunna try.

There will come a day when I will have my dream home and a place to hang my hat that I can decorate and always have a fresh batch of chocolate-covered strawberries on my coffee table for my guests...just not yet. It's okay...I loved the feeling of house hunting & when I can truly afford something Ohhh I can't wait for that joy. =)

"Sweet Dreams are made of this...Who am I to disagree..." - Eurythmics

I have my resume writing class Tueday Night!! Can't wait!! Hope everyone has a lovely week.

See there is a light & life in the cracks. I saw this lil leaf trying to grow in the cracks of my parking lot of my parents condo and I had to take a picture. Photo by me. =)

Bistro Supper anyone?? Gotta love Free Demos =)

I'm starting to really enjoy these Williams Sonoma Free Demo Classes. That's a lil collage of images I took from the morning class.

The Sunday Cocoa-Cocoa girl got taught some very interesting things about Bistro Suppers today. I learned how to make Steak Frites, French cooking of basically Steak & French Fries. I'm not a big steak eater but Omg they used this Steak Pepper sauce called Steak Au Poivi Seasoning Paste that was just delicious.

Now a lil lesson for you. A Bistro is actually the name of a framous french restaurant. Cool. I didn't know that. In making French Fries from scratch you must use Rustic Potatoes. There is actually a process to making them, you can't just cut a potato and fry it. You use a Rustic Potato and are supposed to actually wash the potatoes after you cut them into slices & then place them in a bowl filled with ice water & let them sit in the water for 5 minutes. This makes the inside of the potato slice moist so you don't get hard French Fries in the middle. Woa!! I had no idea!!

Also they recommend getting a professional multi-purpose cutter. Yeah I understand they are trying to sell products but it did make it easier. They have a very good chopper there made by Krups.

(A Krups coffee maker is actually what Doc Brown used to make Mr. Fusion on the delorean in the end of Back to the Future. hehe)

Okay, the talented instructor Cathy made the French Fries & then she made the steak with the sauce listed above. You are supposed to marinate the meat in the sauce for about an hour. Oh she used the most delicious thing ever on the french fries. She sprinkled a bit of Truffle & Sea Salt on the French Fries. It was too die for.


Image via the Williams Sonoma site.Truffle & Sea Salt I can't afford to buy some, but Ohhhh it's soo good. Truffles are my weakness. So yummy.

My mom, my cousin Alex, and I went this morning. It was a smaller group so it was a lil cozy. I enjoyed. It was funny I told a friend last night I was going to cooking demos and they were like Oh! Really?? That's pretty cool. They really are. I recommend them. Classes are expensive, so why not take advantage of the free ones!! =)

Okay, it's a new week. I can't wait for Tuesday because I'm going to a Resume Writing Class at my library. Maybe it'll give me a push I need to really start hunting for a new job. I have an art project I'm going to start that I'm excited about it. I'm going to try...well I might try...nah I'm going to try to hang out with the Mess(my Mr. Big). But maybe I won't try. I dunno. Ack.(It's back to weirdness between me and him. I've been doing tidbits about me & him but I will explain it fully here one day) Um...Yeah. I finished the Time Traveler's Wife and this week shoud be a great time to write a review of it due to the book reminding me of him ever so much...

"How can I trust you with my heart?" - Dommin
I hope everyone has a good start to the week. If you add a lil liquid Creamer & a bit of Powder Creamer to your morning coffee it tastes just a bit better.

A lil bit of this & a lil bit of that...Just a Tick & just a Tac

I wonder when the ice cream truck will stop coming around? I heard the lil chime just a lil while ago... It gave me a perfect idea for my zombie novel I'm writing. (There is wayyyyyy toooo many vampire & vampire slaying novels, ergo I want to write a zombie one.) The story is still in my head but it's slowly leaking onto paper. *Cough* (Blur is on purpose, sry) *Cough* =)


Well today my mom and I went Tag Sale hunting. It's one of my favorite past-times in the spring-fall. The weather was gorgeous, and the tease of the ice cream truck music was playin in the background. The thing tho that's really annoying at tag sales is that everyone always has old drinking glasses. Yes one day when I have an apartment of my very own I will need to buy glasses but right now, nope. Watch when I will need them no one will try to sale them. lol.

Anywho I did find some interesting things. I found these old pins, i love the one that is a lil clock and the lil birdie. Each pin was a whopping 25 cents each!!!! That is why I go to sales cuz ya never know when your going to get a deal. I also found this uber cute carousel horse trinket. That is my guilty expense. Silly lil trinkets. Hey, for a dollar, it'll get a cute home. Here they are:



I don't need any more new stuff because my bedroom is a serious catastrophe, but I was hooked by the low price. (Oh, btw, I literally outgrew my bedroom about 6 years ago so it's jam packed of trinkets.)

So I'm a pack rat that collects things. Well everyone has got to have hobby. =)

Maybe I'll use the pins for a collage? I think I might wear the lil clock pin some day.

Tomorrow I got my Williams Sonoma Demo on Bistro Cooking & French spices. Can't Wait. I hope everyone is having a fun weekend.

"Your memory's fading, I'll love you forever, I'll try to remember, I'll try to hold on..." - The Birthday Massacre

I wish it was Banana Splits, but it's Friend Splits...

Ironically I can do a split on the ground. Not very well, but that was WAY back from when I was a cheerleader.


Yesterday I went to visit my best friend Danielle. It was awesome when you see a good friend you haven't seen in far too long. The coolest thing about us is that a million years could go by but when we actually chill it's like no time has gone by. We call ourselves the Manielle. We tried on horrific dresses in the mall, tried all the fragances in the bath and body works, ate such yummy hummus & eggplant salad, took some photos, gossiped til our faces were blue, and made those lil butterflies I know how to do.

In our gossip sessions tho there was a real suprise. I thought it was just me that was kinda stuck in the middle of a friend split, mine of which is goin on with my friends up home. She is stuck in one too. In my friend split, I was feelling so left out and alone because the group I used to hang out with ALL the time doesn't exist anymore really. I thought it was just the Mess doing it to me but no. It was a "Friend Split". Well then listening to Danielle begin to tell me about how messed up and apart our ole group of friends from college is I was completely shocked. The game night doesn't happen, that bbq plan falls through, the game of poker is never finished, the movie isn't watched, and all those plans just fade away. But knowing that I'm not the only one going through this void of loneliness, made me feel a lil better.

I think I was hoping to go back to my old group of friends where me and Danielle were like "the girls" and try to find a place among them. That's not going to happen. Where she is there is this weird odd choosing of sides and splitting of friendships too. It sucks, plain & simple. Sigh.

But me and Danielle's friendship is still going strong. We're Fiesty & Ready for life's next punches.

So I right now I will hold on to the friends I do have and treasure them dearly.

Maybe it's the transistion from summer to fall that's got people a lil crazy and stressed? Or perhaps that saying, "Things eventually work out or iron themselves out" is true. It's just not the best outcome sometimes. Well you gotta take off the rose-colored glasses one day. And I'm finally taking off mine and NOT put them back on.

Have you ever had your group of friends just evaporate? What did you do when it happened?
This weekend I'm going to try have some relaxing fun and work some things out. Maybe find a new group of friends...maybe try to make my own group...or try to help save one.

One of the boys I work with told me that I deserve a fun weekend. I'm going to try...


Say *Cheese*

It's a glass cage so I can't pretend...

It's my 30th post so I'm going to take a second and explain the lil dollie in my title picture. Well, that's me in the mask. Few people get their moment where they meet their favorite famous person, get to see their favorite band perform, or get to *gasp* talk to your favorite celebrities. I got my moment & a few stolen seconds of fame.


The doll mask was my costume for the music video, "Looking Glass" from my favorite band, The Birthday Massacre. I was cast as an extra in the video and Actually got my name in the CD pamphlet. I still can't believe this. Yeah, I'm wearing a mask but to be in one of your favorite bands videos!!! I'd do anything.


It was filmed 2 years in the middle of winter in Jersey City, NJ. I never knew a real life acting job would be soo much work. It was mostly waiting around for the director and the crew to set up the classroom scenes. I wouldn't trade one minute of waiting for anything. However sitting in a hot room in a school girl outfit with a ceramic mask on your head is not an easy job!! hehe. The band actually came and chilled with all us girls and they were amazing. Just amazing. They thanked us every second they got. They look all gothic and scary but they are the nicest people ever. They signed photos for us, they signed our masks, and gave us as many hugs as we wanted. Also when I went to see them in concert about a year and half later they actually remembered me out of the 30 girls that was there. I'm still in shock, really I am.


The picture is via here: The Birthday Massacre The Birthday Massacre are what people call Bubblegum Gothic Pop. I have NO idea what that means!. They aren't that main-stream, but they have a sound like Evanescence mixed with Seether mixed with a dash of nine inch nails mixed with a meaning to their lyrics touched with something fresh and totally new. It's dark, but if you listen to the words, you'll be right with them. My favorite songs are "To Die for", "Happy Birthday", and "Blue". I love their lyrics, I love their videos, and their songs. You can find their cds at Hot Topic and "The Looking Glass" single is there and if you happen to buy it and see a Melanie. That's me! =)

It was one of the Coolest moments of my life. All I can think of right now tho is that scene in "Legally Blonde" where the Harvard Admissions is like, "She was in a Ricky Martin Video??". lol.

Here's the The Birthday Massacre, "Looking Glass" video. I'm the girl in the #3 mask, and the girl standing in the hallway at the end when a band member takes a book out of her hand. lol. Hope you enjoy. The title of this blog is a lyric from this song. Look for the #3!! <3



So this was one of many of my random things I've randomly done. Back then I was a student & worker by day, and an music video extra by night. hehe. I've reached a serious Omg I think Coffee stopped working with me mode lately so I need to sleep. This music video experience was a dream come true.

Hate me as I turn away...
And I'd like to take a second to just say R.I.P Patrick Swayze. You were a terrific actor and you will be missed.

Just hit the hell out of it...

Today just made me frazzled. I took this pic when I got home from work. I like the effect of the dashboard. I work for a kinda advertising firm where I index the phonebook so people can see their advertisements in the phonebook online. Well at this job I work with 5 very very sports-crazed men. There's no other woman in my office. I think today I went a wee bit nuts from it. The overlapping of the football, the baseball, the golf, the tennis, the car racing, then the high school football chatter pushed me over the edge. My brain is just mush from listening to it all. I forgot my headphones to listen to music so I was a bit stuck.

If guys ever say, "Oh we don't gossip and talk alot"...That's a lie. When you give 5 guys a topic they all like...Dum Dun Dun...they can talk for hours and hours and hours. I really wished they'd hire another girl so I'd have someone to talk too. I'm drowning here.

Therefore I went to the driving golf range today. I'm not that athletic now but I do like to hit the hell out of the golf balls. I have no form, sometimes the ball goes straight if I'm lucky but I can hit that thing over 150 yards. Maybe one day in the future I'll have to golf for a job so I guess I'm practicing. But Whew it's soooo therapeutic.

Some people take Tae Bow, or take Kickboxing...I go to the driving range to get out my rage. hehe. It's cheap too & you can hit the ball as hard as you want. IF YOU GO BRING A GLOVE!!! Your hands will hurt after if you dont.

It also was a good workout. I hate going to the gym and doing the same thing over & over. I need to mix up the activities. Mindless Activities that just clear your head Rule. I was great on my diet today. I went and got a salad for lunch. Lunch is always a problem for me because I never know what to eat but I'm usually ridicolously hungry so I eat too much or wind up goin to Taco Bell. The salad tho kinda worked. I wasn't hungry after. I had cucumbers, baby corn, olives, baby spinach, artichoke hearts, blueberries, red cabbage, peppers, mozzarella balls, & broccli with cauliflower. It's a healthy start. Well the mozzarella balls aren't but you need to splurge some. =P

But I'm a victim to the "I sit at my desk & snack" curse. I think it's because I'm bored & trying to drown out the sports talk. Soo my culprit is the Quaker's Rice Cake bites. I'm horrifically addicted to the Caramel Corn ones. Actually it's not tooo too bad it's only 60 calories per 7 cakes...but it's a bad thing when you eat a bag a day right??? Okay MUST NOT BUY ANYMORE OF THEM!!! (Just finish the 3 bags I bought yesterday hehe)

I'm tired. Really tired and it's only Monday. Sigh. Totally doing a full double cup of coffee tomorrow. (Geez don't ever live near a train, mine's horn keeps going off, cuz its' omg loud.) This Mucha painting lady has the right idea. So Sweet dreams everyone.

Sleep is an absolutely beautiful word.

What if it rained frogs?

Today the Cocoa Cola girl(gotta have my caffeine boost) went to visit the Dolly Mammas of the Ramapo Mountains. My mother and these very talented ladies make art dolls and do crafts. They were brainstorming ideas for their meetings and got my lil hamster wheel in my brain going. I showed them my lil sea shell box for show & tell and they Oooed. It made me happy. One of the ladies, Elizabeth, proposed formal brainstorming to another lady, Jan. That was the fire cracker that made me think. I acually sat and brainstormed ideas in my lil cherry notebook of blog ideas, a list of goals, mini projects I want to do learn like ATC cards, a list of pros/cons with the Mess(my Mr. Big), and just wrote my thoughts like a diary. I love to write. I love to write in script. Don't get me wrong I love my computer and my online livejournal diary but I love to get out the pen and write some pages.

In my lists I encountered not really immediate goals but long-term ones.

1.)I need another job that pays equal to what I make or more....(I'm going to a Resume workshop on the 22nd that I just can't wait for.)
2.)Save money for an apartment. I actually looked at an apartment later today and it was a big eye opener.
3.)Work on my friendships and find my old friendships
4.)Boyfriend- A real-life boyfriend...that will admist I'm his girlfriend, will tell his friends about me and might just might say I love you one day and mean it.
5.)Work on my skin...I hate sweating it happens and it ruins your skin.

The Good vs the Bad with the Mess list...that needs to remain silent. But all i can say with that is the list of bad's is a page long...=( Maybe Ill wake up for once and not pretend to be Carrie. I'm waiting for that end of the season moment that shows me it is completely over between us and for some reason I haven't gotten to the finale....Actually I think the show is stuck in re-runs becuz it's the same stuff different year, different time but same exact stuff with him & me. Ack...What a mess.

Anywho...I've made lists of To do's in this blog before and I'll admit one of my tragic flaws is procrasination. It's a horrible retched lil thing that plagues me so but you need a leaping off point to start things.

The opening credits of a movie will eventually end and the story must begin.


Now it comes to the title of this blog. What if it rained frogs? What an amazing metaphor. I've seen two movies lately where it rained frogs. "The Reaping" & "Magnolia". In Magnolia, the climax of the movie where everybody has reached their limit and their emotions and their frustrations have reached it's limit is symbolized by the raining of frogs. I think I'm having this moment. I'm trying to reach this starting point where I will see the sign, see the raining frogs and realize there must be a point of no-return and start this story. I have to chose a path and not look back. Don't forget, but keep going. Persevere. Run like the wind and not be a lazy procrasinator.

I thought & wrote today I'm ready to take the next steps in my life. I've kinda danced around taking these steps for the past month and I'm tired of waiting. I've had the melt-downs, I'm in the process of cleaning up these fallen frogs on the roadside, and I must go on. If I write it, I'll beleive I can do it. If I keep reminding myself Yes...just a lil more time needs to go by, and then things will be different. Yes I will turn that other corner. I want the story to start, and cleaning the bedroom wasn't enough. I have to physically & mentally do it. Okay. Monday, that's a day of new beginning.

Also, geez if it really truly rained frogs.....Omg that'd be one hell of a cleanup. lol.

The sky will be my limit. Maybe just maybe I'll go further...


I took this pic today outside of DePiero's farm in Park Ridge, NJ. The clouds just go on and on. I thought it was beautiful.

"But there will be dancing..." - George, My Best Friend's Wedding

September 11th.

We will never forget. This is a photo I took of one of the beams at the Franklin Ave Elementary School. In Pearl River, NY every school has a beam. My high school has 2 beams. The next town over has 1 beam in a courtyard in the center of town.

I remember on September 11th being in gym class around 8:40am. I'll never forget one of the other students saying to me that plane looks a lil low...and we heard the noise of a plane overhead. It might have been one of the planes. I looked up and it was eerie, reallly eerie. I finished the soccer game, ran to change back into my clothes, and then ran to Mr. Licht's class. I mean ran, because I was late. I ran up the 3 stories of stairs from the gym to the Math Wing all out of breath and when I entered the classrom everyone was sitting and Mr. Licht saw me and said Oh good now everyone is here. I sat down out of breath it was probably around 9:12 or 9:07ish i cant remember but Mr. Licht said, "Just to let all of you know there was a terrorist attack on the World Trade Centers a few minutes ago." I let out the breath I didn't know I was holding. We finished class for 42 minutes and then I went to Latin. There I found out that the buildings collapsed. Mrs. Probst was on the phone with her husband and she said it out loud for us all to here. My high school is about 20 minutes from the George Washington bridge just outside Manhatten, so we were in a lock down. My memory is fuzzy of the exact moments but I remember falling out of my chair at some point or I missed the chair of those horrific desks that have the chair glued to it. No one noticed. When I left Latin I thought the world had gone nuts. I heard that the Sears tower had been hit that there were planes at the Pentagon and soo much other stuff. A friend's father worked in the building but for some reason he didn't go to work that day.

Next thing I know I was called to the main office because my mom was there. It was like she just appeared out of no where. I didn't have a cell phone back then so it literally was her appearing from behind the line of buses. I remember running to her because she got let out of her job and they told her to get your kids and go sit in your basement. We went home and watched it on the TV for days. I don't think I'll ever see people walk out of Manhatten so calmly again in my entire life. I think I watched Spongebob Squarepants on Nickelodeon because it was the only TV channel that was still broadcasting other things.

What boggles my mind is the people that for some reason didn't go to work that day. My friend's dad didn't go in. Some people were stuck in traffic. Some people were sick that day. Others just didn't go to work. I luckily didn't have any family that was killed or injured but I know of soldiers that from my high school and friends that have served to fight. I don't support war as an answer but I support our troops. It's just...Our whole world changed that day.

I've been to Ground Zero and it's just...there are no words to describe. On the road I used to go my college on you used to be able to see the towers of light they did in memoriam. I remember when i was a cheerleader and we had away games in Westchester you could look out from the Tappan Zee BRidge and see New York City. It's the eeriest & sadest thing in the world to not see the Twin Towers because I always tried to look and see them whenever we by. I was going to go have lunch on top of them for my 16th birthday but I got sick and me and my parents didn't go.

All I can think about is that scene in the movie Signs where the lil boy says, "All the history books are going to change".

I remember asking my parents where they were when Kennedy was shot years ago when I studied it. My mom was in sewing class & hmm can't remember where my dad was and When my future child one day asks me where I was when the World Trade Centers went down Ill tell them the above answer and give them a hug shortly after.

Blessings to all the families and lives that the day irrevocably changed. We will never forget. R.I.P.

Sally Sells Seashells by the Seashore...

Yeah I can’t say that 10 times fast without sounding like a total spaz. Okay change of pace. I haven’t written for the past few days because I just needed to collect myself. I hate times like this where things are just so messed up and you don’t know a way to correct them. It’s upsetting to an unfathomable degree. Time helps. Time heals, Time makes people understand, yet Time erases. That’s a word I dislike. Erase. This isn’t “Back to the Future: Part 3” when Jennifer holds up the “Your Fired” paper and then it disappears. This is real life and it can just make your head spin & the tears fall. But I guess it makes you who you are and who you’re supposed to be. Sigh.


This is total change of direction but I needed to gett my mind off of things, ergo I’ve been making this lil seashell box that's above for the past 2 days. I went to Rye Beach and it’s actually where the movie, “Big” with Tom Hanks was filmed.


The photo on the left is mine and the photo on the right is from the movie. That’s the same boardwalk that Zoltor was on.

Side Note: One of my favorite hobbies is movies. I love going to places that are “in the movie” sorta speak. For example, I did a “Ghostbusters” movie tour of Manhatten one day with the Mess. We went to the firehouse, Dana Barrett’s apartment building, and the Columbus Circle where the State Puff Marshmallow Man walked down. I wanna go to the mall that is in “Dawn of the Dead”. Maybe next summer. End of Side Note

Back to the lil Seashell box. At Rye Beach I kept picking up all these lil snail seashells and I thought hmm maybe I can decorate a box with it. I’ve been trying to do some form of craft a week. It’s really relaxing. My mind just goes blank & I’ll admit that’s exactlt what I need right now.

Guide:
I went to AC Moore, (used a 50% off coupon) and bought a lil wooden box with a flat lid. Then I bought 2 tubes of Acrylic Paint, 1 black & 1 magenta. Yeah I’m aware that it’s not really beachy colors but that’s one of the joys I find in creating something. It’s yours and you can do whatever you want it. I bought 4 lil wooden pieces with images on them. Then I went to work. I painted the box and I totally learned this from HGTV while watching one of those bedroom makeover shows. I put tape along the edges of the box so I could paint the bottom of the box a different color and not worry about the smudges of magenta on the black. It worked!! I did have to do a couple coats of the paint. It might be better to use Wood Paint if anyone is ever painting a wooden box. Then I used some heavy duty glue called 527 to seal on the seashells to the top. The key there is to get a box with a completely flat top. I think it’s just easier.

Here are the photos of what I did:



The tape really helped.


Ta da! It was kinda funny, my mom watched me glue the seashells on like I was 2 years old and had just learned to walk. She was like “Oh Im impressed! That box is really cute”. I like when I get to amaze her even if it’s just a lil bit. It is encouraging. I am a crafty person but perhaps because I haven’t been in this motivating groove for Years she’s a bit shocked. The good part about this box is I found a use for these shells. They were too beautiful to just let them sit in a baby food jar collecting dust and mold or in a bag somewhere.

Baby food jars are actually really good organizers for small things that you don’t have a lot of but need to just put them somewhere.

Okay I gotta get back to work. I’m at my lunch hour eating some Mac & cheese. I’m a bit spoiled because my office building is only 5 minutes from my house. Furthermore if you got some seashells laying around, Totally use them!!! It makes a sweet lil memento. hmmm...now what to put in the box??? lol.

Til Tomorrow…
(P.S. The Vampire Diaries is on tonight on the CW. It’s Channel 11 for standard cable. Can’t Wait! & Project Runway is tonight.)

Realization.

The purpose of this blog was for me to work out things in my life & try to figure out who I am as a person. As I've said I sorta feel like I'm standing in the middle of a 4 way intersection like in Cast Away & are trying to find the right direction to go. Well this weekend helped by being so messed up that I had a few realizations that occured to me that I will always and must follow from this day forward.

#1: If ANY of your friends ever feels unsafe in a situation and is upset & wanting to leave....You leave. You get in the car and you leave where ever the hell you are. You ALWAYS get your friend out of the situation even if you have to drive home at 5am & don't take your bf's side when the bf says, I didn't know he would do that to your friend. (I had to fight a friend of 12 years to take me home out of a very bad situation that Im actually still trembling about.)

#2: ALWAYS drive yourself to the party and/or know exactly where your going & how long it takes to get there. (The best friend's bf said the party was an hour away...It was actually 3 hours away.)

#3: NEVER trust someone you have just met who says they are not drunk. Odds are they might be lying.

#4:(This is the sad thing I realized) Even a friend of 12 years may switch on you and barely care if your alive or dead & will become a stupid idiot because she is dating a stupid kid. They may say to you Yes I care & scream at you that they are trying to help but unless they are driving you home immediately and/or putting their arm around you and holding you while you cry and not just say, "Oh Woa you look like shit" and go disappear with the bf and say to you "Oh we might leave in the morning but I wanna see what my bf wants first." That is just wrong.

#5: If I ever get the slightest feeling that I should not go somewhere, Don't go. Turn back.

People that dont physically show in their actions that they care, are not your friends. People that you are there for them ever second of the way, but when it comes to your needs they look the other way...they are not your friends. When your waiting to kiss your bf goodbye while your other friend is crying and trembling(that was me) and you still don't leave to take her home, you are not a friend that I want to keep. People who can't even look at you when they say sorry,(that was her bf) they don't mean it & are not your friends or people you should be associated with.

It's amazing how some people just don't care. I've lost 2 of my longest best friends lately because they didn't care about me at all. One afer the incident on Saturday night & the other a few months ago. The other best friend I stopped being friends with actually when I told her I don't know if I have cancer or not when I didn't know what the lumps in my boob were turned to me and said, "It happens, (then without a breath said) does this shirt make my boobs look big?". She talked down to me & when I called her out on it she was like Oh i guess I do, Ill work on fixing it. If you are someone's true friend... nothing should need "fixing".

This weekend I just wanted to have some fun and meet some new people. That didn't happen. And I will never forget this weekend and the stuff I learned above.

It upsets me to lose friends but I'm learning who exactly my true friends are and who would stand up for me & who care about me. Thats a step, I think, in the right direction of my life.

Just a few lil things...

A few things happened on the way to the forum today & one made me understand why I feel lost in my life.

The first thing is that I went to a tag sale and actually found a Rainbow Bright doll!! It made my day. Yes, a Rainbow Bright doll for only 50 cents. I was jumping for joy. I kinda remember the TV Show but I was a bit young. Here it is:


Yeah, the hair is a lil...um...like she put her hand in a socket, but for a 26 year old doll she's not in bad condition at all. I'll see if I can put a comb through it & straighten her out a bit more. But she's still smiling all the way.

Secondly I went at got my nails done at my lunch hour. That is my one girly luxury I will never give up. I don't go all out with the gel nails I just get a normal French Manicure & honestly I think I do it for the 30 second hand massage. I go to a place that knows me and ALWAYS TIP YOUR MANICURIST cuz then they are extra nice to you the next time and will sometimes add a lil glitter to the nails for free.


I think honestly just get it done at lunch time because I can ask one of the guys I work with the open the can of soda for me in the girliest lil voice.

Next, (Now this is Ridiculous.) I went to Fashion Figure to get check out the "Take an additional 50 off Clearance" racks. Well I found a pair of jeans and then the cashier said to me, "I wouldn't think you'd fit in this store.".......Now Fashion Figure is one of those stores with the bigger sizes. I'll admit, I'm a 155 pounds & wear a 36D bra & have about a 38 inch waist. I got curves too. I'm sorry I am not squeezing myself into a medium or a large in the teenie bopper stores. I need real clothes that I can breath in. I probably took her comment the wrong way, but it confused me. Soo the store I fit in, I'm questioned for going in there....That makes no sense to me.

Also for example the other day I was in this new lingere store and this kid came up to me that worked there and told me, "Just to let you know, we have Double D in the back of the store if you want." Now, at first I was kinda flattered that she thought I was bigger than I was but then I was like So how come you don't just put them out for people to see?? I'm not understanding how this new retail world is designed or who is training the employees & yes I've worked retail.

So I'm basically being told in the smaller stores dont worry we have the bigger stuff and in the bigger stores I'm told, "Shouldn't you be shopping in the smaller stores?". It just...What the hell? I think this is one of the reasons why I feel lost in my lil world. I worked retail for 10 years pretty much and never told someone we have bigger sizes unless they asked and NEVER told someone that I didn't think they should shop here.

So where do I shop now? huh? I dunno. I'm at a loss for words.

Finally I went to see the movie "All about Steve". It's quirky and its funny, but I'm glad I only paid $7 dollars to see it. There are absolutely hysterical parts but meh...she's better in other things. I enjoy Sandra Bullock alot more when she's not acting like she's on crack. "Miss Congenality" is like one of my absolute favorite movies & "Forces of Nature" & "Crash" and she's just always a very believable character in her movies. This one.... It kinda made me wanna watch "The Mary Tyler Moore Show" alot.

I actually got invited to go to the beach tomorrow with my other shopping owl so I gotta head to bed. The song tho of the night is, "I fall to Pieces" by Patsy Cline. That song is ever soo powerful.

Reminder for myself: Work on Self-Esteem. Okay. Later.

I keep up with the racing rats...And do my best to win....

It's amazing how when things are over, and I mean truly over, you start to realize what those moments in the past meant. Now it could mean great things like Oh I wish I could have another serving of that, but it also can be the Oh *Beep* how did I not see this??? I'm having the, "It all makes sense now" feeling. Its kinda feel like I'm having a movie trailer of events in my head and it's finally in high definition. Or maybe from hitting my head yesterday that it snapped me into reality. I'm always asking Why this or Why that? But I guess Time does tell, and you eventually figure out the answers to some of these queries. And, yes, they are not answers one hopeful lost girl would want to hear, but alas it's better to see those answers then not. And let it just fade out. (Well I just have to keep telling myself that, over and over til I get it in my head.)

It doesn't help that I'm a data entry clerk at my current job to pay my bills, so through the typing my mind wanders every second it's off its leash. For example, I went on a mini walk today around my office building & walked next door to the bowling alley to get some sun. (Yes, when the bosses are away, the mice will play & secretly go play a quick bowling game at lunch time.SHHHH!!!) Well at the bowling alley I saw 3 sinks just laying on the ground. Yeah, don't ask...I have no idea why they didn't put them near the dumpster but they were just laying there. So I took a picture.


"Three of a kind, Let's do this!" - Joker, Dark Knight
It's random. I know. But when ya see 3 sinks just hanging out ya gotta laugh.

lol. It's kinda like case of "Nancy Drew and the Missing Sinks." lol. It should be, "Melanie and the case of Missing her mind."


In other news, I did manage to get to the gym today. I was happy that I didnt go to Taco Bell for lunch. I work around the corner from one and it's always a haunting reminder. At the gym I actually switched it up and did alot machines. Okay so from here on in Im gunna try to get the gym at least 3 times a week. If not, it's just a waste of money for the membership. It's hard to diet. I gotta stick to it.

The title of this blog is actually from a song called, "The Racing Rats" by The Editors. I really like that song. It's one of those songs you'd see in like an Indie movie, that doesn't get the credit it deserves.

"Let's pretend we never met
Let's pretend we're on our own
We live different lives
Until our covers blown" - "Racing Rats"

With all relationship horrors with him aside, could you just let your best guy friend just walk away from you? Would you let him leave? Perhaps I'll send him some sinks.

A lil story of a stressed out girl & throw in some match books.

Hmm I wish I could fly like in a Peter Pan by thinking lovely thoughts. Hmmm...Maybe I'll be Tinkerbell for Halloween??? But make it so she's wearing a green corsette with a skirt?? hmmm... Flying, That'd be fun. I think I'd fly to Paris cuz Everyone has been talking about Paris...I'd love to go there one day. Tink photo via Imdb.

Okay, so once upon a time, or perhaps today, a very stressed out girl went to the bank & took her lil piggie to the Penny machine. She was ever soo happy that the pennies actually added up to something. Maybe one day I will get those shoes I want. BUT!! She didn't put the cash in her wallet but just in her purse. (Insert the "dum dun dun" sound in your head) That's where the story took a turn. So she went to the library to get a movie out or 2, took out her library card from her wallet, paid her overdue fines(I always lose the "When it's due" list, so I never know) and then proceeded the few blocks home. Well when she went to take the money out of her purse, she noticed that...it wasn't there. Therefore began...Sheer & Utter Panic Mode!!!! (Omg Omg!! I was absolutely devatasted.) If she was a parrot she'd have no feathers. She fumbled around the purse & ceased to find the money, so she put on her sneakers without socks & ran out of her door like a mad woman to her car. Then BAM!! (It's gunna haunt me a bit just how in fact I hit my head getting into my car.) She hit her forehead straight on to the door jam while entering her car. She raced back to the library with a now throbbing head & when she started looking around the floor where the book checkout was she looked one last time in the purse & *sigh* she found the money with an absolute throbbing headache.
The End

I can't beleive I did this. This was right after work, so I was a lil frazzled, but geez. It was an eye-opener & a slap of reality. And I mean a car slap. Oh btw, objects (not people or animals) plain objects like to fight me. But I'm glad the car won. I needed to wake up mentally and I will. Oh I will.

On the positive side on the 2nd time around at the library, I did find out that there is a resume workshop at the library and im soo going to it. I need a new job too!!!! Can't Wait!!

I'll admit I'm one of those girls that has the HUGE purse. I can't deal with the small purses. In all honesty I could probably live about a week out of my purse if I had too without going home. Kinda like Ally Sheedy in the Breakfast Club. lol. I got the big one so maybe I could open it and see what was inside it better. uhh nope. =P.

Well see for yourself. It's very easy to lose money in this purse. It's a Liz Clabourne purse that I got on sale in a Century 21 outlet. I love the lil flower design on it. I just wished it had a zipper closure instead of a magnetic button.


At least I found the money. lol. I think I need to lay off the caffeine a bit too. I'm jumpier than a rabbit lately.

In other news...I've decided my crafty project for the week is to do something with these match booklets. My mom & I over the weekend went to the new thrift store in town and they had match books for a penny each. We bought alot of them. So here's a pic of some that I really liked. I think maybe a collage of the covers? Or I have these black boxes that could use some color that are pretty cool cuz they have a silver lining. My story will have a silver lining & this is fight to the finish. Not a fight to regain but to start anew.


Match booklets artwork is actually so cute & great for collage cuz it's a mini image. Maybe it'll inspire you. It's hard to find things to decorate & craft with, & when you do you gotta snatch them up, & hopefully they'll cost a penny each again.

Okay...Im going to go take an aspirin & watch The Strangers & think of some more ideas for these booklets!!

Wake me up...When September Ends...

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - Crash, 2004

In NY, we crash into each other too just so we can feel. I miss feeling. Oh how I miss it. Excellent movie too, btw. It's jam back with emotion, & how our lives are soo entertwined with each other & we barely even know it.

Today was one of those wake up, put the alarm a few more minutes, down some coffee, go to work, come home, take a nap, go to the gym, watch Stepford Wives and that's it days. I used to be called to go out by the mess and his friends alll the time. There was a time I hung out with them everyday, even if it was just to play monopoly for a while. Yes, monopoly. Or even lazer-tag or a movie or frisbee in the mall parking lot...But I'm left out now. The other people in the group don't realize that things went on between me and mess so I'm wondering if they are thinking at all, "Hey, where's Mel? How come she's not here?". Perhaps on a subconscious level they realize oh he used to call her and now there's another girl so why call her now? All I got the other night was lies about what the mess has been up too, from him himself. Why lie, is what I want to know? Just be a man and fess up to it, that you are with someone else. Don't wait til your sure of this new relationship or whatever reason he has for lying to me... Just ugh Don't lie & say oh I've been doing overtime & I haven't been up to much...

I feel like in the "Time Traveler's Wife", when Clare is young & Henry wont tell her the future or the present when he time travels to her. That book is a whole other story for another time.

I don't mean to carry on about it, but it's really bugging me. I should just come out & say yo, I figured out why I haven't seen you since my birthday, but like so many other people after years of trying to figure out things with people, you just get tired. Too tired. Too tired to fight, too tired to remember, too tired to try to save what I thought was a best friend...

Isn't Stitch cute? I think thats gunna be my reminder pic to go to the gym. Anywho, I was going to do a blog about what do I think about when I'm on the treadmill. But I didn't think of anything while I walked. I actually went to the gym today, after eating a whole thing of chinese food for lunch and did 3.75 miles in an 1 hour and burned 546 calories. That is ALOT for me. I used to do Track in high school but I threw the discus & shotput. Not running. Hell no. I tried not to think of the mess, tried to organize my thoughts and my mind was actually just blank. All I thought of was how much time I had left of the hour to walk. But Ohhhh the joy of the sounds of silence. (I <3 Simon & Garfunkel song, "Sounds of Silence" & hearing it in the movie, "Watchmen" made me ever so happy.) My thoughts race constantly (A.D.D. kid)...and I actually felt a lil better that I wasn't thinking of anything.

But when I stepped off the treadmill, everything crashed back.

What started my weird mood was the dream I had last night. I had a dream that I was talking to the mess on the phone. I didn't know you could have phone conversations in a dream & actually hear the person on the other line. Has anyone ever had that?? I'm a lil freaked out by it. It was almost more like a memory that never happened than a dream. Well I was walking near his house & talking to him on the phone & I was soo happy in the dream cuz I was talking to him & cuz it felt so real. Like that holagram program they had in Star Trek. But then he was like yeah Im walking to so & so's house and I looked over and saw him in the dream & ran away from him in the dream. I dunno why I ran. I have very vivid dreams, that just toy with my emotions. This was a total nightmare cuz it made me remember all day. Sigh.

What do you dream about? I love hearing dreams because it makes me feel not as weird. lol.

Ironically I looked at my dreamcatcher to take a picture & noticed it wasn't on my window sill right. DAMNNIT!! No wonder I'm having nightmares. Dreamcatchers are supposed to ward off bad dreams, and I didnt hang mine right. I fixed it right before I wrote this. Here is my dreamcatcher:


"A dream is a wish your heart makes" - Cinderella. Yup. Thats true.

I can't wait til tomorrow because that just means more time has gone by....Ill do a positive blog tomorrow cuz I thought of a way of decorating these black boxes I have, so I can add a lil color to them & spirit. Gotta remember happy thoughts!!!!! Please let me remember happy thoughts!!

Til tomorrow...Nighty.