Wake me up...When September Ends...

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - Crash, 2004

In NY, we crash into each other too just so we can feel. I miss feeling. Oh how I miss it. Excellent movie too, btw. It's jam back with emotion, & how our lives are soo entertwined with each other & we barely even know it.

Today was one of those wake up, put the alarm a few more minutes, down some coffee, go to work, come home, take a nap, go to the gym, watch Stepford Wives and that's it days. I used to be called to go out by the mess and his friends alll the time. There was a time I hung out with them everyday, even if it was just to play monopoly for a while. Yes, monopoly. Or even lazer-tag or a movie or frisbee in the mall parking lot...But I'm left out now. The other people in the group don't realize that things went on between me and mess so I'm wondering if they are thinking at all, "Hey, where's Mel? How come she's not here?". Perhaps on a subconscious level they realize oh he used to call her and now there's another girl so why call her now? All I got the other night was lies about what the mess has been up too, from him himself. Why lie, is what I want to know? Just be a man and fess up to it, that you are with someone else. Don't wait til your sure of this new relationship or whatever reason he has for lying to me... Just ugh Don't lie & say oh I've been doing overtime & I haven't been up to much...

I feel like in the "Time Traveler's Wife", when Clare is young & Henry wont tell her the future or the present when he time travels to her. That book is a whole other story for another time.

I don't mean to carry on about it, but it's really bugging me. I should just come out & say yo, I figured out why I haven't seen you since my birthday, but like so many other people after years of trying to figure out things with people, you just get tired. Too tired. Too tired to fight, too tired to remember, too tired to try to save what I thought was a best friend...

Isn't Stitch cute? I think thats gunna be my reminder pic to go to the gym. Anywho, I was going to do a blog about what do I think about when I'm on the treadmill. But I didn't think of anything while I walked. I actually went to the gym today, after eating a whole thing of chinese food for lunch and did 3.75 miles in an 1 hour and burned 546 calories. That is ALOT for me. I used to do Track in high school but I threw the discus & shotput. Not running. Hell no. I tried not to think of the mess, tried to organize my thoughts and my mind was actually just blank. All I thought of was how much time I had left of the hour to walk. But Ohhhh the joy of the sounds of silence. (I <3 Simon & Garfunkel song, "Sounds of Silence" & hearing it in the movie, "Watchmen" made me ever so happy.) My thoughts race constantly (A.D.D. kid)...and I actually felt a lil better that I wasn't thinking of anything.

But when I stepped off the treadmill, everything crashed back.

What started my weird mood was the dream I had last night. I had a dream that I was talking to the mess on the phone. I didn't know you could have phone conversations in a dream & actually hear the person on the other line. Has anyone ever had that?? I'm a lil freaked out by it. It was almost more like a memory that never happened than a dream. Well I was walking near his house & talking to him on the phone & I was soo happy in the dream cuz I was talking to him & cuz it felt so real. Like that holagram program they had in Star Trek. But then he was like yeah Im walking to so & so's house and I looked over and saw him in the dream & ran away from him in the dream. I dunno why I ran. I have very vivid dreams, that just toy with my emotions. This was a total nightmare cuz it made me remember all day. Sigh.

What do you dream about? I love hearing dreams because it makes me feel not as weird. lol.

Ironically I looked at my dreamcatcher to take a picture & noticed it wasn't on my window sill right. DAMNNIT!! No wonder I'm having nightmares. Dreamcatchers are supposed to ward off bad dreams, and I didnt hang mine right. I fixed it right before I wrote this. Here is my dreamcatcher:


"A dream is a wish your heart makes" - Cinderella. Yup. Thats true.

I can't wait til tomorrow because that just means more time has gone by....Ill do a positive blog tomorrow cuz I thought of a way of decorating these black boxes I have, so I can add a lil color to them & spirit. Gotta remember happy thoughts!!!!! Please let me remember happy thoughts!!

Til tomorrow...Nighty.