What If I Go After My Dream Job? The 25 Club...

I wish it was to be Disney World's Jessica Rabbit but I don't think they have her walking around. Do they? Hmmm I imagine that red dress isn't exactly PG. I wish tho I could be an actress. That is my dream job. I know I know I went to school for Engineering & Mathematics however I always have had that dream of being on the big screen. I used to be in my ex's short comedy skits a long time ago but I doubt that will ever see the outside of his computer.

Last year I went to a modeling agency to see if maybe just maybe I could get a bid for something. I was very disappointed that it wound up being a scam. Thankfully I didn't put any money up for it. If I ever want to do it I'm going to have to be careful. Craigslist isn't always the most honest of places either to look for like a casting call or something but you never know. I'm so close to NYC that I really should take advantage of it. hmmm...this might be a pipe dream but who knows. I'm going to keep my eyes open for that one in a million chance.

In reality tho I should have started years & years ago & be born to movie star parents because that's like THE way to get into show bizz. I'm a lil old for it even at 25 to start. It's okay tho. I can still dream.

However I got curious how many famous stars today are actually ONLY 25 YEARS OLD! Here's what I came up with:

Carey Mulligan

Amanda Seyfried

Kiera Knightley

Raven Symone

Michelle Trachtenberg

Kaley Cuoco

I was shocked that Raven Symone is only 25 & Michelle Trachtenberg. They have been around FOREVER! Did you know these famous ladies were so young?

I gotta finish my work day but I thought it was really cool how much they have all done in so few years. Good for them. Maybe I'll be a star one day...hmmm dreaming...

If I had a Dream Wish List...

Hi Everyone! How many people keep getting asked, "What do you want for Christmas or Hannukah this year?" over & over. Probably all of you! Well if I fell down the rabbit hole & had tons of money this would be my Dream gift list.

Tiffany Keys Blossom Key Pendant w/ chain $400

A pair of Louboutins $595

This New Years Tweed Dress from Anthropologie $268

Bows & Whistles Red Purse from Betsy Johnson $368

KitchenAid Mixer $299

Xbox 360 w/ Kinnex $299

Sex & the City Complete Series: $100

Maybe one day. This year money has been a lil tight for me because of the Condo fiasco & saving up money for a future trip I'm taking in 2011 so I've been hitting the sales hard. One item I did find that was an absolute PERFECT gift for some of friends who have just bought their first homes or loves to entertain is a Fondue Set. It's something that is really simple to do & is alot of fun! The really cool part is that it only cost $19.99. Here is the one I've been buying:

My Perfect Kitchen Stainless Steel Lazy Susan Fondue Set 17 Pc

Ohh what a week. I should know more information about the condo today!! I'm so excited! =) I hopefully too will be having a giveaway some point next week! Stay Tuned! I hope everyone has a great weekend!

I've been finding it easier to follow people on Bloglovin lately. The reader is so much easy to use & keep track of everyone. Give it a try!

I want a dream lover so I don't have to dream alone...

Source
Well it's been one hell of a week. It went turtle slow. I have had a lot of work to do at my job so that's a good thing. I've been trying to make myself irreplaceable at my job so God forbid they do an employee cut, I won't be part of it. However staring at a computer screen for basically every hour I'm awake is a bit much. My new best friend is "Clear Eyes". lol. I guess it comes with the trade...

Mostly I've been just dreaming. Dreaming of so much. Picturing my future apartment when I move out my parents house, decorating it the way I want, and having people come over to my actual place. Dreaming of the next person I will meet, what gates will they open for me. Contemplating the plot of my story's characters. Wishing that the pillow laying next to me was somebody whom I can't help but miss. The songs I hear over the radio during the day make its way into my head too.

The day turns into night and I'm left with my mind racing. My head is like the remote control that is stuck between the sofa cushions, hurriedly flipping through the stations...jumping from one thought to another.


I dream of going into a store and then a fitting room and the clothes actually fitting properly. It seems I have a problem that the juniors clothes look too tacky and the Women's clothes too older looking. It's a problem for me. Or it just doesn't fall right on me and it shows every lump and bump. I dream of when I won't have the lump and bump and I will fit into that bathing suit without a shirt over it...

So many dreams. I conjure up dreams of closure or possible outcomes of new situations. It makes my job go by very fast and sweetly. But alas I will wake up, however those dreams will be my fuel. A never-ending fuel for me.


Tomorrow I'm actually having lunch with Drummer Boy. Yes, I am over my Drummer Boy ex, completely & utterly, but I think he's lonely. I'm lonely too so I will be his friend, nothing more. He's searching for himself and I am too, so it's sort of created a common bond between us. Not a strong enough bond that I would want to date him, but enough of one where I would chill with him and maybe we can help each other out along the way. I will pay for my own stuff and vise versa. There is no harm in a lunch. He better not call before noon tho, or I'm not going. lol.

I leave you to dream some more...maybe I'll find a dream lover to keep my company this weekend when I go out tomorrow night...who knows....

Never thought I'd dream that....

I wonder what Snoopy is dreaming about here? Well I know what I'm dreaming about & I can't believe it. See my dreams are weird. I don't really ever have frivolous dreams like floating on top of a mountain, alien abductions, hippos, famous actors having lunch with me, or a crazy man dangling cheese in front of my face like in Buffy. Nope, not for me. Instead of have those almost real-life type dreams where you wake up & just for a moment hope that $20's you found in the dream is really on your nightstand. lol. I dreamt that once.

It's almost like my dreams are a false memory. It's extremely disorienting when you wake up because it plays back in my head when I wake up, like I'm desperately trying to remember what I did last night kinda like I'm forgetting it was just a dream. Perhaps it's because I have a photographic memory. I remember rooms, people's faces, what i see, not necessarily what I hear. Names...yeesh I'm bad with that. I don't know why.

The other night I dreamt something that should have been happy to dream but it just wasn't. It was literally almost like my mind was showing me how awful it truly was to be with the Mess (My Brown-Eyed Mr. Big Sorta Ex) so I could get over it. I was in a mall with him like I used to do with him, and then he turned to me & said, "Oh did we get everybody??". I responded, "Yeah it's just you & me". And he went to me, "Oh....right....you," with a look that he wasn't happy & was bored to be with me. The dream proceeded & he told me how he was dating this girl & that girl & going to call people to chill because I wasn't enough...It went on the dream & it was kinda like I was tied to the passenger seat in the car without a voice...I just sat there listening to the garbage, everything I said he never acknowledged...til I woke up.

Usually when he's in my dreams they're usually pleasant...even tho I haven't seen him in about a month & half. Now the dreams are like this one. Cold, awful, & leaves me waking up saying to myself..."Woa that was awful?? What was I thinking, sitting there in the dream doing nothing but listening to the crap???" Basically how the hell could I ever sit with him again & listen to him talk about the girls he'll date. I can't. He was my best friend...but I just can't pretend that I'm not hurt.

I wish I dreamt of sitting in strawberry fields, gelato in Italy, kissing a frog that'll turn into a prince, or even I dunno winning the lottery. However, I think I need to thank my sub-conscious mind for doing this to me. It's brutal, but I needed to see it. Sometimes you need to see things from the outside. You need to watch them in a sorta movie to see how messed up it is.

It's like when an artist will step back from their painting & stare it from a distance to see if it makes sense...

If your up too close...it's hard to see the way out. I'm out...I need to stay out of this drama. I love Lady Gaga's song, "Bad Romance", but I'm sorry...I don't want his drama, even if it would be free.

What a busy week this shall be. Mentally & physically. But I got hope that things are looking up. It may not have reached my dreams at night yet...but things are changing & I have to put that smile back on my face for the days to come. I'll be dreaming good dreams & getting the kisses from someone who will take the bad dreams away...one day.


Painting: "The kiss" by Gustav Klimt. One of my ultimate favs.

Illusions.....

Illusions. Well...hmmm...how do I turn them into reality??

It may appear I'm near water in the above the picture but it's just a shower curtain. Often one thing carefully placed can create an illusion. One lie placed strategically can let you live in a sea of dreams. Oh but eventually the curtain falls & you see the ace up the sleeve that won the game.

I have some dreams that I want to make a reality. From watching Lady Gaga's video, "Bad Romance" a ridiculous amount of times I remembered how much I like to dance. I have all her dance moves memorized. hehe. Well I use to do ballet, tap, jazz, and pointe for about 10 years when I was younger. And yes I was the captain of my high school cheer leading squad BUT I was one of the least popular girls in the school. (I love breaking stereotypes.) For the half-time show we used to do a dance. I miss it so much. Unfortunately dance classes are really expensive & I can't stretch my belt too much lately. But it's something I'm going to consider picking up somewhere, anywhere.

Dancing was something that made me not think & just enjoy a few moments lost in space & time listening to the tune of the music....

However I was an extra in a music video for "The Birthday Massacre" there was no dancing. I was a school girl in a ceramic mask. The lil #3 doll in my header is actually me in the music video. But maybe the next music video will have dancing...

It was SERIOUSLY by chance that I wound up in that video because I just happened to see a post on myspace that the band was looking for extras. I would love the experience again. I do live about 20 minutes out of New York City, maybe I should look up some places that are looking for music video extras or movie extras. I've always had a real dream of being an actress. I might have my head in clouds but I got lucky once, maybe just maybe one day again??

There is a modelling agency that I've been watching for Open Calls. It's called the Keen Agency. I've really never seen myself as a model but who knows. It might lead to something.... You never know. One day I had never been more Angry in my whole life when I opened the newspaper and saw that the ad for the open call near my house was that Tuesday. I was reading the newspaper on the Sunday after. But they circulate New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, & Connecticut so I might get another shot. It's a HUGE Dream...and I mean dream...but who knows??

*Dreaming*
Thankfully it's almost Friday. I want to see the movie, "Precious" badly tomorrow & "2012". Well I'm off to my dreams. Maybe I'll add just a lil bit of illusion tonight... Photos on top & below are photographed by me.


"I want your loving
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Caught in a bad romance..."
- Lady Gaga.

Wake me up...When September Ends...

"It's the sense of touch. In any real city, you walk, you know? You brush past people, people bump into you. In L.A., nobody touches you. We're always behind this metal and glass. I think we miss that touch so much, that we crash into each other, just so we can feel something." - Crash, 2004

In NY, we crash into each other too just so we can feel. I miss feeling. Oh how I miss it. Excellent movie too, btw. It's jam back with emotion, & how our lives are soo entertwined with each other & we barely even know it.

Today was one of those wake up, put the alarm a few more minutes, down some coffee, go to work, come home, take a nap, go to the gym, watch Stepford Wives and that's it days. I used to be called to go out by the mess and his friends alll the time. There was a time I hung out with them everyday, even if it was just to play monopoly for a while. Yes, monopoly. Or even lazer-tag or a movie or frisbee in the mall parking lot...But I'm left out now. The other people in the group don't realize that things went on between me and mess so I'm wondering if they are thinking at all, "Hey, where's Mel? How come she's not here?". Perhaps on a subconscious level they realize oh he used to call her and now there's another girl so why call her now? All I got the other night was lies about what the mess has been up too, from him himself. Why lie, is what I want to know? Just be a man and fess up to it, that you are with someone else. Don't wait til your sure of this new relationship or whatever reason he has for lying to me... Just ugh Don't lie & say oh I've been doing overtime & I haven't been up to much...

I feel like in the "Time Traveler's Wife", when Clare is young & Henry wont tell her the future or the present when he time travels to her. That book is a whole other story for another time.

I don't mean to carry on about it, but it's really bugging me. I should just come out & say yo, I figured out why I haven't seen you since my birthday, but like so many other people after years of trying to figure out things with people, you just get tired. Too tired. Too tired to fight, too tired to remember, too tired to try to save what I thought was a best friend...

Isn't Stitch cute? I think thats gunna be my reminder pic to go to the gym. Anywho, I was going to do a blog about what do I think about when I'm on the treadmill. But I didn't think of anything while I walked. I actually went to the gym today, after eating a whole thing of chinese food for lunch and did 3.75 miles in an 1 hour and burned 546 calories. That is ALOT for me. I used to do Track in high school but I threw the discus & shotput. Not running. Hell no. I tried not to think of the mess, tried to organize my thoughts and my mind was actually just blank. All I thought of was how much time I had left of the hour to walk. But Ohhhh the joy of the sounds of silence. (I <3 Simon & Garfunkel song, "Sounds of Silence" & hearing it in the movie, "Watchmen" made me ever so happy.) My thoughts race constantly (A.D.D. kid)...and I actually felt a lil better that I wasn't thinking of anything.

But when I stepped off the treadmill, everything crashed back.

What started my weird mood was the dream I had last night. I had a dream that I was talking to the mess on the phone. I didn't know you could have phone conversations in a dream & actually hear the person on the other line. Has anyone ever had that?? I'm a lil freaked out by it. It was almost more like a memory that never happened than a dream. Well I was walking near his house & talking to him on the phone & I was soo happy in the dream cuz I was talking to him & cuz it felt so real. Like that holagram program they had in Star Trek. But then he was like yeah Im walking to so & so's house and I looked over and saw him in the dream & ran away from him in the dream. I dunno why I ran. I have very vivid dreams, that just toy with my emotions. This was a total nightmare cuz it made me remember all day. Sigh.

What do you dream about? I love hearing dreams because it makes me feel not as weird. lol.

Ironically I looked at my dreamcatcher to take a picture & noticed it wasn't on my window sill right. DAMNNIT!! No wonder I'm having nightmares. Dreamcatchers are supposed to ward off bad dreams, and I didnt hang mine right. I fixed it right before I wrote this. Here is my dreamcatcher:


"A dream is a wish your heart makes" - Cinderella. Yup. Thats true.

I can't wait til tomorrow because that just means more time has gone by....Ill do a positive blog tomorrow cuz I thought of a way of decorating these black boxes I have, so I can add a lil color to them & spirit. Gotta remember happy thoughts!!!!! Please let me remember happy thoughts!!

Til tomorrow...Nighty.

Oh just a few random lil things....

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!" - the Joker, Dark Knight
Today I was sitting in the diner that's right across from my job and I realized, Woa I have bad A.D.D.. My mind races with ideas, thoughts, and dramas that occupy a newly 24 year old's life. My job, my future, my weight, that concert he invited me too before he did the damn missing persons report thing, my credit card bill, my depart from a 3 year ridicolousness friendship, my health, this year's halloween costume, that cute guy who is always outside my office building but I dont have enough nerve to talk to him, going to the gym, oh Ill have that piece of pie, Woa this bra from Victoria Secret is really nice, if i use the coupon then this will be cheaper...then the other people in the diner's convo's start leaking into my head...and just AHHH!!! My mind is like a TV set and accidentally the remote control fell between the couch cushions and the channels keep flipping by. Yeah thats a perfect analogy for it.

I dont have a problem going to a diner by myself, but maybe its cuz I'm an only child. Maybe I should start to have a problem with it. I'm starting to feel like those Match.com commercials where they are trying to be a wake up call of yeah your alone. But Im trying to convince myself of the truth so like that Evanescence song, "My Immortal" Even when he was in my life, I was alone along.

Anywho...I decided to take a few random pictures to show you what ran through my mind today. Yeah its pretty random.

Step #1: Buy some new Hair Clips to make yourself feel a lil girly. I bought these, they are actually Scunci brand and you can find them in Shop Rite or CVS:


Step #2: Realize Oh damn I have alot of these clips everywhere so buy some cute lil boxes to put them in. =)


Step #3: Well from Project Runway I was looking at my fashion sense lately and Yeah I apparently fall in love with 1 style and then buy it every color. So the step is to have the duel of shirts and see who wins. I think the black shirt won! What do you think?


Step #4: Hmmmm...maybe check out that lil thrift store in the next town at lunch hour and see perhaps what you can find. I was feeling down yesterday so I went to a thrift store in Westwood and found this miniature tea pot.


Step #5: I wonder if I could use that bottle vase my mom bought at a tag sale as a crown?? Yeahhh, my boss is on vacation and didn't tell me about it. I'm pissed so my mind went elsewhere...Here's the vase and yes it can be used as a crown.



Step #6: Don't forget those post-its from your desk of all the blog ideas, and story ideas, and your reminder not to think of him cuz hes not thinking of you notes. And yes....Dont ever stop thinking of your dreams. (aka..the unicorn...a friend(not Mr. Big) bought me this lil plush toy becuz apparently I picked it up and made the Awww sound and he had to buy it for me. Sometimes random people show you they care.)


I took these pics today. I am a hopeful future engineer, and just realized after a year how to properly use her camera. lol. Well my ADD is running and I'm going to try and get to the gym...But how I feel I know I'm gunna do a face splat like Bridget Jones' in no time. lol. Gotta run because I gotta be back for Project Runway.

"I once fell in love with someone. I couldn't stop wondering if he loved me back. I found an android which looked just like him. I hoped he would give me the answer." - 2046