Monday, September 7, 2009
The purpose of this blog was for me to work out things in my life & try to figure out who I am as a person. As I've said I sorta feel like I'm standing in the middle of a 4 way intersection like in Cast Away & are trying to find the right direction to go. Well this weekend helped by being so messed up that I had a few realizations that occured to me that I will always and must follow from this day forward.
#1: If ANY of your friends ever feels unsafe in a situation and is upset & wanting to leave....You leave. You get in the car and you leave where ever the hell you are. You ALWAYS get your friend out of the situation even if you have to drive home at 5am & don't take your bf's side when the bf says, I didn't know he would do that to your friend. (I had to fight a friend of 12 years to take me home out of a very bad situation that Im actually still trembling about.)
#2: ALWAYS drive yourself to the party and/or know exactly where your going & how long it takes to get there. (The best friend's bf said the party was an hour away...It was actually 3 hours away.)
#3: NEVER trust someone you have just met who says they are not drunk. Odds are they might be lying.
#4:(This is the sad thing I realized) Even a friend of 12 years may switch on you and barely care if your alive or dead & will become a stupid idiot because she is dating a stupid kid. They may say to you Yes I care & scream at you that they are trying to help but unless they are driving you home immediately and/or putting their arm around you and holding you while you cry and not just say, "Oh Woa you look like shit" and go disappear with the bf and say to you "Oh we might leave in the morning but I wanna see what my bf wants first." That is just wrong.
#5: If I ever get the slightest feeling that I should not go somewhere, Don't go. Turn back.
People that dont physically show in their actions that they care, are not your friends. People that you are there for them ever second of the way, but when it comes to your needs they look the other way...they are not your friends. When your waiting to kiss your bf goodbye while your other friend is crying and trembling(that was me) and you still don't leave to take her home, you are not a friend that I want to keep. People who can't even look at you when they say sorry,(that was her bf) they don't mean it & are not your friends or people you should be associated with.
It's amazing how some people just don't care. I've lost 2 of my longest best friends lately because they didn't care about me at all. One afer the incident on Saturday night & the other a few months ago. The other best friend I stopped being friends with actually when I told her I don't know if I have cancer or not when I didn't know what the lumps in my boob were turned to me and said, "It happens, (then without a breath said) does this shirt make my boobs look big?". She talked down to me & when I called her out on it she was like Oh i guess I do, Ill work on fixing it. If you are someone's true friend... nothing should need "fixing".
This weekend I just wanted to have some fun and meet some new people. That didn't happen. And I will never forget this weekend and the stuff I learned above.
It upsets me to lose friends but I'm learning who exactly my true friends are and who would stand up for me & who care about me. Thats a step, I think, in the right direction of my life.