The purpose of this blog was for me to work out things in my life & try to figure out who I am as a person. As I've said I sorta feel like I'm standing in the middle of a 4 way intersection like in Cast Away & are trying to find the right direction to go. Well this weekend helped by being so messed up that I had a few realizations that occured to me that I will always and must follow from this day forward.
#1: If ANY of your friends ever feels unsafe in a situation and is upset & wanting to leave....You leave. You get in the car and you leave where ever the hell you are. You ALWAYS get your friend out of the situation even if you have to drive home at 5am & don't take your bf's side when the bf says, I didn't know he would do that to your friend. (I had to fight a friend of 12 years to take me home out of a very bad situation that Im actually still trembling about.)
#2: ALWAYS drive yourself to the party and/or know exactly where your going & how long it takes to get there. (The best friend's bf said the party was an hour away...It was actually 3 hours away.)
#3: NEVER trust someone you have just met who says they are not drunk. Odds are they might be lying.
#4:(This is the sad thing I realized) Even a friend of 12 years may switch on you and barely care if your alive or dead & will become a stupid idiot because she is dating a stupid kid. They may say to you Yes I care & scream at you that they are trying to help but unless they are driving you home immediately and/or putting their arm around you and holding you while you cry and not just say, "Oh Woa you look like shit" and go disappear with the bf and say to you "Oh we might leave in the morning but I wanna see what my bf wants first." That is just wrong.
#5: If I ever get the slightest feeling that I should not go somewhere, Don't go. Turn back.
People that dont physically show in their actions that they care, are not your friends. People that you are there for them ever second of the way, but when it comes to your needs they look the other way...they are not your friends. When your waiting to kiss your bf goodbye while your other friend is crying and trembling(that was me) and you still don't leave to take her home, you are not a friend that I want to keep. People who can't even look at you when they say sorry,(that was her bf) they don't mean it & are not your friends or people you should be associated with.
It's amazing how some people just don't care. I've lost 2 of my longest best friends lately because they didn't care about me at all. One afer the incident on Saturday night & the other a few months ago. The other best friend I stopped being friends with actually when I told her I don't know if I have cancer or not when I didn't know what the lumps in my boob were turned to me and said, "It happens, (then without a breath said) does this shirt make my boobs look big?". She talked down to me & when I called her out on it she was like Oh i guess I do, Ill work on fixing it. If you are someone's true friend... nothing should need "fixing".
This weekend I just wanted to have some fun and meet some new people. That didn't happen. And I will never forget this weekend and the stuff I learned above.
It upsets me to lose friends but I'm learning who exactly my true friends are and who would stand up for me & who care about me. Thats a step, I think, in the right direction of my life.
9 comments:
Hi Melanie,
I've learned many things in my life, and I agree with most of what you've said above. In times of crisis you learn who your true friends are, and sometimes the answer isn't what you want to hear.
One thing you said that I don't totally agree with is,
"If you are someone's true friend... nothing should need "fixing".
No matter how good friends are to you they're still people, and people make mistakes. As in any type of relationship you'll have fights and misunderstandings, but you should both always be willing to work through the rough spots. If not, that's when you should start questioning the strength of that friendship.
I'm not exactly sure what happened to you on the weekend, you're obviously still very shaken up about it and upset about the resulting impact it had on your friendship(s). The good thing is you've learned some good lessons from it. I believe most things happen for a reason, if you check my latest blog post called "Thin Threads" you'll see how I feel about this.
Don't feel too lost if you're not sure what direction you want your life to take. I've been there too, most of us have. The older I get the more questions I have about myself, but I think it's our search for our place in life that makes the joy and pain worthwhile.
I hope you feel better soon.
Barry
sounds like you had a rough weekend! Realizing who your friend AREN'T was a hard part of growing up for me too... as college friends went their separate ways and stopped acting like true friends... but it's worth it in the end, because you figure out who your friends ARE. Good luck with everything! Keep your head up and know that we've all been there!
This is great advice, but also, unfortunately hard lessons to learn. :S
It looks like you're heading in the right direction in life though. A blog like this is a little haven, a place to pour your thoughts and emotions and energy. A place to look back and see how you've grown and discover what you love. :)
Props for you for caring darlin, I know if you are in a difficult situation it is best to get out of it and have someone who is driving be completely sober. I am sorry for what happened but it sounds like you are making the right decisions, so that is good!
Thanks for the good luck wishes on my race, it went well!:) Hope you enjoy your week hun!
Oh, and I have seen the movie The Time Traveler's Wife! It is so good, my BF actually saw it with me for the second time, so far the book is good too!
Hope you're ok.:( I know how you feel about having that feeling when you don't want to be somewhere and need to leave. Hang in there. :)
xoxo
Gosh honey that is way bad. I'm really feeling for you. You have come up with some sensible decisions through it all though. I really hope you meet some girls who are cool people to be friends with.
xoxo
Hello there! thank you for your comments on my blog ;O) as per your friends, don't worry at all, friendship goes through up and downs just as anything else and both you and them will realize things and... maybe you will be friends again... or maybe not! Have a great day girl!
That's awful. When she eventually breaks up with him she will wonder why she has no friends left. Sounds like a 'friend' you can do without.
Sorry to go all psychology on you, but if you are feeling really shaken up about it maybe you could talk to someone? Sounds like it was a pretty bad experience xxx
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