Tuesday, April 20, 2010

It's always something.

There is no easy way to come out and tell people serious news without a shock factor. So I have something serious to share, I don't know if there would even be an appropriate picture to post. Okay...here it goes.

I found out something that has my head in total knots. I found out today that I may have a cyst in my right breast. The initial doctor said its probabaly a cyst. Now I've had fibroids the size of golf balls removed from this breast a year & a half ago & had my gall bladder removed last October so I'm used to this. I don't want to write this like a robot, because I'm upset. I don't want to just state facts. I've cried all day. The "what ifs" are killing me right now. However the doctor said "Cancer doesn't hurt". When he pushed down on my boob I was in pain. Spasming pain. It might be another fibroid, I don't know. I'm freaking out a bit.

This post is a little choppy because I'm just in a very all over the place mood & it's been one of those days. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to set up a sonogram & a biopsy. My doctor said "Don't Worry, you'll be fine". If he was thinking anything else he would tell me. He delivered me almost 24 years ago I really hope he wouldn't lie to me.

I've been through this before but its the not knowing. Cancer doesn't run in my family & I've had fibroids before...they might tell me they might just watch it that I won't need surgery or I might have to breast surgery again on the same breast. I dunno. It just. I don't know how to write this. I'm being paranoid & mulling over a thousand things in my head but I'm just upset. I'll find out when my doctor appointment is. Things just get real realistic sometimes & life hits you like a hurricane. Being in your twenties is hard. Sometimes physically hard & mentally crushing.

Okay I'm going to stop writing now because I need to clear my head. I'll be around to everyone's blogs as usual & I will update on how I'm doing & my usual randomness & I don't understand this & the crazy things I do. I tried to make this week a happy week, drama free, but this is part of my story. My rollercoaster story. It's always something like Gildna Radner said. okay...just breathe.

43 comments:

The Owl's Closet said...

melanie, i'm so sorry=( i will keep u in my prayers. i really do hope it's nothing serious. hang in there! yes, please keep us updated!

TheOwlsCloset.blogspot.com

incessantdieter said...

Just Breathe......it will be fine!
No need to worry until you know for sure..why put yourself through it? Just Breathe....you'll be fine!

WendyB said...

Hoping for the best for you!

Shauna said...

Please try to relax, I know that sounds impossible. My mother had breast cancer and hers never hurt. My aunt has cysts and hers always hurt. Hopefully yours is a cyst. Sending positive thoughts your way.

Leah said...

I agree with the previous comment... just breathe. Stress will only aggravate the condition. Didn't your doctor tell you that? Whatever disease we have will only get worse if we are stressed.

Besides you have good doctors in America... worry if you are in a country with poor medical industry. You'll be okay!

911 and the Randomness.. said...

I"m always around if you want to chat. My sister just went thru the same thing.

Heather Taylor said...

Hang in there sweetie, I'm sure everything will be okay.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Oh, Mel...

I'm shocked and horrified for you. This is the last thing you need right now. After everything you said (and just the fact you are a young, healthy 20-something-year-old) I feel very confident this is just a scare. I'm sure it is nothing serious. Especially if it hurts, which is a huge sign that it's not the C-word.

Just calm down and please do not let this control your entire mind right now. I know that's easier said than done. I know the waiting is the worst part. Torturous part, actually. But you don't deserve any more stress right now. Just breath...listen to your favorite music. Eat your favorite food. Try to relax until you know.

I know you're going to be fine. You just have to make yourself realize it. :)

I left you my cell number in an email, so feel free to call or text if you want to talk. I'm here for you, Mel. Love you!!

Nitin said...

i dunno what to say. hugs dear. take care. you will be fine. stay positive

wiredwriter said...

Everything will be okay.

avant garde said...

yes, please don't get too crazy until you find out anything is negative. if you've had the fibroids before then for right now, think that it's just those and i say "just" because right now "just fibroids" is a much more positive way to approach it. keep us posted! we'll be thinking about you for sure :)

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Oh no Mel! I'm praying for you sweetie. Know what? when I was 21 I found a lot of lumps in my breast. I was referred to another doctor because she said she's never handled breast masses for someone as young as I was. The doctor next doctor told me that if I had all the breast masses removed it would cause total mutilation of the breast. He gave me another alternative. He had me go on a fat free diet, plus exercise, and Vitamin E. Most of my breast masses are gone except for one. But he says I'll be fine. I hope things will work out find for you. Praying for you sweetie.
P.S. if you need to talk or just want someone to share things with, here's my email address: chinkygirlmel@hotmail.com

tess said...

oh I am so sorry, as much as you have been through this before you still don't deserve this. nevertheless it will be okay.

Couture Carrie said...

Oh darling how terrifying... My thoughts and prayers are with you!

xoxox,
CC

Bathwater said...

The best thing you can do is breath wait and see. It is hard not to but try not to over react to the unknown.

Cee said...

Hang in there girl, I'm sure it will be fine. Thinking of you.

Len♥reNeverM♥re said...

so sorry to hear this dear...hope for the best ok~ keep us posted!
HUGS* & peace be with you~

LESAPEA MUSINGS said...

Oh Sweetie, I'm sure you're going to be fine.I know I can't relate, but be brave and keep us all updated. Much Love and Hugs.

Cafe Fashionista said...

I'm so sorry to hear this, Melanie. Please, if you need anything at all - to talk or whatever - don't hesitate to e-mail me (cafefashionista@yahoo.com). We may not have ever met, but through your daily posts I feel as if I know you as well as some of my closest friends. Stay strong, my love; you are in my prayers! :)

Tuesdai Noelle said...

Hey Mel :)

Fret not! I've found out; When you come to the end of your rope, tie a knot and hang on. Things will start to look better...I'll be praying for you :)!!! :::HUGS:::

drollgirl said...

oh girl. i hear you. i went through something similar recently. they found an abnormality in my mammogram. my mom had breast cancer, so they are very careful with me. i had to go in and have more mammograms, then they set me up for a sonogram and biopsy. when a doctor looked at the sonogram reading, he decided not to do the biopsy. i have to go back in june to see if things are ok.

i worried my ass off and made myself sick. it is so upsetting. it is very stressful. i could tell you not to stress and not to worry, and that you'll be fine, but i don't want to sound patronizing. anyone that hasn't been through something like this really has no idea how fucking stressful it all is.

the best advice i could give would be to get the sonogram AS SOON AS YOU CAN, just so you cut down on the worry time and figure out if all is super and fine, or if something (MINOR!!!!) needs to be done. you are so young, you don't have a family history of breast cancer, and the hurt you felt doesn't sound one bit like cancer. so these are very very VERY good things.

hugs to you, and sorry for the long comment. i will keep you in my thoughts and hope for the best for you!!!!

HISdaughter said...

sorry to hear that, sweetie. But try to trust what the doc says, it's not cancer. You are strong and you'll get through this <3

Tights Lover said...

Melanie

I hope you're doing okay, so sorry to hear about this!

You can always email me if you ever need to talk or vent. I'll be keeping you in my thougts. I'm certainly hoping everything's fine and you'll pull through no problem.

I hope you post again soon with some good news...you certainly deserve it!!

Pink Flower said...

best wishes sweetie xx

Mila said...

I`m sooo sorry,wish you the best wishes!

LiLu said...

"However the doctor said "Cancer doesn't hurt". When he pushed down on my boob I was in pain."

I can't believe I'm saying this, but that's good!!! I hope this means the best for you!

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

Cancer doesn't hurt, I have heard this before, and let's just hold on to that for now. Please keep us informed.

P said...

Oh Melanie! *Big hugs*

I'm absolutely gutted for you - another health issue for you to have to stress about just isn't fair on top of the previous stuff. I hope you are okay.

I know it is easy for me to say, but please try not to worry about it too much.

We are all rooting for you.

If you need to vent, I'm always on the end of an email, okay? xx

Amber said...

I'm really, really sorry, Melanie. You're definitely in my prayers.

OceanDreams said...

Aww sweetie I am so sorry, you must be so frustrated! Hang in there and I hope you find out exactly what is wrong. Until them, deep breaths, know that we are hear for you, and relax and take care of yourself! XO!

Sandy said...

Hey girlie,
First, I'm sorry I've been absent so much. But thanks for your last comment.
More importantly, please try to relax. I know it's easier said that done. 1 year ago (almost to the day), I was informed that my mammogram was suspect. So they sent me for ultrasound (I guess it's similar to a sonogram), and then they booked me right away for an aspiration and biopsy. I was ok at first but I'd never gone through anything like this and there's no history in my family but it still freaked me out. I tried to stay calm for Barry, plus I have a history of downplaying things and then falling apart. I went to the hospital, dropped off my films, went back the next day only to be told it was the wrong films and I'd have to go back. Barry said I looked like a thundercloud and people were giving me a VERY wide berth. Anyway, I went back a few days later and it turned out to be a cyst. YAY! So I had to go for a mammogram and ultrasound 6 months later, then another follow up mammogram today, where they told me I was back on my regular annual checkup of both breasts.
I guess this is my long-winded way of saying I know how scary it is, as do a lot of women. I sometimes think that technology does us more emotional harm than good. Just my humble opinion.
So try to stay calm (easier said than I done, I know), keep positive thoughts and please keep us up to date on what's happening. You know you have a lot of people who are behind you, keeping you in their prayers.
Everything has to be ok. And the doc is right ... if it didn't hurt, I'd be more concerned. I'll never forget the first time my lympth nodes were swollen ... it scared the bejeepers out of me. Fortunately I mentioned it to a girlfriend and she said the same thing ... if it hurts, it's a good sign.
Thinking of you always my dear. Take care of yourself and stay positive.
SOS

Christopher said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed that its nothing. That has to be incredible frustrating, uncertainty is so scary.

trishie said...

Hey Melanie, so sorry to hear that. Fingers crossed it's going to be nothing serious. Take care now.

Kristin said...

You'll be in my prayers sweets! I hope you get good news soon!

~Dani~ said...

I'm sorry you are going through something like this...I know that it's scary right now...I can't imagine what you're going through, but just stay positive...I'll be praying for you chica!! :) Take care.

muchlove said...

sending you lots of positive and happy vibes.

take care xoxoxo

Down and Out Chic said...

oh no, hang in there! i'm sending you warm thoughts and hope you feel better emotionally and heal physically asap.

woodlandsblonde said...

Keeping you in my thoughts and prayers, Mel.

Just remember that we are not in control of anything....the only thing we can do is control how we act and what we say. That's IT.

I don't know if you're religious or not, but I believe that God wouldn't give you anything you couldn't handle. Keep your head up girl and keep thinkin positive thoughts.

Same Sweet Girl: Memoir of a Southern Belle said...

Hi sweetheart! I just found your blog and I hate that this had to be the first post I read. I went through a lot of the same emotions that you are going through and I know how devastated and helpless you feel right now. Thankfully mine turned out to be nothing, but it is a very very scary thing. I am praying for you and try not to worry too much because as they, worrying doesn't help a thing. Keep your head up girly! :)

Pop Champagne said...

I'm soooo sorry to hear that. You have my prayers. Hang in there and we're all here to support you!!

angel6033 said...

hey hun, I hope that you are feeling a bit better, I am sure that it is nothing serious, like you said you have been through this before and cancer does not run in your family. Either way Ia m glad that you are getting all checked out and out of the way.

Kelly said...

Oh Melanie,
All I can say is stay positive! I am hoping you come back to us with good news.
You must be scared its so worrying xxx
Sending lots of love xxx

Little Ms Blogger said...

I'm just catching up w/posts. I'm sorry your doc is an ass to say cancer has no pain.

I have 2 sisters who are breast cancer survivors and one of them works w/breast cancer patients. I know that cysts can be caused by caffeine so that's probably the cause b/c you're so young-- it's great that you do preventive care early, but I bet the cysts are not cancerous and caused by caffeine.

Whatever happens, I can't recommend crying enough when scared. God knows I've cried enough with health issues. It may not change the situation, but it does help.

Please let us know the outcome.

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