Sunday, April 11, 2010

I made a mistake.


A while back I made a decision to let a certain friend back in my life. Yesterday night I came to the conclusion that I made a mistake. This girl I’ve known her for 13 years but she has gone down certain life paths with certain activities that I just can’t follow. Last night was her birthday party & it hit me that she just doesn’t give a shit about anybody but herself. I agreed to be her designated driver but an incident happened where regardless of how drunk you are, how tired & cranky you are, or whatever it is you should step up and help your best friend. She didn’t help me & it was ridiculous.

Some of her friend’s friends came with us to this bar run we did & by the end of the night of course these guys raked up a few drinks. When it came time to leave for the night one of them decided that he was going to be a rowdy asshole & pull my hair & try to push me over the trunk of my car belly first & try to press himself against me. This all happened in a matter of seconds but immediately I pushed him off of me & started screaming at the top of my lungs. His friend that was the mutual friend started yelling at him as well as me & he started bitching that no one tells him what to do. Well no one fucking pushes me over my own car & have their way with me. We forced him into the the guy’s car & they drove off.

NOW my so-called best friend watched it all from inside my car & did nothing. She didn’t get out of the car, she didn’t do anything even tho it was HER friend’s friend, & just was like, “I’m drunk I wanna go home”. She barely cared. She didn’t do anything. She was conscious & yeah didn’t do shit. Her friend did, he helped constrain the guy & apologized to me, but she didn’t do anything. When she called me about tomorrow this was her response,

“If I was more sober I would have helped but Miles apologized.”

That’s not good enough for me. She didn’t apologize for not helping, she just brushed it off. Now if this was the other way around I’d be running out of the car & punching that kid because he put his hands on my friend or calling the cops. Nope, she did nothing because it wasn’t happening to her. Thankfully I was sober & alert & was able to handle the situation but seriously what the fuck??

I made a mistake letting her back in my life. A huge mistake. I can’t trust the people she brings around, I can’t trust her drug habits, I can’t even trust her to help me if something goes horribly wrong. I stopped talking to her once due to shit like this. Her not caring & not acting right in times of trouble.

I’m upset. I have so few friends as is these days and crap like this just makes the number smaller. I’m done. I can’t put myself in these situations hoping it’ll be a good day & something won’t happen. I’m shaking my head as I write this. How could someone care so little about their best friend? How? I will be rectifying the situation this week. I can’t go on like this. I just can’t. Sorry everyone to write such a raw entry but it’s part of the story & it’s the truth. I’ll have a fun post tomorrow, I just can’t muster up a smile tonight. I just can’t. Til Tomorrow…

31 comments:

Jennifer said...

Wow, I would definitely call that a mistake. I'm sorry that that happened.

I'm glad it's over and you're safe, though.

I'd definitely cut those strings. And not go on any more bar/pub runs with friends of friends... Loyalty can seriously become an issue with folks...

Girl in My Own World said...

Oh Mel, I am so sorry. I am going through sort of the same feelings on people in general. In my experience... once you let go of someone... don't let them back in because there is a reason that they are gone. It is hard to do this with such close friends because they mean a lot to us and most likely are like family but sadly sometimes it does not matter. If you have one good friend you are lucky and at the end of the day I always know that I can depend on God to be my best friend. Sorry girl. Feel better soon. You are awesome and fabulous and deserve someone who will treat you in the same manner that you would treat them. xoxo. :o)

Susan R. Mills said...

Oh, Melanie, I'm sorry that happened. You are right, though. You don't need that crap. She should have done something. I certainly would have. You are too special to be treated that way.

woodlandsblonde said...

Sometimes we give and give and keep getting stepped on. I'm so sorry you went through that last night. I'm so sorry that your friend has no consideration for anyone but herself.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world"

That is why you're a good friend- you are good to people. She knows that she could rely on you, that's why she asked you to drive her home. But at some point you have to ask yourself, would she ever do the same for me? Unfortunately you got smacked with an AWFUL situation, but at the same time- you have to constantly weigh your relationships and do what's best for you.

There were probably a million other things you could have been doing last night....was driving her home really at the top of your list? It's a weird concept to prioritize your relationships, but you have to do it in order to not put yourself in harms way- which this chick seems like she is constanly putting you in sticky situations.

It's not fair. But you have to be the person to decide what it is you deserve. And it sounds like you're doing just that......

I don't know if this girl will ever get 'it'......but you have to move on with your life whether she realizes anything or not....and give your time to someone who actually deserves it.

You say friends are rare......relationships take time and effort and work- just got to really figure out who and what the most important ones are.

I believe you get what you give in this world- and you seem like you are compassionate with others- good things will come to you!!! keep your head up missy!!

nando.gino said...

ouch,,that's really hurt. If I were you, I will never ever again keep her as a friend. C'mon, friend is not only for a joy and happy situation right, a friend should help each other even in a worst situation.

Hope you'll getting okay soon after that suck accident.

Inspiration in Italy said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you and that your friend did nothing. I think that it is definitely time to let her go...sometimes our best friends change and there is nothing we can do about it. I do know that you have to do what is best for YOU. You can't let her drag you down in life....I'm proud of you to be so strong, honey! Kisses and hugs from Italy. ♥

xoxoxo
Rachel

Secretia said...

When it's drug fueled, the people are not reliable.

P said...

Sometimes someone is worthy of one last chance; sometimes they are not. Obviously this friend is not, but there was nothing wrong with you giving that chance. It shows you're the bigger person.

Now you just need to let her go for good.

tess said...

oh melanie, this does sounds awful and you clearly deserve better. although you may regret letting her back into your life, you are human, you make mistakes and sometimes second chances can work, obviously this one didn't, but at least now you know. maybe you would've spent the rest of your life regretting the opposite, never letting her back in and the uncertainty of what could've happened. at least you now know for certain that you don't want or need someone so careless in your life. and you can move on. I know what it is like to have friends who mentally abuse you and how it can be difficult to put a firm foot down and say no to them being in your life, but sometimes you do need to do what is best for you even if that means losing a friend or a few. sure, you may not have a ton of friends now, but after you clear out all of these bad people you'll have room for the better people and realize who really appreciates you. trust me, after I split from my old roommate, I lost a lot of friends, but the ones who stayed I now love more than ever.

Pop Champagne said...

she sounds like an awful person. I know a few of those types of people myself too, and I stopped being friends with them a long time ago. I think it's because of my frequent encounter with those types of people that makes me not as trusting as before. I hope you feel better and better to stay away from her all together!

wiredwriter said...

Yeah, her response was so damn lame it can't even be considered a response...more like a verbalized shrug of the shoulders, if that. Out, damn spot! Out!

So glad you are safe and that nothing else happened.

Bathwater said...

That is not cool that guy should have been left on the ground!

nookie said...

omg...that's not a friend dear..get away from this kind of people..

hugs

Firebolt said...

This is really sad..
but the bottomline is that you are safe and now you realize that it really 'was' a mistake to have her back in your life..

Aah well...
shit happens!

And please dont think you have few friends.. think of it as 'more friends, but yet to meet them'

=]

Hope the rest of your week goes just fine!

T said...

I am glad you're ok, but I am really sorry to hear about your shitty friend and what that douche nozzle did to you. If that happened to any of my friends, I would've been in jail that night because of that damage I would have inflicted on that guy.

J-Diggety said...

Wow, that's awful!! I'm so sorry that happened, how scary. And yes, I'd be pissed, too. Knowing myself, once I got the jerk off of me, I would probably punch him in the face myself. It's good to be picky and have standards, not just for guys, but for friends, too... you deserve better!!
xoxo J

Valerie {Next to Heaven} said...

Unfortunately, sometimes it's just better to let those people go.

Hope it gets better!

Ashley said...

So sorry you have to deal with such a crappy "friend." I'm glad you were able to take care of yourself in that situation, and good for you for cutting ties with this so-called friend. Hugs.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Good lord. Not only is this girl a horrible "friend" but really just an awful person. Being drunk is NO EXCUSE for not helping someone in danger. She seems extremely selfish and stupid.

I'm glad you're okay. That is the most important thing. But yes, that girl has no business being in your life. She's not worth it.

PS. It kind of reminds me of a situation society is facing in general. I saw a Dateline episode where a young girl was kidnapped in broad daylight at a Wal-Mart in Florida and people in the parking lot were just watching as this man stuffed her in the trunk of his car, while she was screaming for help. Security footage shows people JUST WATCHING but nobody tried to help. Wtf?!! Also, one of my cousins got into a serious car wreck a year ago and nobody passing by the accident bothered to call police or pull over to help. She could have died if she didn't make the call herself, barely conscious.

What is happening to this world?!

Heather Taylor said...

One of my ex-best friends did the same stunt where she didn't want to help me out because she wasn't the one who had been drinking and we have since not spoken to each other or done anything to together. It's called being a friend! An act of selfless love shouldn't be that difficult for a true friend to do. This post resonated with me and believe me, I've been through some pretty god-awful, soul sucking, "friendships" if you can call them that. I've learned to cut people like that out of my life, never look back, and stay with those who make me feel complete and happy to be with. You are a great person Melanie and I think everything will get better for you soon!

ellie said...

I'm glad you are OK. How scary. What an intense moment.

Cee said...

Wow! I'm so glad you are ok! very scary...that so called "friend" definitly doesn't seem like a friend worth having.

JUST ME said...

If someone did that to a friend of mine, I would kick him in the balls so hard...drunk, stoned, or barfing.

Sitahs before Mistahs.

Surround yourself with people who love you, and kick everyone else out.

drollgirl said...

what a terrifying situation, and i am so glad you were able to stop that awful guy before things got worse.

and this chick isn't much of a friend. it might sound callous, but cut your losses. she is a crap friend, and i'd rather have just a few really good friends than a bunch of half-assed friends that can't be counted on in a pinch. good riddance to her!

Kelley Anne said...

Oh Melanie, I'm so sorry to hear that this happened to you. You're right, you have to protect yourself and can't put yourself in situations when you'll feel unsafe.

Elizabeth Marie said...

Oh no. I'm so glad you are ok. Friendships can be hard, but they should never be dangerous!

Couture Carrie said...

I am so sorry this happened to you, darling! What a terrifying experience :(

xoxox,
CC

nycgirl0501 said...

I'm so sorry this happened to you. Your "friend" should have been horrified and apologetic to you, if she was physically unable at the time then at least when she sobered up. I think the best thing is to get this toxic friend out of your life. I've been there. Its hard but in the end living drama free is so worth it.

Good luck doll! xoxo

Amanda said...

Wow, that's just shitty. And that's not your mistake. That would be your so-called friend. Because I've learned that even when I might consider someone my friend, if they don't feel the same, it's not gonna work.

Hope you're having a better day today :)

OceanDreams said...

Sorry that happened love and at least you gave her a second shot, which was admirable of you. Hope the entire situation gets worked out. I'm having issues with my BF right now if it makes you feel better, but can't blog about it. XO!

Darrin.. said...

Sometimes we put too much stock in the word "friend". When you get a little older, you start to realize that some people are not worth having in your life. I choose my friends wisely, and have backed off from a few people in the last year and a half that really didn't have my best interests at heart.. when I all the while had their backs. I'm getting too old to have one sided friendships. Move on and try your best not to look back. Life is too short to not be surrounded by GOOD people that you can count on.

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