Sunday, April 4, 2010

I wish I could make it better between us...


Have you ever had the relative that you just wish you had a better relationship with them? Now just to let you guys know that I'm an only child & I have a very small immediate family. Counting my mother & father's side there's only 13 of us. I know that's not a lot of people, so I desperately cling to the relationships I have with my 2 cousins. My boy cousin is 25 & my girl cousin is 21. I wish I had a better relationship tho with her.

On Easter Sunday today I got to see my lil girl cousin. I will never know anyone more weird. Im sorry but for someone who also has a small family she is just really odd. She never says "Hello" anytime I see her. She didn't hug anyone but our grandparents when she came in today. One time I actually went to hug her & she backed away from me & ridicolously said, "Oh I don't hug people." People??? People????? When did your first cousin become people??? She always tries to put herself above me in status & does the "Oh you have no idea what my college is like". I went to college for 6 years...I think I know a few things.

Basically I think I'm just really upset that the lil girl I remember going to her Baptism when I was 3 years old & would want to view her as my lil sister just doesn't seem to like me or want to have anything to do with me.

I just don't understand why she acts so distant. She talks like I don't know her & like her mom isn't my Aunt Mary. About 2 years ago I had fibroids removed from my right breast & the SAME day I had surgery she was in the SAME hospital getting her foot checked for something. Did she come up the ONE floor to see me or give me a hug or anything? Nope. She never even wished me well. She did when I had my gall bladder out but the other surgery...she was there & couldn't find the 2 minutes time for me. What the fuck is up with that?

Easter was good, I saw some family, but that pit of my stomach with my cousin just hurt a lil more. I hugged her with my initiation of it & said "Hey" & I got no response of even a "Hi" back. Ugh.

I want to try and be her friend but I just don't know how? I tried getting her to go to lunch or something in the past but she basically screamed my ear off about how bad college was. I didn't even get a word in.

For those of you with younger siblings or younger cousins...How do you connect with them?? It's not like she's 10 & I'm too old. She's 21 & I'm 24. Not much of an age difference but there is a Gap the size of an elephant. I'm really at a loss. Just a loss as to what to do.

I wish that she would be part of my wedding party one day but frankly it seems like it would be a chore to her, not a treat. Maybe when we get older, we'll be closer?? I dunno. One can always hope.

23 comments:

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Yikes. I wish I could give you some fantastic advice to help you have a wonderful and close relationship with your cousin, but honestly, I can't. It seems like your cousin really doesn't care enough to be a part of her family. She sounds like she's being purposely distant. I know she's your first cousin, but you probably should ask yourself, after the way she has acted and treated you so far, do you REALLY want to be friends with her? Why? Just because she's your cousin?

We are so similar, Mel, it is kind of insane. I am also an only child. I was once BEST FRIENDS with my cousin Bryant. But once high school came around, he got really good looking, became an amazing baseball player, and got super popular. He stopped hanging out with me and talking to me. Now, ten years later, we're pretty much strangers. And trust me, during those ten years i have tried SO HARD to re-establish our friendship. He just wasn't interested. I learned to accept that he is a superficial jock who would rather hang out with preppy assholes than talk to someone who used to be his best friend as a kid. It hurts, but I just don't try anymore.

Am I being too much of a Debbie Downer for you? I hope not. I just don't want you to spend so many years trying to get this girl to like you or be your friend when she's clearly not a very nice person.

Close friends are better than any cousins, I have learned. Those are the girls you want in your wedding party. The ones who love you, are there for you, and know you. That beats blood. :)

I hope you had a wonderful weekend, regardless. xoxo!!

Andaje said...

Remember: You can chose your friends but your family is given to you.....

Even though my father is the youngest of 7, I have hardly seen any of the family members of that side of the family - it's ironic that I now have contact with cousins and grand nephews/nieces via Facebook...

And somehow I seem closer (not just geography) to my mum's sister and her husband... and when family gatherings it's always the same 11 people turning up...

Just remember that you have tried to make an effort to reach out for your cousin - I know that it's hard when that effort is not returned, but maybe someday it will just because you made this effort now....

Does it make sense....??

PinkBow said...

i'm an only child too :)

Secretia said...

As we get older there's less and less of a connection.

wiredwriter said...

Yeah that's messed up for sure about the standoffish girl cousin. What could possibly be the motivation. Well, no matter. I'm with you on the only child thing. I love being one myself, although sometimes it might be cool to have a sibling to turn to when stuff gets fucked up... but maybe not.

P said...

It's a toughie. I myself am not an only child, but I have no cousins at all. Second cousins, but I don't really see them. When I DO see them, it's awkward. (Although I have one on Facebook who I've never met - she lives in Canada - who I think I would get on brilliantly with, but she's actually OLDER than me)

That being said, I have a great relationship with my little sister (there's only 20 months between us and I consider her my best friend) and I get on really well with my little brother, who is five years younger than me, so I don't really need to worry about a relationship with cousins.

Your cousin does sound a bit odd though. I don't like to slag off other people's families but it certainly doesn't sound like normal behaviour.

MissNeira said...

Wow that really sucks. Family is so hard to get along with sometimes, and I totally understand. Sometimes you can only TRY so much without getting anything back from them, and at that point you should just say WHATEVER.. there are so many people in my family I get along with, and theres also a few scraggly lost souls that are just not close to anyone.. though they are your family..people dont have to get along with other just because they have the same blood. And the age gap is not so big so maybe give her a couple years to get out of that awkward "I am 20 and I own this world" stage haha

Cee said...

I wish I could help you here but I don't have much of a realtionship with any of my cousins. I don't see any of them that often and most of them I don't even like that much haha.

Lily Lemontree said...

Wow, that sure is a tough one! Unfortunately there is probably nothing you can do about it, except maybe wait for her to grow up and come around. But in the mean time, it is hurtful, when someone related to you acts like an ass. Try not to take it to heart doll, she is the one that is missing out!
Asides from that, hope you had a happy Easter!

Bathwater said...

I don't bother trying to keep a relationship going between myself and my sibling.

tess said...

oh cousins, difficult relationships often. I find sometimes families get forced into friendships by virtue of birth when really they have nothing in common. this is not an excuse for why your cousin is so rude and unkind to you. she seems to be going through the typically immature college junior phase haha, where everyone else is stupider than a college student is haha. trust me, I pull the "I'm more worldly" than people bullshit sometimes. it is not something I'm proud of, but sometimes its hard to resist the sea of narcissists at college and you become that way too. still I'm even younger than she is and we're good friends Melanie, so I dunno what is wrong with your cousin at all.

woodlandsblonde said...

It sounds like she has some issues she's not comfortable sharing with you....she seems angry about something.

The "other woman" that existed in my ex-relationship with the boy NEVER gave me a chance....I am friends with all of her friends, tried to reach out- and got absolutely NOTHING. Rude.... but anytime people talk about us in the same breath say the same thing- she's jealous. I don't know if your cousin is or not...that you're older and have a job? I don't know...it could be something silly- I would say - keep trying to relate- but it sounds like its a conclusion she will have to come to on her own....

Keep being the person you want to be - keep trying and do good things!

Susan R. Mills said...

That's tough. You can't force people to be close to you, but you can expect a little more than that. I wonder what's up with her.

Pink Flower said...

I totally know how you feel. Being an only kid as well I kinda grew up alongside my cousin who although she's ten years older then myself she's also an only kid. But then through my family falling out and people moving on all them former memories and relationships just seem to vanish.

On my dad's side its even worse, I think if any of my cousins where to walk past me in the street I wouldn't even recognise them. To say we aren't a close family is a big understatement. And it's such a shame really, but because of things in the past and people growing up people have just become stuck in there ways. Always makes me think how empty my wedding is going to be on the family front.

I guess the only thing you could do is keep trying, but I know myself there is only so much trying anyone can do.

Good luck sweetie x

Bumpkin on a Swing said...

I wish I could give you a hug! First, listen to the 40 year old Bumpkin. There will come a time in her life, when she will regret shunning you. Stay true to yourself, the rest will fall in place!

Simply Colette said...

That's rough... I don't understand why some people can't even try. So frustrating. Whatever happened to manners? Hope you are doing well sweetie. :)xoxo

Melissa Blake said...

Oh, Melanie, I've been there. It's hard when you want to be close to someone, but there's a giant wall between you two. I feel that way with my younger sister sometimes. She's been through so much, and we're close, but I still wish she'd let me in more sometimes.

I'm sending YOU a giant HUGGGGGGG!!!

adrienzgirl said...

There is a huge difference between sibling relationships and cousins. I grew up right next door to my first cousins. We played together everyday. EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. Yet today, as grown ups? We never see each other. We don't do birthday parties for our children together. Seldom speak. It's just different.

With my sisters, we can be separated by states and time, yet when we talk via phone, or have the opportunity to be together it's like there has never been any time or space.

Couture Carrie said...

I can totally empathize, darling!

I think things will get better as long as you keep trying to reach out!

xoxox,
CC

Heather Taylor said...

Oh jeez, I know what you mean about the cousins. I have an even smaller extended family tree (counting my brothers, my cousins, and myself adds to a grand of 8 people) and I have never gotten along with my cousins, not once. Two of my cousins are married and have kids and pretty much talk about their kids the entire time you're around them. One of my cousins has Down's Syndrome and being around her is a tentative experience because she is very strong and can hurt you with hugs by complete accident. My last cousin is very into Japanese anime and video games and I stopped playing video games a long time ago.
The thing about my relationship with my cousins is that if there isn't one, it's okay. We don't live anywhere near one another and if we don't see each other for 3+ years, it's fine. We were never close to begin with and don't intend to be. Now with my three little brothers, it's a different story. I'm really close to my 20 year old brother because we only have a 10 year age gap. My next youngest brother and I are 10 years apart, and the last one and I are 12 years apart, which is a bit more of a strain, but I suspect once they hit their twenties, we'll all get along great.
I connect with my brothers just by being a positive person around them. I always try to encourage whatever it is they are doing and try to get them to do better in school. With boys, it's harder to talk so we just go out to eat or go to the playground. I think relationships do well over food, it just unites people together!
If I were you, I'd ask her out to lunch or brunch together. It won't be easy to break the ice, but it is a good start :)

What Would a Nerd Wear said...

aw, that sounds really frustrating. it is super hard when family who you really want to be close to isn't appreciating your gestures!!
i hope it gets better soon!!

Little Ms Blogger said...

Let it go.

I have 4 siblings. I don't talk to my brother, but neither do 2 of my sisters and I have an older sister who is a bully.

She used me as a punching bag for 13 years when I finally stood up for me. We didn't talk for months and we only really talk at family stuff.

I have great friends whom I'm closer with and as you'll find out, you want people in your life that encourage you and accept you as you are.

She may come around, but if she thinks she's better than you, well, she has some growing up to do.

OceanDreams said...

I am so sorry love that your girl cousin isn't wanting to be close to you, I too would be hurt! It sounds like she might be going through a growing up period and not quite sure who she is yet. This doesn't mean that she should be treating you this way though! It is hard to be friends (relative or not) who does not reciprocate the feeling back. Maybe as she gets older she will change her ways and realize the gem that you are. If she doesn't it is her loss and all you can do is be nice to her and hope that she changes. She could be going through some things too in her personal life and just closed off in general. Another thought that I just thought of. Hope you have a better week!

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