YEAH!! I got to meet Molly Ringwald!!

Finally a lil sunshine in the past few days!! Yes the title of this post is for real. I met Ms. Sixteen Candles herself!! Molly Ringwald!! I have a secret desire to meet every famous person I can. I love seeing the real people who I love quote time & time again. Molly Ringwald is one of those people. Her movies in the 80's defined a generation. I may have seen them in the 90's but they still had an impact on me. I wish the guy in the red car would show up on my birthday & kiss me while we're sitting on my dining room table. I always wanted to jam out to music in my library & make my own pink clothes. =)


Today I got to meet one of those Movie legends. She is awesome in person. Her book is called, "Getting the Pretty Back". Its about her loving herself @ her 40 year old self who is not 16 anymore & how she got the pretty back in herself. It's about her as a mother & its a real story...no one else wrote it, just her. She even has her Guide to life in it...how to have a diet without trying...how to be pretty without the make-up & the cameras rolling. I can't wait to read it.


She read parts from her book to us & then took questions. I actually somehow got up the nerve to raise my hand and ask her this,

"Do you still wear a lot of pink?"
To which she answered, "Can you see my feet? I have pink socks on.". It was awesome. See she is wearing pink socks!!! =)


She thanked us all for being fans & said she was absolutely amazed that she is still a role model today. The only thing was that she wouldn't pose for pics but there was a lot of people but I did get my booked signed & my cousin snapped a shot of me from behind as she signed the book. I'm smiling. I'm happy. I'm going to learn how to get my pretty back too! =) Here are the rest of the photos. Til Tomorrow...

Goodbye Music Men....play your 76 trombones somewhere else.

The past week has just been a blur really with all the health issues so I think its about time for some cleaning. I should just admit that my bedroom will never be clean any of the 365 days of the year...sometimes 366. It might be tidy for an hour or so but it never lasts. That's cool, I've come to terms with my "hoarding" tendencies. When I mean cleaning I mean getting rid of the junk that is my head. As I've said before I lack closure in some of my past relationships...well I'm going to say goodbye to them here so it's at least said somewhere.

Looking back I realized I've only dated one guy who wasn't a musician. I've heard of patterns but this is ridiculous. I think of myself as the Movie girl...the Movie girl + the Music guy is like oil & water. They will mix for a while...but eventually they will separate. Huh...yeah that's pretty much sums it up. Well its time for goodbyes. I'm done with musicians. Those boys have sang their songs & moved on...now its time for me to do the same.


#1: Chris: 2003': I'm not sorry I helped you all those times because you had no else to see how sick you became & sit with your mother & your the only one I'm really officially over cuz you dumped me face to face. For that thank you, but I will never be able to listen to bongo drums again without cringing. Oh yeah & I know you hid them in your microwave whenever I came to your dorm room. Bad hiding spot dude.

#2: Drummer Boy: 07' That night we met you were a different person then every other day I spent with you. You were a great kisser but you left, then tried to come back. You have confused the hell out of me with your sudden return after 2 years. But even after 2 years your still the same. I can't sit in silence in a car just listening to music. I like to talk, I like to switch things up, I like to laugh, I like different music...and your just too much like a light bulb that burnt itself out. Please don't call me again.

#3: Spanish Boy w/ the Gray Eyes 09': Bad nickname for him but it fits. Was as fast to start as quick to end. Your excuses were ridicolous. The fact that I had to tell you, "I don't know if your going to tell me your going to save a cat from a tree next" is sad. When you called me the wrong name at a very bad time I almost wished I knew what band you sang for so I could go to the concert and scream the wrong band name up at ya. You deserve it you creep.

#4: The Gone New Guy: 10' I needed you. I needed you more than you'll ever know. That night when you kissed me after all the chaos of the rain was perfect. When Tom Petty's "Refugee" played on the list you made me make on your computer I thought I was done running. But when I found out you returned to your bad habits & the nice guy act was a mask...I just can't stay. You can yell & be a prick to me all you want but I'm done. You were a waste of a perfectly good black garter belt.

Well those 4 musicians are soo done. I mentioned the other day that my mind has been tuning like a radio station through my memories to find the good ones. I found the good ones...those 4 above are not in any of those. I can't erase the memories but I can let it go. One step at a time. There it goes...like music notes in the wind....



"Don't cry to me, if you loved me
You would be here with me...." - Evanescence, "Call me when your sober"

Answers but then choices...

Why is it that every important day has to be tag-teamed with rain? Not an occasional drizzle...but Rain. I don't know. Today however was a positive day. I went to the doctor & then somehow there was a cancellation for a sonogram so I got in & found out the information. I have another fibroid. I had hoped that my next sonogram after I had my other fibroids out 2 years ago would be for a child one day but alas it wasn't. The attendant was very nice & gentle & took the sonogram picture of the fibroid. It was a dark mass so that means its a solid fibroid that screams the word, benign. Thank you God. However it one more person feels me up today I was about to scream a lil. hehe. Okay those are the answers...now the choices.

I have 2 choices to make that are going to be really hard to make. Picking a college was easier than this.

Choice #1: I can leave it alone & then they can check it again in 6 months with another sonogram to see if it has grown.

Choice #2: Have surgery to get it removed.

I don't know which one is the lesser of the two evils? The other ones I had grew to the size of golf balls. The firboid I have now...is about the size of a lima bean. If I get it out now, I won't have to worry about it growing. But if I wait...I'll know its there...it hurts...and if it does grow I'll be in the same place now fretting in 6 months....My head is spinning but it's an okay spinning.

Life is decisions & choices. Yes those are two different things. Some people are dealt with the health issue card but I'm grateful to be living now in this time where there is medicine & surgeons who care. I honestly don't know what I'm going to do but for tonight I'm just going to be grateful that its a fibroid & sleep a lil soundly. My dreams have been so whacked out I'd be embarrassed to even post them. lol.

*Breathe out*. It's actually going to be okay, just got to choose. I have a week to decide but that's okay. I'm calmer now so that's all I can ask for. =)

To all my followers & new followers thank you so much again for your comments. I gotta charge my camera so I can do a video post to properly thank everyone. I haven't been around to your blogs in a few days and for that I'm sorry. I look forward to catching up. *Cyber hugs*

Til Tomorrow...

The tight rope walker...

I'm definitely going to have to do a video blog soon because Thank You to me in words just isn't doing enough. Thank you everyone for your comments, they've helped so much. I've been trying my hardest to keep myself busy and of course when your walking on a tight rope time goes at a snail's pace. Seriously yesterday was a million years long!!!! I even tried to meet someone new...but that was a disaster. Thankfully I didn't even introduce myself to the guy yet before I saw the "kiss" so I quickly shucked it off...yeah let me explain.

A guy had messaged me a while back about the town I live in, that his band was playing at a local bar. The night he was supposed to play got canceled due to the weather so the re-schedule date was this Saturday. I put on my new shoes, a nice tastefully low shirt, make-up, & had my new french manicure to show off. I spotted him quickly but he was with his whole band so I watched him for a bit. I was invited to this event on facebook so he knew I might have been there. Well...he seemed cute, a lil short, but he was the lead singer so of course he was dressed nice. I was trying to figure out my game plan to approach him when a girl came in. She went up to him & then he kissed her, hugged her, and his eyes lit up after this. I don't know who she was or whatever but yeahhhh I choose to leave the bar. It was easy because his back was to the door. I forgot for a split second that he was a musician & wouldn't have fan-girls all over him...I was quickly reminded. Oh well. I'm happy I hesitated in saying hi. Next...

That was a downer but I went to the local brewery & met some chill people there, one of which was a magician so he made me smile. He's got a girlfriend but he did tricks all night for me. It helped. But, I really feel lost lately. My mind is just running a marathon of the past & it's bugging me out. I think what my mind is trying to do is search for that good station like on a radio...search for those times when I was genuinely happy. But I will have to wait and see like everything else.

I'm one of those people that when I have to be serious I can be serious in an instant & when I can just sit back & have fun I will rock this town. I can't wait for tomorrow be over so I will know things & can actually think straight. I feel okay & I'm not scared for tomorrow but my mind is just floating everywhere. It'll be okay. I'm going to head to bed so tomorrow will come faster.

I just gotta wait a lil more...and seriously Thank you!

Oh my Oh my I have to say that the love & support from all of you has just lifted my spirits so high that I didn't need to wait like that kitty for the high-five. THANK YOU. I was so distraught when I wrote the last post but seriously I am just feeling so much better & calmer & I owe you guys for that. I wish I could hug each and every one of you. It's funny, I've barely told people yet that I see & talk to on a daily basis because frankly they're too busy or don't know what to say or aren't grown up enough to deal with yet another health issue from me. But that's life. You HAVE to take the good with the bad. You have to survive & keep going. You have to let people know that they are thinking of you & that they care. Even if its just a comment or a hug or a hand on the shoulder...it's a reach-out & I'm grateful for all of you. *HUGS*

Monday afternoon is my appointment with the boob doctor. I have been through this before when I had fibroids removed from my right breast a year ago so I'm familiar with the drill. I hope he skips the sonogram or mammogram & just does a biopsy. I know where it is, he doesn't have to go find it. Biopsy machines are weird. They kinds look like that machine in the movie the Matrix where Trinity is getting that worm out of Neo's stomach. I imagine tho that hurt less. It is a painful process having one, not going to lie. I hope he just does the biopsy so I'll know if its a cyst, a fibroid, or scar tissue from my last surgery. It's never easy. Cancer doesn't run in my family like I said but cysts, tumors, & fibroids do. I'm just going to keep my fingers crossed. 11:11 That's my wish.

Waiting is the hardest part. I thought waiting for the Mess to come back was worser fate. No I was wrong. Why couldn't I be waiting for a mortgage to approve or that minute for a pregnancy test or Richard Gere to show up in a limo or waiting at the DMV? Actually scratch the DMV statement...I hate waiting there hehe. Reading all of your comments has been such a heart-felt experience that I can't say enough how calming to hear people's stories & warm thoughts.

Monday seems so far away. Next week is like another century. I'm going to keep trying to keep busy. I bought the Sonic game for my Nintendo DS, I got alot of movies, I'm thinking of actually doing a Do-it-yourself project on my pillowcases...I accidentally put my hand through one of my filmsy ones last night so I need a new one...I'm going to a birthday party Saturday, & just let my mind wander off to my dreams. It'll be okay, I've done this before, and got stronger each time.

I did some retail therapy too to get my mind off of Monday. I did get these really cute leather scalloped flared with zippers ballet flats to go out in.


Burlington Coat Factory: $14.99

I wish I had News of some girth but I have to wait a lil longer. It'll be okay. I'm breathing in & out...calmly. Thank you everyone again! =) I'll be here waiting...

Source

It's always something.

There is no easy way to come out and tell people serious news without a shock factor. So I have something serious to share, I don't know if there would even be an appropriate picture to post. Okay...here it goes.

I found out something that has my head in total knots. I found out today that I may have a cyst in my right breast. The initial doctor said its probabaly a cyst. Now I've had fibroids the size of golf balls removed from this breast a year & a half ago & had my gall bladder removed last October so I'm used to this. I don't want to write this like a robot, because I'm upset. I don't want to just state facts. I've cried all day. The "what ifs" are killing me right now. However the doctor said "Cancer doesn't hurt". When he pushed down on my boob I was in pain. Spasming pain. It might be another fibroid, I don't know. I'm freaking out a bit.

This post is a little choppy because I'm just in a very all over the place mood & it's been one of those days. I'm calling the doctor tomorrow to set up a sonogram & a biopsy. My doctor said "Don't Worry, you'll be fine". If he was thinking anything else he would tell me. He delivered me almost 24 years ago I really hope he wouldn't lie to me.

I've been through this before but its the not knowing. Cancer doesn't run in my family & I've had fibroids before...they might tell me they might just watch it that I won't need surgery or I might have to breast surgery again on the same breast. I dunno. It just. I don't know how to write this. I'm being paranoid & mulling over a thousand things in my head but I'm just upset. I'll find out when my doctor appointment is. Things just get real realistic sometimes & life hits you like a hurricane. Being in your twenties is hard. Sometimes physically hard & mentally crushing.

Okay I'm going to stop writing now because I need to clear my head. I'll be around to everyone's blogs as usual & I will update on how I'm doing & my usual randomness & I don't understand this & the crazy things I do. I tried to make this week a happy week, drama free, but this is part of my story. My rollercoaster story. It's always something like Gildna Radner said. okay...just breathe.

I got a mind for business...and a bod for sin.

The title is actually my favorite quote from the movie, "Working Girl" staring Melanie Griffith. Now I wish I had her beautiful office that's got a lot of employees, a secretary, a window to look out of if I chose so, & can wear suit dresses to work. But alas I have an okay paying job with 5 men who are sports nuts & can actually be quite rude sometimes when it comes to the "TOPICS" of conversation. They can't mention Marisa Tomei without some sexual comment that frankly I don't need to hear or know that when they are standing at the urinal the wallpaper looks like racing horses.

Anywho today was an interesting day in this office where if I had 2 more men working there I'd literally be Snow White. The bosses were out & the older gentleman who works there was also out so it was just me & the 2 guys who are also my age. We were talking & they asked me a question that has frankly been bugging me for all day. They asked me,

"So Mel, don't take offense of this, but are you girly outside the office? Ya know when your chilling with guys you like or are you like this?"
I don't know if I'm hurt by this comment or just dumbfounded that they really don't notice me at all. Now I go to work at 9am, I wake up at 8am, I always have eye-liner on, I have eye-shadow, sometimes lipstick, I get manicures, I do wear my hair up alot in a messy bun, I wear earrings, I sometimes wear boots, um...i wear colored shirts & jeans & sneakers because there isn't a dress code( meanwhile they wear sweat pants, I know, it drive me nuts), & I usually have a lil bit of cleavage to my shirts. Hey I'm a 36D how can you not notice them. I think I'm girly. I don't ya know talk about girly things like my period, my inability to get over the mess, the fact that my nails are chipped is bugging me, or that I think i forgot to shave my legs but I think I'm girly...but I guess not??

I seriously am just meeting the crappiest of people lately. What do they expect me to walk into work dressed as? This:


Or wear huge bows, chew gum all the time, or be like "Omg my hair is totally like frizzy out!!!" or sing a kesha song all day long or dress like Paris Hilton?? I guess I am upset about their comment. What do they expect from me when all they talk about is sports, movies, & the racing horses on the walls?? I'm going to give them generic answers & not flaunt my body in their faces because its a work place & I'm not really interested in either of them THAT way?

It's messed up. I told them that I try to be just myself & water down the girly stuff because they really can't relate to some things. They went "Oh okay". I guess I need to put more effort into how I look at work if the 2 guys my age are basically calling me not girly & there is a kinda cute guy upstairs...Oh no I wonder what he thinks of me??? But I never chill with my co-workers outside the office so they really don't see me on the weekends. I dress up, put more make-up on, I hope act girly? I guess this something else to put on my To-Do List. Be more girly.


For the ladies that read my blog: What do you do a lil extra to make yourself seem extra girly each day?

For the men that read my blog: What are some things you notice about girls that make you think of them as girly? (Apparently make-up isn't one them =( )

Taking the bull by the horns...the Mechanical Bull. =P

Source
Ever fell swamped by your procrastinations? It's not necessarily a bad thing, BUT it can drive you a lil nuts. I have such goals on my plate & I really need to get my act together this week. My bosses are actually out of my office this week so that lil pressure will be off of me so I can relax at work. I renewed my gym membership so I will be going M-F this week. I've also decided to take a huge back-burner from the drama that keeps mulling around in my head to straighten myself out. Eventually the train ride is going to hit the end of the rail & you have to step off of it & take a break. Especially when you start looking like a raccoon. Trust me its not a good look for me or anyone.

The New Guy, the teddy bear with a chainsaw I was mentioning is so Done. I walked out of his house last week, well stormed out of his house, because he was doing the typical "Let's be an ass so she doesn't get feelings for me before this gets too serious" crap. YET still wanted me to stay over. I don't get it. He can go play games with himself for all I care. So I'm putting that retarded relationship on the "Do not Call" list. It's okay. I'm fine about it, & I'm not just saying that. His cons became worse & the pros were just not strong enough for me to fight for it. Apparently bad habits die hard with some people too & his demons re-surfaced and I'm sorry I'm not going to be a rebound notch on his belt while he gets kicks from alternative sources. So I stormed out after I put my sneakers on. He hated that I wear sneakers. Oh well. I'm so done with drummers. "There I go, turn the page..."

Well...this Bull shit that has been buzzing around me, has really opened my eyes. I'm looking forward to just working on high priorities this week. Health, finding a new job, saving some much needed cash, spending some quality time with my mom so she feels better, going back to the gym, working on my novel & putting that bounce back in my step that I saw in the mirror when I was dancing on Friday night.

I'm going to take the bull by the horns & keep riding & hope I don't fall off, again. I found out also this weekend that there is a bar by me that ACTUALLY has a Mechanical bull!!! I felt just like Miranda in that Sex & the City episode where she was riding the bull and had the time of her life! hehe. To conclude here are the pictures of me on the Mechanical bull!! If you close your eyes & hold on tight its a real talespin!! The guy was also really gentle with me which I am soooo grateful!!! =)


Me holding on for dear life before it started to move!


Me falling off the Mechanical bull!! But it was worth it!
Cheers to a successful week everyone. Drama-free. *Knock on wood*

"I'm so homesick for someone I never knew..."
- The Bravery, "Time won't let me go"

When we're out together dancing cheek to cheek...

Oh I love to dance. I just love it. I use to dance all the time when I was little; ballet, pointe, jazz, & of course tap. I miss it so but it is slowly easing back into my life. Tonight I went again to a friend's dance studio & got twirled around like a lil doll. I'm sorta graceful when it comes to dancing...walking, well I'll fall at least a hundred times...but dancing, oh I can dance til my feet fall off. I miss ballet but I'm definitely starting to see the art in ballroom dancing. I learned bits of the hustle, salsa, & the cha cha. It was wonderful to just not care about anything for a while.

Doing the cha cha I remembered being little watching my Spanish grandmother dance with the glass of water of her head. I'll have to scan a picture one day. She would dance for hours & hours. I loved watching her. She reminded me of Ginger Rogers. One thing I love about old movies is the random ass dance sequences. Not like the prom scene in She's All that, but real dancing. Ginger Rogers & Fred Astaire who are in the pic up top are just mesmerizing to watch.

This is a short post today because I'm exhausted from dancing & this week...so I'll leave you with my favorite quote & a scene from one of the Fred & Ginger movies. I feel so much better. Thank you everyone for your comments. I wish I could hug you all. =)

"Ginger Rogers did everything Fred Astaire did, except backwards and in high heels."

Starting the day off with the perfect cup of coffee is music to my ears...

Oh somehow this morning I made the perfect cup of coffee. My mom brew the coffee in our black coffee machine & I added just the right amount of powder creamer & the right amount of Splenda. After the first sip I had to do the token, "Yum". I took a deep breath, let it out, and embraced the new day I wait for each night. That new day...and I gave it my all.

When drama happens or basically when life becomes a bitch for a while you can't just grab hold of the raft & let it take you. You have to take a stand, you have to not back-down, you have to remember that you are a person that means something & you need to forge a place for yourself in this world. My mom may be losing her job but she's not out of for the count. There are options & we've been here before. I actually had to leave Rutgers because my mom lost her job about 5 years ago. Times have been rough so this turning of our world upside down is not a stranger to us. We will survive & move forward. =)


Well now that I've let my hair down & let you read me like an open book I thought I would share some more light on things that the perfect cup of coffee made me realize today. I have a zombie novel that because my writer's group hasn't met in a while it kinda took a backseat in my life. I miss it. I want to write again. So many people have given me stories from their lives that I'm itching to use. Not actual zombie raids stories, but those..."That story would be greater if a zombie than walked in". hehe. I need to just let the creativity fly...

Also I found something that I actually am ashamed of personally. It's been almost a year since I graduated college AND I STILL HAVE MY COLLEGE BOOKS IN MY CAR!!!! Yeahhhhh I kinda found my bag from college in my trunk with my pens, pencils, & notebooks. I have to get this ball rolling. I want my future. I don't want to live in the past anymore.


I have to put away the textbooks & use what I've learned...not just in school but in life. I need to see those rings in the tree of my life & remember how each of them got there. Remember I hate the guy who makes you feel like your not worthy. Remember that I have 2 college degrees & I need to use them. Remember that stilettos hurt my feet so much. lol. Remember to pluck my eyebrows at least once a week & that I get too hungry at 3pm not to have a snack.

All of this came from that perfect cup of coffee & some wonderful bloggers' comments. It woke me up. I did what I wanted to do today & just felt better. I can't wait to see what tomorrow will bring. Not to be cheesy but I have to quote the movie "Men in Black" to end this.

"Fifteen hundred years ago everybody knew the Earth was the center of the universe. Five hundred years ago, everybody knew the Earth was flat, and fifteen minutes ago, you knew that humans were alone on this planet. Imagine what you'll know tomorrow." - Kay, Men in Black

Ask and you will recieve....

Tonight I am open book to answer all your questions. Sorry this is a long post!!


Café Fashionista: How do you view the world - glass half full or glass half empty?
I’m one of those glass is half empty people. Always have been.

Wired Writer: Q: What is your idea of true joy (not mere happiness, which is fleeting)?
True Joy? Having a smile that won’t come down. Doing something that makes all your problems seem meaningless. Sitting around a dinner table with family you know loves you. Experiencing true love that is returned. Doing something that your proud of whole-heartedly

Celia: Q: How do you push forward when you are having bad times?
I know that the sun will rise of a new day & in that new day I have every opportunity to change things or get a little more over it. Also eventually there will be a good day…it might take a while but there will be a good day out there.

Cee: What do you do for a job now? What is your dream job? What's your favorite food (s)?
I currently work as a data entry clerk for an advertising company that deals with phone books & I do customer service for a vitamin website. My dream job would be to work on the Gibraltor Bridge in Spain that is supposed to be made starting in 2040. My favorite food is pizza & eggplant rolatini.

Tess: Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
Honestly I have no idea. All I know is that I won’t be such a mess that I am now. I plan to be more straightened out & at least have some direction in my life.

Bathwater: Did you know that I have a copy of your favorite painting in my downstairs bathroom?
No sweetie I didn’t know that. Great minds think alike!!!

Ocean Dreams: Q: What is your favorite place to shop at? Place you would love to travel to?
My favorite place to shop is Burlington Coat Factory & H&M. You can always find something. I would love to go to Paris or Italy. I really gotta get over my fear of flying.

Secretia: Do you have plans to someday get married and have children?
It is a dream of mine. I want to get married & have children so badly. I want to have a lil girl & maybe a lil boy & hopefully a husband to share the times with. It’s a dream that enters my head everyday.

Woodlandsblonde: Q: Ever thought of moving? Like across the country...
I actually think about it all the time. I hate the area I live in. All I’m finding are jerks & people that just don’t seem to care about anything. I wish I could just pack up and leave. The only problem is that I’d have to take my parents with me. It’s an only child thing. I couldn’t leave them behind. I don’t have the money to support us all yet. Maybe one day…

Audrey Allure: Q: If you could take a week vacation anywhere right now, where would you go?
Paris. Definitely Paris.

Simon: Who is God, and what's his problem?
I think he really is just a stranger on the bus trying to make his way home. I don’t know what his problem is, but then again who does?

Barry: From where/who do you get your strength? If you wanted people to know just one thing about you, what would it be? What's the strangest thing you've ever done? Describe your ideal man. What's your best physical/personality trait? What draws you to a person? How old were you when you first fell for a guy? When was your first kiss?
Strength? I don’t know. I keep going & going & going & just hope that everything will turn out okay. That I’ll land on my feet. One thing I’d like for you to know is that if you need me I’ll be there in an instant. I won’t let you down. The strangest thing? Went to a delorean convention with a guy dressed as Marty Mcfly. My ideal man is the guy who thinks I’m perfect just as I am & won’t try to fix me. The one who will pick me up when I fall, dust me off, & kiss me. My best physical trait is probably eyes & my boobs. Lol. My best personality trait is I’m understanding & I’m a good listener. What usually draws me to a person is that look & the energy. Sometimes you feel it sometimes you don’t with people but when you get that feeling I should know him or her I run with it. I was I think in 2nd grade when I first fell for a guy. He was so cute. Unfortunately now he’s gay. Oh well. My first play kiss was in 7th grade with one of those party games, but my first real kiss I was about 16.

Pixel Wild Child: My question is: who will you choose to be the actress in a movie about your life and why?
This question made me sad. I would have loved for Britanny Murphy to play me because for years people told me I looked like her. I’d have to pick Julia Stiles maybe if you dyed her hair brown. She was like the movie queen when I was younger.

Jennifer Fabulous: If you had to live in another time period, which would it be? Why? Here is another question: what is the craziest thing you have ever done?
I would love to live in the 1950’s. I loved the music & times just seemed a lil simpler. The craziest thing was hook up with a guy in a very open gazebo in a playground surrounded by houses. It was nuts. Everytime a car went by we stopped. Lol. Sadly we weren’t even drunk we were just random.

FireBolt: What is your favorite smell?
The smell after it rains. The smell of the ocean. My ex-bf’s boy smell. Some guys have this smell that actually makes you swoon & attracted to them. I liked his smell. The smell of roses too.

Tuesdai Noelle: Ok ha....if you could go back in time, to any age of your life, and tell yourself to DO or NOT TO DO something, which age would you go back to?
I would go back to being 20 years old & tell myself not to go meet the Mess off of myspace. The loss of him in my life is devatasting. It’s a heart ache I never knew possible. I would warn myself from meeting him.

Valerie: What is your favorite book?
Dracula by Bram Stoker. Also anything by Laurell K Hamilton.

Heather Taylor: My question is what were you like in high school? Did you like the experience?
I was the kid who just wanted out of high school. I went to class, did my homework, was in all the honors classes. I was the captain of the cheerleading squad but was so unpopular that I had about 3 friends. I tried to be the over-achiever but it didn’t work. I did manage to be #20 out of 154 kids but I hated the experience. I’ve never known such rude & obnoxious people. I wouldn’t go back to high school if you paid me.

P: What is your beauty routine?
I wish I had one. I don’t. I get ready in the morning in about 5 minutes. Eyeliner, roll-on eye shadow, & maybe cover-up if I remember. Sometimes I’ll use my Perricone MD cold plasma if I remember but I wish I spent more time on this stuff.

Whew…Okay that was a lot. Thank you everyone for cheering me up tho!!! =)

Ask me once...Ask me twice...

In lieu of current circumstances I just can't seem to wrap my head around a post of meaning. I found out yesterday that my mom will be losing her job come June 30th. Things usually happen in 3's so I'm hoping this was the third whammie for this sequence of crap that is happening. Thank you everyone for the comments yesterday. For a brief moment I thought I was over-reacting to what happened & putting my friend in the blame spot but she could of at least been caring about what happened. Anywho, I will be going around to visit everyone's blogs too that I miss ever so much.


Well, now the purpose of this post. Ask me any Question that comes to mind & I promise to answer it honestly & truthfully. You can be anonymous if you choose. I'll answer them later today. Okay...let it roll!!

I made a mistake.

A while back I made a decision to let a certain friend back in my life. Yesterday night I came to the conclusion that I made a mistake. This girl I’ve known her for 13 years but she has gone down certain life paths with certain activities that I just can’t follow. Last night was her birthday party & it hit me that she just doesn’t give a shit about anybody but herself. I agreed to be her designated driver but an incident happened where regardless of how drunk you are, how tired & cranky you are, or whatever it is you should step up and help your best friend. She didn’t help me & it was ridiculous.

Some of her friend’s friends came with us to this bar run we did & by the end of the night of course these guys raked up a few drinks. When it came time to leave for the night one of them decided that he was going to be a rowdy asshole & pull my hair & try to push me over the trunk of my car belly first & try to press himself against me. This all happened in a matter of seconds but immediately I pushed him off of me & started screaming at the top of my lungs. His friend that was the mutual friend started yelling at him as well as me & he started bitching that no one tells him what to do. Well no one fucking pushes me over my own car & have their way with me. We forced him into the the guy’s car & they drove off.

NOW my so-called best friend watched it all from inside my car & did nothing. She didn’t get out of the car, she didn’t do anything even tho it was HER friend’s friend, & just was like, “I’m drunk I wanna go home”. She barely cared. She didn’t do anything. She was conscious & yeah didn’t do shit. Her friend did, he helped constrain the guy & apologized to me, but she didn’t do anything. When she called me about tomorrow this was her response,

“If I was more sober I would have helped but Miles apologized.”
That’s not good enough for me. She didn’t apologize for not helping, she just brushed it off. Now if this was the other way around I’d be running out of the car & punching that kid because he put his hands on my friend or calling the cops. Nope, she did nothing because it wasn’t happening to her. Thankfully I was sober & alert & was able to handle the situation but seriously what the fuck??

I made a mistake letting her back in my life. A huge mistake. I can’t trust the people she brings around, I can’t trust her drug habits, I can’t even trust her to help me if something goes horribly wrong. I stopped talking to her once due to shit like this. Her not caring & not acting right in times of trouble.

I’m upset. I have so few friends as is these days and crap like this just makes the number smaller. I’m done. I can’t put myself in these situations hoping it’ll be a good day & something won’t happen. I’m shaking my head as I write this. How could someone care so little about their best friend? How? I will be rectifying the situation this week. I can’t go on like this. I just can’t. Sorry everyone to write such a raw entry but it’s part of the story & it’s the truth. I’ll have a fun post tomorrow, I just can’t muster up a smile tonight. I just can’t. Til Tomorrow…

NEW Sex & the City Trailer!!!

Okay so for those of you Garfield fans out there you will remember that Garfield ALWAYS used to threaten Nermal, the I think girl cat, to send her to Abu Dhabi. Well the Sex and the City ladies beat him to it!!!



I just saw the NEW Sex & the City trailer and had to post it in case any one has missed it!! YES there are a few HELL OF SUPRISES in this Trailer!!!! WATCH WATCH!!!



"Like Jasmine & Aladdin...Only with Cocktails". LOVE IT!!!!!

"A Sheltered Rose Needs a Little Room to Bloom Outside Her Bedroom"

Today was one of those days where I think I stood up a lil taller, cleared my mind just a tad bit more, and slept off my allergy medication. lol. I did myself some thinking. I know...that can sometimes get yourself in trouble within yourself by getting upset, cry, but sometimes you can hit the problem & solution right on the head.

In my process of trying to get over a certain man in my life & other lost relationships with others I realized something...there is something missing. A sort of unknown concept to me...it's called "Closure". I once had a relationship back in 2003 where it was that first guy who looked at me a certain way & I ran with it. Did everything I could think of with him & even fell in love. He didn't return it tho. It's okay BUT my reason for mentioning him is, well he did something I've never gotten the chance to experience again. He dumped me. Flat out told me, "Sorry I don't love you & I don't want to be your boyfriend anymore". Those words devatasted me at the time but now I appreciate his directness & honesty & I Crave hearing those honest words again. Those words that gave me "Closure" with the relationship.


Ah what a pretty vintage picture of luggage. Baggage actually is a better word. In life people accumulate emotional baggage naturally but lately I feel like mine is a formica set of red luggage that could fill up a warehouse. Why can't I just get over it? Seeing the "In a relationship" status & hearing "Oh I have a girlfriend now...Sorry but you know I'm a jerk". Not getting anymore phone calls...no more texts...seeing a seedy bleached blonde sitting next to the guy & the cold shoulder approach to me. Why isn't it enough for me to just sit down, cry, & turn the page on them???

There's no closure. That's why. In a race, there is a beginning, a middle, and an end. With me...no guy except that one gives me the satisfaction of saying, "It's over." They dance around the words or do a disappearing act. Don't they realize you need to release a person from the bondage of a relationship...you can't just walk away without telling them, "No more". My exes, one by one, have to tried to contact me in the past year....Why? They think they can because they never fullly closed the door, never gave me the closure. Well that's fucked up in my book.

So without giving me closure, it's almost like they are thinking they can just pick me back up when ever they want. Well I got news for them. I might NEVER get certain messes to ever say the words ending his time in my life...but I have to somehow find a way to give myself closure on it. Maybe I will have to step forth like I did 2 weeks ago & walk right up & say, "Hey, your driving me nuts with your games & I don't like it". I need to make this flower bloom again...the flower being my smile, my ability to meet someone new who isn't an asshole, & the ability to say "Woa I had a nice night with that guy...not just a few moments".

It's a struggle like everything sometimes is, but realizing that I have to come up with my own ways to bring closure to these dating disasters within myself is a step in the right direction. I think... I never thought I'd say I wish I had a break-up fight to remember....but I do wish I had it. It would make things alot easier right now. But I will bloom again & chase the morning...defintiely.

So what can I say to end this. Am I insane for wanting closure to my relationships? Is it too much to ask for a break-up, not a fade-out? Does closure even exist? I hope it does. I really do.



Title is from the song: "Chase the Morning" from Repo! The Genetic Opera.

Oooo I wish I had a lil more Mad Money to play with...

Well hello new followers! This is awesome. Welcome. At the end of every month I try to do a Saving Money Post with a few quick easy tips to save some extra cash. Just doing something a lil different does change things. It may not seem much but if it can bring a smile to your face then it's worth it.

Everywhere I turn it seems everything cost $50 bucks. lol. Even today, just paying for gas & my doctor's appointment cost me around $50. Yikes. When necessities cost a lot, you gotta take a look at the bigger picture & notice where you can make that lil change. Let's see if I can help you a lil:

Saving Money Tips for March:
1.)Green Cloth Bags @ the Super Market: If you use those cloth bags you get 5 cents off the bill per bag. May not seem much but you put that extra change in a piggy bank & wait a lil while...you'll definitely see it add up. Also it'll help the environment.

2.)Trip Package Deals: Ya know those silly William Shatner commercials for Priceline.com? Well go check them out. If you do have that extra cash to go on vacation...see if you can get a package deal to save some on the airfare or book the flight & airfare at the same time to save some money.

3.)Day Trips: If you can't afford to go to Europe or Disney or I dunno somewhere on a plane, why not get some friends together & go on a day trip you all can afford? I went to Six Flags with discount tickets & I felt great after. I got a lil break, a mini vacation, & it was only an hour drive. Or go for a picnic? Go to the beach or a nearby lake if you can? Something to let you kick back & enjoy that day.

4.)Book Sales: Some libraries have them. You never know what your going to find!!

5.)Actually put money in your Savings Account!: Remembering to put some of your paycheck or extra money into a savings account is Key!

This was a short list this month because it was a rough money month. Car repairs, doctor's office visit, spring clothes, replacing bed linens & curtains, & oh you name it. But I got my head above water & I'm paddling...kicking my way through. I've been doing the matinee's, making my own lunches, & just trying to cut back too. It's a process...

Did you do anything special this month to save some money? We all can all help each other out here! =)

Six Flags!! More flags! More Fun!

Well thank you everyone for your comments on my last post. It really helps people to know that they are not the only one with the same issues. I'm just going to keep trying but not keep my hopes up! Thank you everyone who shared their stories too. *hugs* to all.

In an attempt to lighten things up I want to tell you guys how amazing it is to just get out of town for a day & act like a 10 year old who is tall enough to go on a roller-coaster!! I went to Six Flags Great Adventure last Thursday. I know there are a few of them around the U.S. so I got to go to the one in lower New Jersey. It was a blast. Anywhere where there is men dressed as a Batman...I'm there. I even bought myself the cape in the first picture!!

I got to go on all roller-coasters, see tigers, scream at the top of my lungs, & just put my hands up & curse my way down the coasters. hehe. It was a stress relief I desperately needed. Just to let loose.

This is a short post today because I was watching the Duke game. It's late. I won tho my work March Madness. DUKE WON!!! I can't wait to have my bosses pay me. hehe. So here are some of the photos I took.








Do you like roller-coasters btw? hehe. =)

I wish I could make it better between us...

Have you ever had the relative that you just wish you had a better relationship with them? Now just to let you guys know that I'm an only child & I have a very small immediate family. Counting my mother & father's side there's only 13 of us. I know that's not a lot of people, so I desperately cling to the relationships I have with my 2 cousins. My boy cousin is 25 & my girl cousin is 21. I wish I had a better relationship tho with her.

On Easter Sunday today I got to see my lil girl cousin. I will never know anyone more weird. Im sorry but for someone who also has a small family she is just really odd. She never says "Hello" anytime I see her. She didn't hug anyone but our grandparents when she came in today. One time I actually went to hug her & she backed away from me & ridicolously said, "Oh I don't hug people." People??? People????? When did your first cousin become people??? She always tries to put herself above me in status & does the "Oh you have no idea what my college is like". I went to college for 6 years...I think I know a few things.

Basically I think I'm just really upset that the lil girl I remember going to her Baptism when I was 3 years old & would want to view her as my lil sister just doesn't seem to like me or want to have anything to do with me.

I just don't understand why she acts so distant. She talks like I don't know her & like her mom isn't my Aunt Mary. About 2 years ago I had fibroids removed from my right breast & the SAME day I had surgery she was in the SAME hospital getting her foot checked for something. Did she come up the ONE floor to see me or give me a hug or anything? Nope. She never even wished me well. She did when I had my gall bladder out but the other surgery...she was there & couldn't find the 2 minutes time for me. What the fuck is up with that?

Easter was good, I saw some family, but that pit of my stomach with my cousin just hurt a lil more. I hugged her with my initiation of it & said "Hey" & I got no response of even a "Hi" back. Ugh.

I want to try and be her friend but I just don't know how? I tried getting her to go to lunch or something in the past but she basically screamed my ear off about how bad college was. I didn't even get a word in.

For those of you with younger siblings or younger cousins...How do you connect with them?? It's not like she's 10 & I'm too old. She's 21 & I'm 24. Not much of an age difference but there is a Gap the size of an elephant. I'm really at a loss. Just a loss as to what to do.

I wish that she would be part of my wedding party one day but frankly it seems like it would be a chore to her, not a treat. Maybe when we get older, we'll be closer?? I dunno. One can always hope.

Just frolicking through the town like the Blind Melon Bee girl...

Oh everyone I haven't blogged in a few days but I have the greatest excuse Ever!! I've been outside. lol. Winter is over & Spring has arrived. "I can see clearly now the rain is gone...". No more being Indoor Kitty for me. I've been running around like the lil Blind Melon bee girl trying to find the rest of her fellow bees. =)

My allergies are driving me nuts but I'm fighting them. hehe. The daffodils are blooming, the first Blue Jay or Cardinal birdies can be spotted, & nature has come back to life! The sunshine is beaming through my window onto my laptop as I write this. I want to just go out and roll-around in it. It just feels soo good to get up out of the house, off my ass, & walk around.

I wondered back in November if I had Seasonal Effectiveness Disorder where the seasons actually affect your mood. I definitely have it. Just waking up and seeing the sun has that smile on my face!

I did get to go to Six Flags Great Adventure this week too!! It was an absolutely blast. I'm going to post about that on Monday. I got photo tags to do, I got awards to do, I got more cheesecakes to make for tomorrow's Easter Day. I'm a Catholic so I do celebrate Easter. I'm going up to Connecticut to see my grandparents & other family. I hope it's a nice day.

So I leave you now with the Blind Melon video for "No Rain". I love that she's happy in the end of the video. I just love it!


Have any of you been able to enjoy this Spring weather yet? I hope so...