Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Switches.


So I would like to put a question out to everyone.

When do you take down your Halloween decorations & switch to your Holiday ones? OR Are you like me and just keep up the Halloween & Christmas stuff all year round?

Oh I tell you the truth. No joking, I keep everything up in my bedroom all year round. I have ornaments hung from thumb stacks as decorations, the 2 nutcrackers I have always stand guard, I have snowflakes on my bulletin board in the scorching summer, I have my Halloween bats & messages up, my Nightmare before Christmas items NEVER come down, & my Christmas angels never leave their posts. Those two Beanie Baby Bears above are mine. (I use to be obsessed with Beanie Babies.) These two sit together all year round for extra giggles.

My bedroom may be ignorant to the holiday switch but I'm not. I couldn't believe the lines that were in the stores on November 1st. It usually takes me about 5 minutes in line at T.J. Maxx but no, on Sunday it took about 30 minutes just in line. I'm not ready. It's too suddenly Christmas. I was looking for the bargain 90% off Halloween stuff & it's all already gone & the mechanical Santas are out singing, "Ho Ho Ho". Isn't Thanksgiving somewhere amongst the shopping madness???? Did Hallmark forget to make those cards so it's not as popular??? Perhaps I forgot to hit my internal button to switch to Holiday Mode. Before I know it, Valentine's Day stuff will be 50% off before it's even 2010.

I guess I'm a creature of habit. I don't do these abrupt switches well. It tears me apart. The switch to darkness earlier in the day, the switch of the holidays, the switch of listening to my head instead of my heart and the switch of an old love into a stranger.

Even though I hate switches, frankly I'm used to them. A certain boy switches every time I see him. This boy I loved. I've mentioned this before. It went too far. He switched me back to friend & switched others to more than a friend right in front of me without a thought. The guy I loved & who was back left YET AGAIN. I knew it would happen. I always seem to keep my hopes up. Maybe this time. Maybe it'll add up. Maybe I just need to give up & not wait for that day he'll come back to start the cycle all over again.


I have to listen to my head not my heart on this one. I have to make them two separate things. Almost like the mirror image. It's still me in both but Ohhhh the opinions are ever so different. My heart is screaming to the my thoughts to do something, just DO SOMETHING TO FIX IT...CALL...TEXT...CRY TO HIM...TELL HIM YOU DON"T WANT TO BE JUST A FRIEND...TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS SECRET HANGOUTS NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT MAYBE THEY CAN HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT...DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM SAY I WANT YOU...CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THE RECENT PAST...SOMETHING!!!! But I have to do my own switch. I have to switch him out of my head. I have to be listen to my head and be sensible, I have to think of the future, I have to think about the reality of what & who he is, I have to remember what he has done & how much over the years it's hurt to no end. I have to remember how bad I looked from crying over him. I have to...I Just have to...

I have to take down the memories of him from the pedestal I put them on.

Like decorations. Take them down. Hmmm. I have to. I just...

*Breathe*

In other words, I still had a good day today at work surprisingly. I think my job missed me while I was sick, so they are being extra nice. Tomorrow I will switch my Halloween tin for my Christmas box to hold all my pens on my desk. Switches....it's starting to hit home all these lil switches. I need to work on a few of them, STAT. And I will, believe me.

This story is far far from over...

20 comments:

Susan R. Mills said...

I may be much older than you, Melanie, but I remember when I was you. I had the old switcher dude haunting me. He broke up with me at least a dozen times and begged me back that many times. It took me realizing that I could do better to get over him. Funny...he just called my dad a year ago trying to find me. Fifteen some years later. Apparently, he hasn't changed. Live your life, and forget about him. YOU CAN DO BETTER!

Melanie's Randomness said...

I can totally picture my mess calling me years from now looking for me. It's how he operates. He crawls back when other things don't work out. I don't want him to do this.

That's insane that the guy called your dad. A similar thing happened to my mom a few years back. I'm trying real hard to forget. I think that's why I keep writing it. Kinda like in first grade when you ran in the classroom & had to write a 100 times, "I will not run in the classroom". I think I need to write I can do better a 100 times. Thank you very much Susan.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I didn't put Christmas stuff away until my sisters mocked me on Father's Day.

About Mess, if you delete the texts, emails and don't take the calls it will get easier AND you will be ready to meet someone who actually treats you right.

Good rule of thumb, treat someone the way you want to be treated. If they don't treat you the same way, well, you're not being respected and they're just a taker.

Find a guy that can give and respects you.

Scientific Housewife said...

I literally took down the Halloween decorations Nov. 1st and put up Thanksgiving ones right afterwards. Christmas is my big decorating holiday and I usually put those up the day after Thanksgiving :)

DesBisoux said...

honnestly, it's not gonna be easy for a while sweetpea...sorry! but it can only get better, right? because you, just like me, are awesome girls and like a friend of mine told me the other day, there are 6 billion people on the planet. think about it. 6 billion. there HAS to be dudes out there, way better than the Mess or the boy (though writting that a little voice in my head still says, better than the boy? in your dream...)
we need to have faith in ourselves. that we deserve good things. then it will happen.
muah!

DesBisoux said...

can you believe it??? the verification word for my previous comment was the boy's name!!!! spooky!

DesBisoux said...

euh...now i'm getting freaked out. the second verification word was his daughter's name...
hello!!! Halloween is over!

Melanie's Randomness said...

Absolutely hun. Your a hundred percent right. I'm actually looking forward to meeting someone new. I'm looking forward to moving on ever so much. The possibilties are endless. You guys are so much support that's really registering in my head. Thank you thank you. *Hugs*

Kate said...

I read somewhere it was bad luck to leave them up so I take them down. That is the only reason!

Kate

A Thought Is The Blossom said...

I need a little time before the sudden switch of holidays. corporate america really does blast it in your face as soon as the calender turns November. It drives me crazzzy! And the lines! Jesus, people act retarded. For example, for the last two years someone has died from the stampedes at Walmart on black friday....the biggest shopping day of the year. People DIED. That's a life. Who cares about toys and material junk when your losing lives. Man, I kinda went into a rant...so sorry! :)
About the boy, you just got force him out of your head. Don't try to contact him just try to be the very best girl that you can be and carry that confidence with you onto the next guy. The old guy will notice you and your new found confidence and will kick himself in the ass for letting you go. Believe it or not, you have the upper hand here!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

green leaf cookies?! LOVE IT

Keith said...

I haven't done as much decorating for Halloween and Thanksgiving the last few years. I always put my Christmas decorations up Thanksgiving weekend. I take them down after New Year's.

Pixel Wild Child said...

I have to admit I never do seasonal decoration at home of any kind, boring I know... maybe one day when i will have kids I will make an effort! ;O)
This guy, this guy... what are we going to do to him!!??? ;O)

Melanie's Randomness said...

I know what we're going to with him. I'm going to let him go, so I can stop this. I don't like this person I've become where I doubt everything I do with him or say to him & don't know how to act or do or anything. I want something just a tad bit easier than this impossible puzzle.

It's a process. One day at a time.

Barry said...

Melanie, no matter how old we are none of us are immune to this. I have always dealt with internal struggles of head vs heart, and for me the heart seems to rule all the time.

At least in the beginning. But there comes a time when your head tells you enough is enough, and your heart will believe it enough to know it's true. That's when you start letting go. And that's when you start healing.

I think you're there now, and I think you finally truly realize that. 'The Mess' has been draining the life from you for quite some time Melanie. Think of the times you've been miserable trying to figure him out, been stood up and disrespected. If they far outweigh the good then it's time to move on.

You're a wonderful person sweetie and you deserve so much more.

Constructive Attitude said...

My neighbors keep all of hteir christmas stuff up forever. theyve had it up since they moved there.lol

drollgirl said...

i don't put out many holiday decorations, but i am funny about putting them away really quickly when i do. the christmas stuff is taken down RIGHT after christmas. i have to do it fast and be done with it.

as far as the other switch you are trying to make, i totally sympathize. i feel for you, and i am so sorry that things have not worked out with this guy. the heart and mind are often at odds. i recently went through a break up after being together for 4 years, and my mind is going absolutely nuts. it is so painful. and it kills me that someday i have to work up the nerve to try again with someone new, and there are no guarantees that any relationship will work out. a girl can only handle so many heartbreaks! wah. but please hang in there, and i am wishing you the best.

p.s sorry for writing a fucking book here! :(

Jennifer Fabulous said...

This is a great post because it is so TRUE. Everything.
First, the holidays switches annoy the hell out of me. I swear, the night of Halloween, I actually SAW employees at the grocery store taking down the Halloween candy and replacing it with Christmas candy. Wtf? I feel like we're so fast-paced in this world, we don't take time to enjoy the moment. There are radio stations in my town that started playing Christmas music the day after Halloween. It makes me sad b/c I always get sick of Christmas music before November is even over due to this. That is just WRONG.
Also, I totally and completely understand what it's like to be in a relationship (or friendship) where everything switches constantly and you never know what is going on. It is so frustrating and sad. And yes, it is pure torture to prevent yourself from texting/calling/facebooking that person to beg for an answer or some direction. Gosh, I'm getting all emotional just thinking about it...
Just know, Melanie, you are not alone. There are other girls going through a similar mess. So, don't feel bad you're in the situation. It happens. And remember that you have so many friends out here (like me!) who care about you and are there for you. If you ever need to talk or vent, feel free to e-mail me. You can find my e-mail on my profile. :)
I hope things get better soon!!

MAISON CHAPLIN said...

Hi, love love lvoe your post ^^

@ MaisonChaplin.blogspot.com

amy said...

I think my roommate and I will put up our Christmas decorations this weekend...maybe...we haven't exactly cleared it with the third roommate (who just moved in) yet.

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