So I would like to put a question out to everyone.
Oh I tell you the truth. No joking, I keep everything up in my bedroom all year round. I have ornaments hung from thumb stacks as decorations, the 2 nutcrackers I have always stand guard, I have snowflakes on my bulletin board in the scorching summer, I have my Halloween bats & messages up, my Nightmare before Christmas items NEVER come down, & my Christmas angels never leave their posts. Those two Beanie Baby Bears above are mine. (I use to be obsessed with Beanie Babies.) These two sit together all year round for extra giggles.
My bedroom may be ignorant to the holiday switch but I'm not. I couldn't believe the lines that were in the stores on November 1st. It usually takes me about 5 minutes in line at T.J. Maxx but no, on Sunday it took about 30 minutes just in line. I'm not ready. It's too suddenly Christmas. I was looking for the bargain 90% off Halloween stuff & it's all already gone & the mechanical Santas are out singing, "Ho Ho Ho". Isn't Thanksgiving somewhere amongst the shopping madness???? Did Hallmark forget to make those cards so it's not as popular??? Perhaps I forgot to hit my internal button to switch to Holiday Mode. Before I know it, Valentine's Day stuff will be 50% off before it's even 2010.
I guess I'm a creature of habit. I don't do these abrupt switches well. It tears me apart. The switch to darkness earlier in the day, the switch of the holidays, the switch of listening to my head instead of my heart and the switch of an old love into a stranger.
Even though I hate switches, frankly I'm used to them. A certain boy switches every time I see him. This boy I loved. I've mentioned this before. It went too far. He switched me back to friend & switched others to more than a friend right in front of me without a thought. The guy I loved & who was back left YET AGAIN. I knew it would happen. I always seem to keep my hopes up. Maybe this time. Maybe it'll add up. Maybe I just need to give up & not wait for that day he'll come back to start the cycle all over again.
I have to listen to my head not my heart on this one. I have to make them two separate things. Almost like the mirror image. It's still me in both but Ohhhh the opinions are ever so different. My heart is screaming to the my thoughts to do something, just DO SOMETHING TO FIX IT...CALL...TEXT...CRY TO HIM...TELL HIM YOU DON"T WANT TO BE JUST A FRIEND...TELL PEOPLE ABOUT THIS SECRET HANGOUTS NO ONE KNOWS ABOUT MAYBE THEY CAN HELP ME FIGURE THIS OUT...DO ANYTHING TO MAKE HIM SAY I WANT YOU...CONFRONT HIM ABOUT THE RECENT PAST...SOMETHING!!!! But I have to do my own switch. I have to switch him out of my head. I have to be listen to my head and be sensible, I have to think of the future, I have to think about the reality of what & who he is, I have to remember what he has done & how much over the years it's hurt to no end. I have to remember how bad I looked from crying over him. I have to...I Just have to...
I have to take down the memories of him from the pedestal I put them on.
Like decorations. Take them down. Hmmm. I have to. I just...
In other words, I still had a good day today at work surprisingly. I think my job missed me while I was sick, so they are being extra nice. Tomorrow I will switch my Halloween tin for my Christmas box to hold all my pens on my desk. Switches....it's starting to hit home all these lil switches. I need to work on a few of them, STAT. And I will, believe me.