Saturday, November 28, 2009

Midnight Angel won't you say you will...


*Breathe* One Holiday down...3 major ones to go. The cruelest one will be the last. I think Thanksgiving is a basically a warm-up to Christmas, but it still takes a lot out of ya. I feel like I got hit with a ton of a bricks. The preparing, the driving, the answering of "How's life" questions, the sales, the people brushing past you, the walking, the lack of sleep, & the utter cross-over to Christmas & Hanukkah. The fast switch to holidays after Halloween caught me abruptly by surprise, but this time I tried to go along with the flow & embrace it. I joined the herd of penguins huddling for warmth.

Well 24 hours later after the madness I sorta feel like I have some semblance of myself again. I did go do more shopping today, but it was better. There was no time limit, no door busters to drive me crazy, & no insane lines. But I have found a new addiction of mine. I love looking at the receipts & seeing the "Total Saved". It makes me giggle. However it's a double-edged sword because I already am a horrific Pack Rat, so I will officially be out growing my living space quicker than I thought. Oh well. I'll have a tag sale in the spring...Maybe.

It's Saturday night and I'm home. Not the greatest with my being put together & going out to meet people. However, taking off my eyeliner & my make-up & taking he clips out of my hair felt glorious. From everyone's comments I'm learning that you need to be put together inside as well as outside. So my inside needs some work. Hmmm...that sounds really weird written. Um well what I mean is that I need to work on my emotions, letting go, & think about things that are good for me, not toxic subjects that are just useless circles in my head. Unfortunately no matter how many times I rant to my mother about let's say "The Mess Boy" it won't change the outcome. There isn't some secret code that I can unlock and go "Ooohhh that's why. Ohhh I get it now."

It's like thinking your in a labyrinth and you think eventually you'll come to the entrance. But there might be too many tunnels & you could have gone to Black Friday & just are too humanly tired. In Norah Jones song, "I Don't Know Why" she remarks that she'd be a "But I'd be a bag of bones, driving the road alone." I completely understand that line.

But it's okay. There has got to be something around the next corner. I feel like a chapter of my life is coming to a close, like the end of a year, and a new one is lurking in the previews. A new job that will be found, new friends, hopefully a new boyfriend, a new train ride, a new perspective. No more of the "Why's??".

In Mathematics, an answer to many math problems is, "Does not Exist". Yeah I know, isn't that fucked up?? It's feels just so wrong to write it on an exam. But it's true. Two lines in a graph can look like they are touching on your calculator but alas, they will never touch, never join, and that intersecting point will simply not exist. That might be my case with these Why's that are keeping me up at night. The answers just don't exist. It's frustrating, but it's a sign to move on. A Huge neon sign.

For tonight tho, I'm left to my dreams. So, "Midnight Angel won't you say you will..." Those lyrics are from the Pat Benatar song, "Shadows of the Night". I hope my dream angel will stay with me tonight, I really hope.

14 comments:

LENORENEVERMORE said...

Fascinating how lyrics can be related to our life sometimes...
Peaceful weekend dear, you're a wonderful writer.
xo*

Pixel Wild Child said...

Hey girl! ;O) It is so true we have to consider both the beauty from within and the exterior... when we feel well with ourselves and we are calm and satified we shine, we really shine more than any glitter out there! definitely! Have a lovely Sunday beautiful!!! :O)

Dustjacket Attic said...

Hi honey, hope you got some nice things whilst shopping. It's nice to be home and relax by the sound of it.

You take care, sweet dreams :)
xxx

Secretia said...

That was a nice read. It's easy to just get worn out this time of year. You stay well!

Secretia

Jeni said...

I love that Norah Jones song, it's one of my faves! Your writing style is great, I'll definitely visit again.

jeniwren.com

Simply Colette said...

I've enjoyed catching up with your blog this Sunday morning and missed my little Melanie! Those pics for Black Friday are crazy! I didn't know it was that bad. Loved those pics of you making the pumpkin cheesecake. Hope you had a wonderful Thanksgiving. Love and hugs, Nicolette

Tony said...

I often relate lyrics to my life, it seems a lot of the time something happens and then I hear a song or see a video and it has some kind of meaning for me good or bad. BTW, Shadows of the Night is my absolute fav Pat Benatar song.

Melissa Blake said...

You are such an excellent writer!

Leah said...

I love reading this post... "does not exist" do exists in real life. It will happen. As they say, great things come to those who wait.

You write really well Melanie.

Girl in My Own World said...

I know girl, I feel the blahs too, what - the - heck? I am so not feeling it. I used to be a girl who was all about being put together on the outside... perfect make - up and hair. When you really hit rock bottom emotionally... the looks fly out the window. What I am trying to do is let God put me together on the inside as well as the outside so I am sort of working inside out. It is much better in the end because then you are fully complete. I actually wrote a post on that on my Undercover Diva blog - I think it is called Inside Out. Well, I hope that you feel better. The hoilidays can be a bit draining, but then there us a new year and a fresh start! Yay! :o)

S.Elisabeth said...

Lovely post, I do hope a new chapter will open in your life and it will be filled with adventures and successes.

Bathwater said...

The tattoo on my arm reads, "question not the justice of the moment", in Latin. It is a phrase I made up myself. It means don't waste time saying "it's not fair" things change, try to go with the flow.

I agree with you though the worst holiday(New Year)is yet to come. I hope it turns out better then expected for you!

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Wow...sounds like your Thanksgiving was kind of crazy. Lol. Or, is that an understatement? ;) Hopefully the next few weeks or so until Christmas won't be completely stressful for you...you really deserve some down time to just relax.
And yes, next year is a clean slate and definitely a good time to wipe your hands clean of unwanted stress and headaches (coughthemesscough). Hehe. You have a lot of things to look forward to in life. Enjoy being young and beautiful!!

OceanDreams said...

This is how I feel when I get really down and then feel better. I want my dream angel to stay with me and help me stay positive. You have so much to look forward to, just take one day at a time love!

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