Monday, November 16, 2009

Cruise Control.

There is an option in most automatic cars today called Cruise Control. I honestly don't think I've ever used it in my car so I can't even say that it works. But the purpose is that your car will operate at the given cruise control speed & then you just work the steering wheel pretty much while the car drives you. This is my holiday season. I'm forever in this auto-pilot that drives me around & it really wears me down.

Christmas is actually one of my favorite holidays as well as Thanksgiving BUT I don't ever feel like I enjoy it because I'm always running around like a jack-rabbit looking for a carrot. As soon as it reaches November 1st, the flood gates of things open. All my family's birthdays are near Christmas & all the traveling by car to all the different relatives is so OMG. The two sides of my family don't intertwine so I have to spend half the day in Connecticut & then come to New York to see the other side. Of course there is a few drama family stories as well that don't help matters. It's just a bit too much at times. It's so much to do getting ready to bring Christmas & Thanksgiving dinner up to one set of my grandparents & all the preparation, then running to the other set that my mom, my dad, and I almost never get a chance to enjoy each other on these days. Last year I made my mom put up at least a little tree even tho we weren't home most of the day so I could get in the spirit because I just wasn't feeling it. We opened our presents for each other all rushed in the morning cuz we had to start the holiday running cycle & it was just...too crazy to enjoy. Too rushed.

I love my family don't get me wrong & I will see them on the holidays but I just wish that for once the holidays were at my house or my future apartment so I could enjoy the holiday & not have to run here or there & time things out. I want to be the one to decorate & not have to get back in the car.

Or just somehow this year make it a little more relaxed. I don't know how to do that. I realized today that I don't know how to relax anymore. There is always something that when there is a calm in the storm brings me right back down. I'm becoming horrifically high strung. Even sleeping isn't relaxing to me because I'm dreaming dreams of stuff that isn't reality & it's just making it feel like I'm not sleeping at all. It's a problem that I'm working on. I could barely eat anything today. For some reason anything I ate upset my side. Yes, I did have surgery to remove my gall bladder & stop the pain but this is actually creating a whole bunch of new problems. *Just Breathe*

What do you do when your all stressed & seriously need to really relax??

I have to relax. I have to find some way to relax. That's gotta be the key here. But how can you when your schedule is this Birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, job party, holiday, birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, holiday. It's crazy. My favorite holiday I'm sorry to say is February 15th. When the holiday season has come to halt.

For now, I'm on cruise control trying to get to everything & find time to get presents for all these birthdays & holidays...okay, breathe, & remember to relax. (Geez I'm starting to sound like a Lamaze class here, without the baby.)

I did see the one of the most beautiful sunsets today that did put a small smile on my face. I drove home from work fast & ran into my house to get my camera to take this shot. I do like this time of year because when I get out of work it's sunset & I get to see it when I drive home. So pretty, it looks like a painting. Here it is. Did anyone else catch it today?

P.S., I wish I could say this to someone but I can't say it to him. I won't let myself say it to him, cuz I know I wouldn't even get a response, but I'll at least say it here.

"I miss you."


Dawn said...

Hey, thanks for stopping by my blog. I appreciate it! It looks like you have an interesting one here yourself. That picture of the sunset, by the way, is spectacular! Furthermore, I would have to agree with you about all the holidays; I get stressed myself, even though--from now until after New Year's--is my absolute favorite time of year.

Heather Rose said...

Breathing is good, and if he doesn't miss you there's something wrong with him, and you deserve better than damaged goods.

Remember, time wounds all heals (That's supposed to be comforting/funny. Time does heal all wounds. So, just keep breathing).

Dustjacket Attic said...

Hi honey.

You know I just make it slow down to my pace. I do what I can and say no when I have to. It's really important to have peace within yourself and our choices help or hinder this.

Just because something has been done a certain way for years does not mean we just keep doing it that way if it no longer works for us.

Best of luck honey, especially with sleeping, so important.

Brent said...

i know exactly what you mean about the 2 sides of family. same with mine. too many grudges, drama, and they call themselves adults. the holidays can be overwhelming, way true. good thing the major ones come around in the same season once a year.

Pixel Wild Child said...

Hello babe! You are absolutely right, I understand you. In Christmas period you are meant to relax and enjoy and instead of that you are rushing all time for presents, for meals at different houses, etc. it is terrible! ;O) Still, it is nice they exist so the broader family can meet at least once a year, at least this is my case! ;O)

Susan said...

Poor thing, your Christmas/holiday season sounds so so busy. I suppose the important thing is just to try and make sure you get some time to yourself whenever you have a chance! Just do exactly what you want, even if it's only for a little bit.

And a good way to relax- buy Spirit Tracks (new Zelda game on DS) and play it as you are travelling all over the place :D Although if there is anything like that bloody main dungeon in PH then it might end up being even more frustrating! xx

Macaron Treats ♥♥ said...

Sunsets are just gorgeous, they always give a beautiful ending to the day. I get stressed often.. I hate it but thats apart of my personality, I am constantly finding new ways to calm down, I find bubbles baths and cherry tea help. Also time alone doing what you enjoy and taking a step back to assess your life


DesBisoux said...

it's darn hard to keep that "i miss you" for yourself...isn't it...
i have to say that i'm pretty much away from the running around and stress from the holidays. but let's face it, not for really happy word to you babe, try to remember why you're doing the running around. not the actual running around. cherish every single minute you have with your loved ones. make beautiful memories...

ChinkyGirLMeL said... what a busy busy schedule. Have you tried bringing it up to your family that maybe this time around you'd like to have the family get togethers at your place instead of running from one place to the next? That does sound so exhausting. But hey sweetie, don't let this get to you. If you let this stress overpower you then you are definitely going to have trouble sleeping, especially if you've got lots on your mind. Vent in your blog if you have to, it's one of releasing stress. =)

Susan R. Mills said...

It sounds like you feel like I do about the holidays. I would also be thrilled to just slow down and actually enjoy it this year. Maybe we can.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Sheesh girl that sucks!! :( I feel so bad for you. I know a lot of people complain about the holidays being hectic, but it seems you're beyond that and caught in the middle of a holiday tornado. Sigh.
Its ironic how the holiday season always is the most stressful time of year, when in reality, it should be the exact opposite. It should be about relaxing with family and being thankful for what you have. But in most cases, because of the chaos and running around and shopping, people don't even have a chance to do that. They are preparing for a headache is all.
I have some advice for you that actually works for Rian. His family is similar to yours during the holidays (insanely crazy). He has to spend each holiday with his mom/siblings, his dad/siblings, his mom's extended fam, and then his dad's, all seperately. (His parents are divorced and remarried). He always meditates for 30 minutes to one hour every morning and he SWEARS by it. That is the only reason he gets through each day. That is the reason he has not had a mental breakdown during holiday seasons. Lol. You should look into that. It's very easy. He just does it when he gets up in the morning, right here in the bedroom. Its very peaceful and gives him time to recollect himself every morning, so he's calm throughout the day...just a thought. ;)
The last part of your blog made me sad...I know its heartbreaking what you're going through. Just know I'm here for you. If you ever need to e-mail and vent or just talk about it, don't hesitate. :)
Big hugs!!!

Scientific Housewife said...

Around Christmastime, if I am feeling stressed or overworked with shopping and getting everything together, I turn on my tree lights, light a Christmas candle and put on Christmas music and it calms me down. Try it out this year.

Keith said...

This can be quite a stressful time of year. I know I can let it get to me too much. Work seems to get harder because there's actually more to do. Doing all the shopping, both trying to figure out what to get people and getting through the crowds. Plus spending time with some family that I can't stand. I do try to relax as much as I can and enjoy the holidays.

The Novelista Barista said...

ahhh i hear that.... i wish i could tell T that i miss him, but i cant.. bc he wont respond and itll piss me the hell off.

and noooooo i dont want christmas to comeeeee lol im such a debbie downer :(

jayne said...

I know what you mean.Currently feel like I am a chicken with my head cut off. I am so scatterbrained just trying to get everything done so I can "enjoy" the holidays. it's ironic really, oh well. sometimes in order to relax i just give up on my plans for the night (studying, seeing friends etc) and take some personal time to read something for fun, watch a movie, go to bed etc. because I know I will be unproductive and that will be more disheartening than quitting early for the night

Secretia said...

Every sunset is the end of the day, but it's also the beginning of the night.

S.Elisabeth said...

Aw I hope the two sides of your family can reconcile, because its sad to see families apart on two great holidays =( It really is the best part two see everyone able to come together.
And I hope that guy shapes up or you get a better one!!

And I've always found that meditation for five minutes or so is the most relaxing thing ever. Just lay back in your room and close your eyes for five minutes and don't think about ANYTHING.

A Thought Is The Blossom said...

that photo is unbelievable, what a shot, what a sunset!
i know what you mean about stress with the holidays. i pretty much lose my entire paycheck for the month of december to christmas presents. it's way to hard to buy for 8 brothers and sisters, parents, and distant relatives...nearly impossible! we have our share of family drama too. when you get that many people together it's bound to happen. we didn't choose to be siblings, it's just the way it is so lets just say we don't always get along (my sister and i went two and half years without speaking!!) we're good now, but it goes to show that we're all different kinds of people who just happened to be born to the same family.
sound like you've got a lot of anxiety and stress going on right now! don't freak out though, just remember... live in the moment. memories are all we have at the end of the day and you don't want to lose them because you were too stressed to enjoy yourself!

Ice Queen said...

Everyone seems to complain that the holidays come and go too quickly, but I tend to think of that as a sort of blessing. They're great but they are really stressful too. Hang in there...February will be here before you know it! =)

Blondie said...

I feel exactly the same way! I was just telling my boyfriend yesterday that the older it gets it seems we have no time to enjoy the actual season. Too much rushing around! Thank you so much for the sweet comments on my Louise Brooks post honey! Have a great night. Kori xoxo

Barry said...

Aww sweetie, believe me I know what it's like to miss someone. But when you're feeling down about it go back through your recent posts about him. That may put things in perspective.

As far as being stressed goes, you've been through some tough health issues and the person you need to worry about/ look after most is YOU. It's a very busy time of year and it may be a good idea to blow off the occasional invite. Just explain your situation.

If the person really cares about you they should understand.


PS: Gorgeous sunset pic! Do you mind if I use it sometime, with credit to you? :)

Sandy said...

Oh hunny ... I'm so sorry you're so stressed. It might sound trite but just say no sometimes. You are one person (and you have to put yourself first in your life) and if family members want to be petty, let them be petty. Tell them you love them, you want to see them but you just can't deal with it. you need to take care of you. I love Jennifer's comment and totally support the idea of meditation. I do yoga every couple of days (I wish I could do it every night before bed but I don't make the time). It's another option.

And as far as the man is concerned ... I'm dealing with that whole issue in my post tonight.

Take care of you .. and know you always have my support and friendship.

Elizabeth Marie said...

I know exactly how you feel! I am TRYING my darndest to be happy but it's just not working. We have to sleep and take care of ourselves love...

And putting the I miss You out into the Universe is good. You never know.

Gigi said...

I wanted to give you a hug when I read this post. More than one hug, actually, and then, when I reached the end, I really wanted to give you the biggest hug of all.

Others have already said this, but I'll add it again. Say no when you need to. Seriously. The world will keep spinning. I only say this because it has taken me a long, long time to learn it and do it. I'm 42 now, but until I was 40, I rushed and rushed and rushed to please everyone around me. My health suffered, my peace of mind suffered. I say no a lot now, and I do things on my own terms. That way, when I say yes, I really mean it, and I have more energy to give to the people and things that really matter.

You sound like such a wonderful person, Melanie. Thank you very much for coming by my blog yesterday. I really am sending you a big virtual hug.

drollgirl said...

oh, tis the season. ugh. i like many parts of the holidays, but i am dreading christmas. i will be alone for christmas, and that is making me sad. i am trying not to think about it!

i hope you find a way to make your holiday season a little bit (or a lot!) less stressful. my family is far away (and a pain in the ass), so we now just try to spend either thanksgiving OR christmas together, and not both. it is just too hard, too much travel, too expensive, and too taxing.

and that sunset is amazing!

p.s. sometimes doing a yoga dvd helps me chill. so does patron. or beer. or wine. or a joint. :)

Jay Ferris said...

I've found that the perfect combo of Valium and Scotch helps me through the holidays quite nicely.

Tights Lover said...

Great post. It's all so true. I wish I could figure out some way to slow things down this time of year...

I love the sunset pic!!

Simply Colette said...

I enjoyed getting caught up on Melanies world today. It's been one crazy month... Too crazy to post about. Thanks so much for the award Hun! I had the pumpkin cheesecake mold from WS but sold it on eBay. That is such a great recipe though! Glad you doing better, only take on what you can for the holidays and try not to run yourself ragged :)

love and hugs, Nicolette

Tony said...

Try not to stress out too much about the holidays.
I agree it's overwhelming. We have to deal with two kids seeing their other parents, and trying to get that co-ordinated. My daughter lives 2 1/2 hrs away and I don't get her until the 26th of Dec. My partner's son, his father lives a 1/2 hr away and he wants him for Christmas day. We want to have at least one child here Christmas morning.
We are lucky here in Canada, our Thanksgiving is early October, it's just so much eazier. I would find it really weird to be celebrating it in November. Don't be afraid to refuse some invitations, if you are feeling too overwhelmed.
You are the most important person, and you need to take care of yourself.


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