There is an option in most automatic cars today called Cruise Control. I honestly don't think I've ever used it in my car so I can't even say that it works. But the purpose is that your car will operate at the given cruise control speed & then you just work the steering wheel pretty much while the car drives you. This is my holiday season. I'm forever in this auto-pilot that drives me around & it really wears me down.
Christmas is actually one of my favorite holidays as well as Thanksgiving BUT I don't ever feel like I enjoy it because I'm always running around like a jack-rabbit looking for a carrot. As soon as it reaches November 1st, the flood gates of things open. All my family's birthdays are near Christmas & all the traveling by car to all the different relatives is so OMG. The two sides of my family don't intertwine so I have to spend half the day in Connecticut & then come to New York to see the other side. Of course there is a few drama family stories as well that don't help matters. It's just a bit too much at times. It's so much to do getting ready to bring Christmas & Thanksgiving dinner up to one set of my grandparents & all the preparation, then running to the other set that my mom, my dad, and I almost never get a chance to enjoy each other on these days. Last year I made my mom put up at least a little tree even tho we weren't home most of the day so I could get in the spirit because I just wasn't feeling it. We opened our presents for each other all rushed in the morning cuz we had to start the holiday running cycle & it was just...too crazy to enjoy. Too rushed.
I love my family don't get me wrong & I will see them on the holidays but I just wish that for once the holidays were at my house or my future apartment so I could enjoy the holiday & not have to run here or there & time things out. I want to be the one to decorate & not have to get back in the car.
Or just somehow this year make it a little more relaxed. I don't know how to do that. I realized today that I don't know how to relax anymore. There is always something that when there is a calm in the storm brings me right back down. I'm becoming horrifically high strung. Even sleeping isn't relaxing to me because I'm dreaming dreams of stuff that isn't reality & it's just making it feel like I'm not sleeping at all. It's a problem that I'm working on. I could barely eat anything today. For some reason anything I ate upset my side. Yes, I did have surgery to remove my gall bladder & stop the pain but this is actually creating a whole bunch of new problems. *Just Breathe*
I have to relax. I have to find some way to relax. That's gotta be the key here. But how can you when your schedule is this Birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, job party, holiday, birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, holiday. It's crazy. My favorite holiday I'm sorry to say is February 15th. When the holiday season has come to halt.
For now, I'm on cruise control trying to get to everything & find time to get presents for all these birthdays & holidays...okay, breathe, & remember to relax. (Geez I'm starting to sound like a Lamaze class here, without the baby.)
I did see the one of the most beautiful sunsets today that did put a small smile on my face. I drove home from work fast & ran into my house to get my camera to take this shot. I do like this time of year because when I get out of work it's sunset & I get to see it when I drive home. So pretty, it looks like a painting. Here it is. Did anyone else catch it today?
P.S., I wish I could say this to someone but I can't say it to him. I won't let myself say it to him, cuz I know I wouldn't even get a response, but I'll at least say it here.