My Monthly Saving Money Post.

Pennies, Nickels, Dimes, Quarters, Dollars, Yen, & Euros make up the evil lil thing called Money. At the end of each month I try to do a post about the money I saved this month. I do have a Math Bachelor’s degree so I’ve been trying to parlay it into helping people in one way or another. This month & the next are going to be hell with spending. Everybody’s budgets are going to be stretched this month due to the holiday season, including mine. I’ve spent so much money getting ready for Christmas already. Thankfully I get paid tomorrow. *Sigh of Relief*. But I did do a few things to save some extra pennies & noticed a few traps of the holiday season that I’d like to share.

Saving Money Tips of November:
1.Sales Filer Deals: A sales filer in the newspaper may say “Lowest Prices of the Season” but there is a possibility you can get things cheaper. If you’ve found out you are hosting the Holiday dinner this year & need to decorate…well choose to go to Target, Walmart, Kmart, Walgreens, Rite Aid, Home Goods, Michaels for lil extra trimmings. I know labels can be important to people but if it isn’t save a lil money on that table cloth or wreath.

2.Store Credit Cards: People usually cringe when you say, “Just Open another Credit Card” because all those credit score commercials can actually be scary. BUT if you are constantly shopping at a store & they do have the offer to get a store credit card AND you’d get more discounts if you use it…well why not get it? Your shopping in the store already a lot, why don’t you use it to your advantage. I opened a Kohl’s Credit Card on Saturday & actually got an extra 25% off my bill.

3.Pay Attention to Your Receipts!!!: We are only human. From personally working retail about 8 years I know sometimes keys on the cash registers stick. Sometimes you’ll swipe your card twice. Other times you’ll see one price on the rack or shelf & it will ring up as another price. It happens, it’s nobody’s fault, but it’s good to be aware of “What your buying” & “How much it cost”. Make sure to check your credit card bill too for duplicate charges.

4.Make a Christmas or Hannukah List for People: The urge to just buy things gets the best of us. The act of buying can be Sooooo Much Fun!!! But if you keep to a list & try to not steer too far away from it, maybe you won’t Over spend.

5.Interest Free: These words are beautiful to hear. When people make big purchases like TV’s, Dishwashers, Gucci Purses, they are tempted to choose a payment plan so they can pay a little bit each month. That’s such a great concept. I recently bought my laptop & payed it off Interest free in about 5 months. NOW, here’s the catch. Make sure you can pay for your big purchases in the Interest Free months because if they are not, you will paying an additional percentage to your payment each month after the interest free zone is over.

6.Coupons: I have free Kohl’s cash because I shop there frequently. I give the sales associates my email address for further coupons in a lot of stores. I know Kohl’s has it, Bath & Body Works, & Victoria Secret. Getting coupons in the mail for nothing rule.

7.The Minimum Payment : Just paying the minimum sounds great. But if your credit card takes on interest every time you don’t pay a certain amount, you will be paying extra money that you may not have in the future.

Those are just a few things to get the ball rolling for you. It seems like people just do what they got to do in the holiday season & forget about the bill. Make sure you can enjoy your holiday without extra worry.

I'm trying desperately to eliminate any stress I can for the holidays. I actually recommended to my mom that her, my dad, & me do our little Christmas together on Christmas Eve night so we can enjoy each other. I'm an only child too so it's really just us in the house. We run around to everybody else on Christmas so we don't get a non-tiring minute to ourselves. She agreed that Christmas Eve night would be for us. It made me happy.

Yes, I'm trying to be festive. I even wore red today & lil earrings that looked like snow. They were actually only $2.45 marked down in Kohl's. They look wintery so God knows why they were out in the summer. Here are the earrings...I think Snow...no?


Good luck everyone with the sales, the shopping, & the madness. I hope maybe one of those tips can help ya!

If you can think of any other ways you are going to save money this year for the holidays I'd love to hear them too. =)

The Girl on the Other Platform.

The girl on the other side of the train platform was Me that day 4 years ago. I took this picture about a month ago at the Secacus Train Station & that guy has no idea I took that picture, & probably never will. What a shame, he looks like he's looking off in the distance...waiting for a dream. I wonder if he ever found it?

Well off to the platform story. See, instead of blogger, twitter, & facebook, there used to an online site called Myspace. I was addicted. Yes, I did the myspace poses for my pictures, had the pictures of my favorite stuff everywhere, and had a ridicolous amount of friends I never knew. I even had formed a myspace group for fans of the movie Blade Runner. So one day a certain gentleman joined that group & we started to chat about the movie & other things. He was about 6 years older than me. I honestly didn't think much of him then, just another face that I would never know in person, never get to meet or touch. Myspace was very impersonal & fake to me.

One day I took the train home from college. I got my lil train ticket & then walked up to the platform. It was cold so I had a lot of stuff in my hands & my big winter coat. The one thing I feared was losing my ticket in all this stuff, so I tuck the ticket up behind my ear. It sounds a lil dumb, but I then knew where it was. I waited for the train on the platform & noticed a few people on the other platform opposite me. I remember thinking how creepy would it be if someone put a mirror on the other platform so you would look and see yourself. I'd probably freak. Soon the train came, and I rushed on with the mass of people, found a seat, and dreamed.

Later that day when I finally got home I checked my Myspace to which I got this message from that Myspace group guy, whom which I didn't even realize lived near me,

"Hey Melanie! This may sound weird, but I think I saw you today. I was at the train station sitting on the platform to go to Princeton & saw a chick with her ticket behind her ear. Was that you?? It looked just like you?"
I blinked in shock. What are the odds?!?!?!?! From that day on we've been cyber friends ever since. He saw me through a few breakups, I helped him through breakups as well, jobs, college, and messes. It's been about going on about 4 years.

But the catch here is. We've never really met. We've only ever talked on aim. It's funny. The only time we came close to meeting was that day on the platform. Well the finally in 2009, he wants to actually meet me. We've tried meeting up at the Renaissance Faire but I was too sick. So now he told me, "I wanna meet you before the end of the year." He told me this about 3 weeks ago and I reminded myself of this fact today. Hmmmm...Should I? Should I meet a this guy friend I've never kinda met?

I've realized doing one different thing in your daily routine can cause the weirdest yet coolest change of events. For example, joining blogger. It's introduced me to soo many people that I never would have met. NEVER. I'm grateful for these friendships I'm creating. I need you guys in my life right now. I like having my platform friend too. He's that person that will throw ya a text if he hasn't heard from ya in a while. We have very similar likes, and he's only an hour away from me.

I don't know what's kept me from meeting him. He's not a psycho so no worries there too. hehe. I know what he looks like, he is cute, but we've only been just friends for years so I wouldn't expect anything more on a get-together so again no pressure there. I think I should meet him. It probably will be awkward for a bit in the beginning, but who knows? I gotta do things differently to move on. I have to let new people in my life if they are trying to be a part of it. I'm a creature of habit like I've said. I sometimes need a lil push forward to enter a store, talk to this or that person, a push towards the right direction.

A push. Just a lil push can make all the difference.

Would you go meet him? Maybe just maybe I'd make a new friend. Should I? *Thinking*

Midnight Angel won't you say you will...

*Breathe* One Holiday down...3 major ones to go. The cruelest one will be the last. I think Thanksgiving is a basically a warm-up to Christmas, but it still takes a lot out of ya. I feel like I got hit with a ton of a bricks. The preparing, the driving, the answering of "How's life" questions, the sales, the people brushing past you, the walking, the lack of sleep, & the utter cross-over to Christmas & Hanukkah. The fast switch to holidays after Halloween caught me abruptly by surprise, but this time I tried to go along with the flow & embrace it. I joined the herd of penguins huddling for warmth.

Well 24 hours later after the madness I sorta feel like I have some semblance of myself again. I did go do more shopping today, but it was better. There was no time limit, no door busters to drive me crazy, & no insane lines. But I have found a new addiction of mine. I love looking at the receipts & seeing the "Total Saved". It makes me giggle. However it's a double-edged sword because I already am a horrific Pack Rat, so I will officially be out growing my living space quicker than I thought. Oh well. I'll have a tag sale in the spring...Maybe.

It's Saturday night and I'm home. Not the greatest with my being put together & going out to meet people. However, taking off my eyeliner & my make-up & taking he clips out of my hair felt glorious. From everyone's comments I'm learning that you need to be put together inside as well as outside. So my inside needs some work. Hmmm...that sounds really weird written. Um well what I mean is that I need to work on my emotions, letting go, & think about things that are good for me, not toxic subjects that are just useless circles in my head. Unfortunately no matter how many times I rant to my mother about let's say "The Mess Boy" it won't change the outcome. There isn't some secret code that I can unlock and go "Ooohhh that's why. Ohhh I get it now."

It's like thinking your in a labyrinth and you think eventually you'll come to the entrance. But there might be too many tunnels & you could have gone to Black Friday & just are too humanly tired. In Norah Jones song, "I Don't Know Why" she remarks that she'd be a "But I'd be a bag of bones, driving the road alone." I completely understand that line.

But it's okay. There has got to be something around the next corner. I feel like a chapter of my life is coming to a close, like the end of a year, and a new one is lurking in the previews. A new job that will be found, new friends, hopefully a new boyfriend, a new train ride, a new perspective. No more of the "Why's??".

In Mathematics, an answer to many math problems is, "Does not Exist". Yeah I know, isn't that fucked up?? It's feels just so wrong to write it on an exam. But it's true. Two lines in a graph can look like they are touching on your calculator but alas, they will never touch, never join, and that intersecting point will simply not exist. That might be my case with these Why's that are keeping me up at night. The answers just don't exist. It's frustrating, but it's a sign to move on. A Huge neon sign.

For tonight tho, I'm left to my dreams. So, "Midnight Angel won't you say you will..." Those lyrics are from the Pat Benatar song, "Shadows of the Night". I hope my dream angel will stay with me tonight, I really hope.

Even if it was for Love or Money...NEVER AGAIN!!!

There are some things that you say, "Oh One day I'll do that." Well last night in the Black Friday Early Madness I ventured to the Fashion outlets called Woodbury Commons in Monroe, NY to go holiday shopping. To give you guys a little background on these "Outlets" they are not just wholesale outlets. They are the Fashion outlets that are homes to names such as Burberry, Prada, Juicy Couture, DKNY, Betsy Johnson, Versace, Dior, Jimmy Choo, Coach, Uggs, Sony, Michael Kors, you name it..it's there. So my best friend Erin, her sister, her boyfriend, & me decided, "What the hell, let's be there for the midnight openning this year." Um...yeahhhhh...let's just say we will be re-thinking a new plan for next year.

I have NEVER before in my life seen as much chaos, people, traffic and bags of holiday goodies in my entire life.

The above picture is one I took when we hit the wall of traffic trying to get there. It took us about 3 1/2 hours to drive what in a normal day would take 15 minutes. The state troopers were everywhere, and it the traffic was so bad they closed the NY State Thruway exit to get into the Commons. It was insane. Absolute Madness.

Honestly, I knew there would be a little traffic, but I never in my life would have imagined all the people I saw. The license plates driving into the Commons were from NY, NJ, Georgia, Pennsylvania, Maine, Ontario, Quebec, Conneticut, Ohio....just to name a few. I've heard of the Walmarts being insane...it's got nothing on this place. We actuall parked in a neighboring parking lot & walked another 10 minutes to the outlets.

My goal was to try to get a Coach Purse to go on job interviews with in the future. I've been saving up my pennies, was going to try and get a deal, but unfortunately I couldn't even get near the store. The lines were insane just to get in. It was totally okay because I actually did get a few nice items for very little money at Liz Clabourne & Aeropostale & Williams Sonoma.

I keep talking about the madness but Let me show you the MADNESS. I apologize that the pictures are really dark & a lil blurry but I was running on barely any sleep & it was in fact 4am in the morning.

Here's the photos from Thrusday night into Friday morning:


That's the line of traffic to get on the detour exit.(No Joke)

All those lights are headlights of cars. Yeah, Unbelievable!!

Part of the line outside of Uggs Footwear.

The line outside of Juicy Couture.

Part of the line outside of Prada.

Random Picture of some of the crazy midnight shoppers.

The line outside Burberry.

This was the line outside of Coach. It wrapped around & around.
Pandemonium is the only word I can muster up to actually paint a reality of it. If I had a list of things I was to do in my life this adventure would have been on it. Now I can totally check it OFF the list. hehe.

By the time we finished at the outlets it was about 6am. We went to Kohl's & Walmart after but my body kinda stopped working on me, so it wasn't that shopping productive. Apparently when I haven't really slept in a good solid 30 hours I turn off. Your body functions don't work. But it was an experience that I will never forget.

I miss blogging, from the holiday I've been a bit scattered around. I'm back & regular scheduled programming will commence. I hope everyone had a safe & happy Thanksgiving. I have got to bed because I am exhausted beyond belief. Nighty.

All the pictures were taken by me by car or by foot. This is a day for the history books, but yeah...for love or money, I'm not doing it again. I'll just have to shop online instead. =P

"What do you want from me?"

So everybody I took your advice & just tried to feel good today. I totally had a $15 off of $30 coupon, so I went to Express & bought 2 really nice good shirts. The above one is one of them. I dunno I kinda feel like a Fem-Bot in it. Ya know from Austin Powers? lol. Well I need some "Date" shirts. I don't have a full-length mirror in my house so hehe Express Dressing Room will have to do. =P

This morning I made myself get out of bed & straighten my hair again. I walked into work & Omg the 5 men I work with ACTUALLY gave me compliments on my hair & said I looked nice today. I gasped a little inside with some happiness.

While driving home from my lil shopping spree, the whole Adam Lambert thing was everywhere on the radio. His music, he can do what he wants to do, I guess. But...I really like his new song. The chorus rings, "What do you want from me?". I then thought, hmmm...what do people want from Me? What will a new guy want from me when he meets me? What does the Mess even want from me in this horrifically akward time betweeen us? What do my friends want? What would that ex that asked me to dinner want? What do you guys in blogger land want from me?

I'll try to answer these as best as I can:

To the Future Guys I will meet:
You will find a complex girl with tons of likes/dislikes along with all the dreams of the world, and she will try ever so hard at everything she does. When I smile, I'm smiling for real. She will go out with you & she will genuinely enjoy spending the time because it's time with you. I might enjoy that time so much that I might love you. She'll love the little things & the cherish the memories. And I will go see that horror movie with you but I will jump & scream but just put your arm around me, I'll be fine cuz I'll have you. I will even go to every Walmart in the tri-state area to find that toy I know you've been looking for just to see the happiness on your face one day. Oh and please remember I have feelings...that's a key to me. =)

To my Future Friends I will meet:
Oh I got your back girl or guy. I will be there for you just say the word. I will go out & have those gossip lunches & Omg will love them. Even if the times are over I will miss you...if for some reason our friendship fell apart even if it was the worst of circumstances, I will miss you. I will tell you, "Omg you can totally get a better shirt than that & you don't deserve that crap from that guy." I will totally wait in line for the next Twilight movie with you too.

To the people of Blogger:
I will try to be as honest as I can here and speak with my heart. I will try to put out my shoulder if I can, and relate to you if I can & help or root you on! This blog is me. I'm a lil random, I go off on tangents, and I try out a lot of different things, but that's all part of life. I make mistakes, I have my bad days, I regret things, I try not to make those mistakes again...I'm learning. I'm learning to be just me and it's quite a journey. (Oh and the above about Friends can be added onto this one as well.)


The other two questions I spoke of before about that boy & the ex...hmmm...I just don't know what to do with them. It's a battle of friend or foe. A battle that may be over or not. It's too weird to tell. Too odd to make a move or a call...Too akward. To hard to decipher the lies & decode the truth, or the so-called truth. It's not my fault that I thought it might mean something more...or is it?? Time will tell...

Well I hope you all are enjoying this short week. I know I am. I can't wait to come home tomorrow afternoon & sleep. I gotta prepare for Black Friday. lol. Yes, I am one of those crazies that goes out, BUT as a note I looked up you can get up to 5 Years in prison for fighting...even if it's just over a toy or purse. That'd be a funny conversation. "Why are you here?"..."Tax Fraud"..."Drive-by Shooting"..."Drug Deal"..."I took some lady down cuz she bought the last Rock Band"...LOL!! PLEASE BE CAREFUL!!!

Okay one more day at work...Defrost turkey...help mom with more baking...keep dressing nicely...Gotta keep this up...Okay talk to you guys tomorrow. *Hugs*

Title quote is from Adam Lambert's song, "What do you want from me".

"What a shame if all there is...is all thats gone away."
- The Birthday Massacre, "Holiday"

I am here singing a Dark Holiday....Putting these Demos to the Test...

One of my weekly adventures is going to the Williams Sonoma Cooking demos. Well, tonight my mom & I put these "Demos" to the test. We tackled the Pumpkin Cheesecake" tonight to kick off this holiday season.

Now there's a little thing you guys gotta know about me. I can't cook. lol. I boil water, put coffee grinds in it, and then ask, "So how long does it take a brew?". (Yeah one day I learned what Instant Coffee was.) I can make pasta & make brownies, and an occasional pie but all in all cooking isn't my finest hour. But actually after seeing the movie "Julie & Julia" I got motivated to learn how to really cook. And the holidays are the perfect time to showcase it.

The first order of business is the recipe for this Pumpkin Cheesecake.

I got this information via Williams Sonoma. It goes as follows.

Pumpkin Cheesecake:

A gingersnap crumb crust underlies this spicy cheesecake, and caramel-coated pecans adorn the top, for an irresistible alternative to traditional pumpkin pie. Cut this rich dessert into small wedges to serve.
Ingredients:
For the gingersnap crust:

* 1/4 lb. gingersnaps (about 20 small cookies)
* 1/3 cup pecan halves
* 1/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
* 4 Tbs. (1/2 stick) unsalted butter, melted

For the filling:

* 3/4 cup firmly packed light brown sugar
* 1 tsp. ground cinnamon
* 1/4 tsp. ground allspice
* 1/4 tsp. ground ginger
* 1/4 tsp. ground cloves
* 1 lb. cream cheese, at room temperature
* 3 eggs
* 1 cup pumpkin puree

For the topping:

* 1/2 cup pecan halves
* 1 Tbs. unsalted butter
* 2 Tbs. granulated sugar

Directions:

Preheat an oven to 350°F. Lightly butter a 9-inch springform pan.

To make the crust, in a food processor, combine the gingersnaps and pecans and process until crumbly. Add the brown sugar and melted butter and pulse for a few seconds to blend. Transfer the crumb mixture to the prepared pan. Use your fingers to pat the mixture into the bottom and evenly all the way up the sides of the pan. Refrigerate for 20 minutes.

To make the filling, in a small bowl, stir together the brown sugar, cinnamon, allspice, ginger and cloves. In a large bowl, using an electric mixer, beat the cream cheese on medium speed until smooth and creamy. Using a rubber spatula, occasionally scrape down the sides of the bowl. Gradually add the brown sugar mixture, beating until smooth. Add the eggs one at a time, beating well after each addition. Add the pumpkin puree, beating until smooth. Using the rubber spatula, scrape the batter into the chilled crust and smooth the top.

Bake the cheesecake until set or until a knife inserted into the center comes out clean, 35 to 40 minutes. Transfer the pan to a wire rack and let cool completely. Cover and refrigerate until ready to serve.

To make the topping, set aside 10 pecan halves and coarsely chop the rest. In a small fry pan over medium-high heat, melt the butter. Add all of the pecans, sprinkle with the granulated sugar and cook, stirring, until the sugar melts and the nuts are toasted and caramel coated. Transfer the nut mixture to a plate and let cool completely, then store in an airtight container.

Just before serving, sprinkle the chopped pecans over the cheesecake and arrange the halves evenly around the perimeter. Serves 10 to 12.

Adapted from Williams-Sonoma, Thanksgiving Entertaining, by Lou Seibert Pappas (Simon & Schuster, 2005).


Honestly it's not that hard to make. I don't cook and I was able to read the directions successfully & complete it. I measured out all the spices, cracked the eggs, & used the unsalted butter. It does make a bit of a mess, but cooking is messy. lol. We thought it would be something different for the holidays than the standard apple & pumpkin pies. The above collage is pictures from the process.

One of the things that we did notice about this pie was it took longer than the 30-45 minutes. It all depends on your oven. It was fun. My mom & I had quality mother/daughter time. One of the positives of the holidays is that I'm the only child so I'm the one that gets to help with the cooking. =)

If anyone is looking for something different for the holidays, check out this recipe. Click the Williams Sonoma site above then go to recipes and type in "Pumpkin Cheesecake". It's still baking right now so I'm keeping my fingers crossed that'll it taste good on Thursday. =) This is what it looked like at the demo.


I just wanted to really thank everybody for their comments lately. It's such a weird time in my life so my posts have been on very random topics randomly. But the encouragement & just the fact of knowing that people feel the same way about things is amazing. Thank you thank you!

The title is from the Dommin song, "Dark Holiday", minus the latter part. =P

Put Together.

Ever see the movie "Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark?" This above picture is a scene from the that movie where they hide the Ark in a secret government warehouse that holds all of the world's secret treasures. My mind feels a lot like this right now. A full warehouse that just isn't seeing the light of day. I'm keeping things in, not letting my true self out, & all my dreams are boxed up & sealed tightly. There is just so so much going on, that it's just piling & piling & that poor lil worker in that picture is so going to have to work Over-time this week to organize everything. The ark is me, and it's somewhere lost in that chaos of the room.

To get out of the house to try to feel better I went shopping with my cousin and through all the mirrors of the stores I saw...Well that "Oh I looked like a mess." Just a mess. My hair was in a very messy bun, I had my STAC college sweat shirt on that just looked messy, old sneakers, my shirt that I just love's color was a wee bit too faded, my eye make-up was a little off from rubbing my eyes a lil (I'm allergic to alot of spray scents), and I had bags under my eyes. I'm supposed to be out there attracting some random guy who might be shopping at the same store & I looked like I crawled out of the END of a zombie attack. Not a good thing.

Have you guys ever had those days where you just feel like a mess?

But then my cousin and I went to get a drink at this lil restaurant. We were sitting, chatting, trying to figure out what to get who for Christmas when this girl walked into the place & sat one stool down from me. I just happened to look towards her & was like Woa, her outfit looks amazing, her hair looks so nice, she had on thigh-high boots, her purse...well i liked my purse better than hers but it fit her outfit, she had on accessories, and I just thought, "I wish I looked like her." I don't mean that I wish I was a different person & did the whole blonde, thin, Omg I'm awesome watch me wave at the people look...I just wished I looked a little more "put together".

Yeah that's a good way to say it. "Put Together". When stress & just shit brings you down people sometimes forget how much it actually affects you. So...what do you do?

Well, I'm going to break out my lil pink Liz Clabourne flats I have that I actually have never worn, I straightened my hair for tomorrow morning(I have really long hair so it would take forever to do in the morning), I'm going to wear one of my nice new sweaters, put on some earrings & a necklace, have a nice butterfly clip in my hair, wear my new black hat I bought, remember to put on cover up & lip gloss and try to make an effort tomorrow to look like "I tried today." I guess I forgot to try to look nice in all the shuffle. I'll take a picture tomorrow.

What do you do to make yourself look put together each day?

These are the Liz Clabourne flats I bought a lil while ago. I'm not a big fan of pink, but these were just too cute pass up.

It's easy to forget things when your on auto-pilot. I'm putting so much effort into clearing my head of junk & get things done that it's making me forget the wrong things... I have to shed this college-student roll out of bed look. I need to start being a 24 year-old woman, I need to try to look my best, I need to not forget as well as forget, and I need to not look like I've been in a warehouse searching for the ark. lol. Also I need to wake up for real.

And if I fail...no one can say I didn't try. I'm trying, I'm trying so hard not to fall.

"Maybe I'll wake up for once..." - Evanescense "Going Under"

It's all in a song.

Ever notice that there is a song that can remind you of everything your trying to forget? It doesn't even have to be a good song, but it can just flood the memories back to you and leave you cursing up a storm in your car. Hopefully your windows will be closed when this happens so the poor lady waiting at the light next to you won't call the cops. lol.

The weirdest thing happened to me today. I was driving along, trying to not think of things, and I decided to change my radio station. Then BAM! my song that reminds me of everything about a certain boy was actually on. *Cough* The Mess *Cough* Now this song is a soundtrack to a certain movie that's from the 80's that seems to plague me where ever I go. I have NEVER heard it on a radio before past the 3rd movie, which I think was in 1990. lol. When I first met him, I actually quoted the movie to him, not knowing it was his favorite & he was like "How did you know I liked that movie??". Well I didn't know, it was just one of my favorites too. BUT it's a song that NO ONE ever plays on the radio. I guess it was because it was the request hour on the station so someone in the world requested it to make my life a living hell for the rest of the day. BUT...

But, alas, I didn't text the "I miss you" I wanted to do ever so badly. I hope in the end this is a good thing. I really don't want to leave, but I just can't stay. I actually watched the movie, "Vanilla Sky" today on BRAVO and realized I don't want to be Cameron Diaz's character in the first part of the movie. If you've seen the movie you'll understand a 100%.

I just can't believe that song played on the radio. Geez. Just my luck.

Ironically today, after all this rush of memories, an ex talked to me. His story of him & I is for another day, but it's just weird that a random ex imed me and asked me to dinner. Oh yeah about 2 years ago this week we had met too, so I guess it's an anniversary of when we first got together. I declined for now because I was too taken aback that he asked me out as friends or I'm not exactly sure.

Why is it that drama all has to be on the same day? I told this ex to call me in the future, but yeah that story of him & let's call him Drummer Boy is for a later post because I'm too torn to even think clearly on him.

The song "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia is a perfect "This is my mood" now song. Wouldn't that be a cool option for something? Instead of the faces showing your mood, you can pick a song. hmmmm.....

Are their songs that when you hear them it just brings you back to that time? That time when you were happy or sad?
This week had a weird close. Geez. I hadn't seen this one coming. It all can come back to ya, like that Celine Dion song. lol. I think you can almost always relate things to a song. I guess that's why I love good music so much & actually pay attention to lyrics. Amazing lyrics are my favorite part of music.

I'm going to leave you guys tonight with a video from one of my favorite songs. I feel like the girl he is singing about some days. I love how he calls this girl, "Cinderella". I remembered it a few days ago & thought maybe someone else would like to re-hear it too. It's "One Headlight" by The Wallflowers. Enjoy.

Just One Bite? Would that Suffice?

Okay, before I start this post I gotta clear something up about me. I have never finished reading any of the "Twilight" books. I started the first one, but alas due to my hectic college & work schedule at the time, I never finished. BUT I like the movies.


So today my boss at lunch time asked me what seemed to him to be an easy question. He asked, "Ah Miss Melanie. The weekend is coming up. Let me guess you have your tickets all ready for the new 'Twilight' movie eh?" To which I replied, "Nah, I'm just going to go on Saturday or Sunday morning to go for the matinee." He was SHOCKED! He then added, "But Melanie??? It's Twilight?? Isn't every girl obsessed with this??? I can't understand it. Can you please explain what is this fascination every girl has with it??? With these Vampires???" I then proceeded to explain.

Okay, so what is this fascination with Twilight? People keep saying, "Omg I love it!! I love Edward!! I love Bella! I love it!!". Well what IS it that you love? For me...it's the thought that this simple shy girl found a guy who even if they are just 15 or um 16 that's wants to be with her against all odds. Every girl wants the guy to walk her to class, want to spend every minute with her, wants to hold her as she sleeps, & oh yeah find a bond with him that would make them inseparable. Relationships are hard, love is sometimes lost, people stop caring, or people change. But seeing that one couple made it work makes your heart skip a beat. That's why I'm liking these movies.

Also the fact that Edward's a vampire is amazing. Now that's why I used that first picture. It's from "Dracula". The version with Gary Oleman & Wyonna Ryder. Even in that movie, there was dracula trying to find his lost love, Elizabetha. When I was younger almost every movie & show had a vampires in it, so of course I'd get a fondness for these mythical creatures.

I swear I'm not creepy with the whole vampire thing, I don't want to be one, the whole sucking blood thing actually freaks me out, BUT there is something incredibly sexy about the actors who play vampires & an incredible sadness that goes with them. I could never be a vampire because I would miss the sunsets too much & going through the ages losing people would evidently destroy me.

So yeah, what WAS up with that in the 90's with all the vampire stuff?? I blame TV & the books also for this Twilight phenomenon. And I blame my absolute FAVORITE TV Show, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" for my likeness of all of this because Angel was hot & she was seriously Badass. lol.


I think Edward's lucky that Buffy's show ended a long time ago. hehe.

When I was younger I used to read the Anne Rice Vampire Novels too. Those are such a great read. You would honestly think Anne Rice was alive in the times she writes about. It's so vivid, and there is such a more realistic point of view of the whole vampire deal, that made me read each book cover to cover wanting more. Pandora is my favorite vampire. Her love triangle with Marius is too much like my own.

I am excited to see this "New Moon" movie. It looks really good, from a non-reader of the books person. I just like the whole vampire/love thing. Guilty as charged. That's what attracts me. Also this new movie looks so much fun.

Well I tried to explain my likeness of the "Twilight" series. Yes I'll try to read the rest of the books. But for now, I'm liking the movies. One movie won't be enough. They had to make a second, and I hope the others. One bite tho from a vampire & I think I'll be running for the hills. lol.

So...Who's going to see it this weekend? =)

Wasting my time...In the Waiting Line.

Well. Doing really nothing for the past two days except watch TV has really shed some light on the a few certain subjects. I want to thank everyone for the comments on my Holiday post. It meant so much to me that Omg I'm not the only one. Your right, I need to take a step back & just cool it. I honestly forget sometimes that I'm not an octopus with too many hands to help. Doesn't it seem like you need to be one in order to get things done these days?

I picked the above picture to use as my motivation today because at that moment was the start for Cinderella of something wonderful. I know fairy godmothers don't just appear out of thin air, but a comment or a post that makes my smile go up to my eyes is just as grand & magical. This blog is my start of something wonderful. At first it seemed that I was waiting for someone to come back or something to fill my time & was doing all these lil projects to build up my character. I stopped trying to figure out who I was & was just playing the cards I was dealt thinking okay this must be it for the time being. That reasoning for this time in my life is just soo WRONG! I thought since I had to have surgery I can just go with the flow & pray that I keep my head above water. I thought maybe I'll stay at my job til I get my Christmas bonus then leave. If I eat for a few days whatever I want then cut back my weight will be okay. Or Maybe he'll miss me just a little... No, that's no way to live.

What I'm trying to get at here is that this very important lesson I'm learning is the need for a lil direction. Without it, you can feel ever so lost. I characterize myself as the frowzy girl in the beginning of the movie listening to some song on the radio & she's at the 4 way intersection & then someone honks at her so she picks a direction. This blog is helping me find that lil help & go the right direction. The fairy godmother gave Cinderella the dress, the chariot, the horseys, & the shoes. I do have A lil black dress but you guys are giving me the chariot, the horseys, and of course the shoes. lol.

I think everybody whether they want to admit it or not needs a direction to follow. Whether it be what college, what guy to date, what shoes to buy, what house to live in, what nail polish would go good with my winter wardrobe, what car to get or even hair up or down? And I don't know, it might just be me, but I feel good when I've put my mind to something & then did it & then feel like Woa I did something I planned or I took that advice and it worked!!

Has there ever been a point in your life when you needed a lil direction & you followed it & it just worked? Did it make you smile & make your life a lil happier?
I had left my glass slipper somewhere amongst the mess I've been. But this is the new start. It started about 2 weeks ago. I'm looking for the prince with my slipper back & now I'm waiting for a realistic true happy ending.


Also my mom said to me something yesterday that I thought I would share. She said, "Melanie I want you to do one thing for me. It's a simple recipe too. Just smile." So I hope you all smiled today, even if it was at one of those silly commercials on TV now. I smiled & laughed because I was outside when the fire house whistle went off & I actually had air-time shrieking because it was SOO LOUD!! hehe.

Well I'm done wasting my time with certain things & taking that much needed direction to heart. Thank you. <3.

Til Tomorrow...

The title of this post is from the song, "In the Waiting Line" by Zero 7. Great song. It's in the movie, "Garden State" & in that "Sex & the City" episode when Mr. Big has bypass surgery & Carrie realizes Mr. Big's switch & gives up on him & starts dating the Russian.

Cruise Control.

There is an option in most automatic cars today called Cruise Control. I honestly don't think I've ever used it in my car so I can't even say that it works. But the purpose is that your car will operate at the given cruise control speed & then you just work the steering wheel pretty much while the car drives you. This is my holiday season. I'm forever in this auto-pilot that drives me around & it really wears me down.

Christmas is actually one of my favorite holidays as well as Thanksgiving BUT I don't ever feel like I enjoy it because I'm always running around like a jack-rabbit looking for a carrot. As soon as it reaches November 1st, the flood gates of things open. All my family's birthdays are near Christmas & all the traveling by car to all the different relatives is so OMG. The two sides of my family don't intertwine so I have to spend half the day in Connecticut & then come to New York to see the other side. Of course there is a few drama family stories as well that don't help matters. It's just a bit too much at times. It's so much to do getting ready to bring Christmas & Thanksgiving dinner up to one set of my grandparents & all the preparation, then running to the other set that my mom, my dad, and I almost never get a chance to enjoy each other on these days. Last year I made my mom put up at least a little tree even tho we weren't home most of the day so I could get in the spirit because I just wasn't feeling it. We opened our presents for each other all rushed in the morning cuz we had to start the holiday running cycle & it was just...too crazy to enjoy. Too rushed.

I love my family don't get me wrong & I will see them on the holidays but I just wish that for once the holidays were at my house or my future apartment so I could enjoy the holiday & not have to run here or there & time things out. I want to be the one to decorate & not have to get back in the car.

Or just somehow this year make it a little more relaxed. I don't know how to do that. I realized today that I don't know how to relax anymore. There is always something that when there is a calm in the storm brings me right back down. I'm becoming horrifically high strung. Even sleeping isn't relaxing to me because I'm dreaming dreams of stuff that isn't reality & it's just making it feel like I'm not sleeping at all. It's a problem that I'm working on. I could barely eat anything today. For some reason anything I ate upset my side. Yes, I did have surgery to remove my gall bladder & stop the pain but this is actually creating a whole bunch of new problems. *Just Breathe*

What do you do when your all stressed & seriously need to really relax??
I have to relax. I have to find some way to relax. That's gotta be the key here. But how can you when your schedule is this Birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, job party, holiday, birthday, holiday, birthday, birthday, holiday. It's crazy. My favorite holiday I'm sorry to say is February 15th. When the holiday season has come to halt.

For now, I'm on cruise control trying to get to everything & find time to get presents for all these birthdays & holidays...okay, breathe, & remember to relax. (Geez I'm starting to sound like a Lamaze class here, without the baby.)

I did see the one of the most beautiful sunsets today that did put a small smile on my face. I drove home from work fast & ran into my house to get my camera to take this shot. I do like this time of year because when I get out of work it's sunset & I get to see it when I drive home. So pretty, it looks like a painting. Here it is. Did anyone else catch it today?


P.S., I wish I could say this to someone but I can't say it to him. I won't let myself say it to him, cuz I know I wouldn't even get a response, but I'll at least say it here.

"I miss you."

I can't cook, therefore I go to Demos...Returns.

Due to all the complications in the past month or so I haven't been to any of my favorite Sunday past-times. The Williams Sonoma Demos. I used to go to the Williams Sonoma demos, drink my bottle of Cocoa Cola, & learn about certain cooking techniques every Sunday. I have missed it so much. Above is a collage of parts of the demo made by me.

This week was about Thanksgiving desserts. Now for people in the U.S. it's pretty standard that Thanksgiving screams Pie. The pumpkin pie, the apple pie, & the pecan pie. Well this class took a bit of a spin on these classics. I saw how a Pumpkin Cheesecake was made. At first I was like Pumpkin Cheesecake?!?!?! That sounds Omg yummy & indeed at the tasting during the end I was begging for another piece. It's completely different than a pumpkin pie but it tastes just as creamy & just as delicious. The key twist of the taste of this cheesecake is the crust. It's not your usual graham cracker crust, but a Ginger Snap Cookie crust around the filling. This Ginger Snap Cookie crust can be used instead of any Graham Cracker crust.

If you are interested in this Pumpkin Cheesecake this link is the recipe on Williams Sonoma's website.

Pumpkin Cheesecake Recipe

This is what it looks like. The kind demo lady was nice enough to hold it out for me so I could take a picture. Along with the Pumpkin cheescake, we learned how to add some decorations to the old-time classic Pumpkin Pie. She used a leaf punch to cut out leaves in the pie crust dough to place them on top of the edges of the pie crust within the grooves of the pan. It really looked beautiful in person.

Here is the picture of the Leaf pie crust Pumpkin Pie. Of course click to enlarge.


This class was one of the more fun ones I've attended. I really recommend going to these FREE demos because you do learn a lot. Also, it's one thing to see all the lil gadgets in the stores but it's another thing to actually see them used. Williams Sonoma is a bit expensive on things in my opinion but you'll have them for a very long time & it will make your life a lil easier in the kitchen.

Along with the pies my mom & I learned a few Tips about pie crust & cooking that I wanted to share as well:

1.) Always used Unsalted COLD Butter when making a pie crust. This is because you are already adding salt to the recipe, so you don't want to over salt it by using salty butter. The moisture of the a pie crust dough does matter & salty butter is too moist.

2.) When placing a pie crust in a pan, grease your non-stick pan with butter instead of cooking spray. The cooking spray will eventually discolor your pie pan because of the aerosol.

3.) Always crack open eggs in a separate container, individually, so you don't get egg shells in your recipe.

4.) A Marble surface is a good place to roll out dough. It doesn't stick to it as much as granite or others so you don't have to use that much flour on it.

5.) It helps to chill pie crust dough in a round disk in plastic wrap for at least 20 minutes before rolling it out. The dough being chilled helps keep the dough together when rolling it fully out.


Just as a side note, Williams Sonoma does sell pumpkin pie mixes, pecan pie mixes, and a lot of pre-made mixes for holiday cooking just in case your in a rush.

It's nice to get back to my normal routine. I'm trying very hard to see past things, let go, get some new hobbies, & just feel better. It's slow but I'm trying to make it work lil by lil each day. One day I'll know how to cook too. hehe. These cooking demos are free so if you live near a Williams Sonoma, check em out. The tastings are uber yummy too.

Good luck everyone with your weeks!! Til Tomorrow...

Ooooo Oooo I got an Award!! <3

I still consider myself a lil bit of newbie of the blogging world & I gotta say getting awards make me Omg Soo happy. =) I'm a 20-something with every right & wrong direction in front of her so getting an award makes me think, "Woa I think I'm on the right path". I made a few decisions tonight not to go certain places & my mom said to me, "That's very grown up of you". I have to stick to certain things like I've said and I'm trying. Trying to keep my head held high. My doctor today told me get some new hobbies, walk at least 15 minutes a day, go out, enjoy, get your mind off of things & these things gotta sink into your brain so you believe you can. For a doctor who is mostly facts & figures I gotta give him credit for being a human being to me & NOT just prescribing some form of medication. I was hoping for a quick fix answer but let's face it. Nothing is ever easy. But that's okay, really it's okay. I still got a few hugs tonight from my family that made my heart happy.

Now...Award Time.


First one I'd like to thank the very crafty & inspiring lady at Wandering Thougts of a Scientific Housewife for giving me the Sugar Doll award. Her Diy projects are fun, her reviews of Project Runway make me laugh & omg I agree with you on them soo much, & her tag sale adventures are great. *Hugs* Go check her out!!

Okay the rules: 10 random things about me.

1.)I can't to save my life gift wrap presents properly. It just for some reason doesn't come together for me.
2.)When I have children one day I want the baby room to be Classic Winnie the Pooh. I think it works for boys or girls.
3.)I can't do a cart-wheel at all. I can get up on my hands but I get stuck somewhere in the middle. Gravity Works & it's brutal. =P
4.)I hate my feet because I love high-heels I think they are so sexy but because I have high arches my feet hurt too much to wear them.
5.)I'm obsessive over things I don't understand.
6.)I once had to strip from a nurses's uniform to a devil's costume that was underneath in my High School Senior Musical. Yes, I was a stripper in my high school play. ( I think my teacher almost got fired for the play too.)
7.)I fear looking at my facebook because I don't want to know that a certain individual I still know has a new girlfriend.
8.)I once swallowed a moth ball when I was 3. I had to be rushed to the hospital & have my stomach pumped for hours.
9.)I was sick as a dog for my sixteenth birthday, could barely even eat my cake. (Just so you know you can NOT light a candle from an electric stove.)
10.)I was once tickled by the actor who played Leatherface in movie "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning" while I was sitting on his lap. (That story will be for another day.)

Now I get to pass this award onto 10 other blogs.

Sugar & Spice
The diary of a self-taught visual designer
A Walk In My Shoes
drollgirl
Carpe Diem
a thought is a blossom
I know, right?
Miss Vintage Vixen
Getting Fit and Loving It
Simply Colette
Secondly I'd like to thank Brent at Brent in Progress for giving me an the Honest Scrap Award. His blog about self-discovery makes you want to know what he's going to do next. I wish him all the best of luck with his new band project. *hugs* Go check him out.


The Rules of the Award
1) Thank the person who gave the award and list their blog and link it.
2) Share "10 Honest Things" about yourself.
3) Present this award to 7 others whose blogs you find brilliant in content and/or design, or those who have encouraged you.
4) Tell those 7 people they've been awarded HONEST SCRAP and inform them of these guidelines in receiving the award.

"10 Honest things about me"

1.)I've slept with my stuffed animal tiger for the past 3 weeks ever since I had my gallbladder surgery. I've had him since I was 3 years old. I don't know why but after all these years I get a lil comfort out him being there especially in rough times.
2.)My nationality is half Italian, a quarter German, & a quarter Dominican.
3.)I fear that the Mess will one day find this blog & hate me for what I've written about him.
4.)I read smutty romance novels for fun. It's my guilty pleasure.
5.)When I was in pre-school the teacher told my mom I would never last a day in real school because I was too hyper-active. Well a high school dipolma, #20 out of a class of 150 kids, 2 college degrees of an associates in engineering & a bachelor's in math....well I think she was wrong.
6.)I have a lil bump scar on the left side of my top lip where one of my teeth went through it when I was pushed down a slide when I was about 4 years old.
7.)I truly wish some days I could just get in my car & leave my life in Rockland behind. But I stay for my parents & my family.
8.)I sing at the top of my lungs til my voice is sore in the car when I'm really upset.
9.)I fear airplanes. I had a sever panic asthma attack on the one & only flight I've been on. I need to try to get over this fear because I want to travel ever so badly.
10.)I have a degree in mathematics but I actually can't do simple alegbra in my head. When it comes to doing tips & splitting the check my mind goes blank. But I can tell you the derivation of the Wave Equation without blinking an eye.

7 other Bloggers:

Secret Story Time
Life in Quotations
Carpe Diem
Genius Pending
Simplify <3
It's Unbeweaveable
Adressed to Anonymous
Thirdly I recieved The Liquor Award from Barry at Life in Quotations. His blog & his comments are inspiritational, and makes you view life as how grand it is & precious. Go check him out. Thank you Barry!!


Woa. There are just so many wonderful blogs that I love to read each & every day. You are the other people in my office that make my job day go easy & fast. Thank you the awards & I hope all of you enjoy these as well. <3.

I will be going back to my Williams Sonoma Demos tomorrow so I'll have a post on that tomorrow. I can't wait!! Nighty.

Let's All Go To The Movies.

One of my ultimate loves is Movies. At my job, where I am the only girl, the majority of conversations are sports-centered BUT they do switch it up to movies so I can at least be a little part of the guy talk sometimes. I can quote movies like no other. One of three favorite movies to quote are "Ghostbusters" & "Back to the future" & "Beetlejuice". The one-liners just crack me up. hehe. One of my best friend, Erin, well her mom gets a tickets for $7 bucks instead of the $11 so her and I try to go see movies as much as we can. I went to see "Precious" & "The Fourth Kind" I saw last week with my cousin.

In case any of you are interested in these two new movies here's a mini NON-SPOILER review of them for you to enjoy. =)


Movie #1: "Precious based on the novel by Sapphire."

This movie is so packed full of emotion that you can't help but cry, laugh, & clap. This girl is living in a world of just heart-aches & cruel unforgettable events & lies & a world not many people could even fathom. She has a dreams of being famous that are just so beautiful & you just want to reach out and help her. The lil dreams she has make her feel so real to the audience. The main actress that played Precious, Gabourey 'Gabby' Sidibe, was so strong in this role & Monique was a character you have never seen her do before. There is no glamour in Monique's role, not one once. Oprah said the movie left her, "Breathless". She's a 100% right. It is one of those movies where you may walk out of theater still holding that breath you didn't realize you were holding. I came home and I hugged my mom. This movie makes you cherish your life & realize how precious love & a caring family truly is. This movie is worth whatever amount you pay to see it.


Movie #2: The Fourth Kind

Hmmm...what to say about this movie. It's definitely not what I expected. From the trailer your thinking your going to be on this fast-paced ride through all these people who might be or have been abducted by aliens. Not really. In some parts, it's actually a wee bit boring. IT IS CREEPY don't get me wrong, but I expected a little more. I believe in things you can't explain, like ancient Sumarians wearing gas masks in drawings etched in stone but this movie kinda screams fake. The creepiest thing tho in the movie is the woman that apparently all of this in "Real Life" happened to her is in the movie. That's not a spoiler, trust me. She is in the whole movie. What's creepy is the look on her face. She is just a shell of a person & she doesn't blink the whole duration of the time you see her. Milla Jovovich of course was great for what she had to work with I guess. She is one of my favorite actresses. She was amazing in The Fifth Element. But in reference to "The Fourth Kind" I don't think her sheer talent was utilized enough. She is kinda bland in the movie compared to her usual kick ass self. I wish I hadn't paid $11 bucks to see it. Maybe worth $7 but not the $11. There are reasons why there is Matinee movie showings.

I'd recommend watching old episodes of "Unsolved Mysteries" if your looking for something about aliens to really creep you out.

That's it for my lil movie review tonight. "Precious" was a soul-searching movie that might claim an award for the ladies' powerful performances. "The Fourth Kind" hate to say it but will probably be on the $9.99 self in Target before ya know it.

It's raining. New York is getting the last bit of Hurricane Ida. I can deal with hurricanes & snow but other natural disasters scare the hell out of me. Rain at night makes me sleepy. It's my mom's birthday tomorrow & I'm going to a nutritionist to help me out with what I can eat while not having a gall bladder. Lil steps to feel better. I'm looking forward to tomorrow. It should be a fun & helpful day. =)

Til Tomorrow

Illusions.....

Illusions. Well...hmmm...how do I turn them into reality??

It may appear I'm near water in the above the picture but it's just a shower curtain. Often one thing carefully placed can create an illusion. One lie placed strategically can let you live in a sea of dreams. Oh but eventually the curtain falls & you see the ace up the sleeve that won the game.

I have some dreams that I want to make a reality. From watching Lady Gaga's video, "Bad Romance" a ridiculous amount of times I remembered how much I like to dance. I have all her dance moves memorized. hehe. Well I use to do ballet, tap, jazz, and pointe for about 10 years when I was younger. And yes I was the captain of my high school cheer leading squad BUT I was one of the least popular girls in the school. (I love breaking stereotypes.) For the half-time show we used to do a dance. I miss it so much. Unfortunately dance classes are really expensive & I can't stretch my belt too much lately. But it's something I'm going to consider picking up somewhere, anywhere.

Dancing was something that made me not think & just enjoy a few moments lost in space & time listening to the tune of the music....

However I was an extra in a music video for "The Birthday Massacre" there was no dancing. I was a school girl in a ceramic mask. The lil #3 doll in my header is actually me in the music video. But maybe the next music video will have dancing...

It was SERIOUSLY by chance that I wound up in that video because I just happened to see a post on myspace that the band was looking for extras. I would love the experience again. I do live about 20 minutes out of New York City, maybe I should look up some places that are looking for music video extras or movie extras. I've always had a real dream of being an actress. I might have my head in clouds but I got lucky once, maybe just maybe one day again??

There is a modelling agency that I've been watching for Open Calls. It's called the Keen Agency. I've really never seen myself as a model but who knows. It might lead to something.... You never know. One day I had never been more Angry in my whole life when I opened the newspaper and saw that the ad for the open call near my house was that Tuesday. I was reading the newspaper on the Sunday after. But they circulate New York, New Jersey, Pennsylvania, & Connecticut so I might get another shot. It's a HUGE Dream...and I mean dream...but who knows??

*Dreaming*
Thankfully it's almost Friday. I want to see the movie, "Precious" badly tomorrow & "2012". Well I'm off to my dreams. Maybe I'll add just a lil bit of illusion tonight... Photos on top & below are photographed by me.


"I want your loving
And I want your revenge
You and me could write a bad romance
Caught in a bad romance..."
- Lady Gaga.

Let's shed some light on the subject, pretty please???

Have you ever been in a dressing room or a really really bright store & happened to take a look in a mirror and say to yourself, "What the hell?? I look like hell??". Well that happened to me today. I got a lil upset because I thought to myself, "Oh great, I've been pushing it too hard & the past few days have taken a real physical toll on me." BUT then I went into another store looked again in the mirror(I swear I'm really not vain it's just that there were mirrors in Home Goods everywhere) and I didn't look as bad I thought I had in Kohl's. So what's up with that??????

The lighting...But isn't it always the way when you see something in bright sunlight that it's truly clear?? Or fluorescent lighting? You can see past the shadows of darkness that people try to hide behind. People say, "Ignorance is bliss". I'll admit it, I used to crave it. But that is no way to live. I'll take the truth please & a second helping of honesty.

In truth, I need a new job. In truth, I'm scared to write my resume because it means leaving my comfy cushy lil job where I get paid well but I can't listen to the sports 24/7. Also honestly I need a job where it's a professional atmosphere where I can't get away with wearing jeans, whatever shirt I want, old sneakers & a sweatshirt.

There are no mirrors or fancy lighting to show me that I look like that college student who just crawled out of bed in the morning when I go to work...I just know it.

In truth, I got told by my Mr.Brown-eyed Big...aka Mess that he doesn't want to settle down with anyone, that he, I think, has a new girlfriend & told me that I can bring guys around because it wouldn't phase him at all. So, in truth, he tried to keep our friendship because he is my best friend but honestly I don't know how...how can I?? So this is a chapter that is closed. I've been here too many times. I counted...about 7. I think that's more than Carrie & Big. I'm done. He can hate me if he wants, but he dumped me indirectly so I'm not at fault, and it's my place to leave.....Honestly I could care less at this moment. I hope he is happy, Honestly no sarcasm placed, I want him to be happy. Goodbye.

In truth, I heard Metallica today on the Classic Rock radio station my job plays. Mind you I was honestly weirded out when they played Green Day but Metallica?!?!?!? I feel old, but I guess those songs came out 20 somewhat years ago. They even play Sugar Ray sometimes. I know...I can't believe it either.

In truth, I have to go to a nutritionist on Saturday because after having my gall bladder removed I realized I can't eat certain things anymore. For example meat & diary. So I honestly have to stick to whatever diet they put me on, no more Fun-size M&M treats that I <3 so much. But I do look like hell because I haven't been eating right, so I honestly have to do something.

Isn't it better when you turn the lights on and see things clearly???? I think it is. It might hurt like a train hitting you, then reversing...Can a train reverse??? Well it has found a way. But honestly, it's better to know. Ya know?

So. There you have it. I turned on the lights in my New Start & let my shadows see the light. What a sigh of relief...

Make sure you turn on the lights today. Okay?

Okay now for some fun. I'm obsessed with Lady Gaga's new song, Bad Romance. Many people have posted her new video so I'm not trying to cramp on anyone's style, but I'm in love with this song & I have to give her soooo much credit. She is so original & that is amazing. I'm a Huge fan.

Here's the video in case you missed it. I've had it on repeat all day.



Last but not least. Today is the major 11:11. It's November 11th & it's 11:11pm. Make sure you make a wish as you finish reading this post.


I'm making my wish right now...

"You and me could write a bad romance..."
- Lady Gaga, "Bad Romance"

Adding up.

For those of you who don't know, I got my Bachelor's Degree in Mathematics this past spring. I'm very familiar with math. I've taken up to Calculus 5 in school.2+2=4, 5 * 4 = 20, the derivative of 2X is 2, Pi equals 3.14...etc. But I really wish in life things added up that simply.

You can save money, and eventually it will add up to a lil something so you can buy those pair of shoes or go on that trip you've been dying to go on. You can be there for your friends, and it adds up to a friendship that will last for years. You can do all your duties at work and maybe just maybe you will get that promotion or a bigger desk. But sometimes you can be there for someone, when no one else was, and it just doesn't add up to anything.

Yes, there is a certain person I'm talking about so I gotta ask something of everyone here.

What are things that you do for someone that you would hope would add up to a real friendship or perhaps a real relationship?
I have a friend that he is one of those guys who is the, "Oh I don't need anybody or anything" type of people. However when he's upset he always needs somebody. Everyone gets upset sometimes. I've been there for this guy tons of times. He'll have a bad day at work, a relationship will fall apart, no one will show up to his birthday, he was upset that his doggie died, or days where he feels lonely. But I have to leave this guy. He is just a drain on my humanity. He brings me down, when I'm up. But if I'm not there to help him out...who would be? I thought being there would add up to something, something real, something I could feel in my gut...but I still got taken advantage of when I least expected it even just as a friend.

How can you walk away from a friend who you know needs someone to be there for them?

Out of all the math classes I've taken, I've never had such a logic problem or a calculation problem that was this deep & where I don't have enough paper or pens to sit and solve it.


I'm still emotionally up from the possibilities of my new group of friends but I got side-swiped by this detour and I unfortunately clicked the "Follow" box.

But the weirdest thing happened today that turned my frown upside down sorta speak... Where I live there is a lot of rainbows. Maybe because there's mountains or there's wide open spaces so you can see a large stretch of sky...but I've seen probably about 5 in my life. Well today makes 6. What was soooo weird was it was an Upside Down Rainbow!!!!!!! I don't know what to make of it. This is a real picture that I took earlier today. I SWEAR I did NOT flip this picture!!


So there you have it. The sky smiled at me. I've tried to not curse on this blog, (I do a lot in real life), but What the fuck?? I guess everything will somehow be okay if you look at the sky and it's smiling down at you. What do you think?

The gears in my mind are turning...turning ever so much. It will work out, it will add up...just this odd weird awkward time between things is just a lil hard to see past. If this ends in losing a friend, I wish I didn't have to say this, but so be it. I think I'm seeing the movie, "Precious" tomorrow with Erin so that will be fun. I'll write a non-spoiler review tomorrow. Til Tomorrow...

"Let me see you through,
cuz I've seen the dark side too."
- I'll stand by you, The Pretenders