Tuesday, January 12, 2010
Turned upside down.
Ohhh there is just so much I want to write. So many feelings I want to express. I almost wish I could crawl into my mind right now and really see what's going on like in the movie, "The Cell" Jennifer Lopez is able to enter people's subconscious mind to truly see the person within. The picture above is Jennifer's alter ego in the film. I wonder what my alter-ego would be like?
From the last few days, my world is just a wee bit upside down. I wonder what's floating around my mind cuz it just seems like a blur of mess to me. It's sorta like after you've bungee jumped there comes a point where your just dangling in the harness dizzy & your waiting for the instructor to basically set you right side up. Well I'm just dangling here. Waiting...to sort it all out & let my life make some form of sense. If I knew my true feelings towards people, events, situations, & memories perhaps I wouldn't feel like I'm walking through such murky waters. I'd like to be more open to people, let them see more sides of personality. I seem to be shielding parts of myself from certain people. I don't think I want to be like that anymore.
There are so many commericals, books, movies, & TV Shows where people come clean to another person & just spill their hearts out to them. Tell them everything. Every word, every thought, every shudder, every smile that makes me tick. I wish I could do that. Maybe if I write a letter to everyone I know & just let it all out. Maybe they would know how much they mean to me? But would it be effective? Would a person see a letter & say, "What is this? The Electric bill?" Or would they take each hand-written word & hold it dear because it was my true words to them?
I don't know what people would do because it wouldn't just be a facebook message that you could delete if you wanted with just a right click of the mouse. It would be something you can hold in your hand & feel the weight of the truth. I could put the messages in bottles but eep no one really swims in the Hudson River much so they would get lost. hehe. Or write the letter & read it to someone over the phone?
I think what I'm trying to express here is the need to reach out to people in my life that doesn't have to do with the computer & the need to tell how they really mean to me. I know I can't hug each & every one of you but believe me if I had some way of teleportation device I would. I'm talking about the people that live 5 minutes from me that I only get texts from. I wish they would value things & see the importance of friendships & family. See how much I need them in my life. And the amazing things just a hug could do. A hug with meaning is worth it all.
*Breathe* Even just writing this I feel better. I feel like somehow I've organized my thoughts a lil. I don't feel as lost. I've taken out one twist in the road. One down, a lot more to go...but they will go...one day at a time. So where's David Bowie to show me how to get through the Labyrinth? huh? just kidding. =)