Wednesday, January 6, 2010

All I'm Asking is for a lil Respect!


Oh Aretha Franklin, I envy you. You got your respect in the movie, "Blues Brothers. I need a lil piece of that respect. Easier said than done it seems for I'm one of those nice people who gets walked on alot. I've been there for people & then when it's my turn to need a shoulder I'm left crying on my own. Why is it that when all you are is nice to people they are never there when you need them or don't treat you with respect? Is it just me that this has happened to? Do you feel like you don't get enough respect in your life?

But I think the real question is...how do I GET respect? I've worn my high-heeled Nine West boots for the past 3 days at work & I've actually been talked to less at work by the 5 men I work with. I've been straightening my hair to look more put together, but the guys sometimes still talk like it's a boys locker room & it's like I'm invisible. Do I have to come in there naked one day to even get them to turn around & say hi to me?!?!?!?! One of them claim that they can see me come into the office in the reflection of the window in front of him so he's saying hi to a mirror image, not me. I did get these evil step-sister boys I work with to actually say, "Excuse Me" when they burp but it's not enough. They ignore the fact that there is a woman in the room & I just don't know what to do to change this. I am looking for another job, but what do I do til then?

I used to have friends that whenever they wanted to hang out, I would change my schedule to fit them in, but then when I want to hang out no one is ever around. I know I've had to deal with alot of grown-up issues in the past 2 years so I guess they don't want to get involved, ut some people in my life have just discarded me like I'm a Sham-Wow that they used too much. I don't get it. One such friend used to tell me, "I don't know what I would have done without you in the past 3 years." But when I told him, "What if I just left right here & now," he told me, "Go. Just leave. Wouldn't bother me one bit." Perhaps I've just met some cruel people who don't know the value of friendship or don't know any form of office etiquette?

What's hard I'm finding about getting respect is that it's not a material item. You can't buy it at Walmart or at the fancy make-up counter. I wish you could just put it in your pocket or wear it around your neck. Even looking put together doesn't make it appear. It's a feeling & feelings can be overlooked by others. I'm just at a wall with this & I'm stuck without a proper ladder. I know you can't just wake up with the world respecting you but I don't know where to begin...

Well I'm going to wear my heels tomorrow, I straightened my hair again, I'm going to say please & thank you, help out my friends when they need me, & hope for the best I guess. Maybe I'll land on feet...Respect will be coming this way, somehow.

How did you get respect in your lil world? When did you realize you had it?


Day #6: Smile Project: The awesome girl @ the blog "In Joy & Sorrow" gave me the Over the Top award! Thank you!! Go check out her blog, here's the link. "In Joy and Sorrow" She's so in the now & I love her opinions! =)

43 comments:

Brent said...

Hey Mel, I will get those samples done as quick as possible so you can read! Yeah, I've pretty much figured out the first date must've just been an offday for both of us. It actually wasn't set up. That's what made it even more bland. Thanks for the kind words, I appreciate it. I enjoy reading your posts too because they're filled with honesty, and self actualization. That's just how people grow, and it's good to see.
As for respect at work, are you implying you want more respect as a fellow co-worker?

And respect in personal life, yeah, that's hard. There are so many different kinds of people out there with different priorites. In my opinion, one of your priorities should be to look for new people who treat their friends right and stick with them. Never settle. Life is too short to invest in flakey, inconsistent people.

The Coffee Cup said...

What a tough one!!!

I strongly believe that respect is mutual, otherwise it is not respect. I have proved this in my multiple internships and currently with my little cousins.

My four cousins got a Wii for Christmas. With six, ten,fourteen, and sixteen year olds in a house, it was almost predictable that there were going to be fights over the Wii.

The other days I came to visit them when they happened to be fighting over the game. The older ones were screaming at the younger ones and the fight was intense. Of course, no one was respecting one another.

When I came in I managed to fix the problem by asking the six year old cousin what was going on. I treated the youngest cousin with respect, even though he can't even put his sentences together properly yet. He listened to me, not because I am older, but because I treated him with respect.

Respect is mutual. Aristotle explained in Nicomachean Ethics that true friendship is only that in which both individuals love each other mutually. The same concept can be applied to respect.

I like this topic. I did not mean to lecture at all. I just want to exchange ideas and thoughts on the subject.

Great post like always!

Buenos deseos,
Aquiles

thecoffeecup22.blogspot.com
minutebyminute09.blogspot.com

nando.gino said...

Uhh,,really dont know about it clearly. Of course I've been in the situation where's seems like no one care about me or something like that. But, for friendship and relation with co-workers, uh thats too bad what you had now.
I think you should go tak to your co-wrokers, speak clearly to them, that you are exist, and you are work with them, etc. Sometimes people should be told about something to know about that thing.

And about your 'feeling lost' with your friends, maybe it is the time for you to looking for new friends. Like quote I ever heard, "True happiness consists not in the multitude of friends, but in their worth and choice."

bananas. said...

well i'm kind of a bitch if i don't feel respected so that's probably how i get it most of the time. lol.

that or i wear my louboutins...works every time!

Amanda said...

I know what you mean about the respect thing. Some of my best friends I hang out with the most are my 3 guy neighbors and when they first moved in they used to work so hard to make sure they were quiet and respectful of me. Now, 8 months later, it's like they've forgotten I live next door and can hear everything they're doing! I don't know what happened because I love them to death, but it seems I've lost they're respect. It's definitely frustrating because I should have every right to call them or go over there and tell them they're being to loud and, in the beginning, they would be like "oh my god! we're so sorry! we're being quiet now!". Now it's like I've become the annoying neighbor who always tells them to shut up. I don't want to constantly be telling them to be quiet, but I feel like, at this point I shouldn't have to...
I'm babbling, but I have to say that working with men is a totally different scenario. I'd say, keep being yourself, don't be afraid to be not be such a lady all the time and let your hair down (so to speak). One thing I've learned about feeling ignored is that, most of the time, people don't even realize they're making you feel that way because they're so wrapped up in their own shit. Especially guys. They're idiots. Just walk in in those heals looking hot and say hi to them first. Maybe they're feeling just as ignored as you are....

LENORENEVERMORE said...

I remember watching that movie!
Well, regarding 'respect'...it's always nice to get/earn it but it's always nice to stay humble in my opinion~
xo

woodlandsblonde said...

Well... I think the men you work with sound disgusting and rude!

I think ultimately if you respect yourself and have confidence you will command, not demand respect from others.

As for shitastic friends... Sometimes you really have to tell someone you need them and that they haven't been a very good friend to you. I did this with a girlfriend of mine and we are now bestfriends. She cared enough to stick around.... I wasn't afraid to lose her...at the time she had done nothing to help me with my situation. The true friends will listen and will do what they can to help you, not not care and hurt you.

angel6033 said...

aww, am so happy that I made your smile project lol, oh and I hear you I am always nice and get stepped on friends would do the same to me I would change plans but when I needed someone they were all busy, so what did I do? I learned to stand up for myself its still hard dont get me wrong its a work in process but you have to start somewhere! I hope you start soon because girl you deserve no less than the best :)

Manju said...

i guess it's something that you earn but i really have no good advice to dish out in your situation. goodluck with putting up with them

Heather Rose said...

I have no idea what we have to do to get a little respect. I'm beginning to think it's get it from yourself. Then maybe it's like osmosis or something. I don't know.

I don't know you know you, but I respect you, and am darn impressed with your high-heeled boot wearing. I am a klutz. My 5"4' height is far enough to fall.

The Owl's Closet said...

melanie, i'm so sorry to hear about ur situation at work. best of luck with ur job search:) i think just continue being ur polite self and try to surround urself with positive people instead of the ones that take u for granted:) i think in the end, as long as u're true to urself, people will recognize that and give u the respect that u deserve. perhaps, u will also attract like minded people:) i'm sorry to hear about ur friend. he doesn't seem like a true friend to me:/

TheOwlsCloset.blogspot.com

Robin said...

..sometimes guys are just like that ..its not about you but them...they are not thinking about how they are portrayed when they are in "their" crowd...as far as your friends ..that's a weird comment..? ..but you are right, even looking "great" does not get you respect...its a way of being and relating, commanding not demanding it...you'll find it..thats what the 20's are about...!!

Robin said...

....Hi There..found you at Secretia..Im a new follower..!!

AudreyAllure said...

some people are just so ungrateful. there are some people in my life who become super nice when they want something. don't worry, respect will come its way :)

Bathwater said...

Mel, you are being to nice to these guys at work. You are asking for respect but not expecting it. You have got to be like Mayra and be a bit of a bitch, frankly you don't sound like you have it in you and they can sense that.

If you get a new job we are goingto invent a new Melanie to walk into that do the first day until then. We need to work on some changes around the current office.

If saying good morning is the thing that bugs you the most. Walk past each one and say good morning. Kick the ones that don't reply and say it again, "I said good morning." They will get the hint after a few days.

Sarah Alaoui said...

SO
I would say Im on the other end of the spectrum where I get respect and probably take some people in my life for granted...those people who probably feel like you do. I admit I can act selfish sometimes and treat them in a certain way that may not be so thoughtful because I assume theyll always be there no matter what

sometimes theyre not

when you get those people in your life to realize that youre not a doormat for them to stand on and you wont be there for them forever theyll start to realize the extent of your worth

how do i command respect? people know my personality from the beginning and know what i can take and what i wont stand
you have to let people konw that from the very start or they will start to piss you off

good luck :)

Valerie said...

Hey girlie. Getting respect is so hard. I do quite understand how to get more of it either. People walk over me constantly because I'm nice and I do whatever I can to help them.

I've found it troubling at work too because everyone dumps their unwanted work on me. The sucky part is that I'm good at it and I get it done and they know that.

They say nice people finish last, but I don't know about that. I think being nice does get you places and earns you a better reputation than being a complete bitch. My Granny used to tell me to kill 'em with kindness, because that kills the people trying to bring you down.

I'm right there with you girl. Keep your chin up :)

Chessa! said...

I think everyone deserves a certain level of respect at the outset but it is something that is also earned and strengthened over time.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I feel like this a lot. It's hard being nice to people all the time and not getting the same treatment back. And I hate to say it, but one of the reasons I feel so lonely all the time is because a lot of my friends are selfish. When they are hurting (going through break ups or stressing over work, etc.) I am always there for them and they lean on me a lot. They're my best friends. But when things are going right in their life and they are happy, they kind of disappear. They don't need me. And when I'm hurting, I've honestly gotten a lot more support from my blogging friends (who have never met me) than those in my life who claim to be my "best friends." It's painful.
So I know what you're going through. It makes me sick that a certain someone, who was SO close to you, could just carlessly walk away after you were there for him for so long. People like that are selfish and one day, they are going to wake up and realize how lonely they are for behaving that way...

Couture Carrie said...

Good question, darling! I think all it takes is time and perseverance... hang in there and keep doing the right thing, presenting yourself well, etc., and people will come around. If they don't, it's their issue, not yours! You are lovely: remember that!

xoxox,
CC

jayne said...

I wish I had some advice for you, but sadly I find myself in the exact same boat as far as respectful friendships go! I find most people in their late teens and 20s are incredibly selfish. They outwardly seem to care, but really if you cannot benefit their own personal goals then you're not worth it. It's like all of our social interaction these days is as competitive as Wallstreet. People somehow feel that opening up to others is making themselves vulnerable and weak, when really being open is what makes you human. All I know, is I am tired of one sided conversations, where I appear to be the only one truly invested in the friendship and pouring my heart out to a deaf ear and silent mouth. My roommate this year used to be my best friend last year and we were almost too close. I shared more than she did overall, but this year after I flipped out and slightly violated her trust she never forgave me. Now she refuses to tell me anything private and hates hearing about my private life. She only wants to converse about generic boring things. One time she ludicrously said to me, "Well, let's not discuss personal issues. If you wanna talk lets discuss like interesting news articles you've read on BBC." I nodded along, but later realized that her suggestion was totally impersonal and stupid. You cannot have a friendship based on facts, you need some emotions and trust invested. Unfortunately this disconnectedness is not only with my roommate, but most friends. I am slightly wary of spilling all to new people now, since I dunno if they will ever reciprocate it. I feel like this oversharing at first is what gets me stuck in a friendship rut, where I seem to be the only one who cares enough to call and plan things. I worry what would happen if I never initiated anything, I bet a lot of my so called "friendships" would fall apart. But you cannot totally shut yourself off from people. The nice people may deal with a lot of BS, but someday someone will see us for what we really are, good honest true friends. And in the long run I'd rather be loved than hated, and hate is really the only thing you get when you're intentionally a bitch to people. Case in point, my other friends never try to argue with my roomy because they're afraid of her...great Machiavellian friendships...a total oxymoron.

Little Ms Blogger said...

Respect is a two-way street. It can't be demanded it is earned through your actions and reactions to a situation. However, if you don't like the behavior at work, just say "do you mind?". They might not actually know it bothers you and you did say you got one of them to say excuse me after he burps.

About your friends, well, it sounds like you're a giver and many of your friends may be takers. I do know from experience some people feel uncomfortable around serious situations (eg surgeries/medical conditions) and are not always there for you. I had this happen to me a few years back and it hurt me a lot.

A couple of years went by and we talked about it. She actually mentioned she was a bad friend during that part of my life and I told her she was. I didn't excuse her behavior because she really hurt me. I told her if she had a friend in the future that was going through a similar situation, she should just be there and listen.

You may want to look at your friends and if they are all takers, do a little housecleaning.

Alicia said...

oh man i wish i had an easy answer to this one! what i've found that works for me is confidence. if i'm confident in myself and stand my own then people sense that....but either way, karma's a biatch and those guys will get whats coming to them!!

Leah said...

How can I say this in simple terms...how did I get the respect I deserved? First, I proved myself worthy of people's respect. And maybe, it's the packaging. Fashion-wise, I know you noticed that I don't wear body-hugging clothes. That is a choice. I have this notion that yes, guys will be attracted to sexiness but that is just superficial. What's important is what's inside that person. Then, I did well in my chosen career. And I chose my friends well.

When did I realize that I gained the respect of people? Well, I started early. College days in fact. My parents thought me well.

Respect will come Melanie. It's just a matter of time. xoxo

Dannie said...

i totally agree with you
respect is everything when it comes to social situations and even self esteem, great post ;)

amy@flyingakite.blogspot.com said...

I know exactly where your comign from. I feel the same. I feel like I give respect, and get so little, and sometimes I just wish I could be heartless, or cruel, but it's just not in me. I'm glad there are otherk kind hearts in the world, that give respect. You are a lovely soul


XOXOX
hope to hear from you!@
amy

Susan R. Mills said...

I think I gave up trying to force people to respect me years ago. It's much more important to me that I respect myself.

Michelle said...

Just work hard and kick everybody else's ass by doing 10x better than them!

Nitin said...

are you trying too hard, expecting too much??

Melanie's Randomness said...

I dont think its too much to ask for a hello, the guys to say excuse me when they burp, when i tell them i dont like that they do certain things for them to stop like yelling fuck this when im on the phone, and have my boss stop acting like a child to me. I expect minimal. I expect them to just treat me like a human being instead of something they can make fun of & treat like i dont matter. i don't think thats too much in a work place. i really dont.

OceanDreams said...

I think a lot of respect has a lot to do with standing up for yourself - I have been learning that a lot lately. I think our personalities are similar because we both like to give and truly be there for people, but sometimes people unfortunately take that for granted. When that happens then they think you are always there. Lately if I feel like a friend just takes, takes, takes, then I quit being their friend. It is a two way street, you know? And plus, you should be able to have someone there for you without them walking all over you. Respect shows in confidence, being true to you, and finding good friends. You know what though? Good friends are hard to find, so if you find one, hold on to them. Great topic lovely and thanks for participating in the V-day swap! Yipee!

P said...

I have this problem in my work - I have this colleague on my team, who started on the same day as me. He's a nice enough guy, but fairly boring, no personality, He's basically described as a machine. I work my ass off, I help people out as much as possible... but this guy is always going to be the "star" of our team. He got a promotion to senior that none of us were even offered, he was just GIVEN it. It is so utterly frustrating that no matter what I do, he will ALWAYS be respected more than me. And there's nothing I can do about it.

In other words, I can't advise cos I ain't GOT no respect. :(

Laura Trevey said...

Blues brothers... an All Time Classic!!

xoxo

Erika said...

You want to know something I've learned only recently? Sometimes you have to be completely unavailable to people at times, even when they need you the most, in order to earn their respect! I'm always the one who's there for everyone; but it's not always reciprocated. Make yourself invisible for a few days, and see how they come running!! :)

Dustjacket Attic said...

Honey you keep on being the best person you can be, respecting yourself and your life. It may take ages for some return on this investment, but it's so worth it...and some may never return that smile or thankyou...but that's their choice.

Be strong babe,
xxx

Amanda said...

I just realized we're both Leos. This explains alot; like why I'm always reading your posts going, "Dude! That's exactly what I'm feeling!" It's not easy being us is it?...I certainly hope my advice and story of my own situation with disrespecting boys helped :) XOXOX

MelRoXx said...

Some people are so ungrateful. Just don't mind them!

Susan said...

They just sound rude and inconsiderate, and the fault is only with them! Just keep your head held high and keep behaving in the way you already are. xx

The Owl's Closet said...

hi, melanie:) just wanted to let u know that i tagged u for an award on my blog:)

TheOwlsCloset.blogspot.com

Kris said...

respect and boys don't mix... at least not with all of them!

Adele said...

great post (: i think one earns respect by being real and consistent! xo

Jay Ferris said...

Respect, as with pretty much anything else you want in life, has to be demanded/taken. Not in the direct literal sense of course, as in you physically beat it out of people; you've just got to respect yourself and be confident before most others will pick up on it.

Dan said...

Hello. As you can probably tell from my avatar, I was drawn to this post visually, but after reading it, all I can do is say a pathetic sorry that your having such a hard time.

As I'm new here, I don't really know your back story, but if it is just you, working with a bunch of guys, then sadly, there probably isn't much you can do. Most guys in groups are dickheads, even us ones from the UK. Maybe try and get one or two on there own, try and build a few bridges there? Sadly, in a group, they will just be bellends.

Failing that, spike their drinks with laxatives. Wont win you any friends, but it will provide some amusement during the day....

Chin up matey.

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