Somehow I figured it out. I figured out why I felt what I thought was "numbness". Nah, it's not being numb. What the issue with me yesterday after my date with the Drummer Boy was, that I'm over him. I guess from when he broke up with me 2 years ago I did get over him when he disappeared. I really am & I have to say I'm completely okay with that.
I called him on Tuesday to pick a time. He then called Wednesday to ask me to drinks. I went. I took off from work 10 minutes early, & told him I got off of work later then I actually do so I'd have more time to get ready. I even had a moment to sit & relax before. I was trying to remember him in my head. What I use to feel with him....
I walked into the bar & I immediately saw a guy with short blonde hair & a green shirt that reminded me of the last time I saw him. I approached the guy's back & put my hand on his shoulder & said, "Hey". As the man turned around for a split second I saw the Drummer Boy staring at me. Then I blinked & a stranger appeared before me. It wasn't him. lol. Drummer Boy was behind the bar not in front of the bar.
He looks the same. Exactly the same. But his eyes are different. He looked like he had the weight of the world on him. He said I looked great & when it came time to order I found out he had eaten right before he showed up. What the hell??? Who asks someone to dinner & eats before????? Well I ordered a drink & an appetizer. He just ordered a drink. I hate conversations where I just do all the talking because the other person isn't talking. We reminisced, talked about old times, our friends, & things we've gone and done in 2 years. It was weird. I felt like I was dragging information out of him.
7:30 came along & he had somewhere to go so we walked out towards the door. Drummer Boy then looked at the guy I had thought was him. He said to me,
That hit me like a ton of bricks. I realized why I was so nervous & freaking about this date. The first time I met Drummer Boy I had immediately picked him out of a crowded party bus & basically we hit it off right away. I don't remember the night much because frankly all we did was make-out. I think I was hoping for that Spark again. I was looking for the guy I met 2 years ago. He's not him, but I don't know if I ever really knew him. People in relationships sometimes only show a piece of themselves. That sucks, but it happens. I don't think he ever really showed me who he really was back then. What a shame.
Well the Drummer Boy chapter has closed for me. If he wants to be my friend, okay. I'll maybe hang out with him again but I'm just really over him. He'll be okay, he lands on his feet. If he needs a helping hand or ear I'll help him. But just as friends. I think its okay that I'm over it. Sometimes you need to move on.
So now what to do. I haven't talked to Mr. Platform but I think he too wants me to just be his friend. I'm actually feeling okay right now after all of this. The anticipation of meeting Drummer Boy kinda made me feel like I was being closed in a box. I don't have that feeling at all anymore. I'll just have to let this red balloon go wherever it may go.
I actually have programming homework from my job. Yes things have turned around alot with the job. I will do that post tomorrow. So until then sleep good. Nighty night.
This is the picture I THINK I'm going to put on the dating sites. Whatcha think? Should I get a pic with more of my body? Or more smile? Hmmmmm.