I usually do 1 post a day, but sometimes I skip a day if I'm too tired by 11:11pm E.S.T.. Today however I'm wide awake and have to add this. Literally while I was writing my last post about the awards I got a phonecall on my house phone. I knew who it was, one of my mom's friends, so I didn't pick up. I listened to the voicemail & something in that voicemail of the "Call me as soon as possible", I knew I had to call my mom to tell her to call Pat. I finished the post & waited to do my night's plans. I got the news when my mom came home from work. A friend of my mom's & mine passed away today. I've known this lady my whole life. Her name was Mary Lou. My mom & her had an argument about 6 months ago so I hadn't seen her since her daughter's baby shower. That day seems like yesterday tho it was last spring. Mary Lou got very ill soon after & it was almost too much to process because it happened so sudden that she was sick. Last I heard she was doing better.
I sat & cried. Some points in your life you worry if you've truly gone numb. Numb, meaning you don't know if you have emotion left. I realized today that I'm not numb, I can cry, I can still be hurt, I can still love, I can feel loss. My mom has been calling all the people that Mary Lou knew that I don't think her daughter even knows she knew.
It's werid writing this. I debated writing this, but this blog is the truth & I don't think it be fair to our friend to not mention the loss. I'm alright because I know she's not in pain or sick anymore & I'm glad she got to see her grandchildren in her life. This is not my first time dealing with a loss. In a period of about 10 years or so about 20 people both friends & family members have died that I have known. Some of which I attended the funerals, some I couldn't. I'm going to go to the wake & service for Mary Lou.
I remember being 8 years old and speaking at my great-grandmother Lily's funeral. It was hard to walk up there being so young but I did it. I'll always remember her & want to name a child I might have one day Lily. I tried not to cry for as long as I could to show everyone I was okay. I'm like that. I hold it in for other people's sake. I'm going to try & hold it in this week.
I just can't believe it. I knew something was wrong when Pat called. It was just something. Mary Lou held my high school graduation party at her house because it rained that day & my mom couldn't fit all the people in our condo. She babysat me when I was a lil girl. She picked me up from things when my mom couldn't. She had such a great laugh. She loved animals. She would always give me a hug & a kiss & say, "Goodbye sweetie". I'm going to miss that. Now I'm tearing up again. It's still new. I can picture her saying that to me. She had parties & would roll up the cold cuts & she made me a lil pillow with an angel on it that I had with me at college. I have to find that as soon as possible. I wish I still had the lil angel pin she gave me for my junior prom but I lost it.
You don't have to comment on this post. It's totally okay because it's a lot to handle. This is more of me adding something to my story of my life because I can't leave it out. I'm sorry if I don't get around to your blogs to comment back for my last few posts. I love reading your posts everyone. I have an enormous head-ache right now so I have to go to sleep. It's also my dad's birthday this week so tomorrow i'm going to my grandpa's. So goodnight everyone. Im sorry if I'm a bit Blog-Lite.
Thank you Mary Lou for everything. Please don't be in any pain any longer.