Monday, July 18, 2011

So they're Scared....Ohhh I Get It Now...

I'm not scared of commitment. Somehow I've never been. I picked a car real fast, I choose a condo, picked a college (maybe 4), and said yes to a man I knew 15 minutes who became my world by just asking me out to dinner. Perhaps it's an only child thing or maybe the disappearance of that lonely feeling I had for what seems forever or maybe it's the possibility of a life with someone awesome! I know tho I will freak out like any normal person a lil bit before I take that big step into marriage but for right now I'm cool with taking next steps. I'm not sure other people are like me tho...I'm sure they're not like me.


A friend told me her boyfriend asked her mother for the girl's hand in marriage so he'll know they have her blessing. (Sorry ladies that guy doesn't have a brother, lol).  Then the couple who never fought began to fight...a lot. It surfaced that the guy got very sensitive around her because he was scared of that question he personally without any pressure asked her mom. Almost like he shot himself in the foot with his own fear?? But how come? Why is the fear appearing after the pre-questions are being popped? Is it that scary?


In CJ and mine's break he told me that he got scared. I asked him scared of what he couldn't answer me entirely. The words swam in a sea of "I don't know's".  Was he scared that he found someone he could have a future with? It seems that these next steps are terrifying the hell out of him yet when we met it was for commitment. We both agreed we were looking for a serious relationship. Tho we seem to be buckling under the pressure of it. I'm not sure how to deal with his fear and it's making me scared of things... I'm trying to be there but it doesn't seem to be working. I've chosen to just let him be and let him deal with it on his own in his own head but I feel like I'm not being a good girlfriend by not helping but that's what he wants? I'm at a loss...

I guess we're both in a sea of I don't knows...Fear too.
Relationships are hard...sometimes even harder.

Were you scared of commitment or Are You scared? 
I'm curious...I'd love to hear your thoughts...

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9 comments:

wallflower said...

My boyfriend and I broke up today.

I feel like my brain is scrambled eggs.

lil desiqua said...

I've been scared of commitment when I was with my first "serious" boyfriend in college. We were together for 3 years and the path looked cleared for marriage by the time we were graduating which scared the heck out of me. I called a break. It took me about 6 months to realize that I wanted him back, but by that time he still wanted the break. We never got back together.

But now I'm with a man that I would never want a break from- we've been together almost 3 years, and moved in together after the first year- I love (almost!) every minute with him and even the little fights never make me want to run...looks like my initial fear of commitment was correct- just made room for me to move on with someone who really was right for me.

Good luck!

Read my books; lose ten pounds! said...

Iv never been. However, being married for 8 years makes me think that a little healthy dose of caution isnt a bad thing!

Arumugam said...

I discovered your blog very recently and just wanted to say I love it.Gives me a new perspective on many things,and a window into cultures and lives so different from ours.Keep writing...

cooking for kids is crap said...

great Tatt, is it yours?
I also am a girl of little fear. When I say that it seems kinda funny. It would appear that pretty much the only thing in life I fear is commitment. NUTS
I once decided to end a (very short) relationship because the guy asked me to meet his parents!
I am 30, I love my life and I seem to have found a good place in the world... for now. What would the wrong relationship do to that? Apparently, it rarely occurs to me that the right relationship could only enhance that :)
I think more than the fear of commitment it is probably the fear of the unknown, or maybe the known.

just call me jo said...

Ahem! Here I go: If the relationship is a positive good one you can't wait to commit. I've had those feelings of uncertainty. I should have listened to them. They are telling you that it's not THE ONE. Oh, and BOTH of you need to feel the "let's do it" urge. It can't be just one sided.

Rachael said...

I still get scared in my relationship and we've been together nearly two years and we're engaged. I think its because we're not physically together that I always have this scared phase he'll find someone better then me in America and he'll forget about it. Entirely silly but ya know. But then again the idea of being totally comfortable in a relationship and not worrying or being scared does kinda scare me too.

woodlandsblonde said...

I understand the 'fear' thing...I felt like my boy was scared of commitment for a while...it's all in due time and they have to figure it out for themselves since it's mental. I was supportive and told him I wasn't in a hurry to get married, and I would make sure he didn't feel pressured just b/c our friends were getting married, etc.

It takes communication and maybe take a couple steps back. We had a break in there somewhere too. Fear paralyzes you from taking action - maybe if you guys talked about your goals and got on the same page it'd help. Good luck!

Krystal said...

just give it some time...i am wishing for the best for you though!

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