"I don't want Jessica Rabbit. I want you...only you." - CJ
It's a very interesting thing to find yourself with a man who wants you just for you. I guess I'm still not used it. Over the years I've always had to beat out the other girls, make sure I was at the computer for the aim conversation or else someone else would take my place, be at my best constantly because the idiot I was with didn't care for the off days, or having to put on a show.... Not now. I don't have to put on anything or try...just be myself. How interesting...and comforting on so many levels.
To be just me...I'm still working on it. I fell off the path a lil while ago but that handy GPS got me back to where I needed to be. I can honestly say I'm happy today as was I yesterday and the day before. My mom noticed the subtle change of dullness to smile. I thought it was just the weather lately for me losing the light a lil bit. Cj is helping me bring it back and the funny part is he doesn't even realize I think how happy he does make me. He brings out just me...
But today was long. Apparently I have signs of carpal tunnel but I knew that would happen some day. There is a tight tendon between my thumb and pointer finger that hurts every now and again. From the rain today my right breast hurts from where I had surgery almost 2 years ago this August. It still hurts every now and again. I had a second cup of coffee and 3pm that has my eyes still wide awake. Paying bills after a $400 car repair stings a lil but it's okay for now. However a brief late night call of "Goodnight baby" made me smile despite it all.
I miss being asked "Miss Melanie...How are You today?" at my old job. I was Snow White with her 5 dwarfs. I miss those sports crazed guys. People were talking about the Yankees and I got a lil sad because I realized I knew nothing about this season. If I still worked there I would know it all. I miss the hour before the bosses came in the most. Where me and Michigan and John would talk about our lives. I'd get a guys perspective...I'd try to give them a woman's opinion. I gotta call them soon...It's been 4 months almost. Too long without seeing each other when you worked with them for 4 years. Too long.
Tomorrow I'm making dinner at my place for CJ. I wonder what to cook? hmmm...I'm excited to see him and snuggle next to him to sleep. He wants just me...just as I am. I'm a very lucky woman. Very lucky.