Yesterday I got invited to an “I’m back” party of one of my ex’s best friends. I knew this friend for 4 years, I even have a wedding “Save the Date” card from his almost marriage, and he is a great guy. But, unfortunately when I decided never to call the Mess again, I lost a few friends in the process. It was hard to let the time go by without texting and calling but I knew I had to leave almost 2 years ago. What hurt most was leaving the friendship and his friends that ultimately became my friends throughout the years. However I have to stick to my decision to close that door of the past.
I feel guilty declining because this guy was my friend. I know the Mess won’t be there so I could actually go free and clear to the party. I don’t know if the Mess’s girlfriend will be there but she is negligible in all of this I could care less. I hate him, not her. It’s just all so awkward.
I remember the day when another one of these mutual friends apparently saw a look of sadness in my eyes when I found out some stupid drama and told me softly but sternly, “If you’re going to leave Melanie, just leave. Don’t make it long and drawn out…just leave and don’t look back.” They all knew too it was a matter of time before I would stop hanging out because they knew it was impossible to be friends with someone like the Mess. It wasn’t even a relationship I had with that guy. It was a toxic “friendship with benefits” unspoken deal that I let go too far. I developed feelings and the Mess didn’t. He couldn't wait for me to leave because I didn't phase him anymore. Jerk.
Anywho...the friend...I declined the invitation and said simply I can't make it, welcome back. It's all I can do. I can't go back. I have CJ now, a new place to live, a new job, a new outlook on life...I'm completely different anyway from 2 years ago. I doubt they'd recognize me mentally. Well Sarah Conor was not the same from Terminator to Terminator 2. People change and have to stick to their decisions. Sorry dude...can't make it. Maybe one day...just not yet.
Do you still hang out with your Ex's Friends? How do you deal with Similar Situations??
6 comments:
Ahhhh - ex's friends. I live in Houston now, and my ex is in Cali. We have a few mutual friends, but it never gets in the way - they never felt they had to choose sides. And it's water under the bridge now, it's almost like we were never dating - so it's not awkward at all.
looks like you made the right decision. You are looking ahead while living in the present. Isn't that what's life about?
Got to do what's best for YOU!
I think you made a very wise decision.
I think this mutual friend knew you were not going to come to the party, but invited you as a sign of "I just want to let you know there is no hard feelings between US." You get what I mean? I think that's really thoughtful of him.
I agree, moving forward in your new happy life and not looking back is the best thing you can do right now! And in even more time those people will be ancient history...
My story is always the same... When I break up with a guy (because of him, of course) his friends (which also became mine) always stick more with me, even though they don't show it at first. When I get to talk to them they all say "what a great job you did leaving him" and "I'm so glad that you're better now" and they all say that they didn't really talk that much with the guy after the break up. How weird is that?!
But also how nice? :)
Lots of love,
Sunshine Sarah.
Saw my ex's best friends on Saturday. They're always really nice to me and they said they prefer me to his new gf... result!
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