I Can't Put the Book Down....

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I was inspired to cook with Julie & Julia, I lost myself & found myself in Eat Pray Love, and even enjoyed the circus in Water for Elephants  but now I'm in the South reading "The Help".   What a real book and a real story. I got lost sometimes in the others but this one...I CAN'T PUT IT DOWN! I almost bought the book a while back but declined and then suddenly on a Target line there it was miss placed and I had to buy it. That was only a week and  half ago and I'm already on page 350. =)

I have a cheesy habit of assigning book characters to movie actress or people from my daily life so it's easier to read. I picture them in my head as I read and I think it helps get me more involved in the story. For "The Help" it was the easiest thing ever because I think everyone they picked for the movie is DEAD ON right! I haven't been this excited for a movie in a while...I think since Inception. Can't wait for August 10th! 

Here's the trailer in case you missed it!

The story is about the African-American maids in the early 1960's deep into the segregation times of the U.S. South.  One lady named Skeeter (Emma Stone) decides she wants to write about these women working for white family and it's scandalous from day 1. I asked my Mom about all of this and she was too little to remember all of this but she remembers watching Martin Luther King Jr. speak at Washington. Reading this book you literally feel like you stepped foot in Mississippi in 1962. You get so into the ladies' stories that you are crying, cheering, laughing, and deeply touched by this novel. I have friends of all races, all religions, and all colors and I'm flabbergasted about how the world used to be. It's almost unbelievable. 

I'm a lil late to work so I gotta go. "The Help" is probably one of the best books I will ever read and I'm still not even close to down. I'm going to go enjoy the conclusion of the great story. It's the "To Kill a Mockingbird" of modern times...really it is.

Have you read "The Help"? What did you think?

I Can’t Bring Myself to Go...I Can’t...

Yesterday I got invited to an “I’m back” party of one of my ex’s best friends. I knew this friend for 4 years, I even have a wedding “Save the Date” card from his almost marriage, and he is a great guy. But, unfortunately when I decided never to call the Mess again, I lost a few friends in the process. It was hard to let the time go by without texting and calling but I knew I had to leave almost 2 years ago. What hurt most was leaving the friendship and his friends that ultimately became my friends throughout the years. However I have to stick to my decision to close that door of the past. 

I feel guilty declining because this guy was my friend. I know the Mess won’t be there so I could actually go free and clear to the party. I don’t know if the Mess’s girlfriend will be there but she is negligible in all of this I could care less. I hate him, not her. It’s just all so awkward.

I remember the day when another one of these mutual friends apparently saw a look of sadness in my eyes when I found out some stupid drama and told me softly but sternly, “If you’re going to leave Melanie, just leave. Don’t make it long and drawn out…just leave and don’t look back.” They all knew too it was a matter of time before I would stop hanging out because they knew it was impossible to be friends with someone like the Mess. It wasn’t even a relationship I had with that guy. It was a toxic “friendship with benefits” unspoken deal that I let go too far. I developed feelings and the Mess didn’t. He couldn't wait for me to leave because I didn't phase him anymore. Jerk. 

Anywho...the friend...I declined the invitation and said simply I can't make it, welcome back. It's all I can do. I can't go back. I have CJ now, a new place to live, a new job, a new outlook on life...I'm completely different anyway from 2 years ago. I doubt they'd recognize me mentally. Well Sarah Conor was not the same from Terminator to Terminator 2. People change and have to stick to their decisions. Sorry dude...can't make it. Maybe one day...just not yet. 

Do you still hang out with your Ex's Friends? How do you deal with Similar Situations??

Miss Melanie...How are You Today?

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"I don't want Jessica Rabbit. I want you...only you." - CJ

It's a very interesting thing to find yourself with a man who wants you just for you. I guess I'm still not used it. Over the years I've always had to beat out the other girls, make sure I was at the computer for the aim conversation or else someone else would take my place, be at my best constantly because the idiot I was with didn't care for the off days, or having to put on a show.... Not now. I don't have to put on anything or try...just be myself. How interesting...and comforting on so many levels.

To be just me...I'm still working on it. I fell off the path a lil while ago but that handy GPS got me back to where I needed to be. I can honestly say I'm happy today as was I yesterday and the day before. My mom noticed the subtle change of dullness to smile. I thought it was just the weather lately for me losing the light a lil bit. Cj is helping me bring it back and the funny part is he doesn't even realize I think how happy he does make me.  He brings out just me...

But today was long. Apparently I have signs of carpal tunnel but I knew that would happen some day. There is a tight tendon between my thumb and pointer finger that hurts every now and again. From the rain today my right breast hurts from where I had surgery almost 2 years ago this August. It still hurts every now and again. I had a second cup of coffee and 3pm that has my eyes still wide awake. Paying bills after a $400 car repair stings a lil but it's okay for now. However a brief late night call of "Goodnight baby" made me smile despite it all. 

I miss being asked "Miss Melanie...How are You today?" at my old job. I was Snow White with her 5 dwarfs. I miss those sports crazed guys. People were talking about the Yankees and I got a lil sad because I realized I knew nothing about this season. If I still worked there I would know it all. I miss the hour before the bosses came in the most. Where me and Michigan and John would talk about our lives. I'd get a guys perspective...I'd try to give them a woman's opinion. I gotta call them soon...It's been 4 months almost. Too long without seeing each other when you worked with them for 4 years. Too long.

Tomorrow I'm making dinner at my place for CJ. I wonder what to cook? hmmm...I'm excited to see him and snuggle next to him to sleep. He wants just me...just as I am. I'm a very lucky woman. Very lucky.

Til Tomorrow...

 

Sunday Stolen Moments...A Big One....

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There is too many this week to chit chat so here are my Stolen Moments of the Week....

~Finding a Big 40" TV in one of my best friend's garbage rooms in her apartment building. She went out to throw out her garbage and then she returns saying, "Hey Mel, want a big screen TV?". We thought it odd that someone would throw out a TV with the clickers and plug taped to it....well Good News: IT WORKS!!!! Bad News: the speakers suck and are a lil busted. No problem, if it's not that expensive I'll buy new ones! One ladies trash is another ladies treasure....~ 

~I had Cj's work party to go to today and it was alot of fun! They had a petting zoo of baby chicks. Soo cute! They also had a mini pony named Dora...it was totally an explorer cuz it got out of her lil cage. It was okay tho she only went to the hot dog part and ate one! hehe. What rocked was CJ and I took a lil paddleboat around the lake. It was straight out of a romantic comedy! ~

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"Just once I want my life to be like an 80's movie, preferably one with a really awesome musical number for no apparent reason. But no, no, John Hughes did not direct my life." - Easy A

~Well sometimes life is an 80's movie. CJ turned to me on Saturday night and told me that the reason why he's been acting so weird is that he was building up asking me something. He asked me about sitting down and talking about moving in together. I said okay. One of the reasons why he wanted the break was to get himself together and to find out if he was ready for this commitment. Yes he is...and I think so am I. After this we sang songs from The Cars, the Vega Boys, Chicago, and any other cheezy song you can think of...I love him so much!

"He is just what I needed..." - The Cars

~ Having breakfast on Saturday morning with my mom. She made me french toast with cinnamon and powdered sugar. I felt just like a lil kid again and we reviewed our week. Moving out of my parent's house has really improved my relationship with my parents. I think we all too much on top of each other all the time. Now when I visit we can visit and enjoy the time. My move was the best thing I ever did. Seriously.~

 

~On Wednesday night I went to a Chilean wine tasting with my friend Erin from my last cupcake class. (Hi! Erin) I will go more into detail later in the week. I had decided to facebook her and found out she was going to this wine tasting. It was awesome to see her and I hope we don't let too much time go by before we hang out again!! I got deliciously drunk and thankfully I didn't drive so I really enjoyed myself! More to come! ~

~One last thing. True Blood rocks...Alexander Skaasgard is the hottest man ever! I can't wait to see more this season! Can't wait!!~

Those are my special moments this weekend...

What were your STOLEN MOMENTS this week?

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Forever 27 Club has a new member...What the hell??

I'm shocked about the lastest news. Apparently Amy Winehouse was found dead this morning in her apartment at age 27. The cause is unknown. She had been known to be a drug addict especially with her song, "Rehab" but I'm still in shock. Her song, "Back to Black" got me over my ex. I still have "You know I'm no good" on like every one of my cds. She was the coolest halloween costume one year with her rockin hair way before Snookie arrived. Geez. Poor girl.

Alas the club no one wants to join, Forever 27 club, has a new member. Shit...That's so creepy. Well...R.I.P Amy Winehouse, Janis Joplin, Jim Morrison, Jimmy Hendrix, and Kurt Kobain. Sigh....

30 Day Blog Journal...DAY #6

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I was doing this 30 Day Blog Journal a while back and I thought I would return to it. I love letting you guys know more about me because I feel like it makes me more real.  I'm also currently working on a video blog post too to say hi! I hope you all are staying cool in this heat in the U.S. right now!

DAY 6 - 20 of my favorite things

20. Long Earrings! I love them!

19. The beach…I wish the Jersey Shore wasn’t so crowded & expensive now. I’d be there all the time.

18. New clothes that actually fit. Damn you TJMAXX. I’m obsessed.

17. Coffee. I love my Keurig! Thank u CJ!

16.TV shows that grab you hook, line, and sinker you!! =P

15. New York City…I love walking those streets with all the window shopping and different people. It’s always an adventure and an experience

14. Cupcakes…Decorating them, making them, eating them…adore them…I can’t wait to teach my Cupcake Class in the Fall!! Yeah!

13. Learning to cook. I used to just make reservations but not anymore. Slowly but surely I’m learning how to wield that spatula. Things may still look messy but they taste delicious. Taste down…Appearance next!

12. Writing my novel. People aren’t kidding when they say it’s hard to write a book even if it’s something you know about or even if you’re constantly writing. Originality is key.  

11. Super market shopping with my Mom. I know that sounds lame but it’s our like “Review our week” time and we laugh about what song is playing while we’re picking out produce. Why would you play “Stairway to heaven” in a supermakert?? Why?? =P

10. Ice skating in the summer. An ice skating rink is my favorite place to be in the summer because it is so freezing cold in there!! I have no balance in walking or dancing but somehow gravity allows  me to ice skate without falling.

9. Falling asleep next to CJ. He scoops me up to him and I just fall right to sleep. It’s my favorite moment with him.

8. Couponing. I’m not an extreme couponer just a professional one. Um..hmmm….I’ll explain in a future post.

7. Collecting trinkets. I have anything from Marie Antoinette replicas, to Smurfs, to fancy vintage boxes, to old clocks from Bangkok. I need to have my own studio one day to decorate. It is a must.

6.  Going to the Events. I do the whole nine yards. Comic-cons, meet & greets (I’ve met Molly Ringwald, Pat Benatar, Linda Hamilton, Chris Jericho, most of the cast of NJ Housewives, Dan Akroyd, and a whole lot more), Renaissance Fairs, conventions…anything I can get a ticket too. Love it.

5. Mango Sorbet. Especially Haagan Daz. Yummy!!!

4. My dear Blog that is almost 2 years old. Happy almost birthday! You have brought me to places I’ve never been, let me talk to people I’ve never seen, and learn more than I can ever imagine!

3. My job. Yes, my job. Recently I fell in love. It was the right choice at the right time and I love the complexity of it.

2. CJ…I love him so much.

1. My family. I have such a small family and I love them more than anything. =)

Tick Tock Tick Tock...Cuckoo...Cuckooo....Uhh-Uhh Clock's On...

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It's dawned on me that I am just jumping from topic to topic this week...Forgive me and hold on for the ride... And above all else thank you ever so much for your comments and suggestions. <3

Tick Tock...As I write this my brows are furrowed and I'm swimming in my own uncertainty of what to make of this. This morning my boyfriend called me to tell me about a daydream he had. A small moment in his head during quiet time where he was alone putting away dishes from the dishwasher. He picked up his favorite mug and envisioned a future lil son breaking it purely by accident. The lil boy got upset and looked shamefully at CJ with a look of pure sadness. He turned to CJ and said, "Sorry Dad, Please don't be mad at me. I didn't mean to break it. It just happened." CJ turned to the imaginary future son and said, "It's okay buddy. I could never be mad at you." To which CJ snapped back into reality and realized he said the last part aloud and his cat just stared blankly at him when he looked down...

Well...I assure you he is not crazy. It has been hot these days but sometimes only children will get lost in their daydreams and perhaps say something out loud that we shouldn't. We can only hope we're alone when it happens. Been there, done that. What struck me as odd was the subject of his daydream. I think his Clock might have kicked in....I guess we shouldn't watch My Cousin Vinny any time soon...But do men have biological clocks?? I wonder....

 

I remember writing a post way back about mine not being active yet. I wasn't sure when it would kick in but I can feel it starting. It happened when I was helping one of CJ's cousins with her stroller. I joined the sea of strollers in the park while she went on the ride with her child and suddenly I felt weird. It then hit me like a rocket. It isn't going to make me make any rash decisions or forget certain things but I can feel it. I guess it could be another reason why I don't fear commitment. However when the time is right I think I'll know better and clearer what this odd twinge is in the back of my mind. I'm not ready for children yet but hearing the nice words of the daydream CJ had, I don't know made me feel a nice way about him. He's going to be a good father one day and I think it made me love him a lil bit more...

What a strange topic to write about and sensitive...but it's life. His daydream has been on my mind all day. One day I'll be a Mom...later than sooner but I do think about it...apparently CJ does too. These sound like steps in the right direction for us getting back to a better place that we are both open enough to talk about things like this...Yeah...it definitely does...Til Tomorrow... =) 

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So they're Scared....Ohhh I Get It Now...

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I'm not scared of commitment. Somehow I've never been. I picked a car real fast, I choose a condo, picked a college (maybe 4), and said yes to a man I knew 15 minutes who became my world by just asking me out to dinner. Perhaps it's an only child thing or maybe the disappearance of that lonely feeling I had for what seems forever or maybe it's the possibility of a life with someone awesome! I know tho I will freak out like any normal person a lil bit before I take that big step into marriage but for right now I'm cool with taking next steps. I'm not sure other people are like me tho...I'm sure they're not like me.

A friend told me her boyfriend asked her mother for the girl's hand in marriage so he'll know they have her blessing. (Sorry ladies that guy doesn't have a brother, lol).  Then the couple who never fought began to fight...a lot. It surfaced that the guy got very sensitive around her because he was scared of that question he personally without any pressure asked her mom. Almost like he shot himself in the foot with his own fear?? But how come? Why is the fear appearing after the pre-questions are being popped? Is it that scary?

In CJ and mine's break he told me that he got scared. I asked him scared of what he couldn't answer me entirely. The words swam in a sea of "I don't know's".  Was he scared that he found someone he could have a future with? It seems that these next steps are terrifying the hell out of him yet when we met it was for commitment. We both agreed we were looking for a serious relationship. Tho we seem to be buckling under the pressure of it. I'm not sure how to deal with his fear and it's making me scared of things... I'm trying to be there but it doesn't seem to be working. I've chosen to just let him be and let him deal with it on his own in his own head but I feel like I'm not being a good girlfriend by not helping but that's what he wants? I'm at a loss...

I guess we're both in a sea of I don't knows...Fear too.
Relationships are hard...sometimes even harder.

Were you scared of commitment or Are You scared? 

I'm curious...I'd love to hear your thoughts...

Sunday Stolen Moments Taken Over by Randomness...

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If only I had my camera for a fraction of all this weekend...But there was no way to capture every moment of the "WOW" factors that occurred. People just kept pulling rabbits out of their hats one by one and the shock is still stuck on my face. I'll explain...

Here are my Weekend Stolen Moments...

~ Friday night began with news that has me bursting with joy. My cousin Alex is engaged to his girlfriend Carol!!!  I was blinded sided immediately. I think in the 2 years of them dating I've only seen her 3 times which now she is like "We have to become friends!" and "I need help" and "Please say yes to being a bridesmaid?" Of course my answer was yes but there is mixed feelings about this future wedding from my family....More I'm sure will follow about this...

~My father and CJ's Mom work for the same company, unbeknown to us when we met. The CEO's daughter from Germany has come to America for the next two months. I am loving every minute with her because she is in this culture shock mode that is becoming so cool. She wants to see everything and learn what a Supermarket is, learn that in a 6 pack you have to buy all the beer in the 6 pack not just 1, and okay she needs her own post...I will continue this later in the week...

Taken by me yesterday Nyack, NY

 ~I was witness to something really cool. I live right by where the opening scene to the movie Labyrinth was filmed. Sarah is giving her monologue about the labyrinth. Near it there is a small pier where people can sit and have a picnic by the water. I sat there reading when I noticed an older gentleman playing a guitar. It sounded beautiful with his skilled fingers. Suddenly a boy appeared with an acoustic guitar ready to battle the elder gentleman. I heard the mimicking boy and saw the older man gave in and they joined in together. It was a cute moment. ~ 

~I started reading the book, "The Help" and it's a real eye-opener treat. I can't wait to keep reading...~

What were your Weekend Stolen Moments?

Good luck for the rest of the week Everyone!

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A Bittersweet Little Weekend…

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I honestly think that weeks after a shorter work week seem to drag on and on and on…An example is this week. It was forever. I’m looking forward to the weekend but it has a mini twist. A new friend of mine will be leaving to move from NJ to Arizona in another week and tonight is her going away party. I met her through one of CJ’s best friends and they were the other “Dancing couple” we did stuff with on weekends. Alas soon that will change. She’s leaving for a new job which I’m so happy for her that she got it but it’s sad to see her & her bf go. Just when we were becoming best of friends. Ah Facebook…that is where you’ll come in.

There’s a street fair in Nyack, NY too! Hopefully Cj and I both will go instead of just me. He didn’t want to go last year because he had been there many times before so hopefully he changed his mind. It’s supposed to be gorgeous out! 

I also have to start thinking of Birthday plans because people are asking me already what I want to do…My birthday is August 7^th. It’s creeping up fast. I’ll be 26 years old. 25 was one hell of a rough year. I’m drawing an utter blank. Usually we just go to a bar and chill out with some people but I might throw a party at my condo. It’s too small to have people all inside so maybe I can use the backyard….hmmm…maybe?  

I hope you all have a great weekend and hey what did you do for your last birthday? I’d love some ideas!!  

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Guys Move Along...This is a "LADY" Post....

Birth Control…Yeah it’s THAT post…Sometimes you gotta have that “Girl” post & need some honest feedback. Sorry guys! 

Currently I am not on birth control because I’ve had some issues with it. I used to be on LoEstrimin 24 and it worked great for about 2 years. My boobs got bigger, I actually thinned out a bit, and my ridiculous period schedule became a reliable routine. Then suddenly it didn’t. I would be on my “ACTIVE” pills and have spotting mid second week and it would continue on up until I eventually got that damn period.  Once I think I had my period for like 20 days straight and I was like huh???? What the hell is going on here?? I was discouraged because this happened for a few months, so I stopped taking it.

I tried taking it again during the last bout of holidays and it made me an emotional mess. I have PMDD and it actually amplified it. I was sweating constantly in 20 degree weather, crying a lot, and felt like I was in a daze. I was like “This isn’t me” what is going on here and once again during the “active” pills I was spotting after a week. I would take the pill at the time I was supposed to and it would stop but a few hours later it would return almost like the active pill ran out of my system. Who the hell knows, I’m not a doctor.

Well…I want to go on the pill again because it would make my life so much easier now but I’m a lil cautious due to my past history. I’m terrified of YAZ because of all the cautions I’ve heard and a friend of mine had severe blood clots from it. I can’t fathom how the NuvaRing works and frankly the annoying constant commercials drove me utterly insane for it that I don’t want to use it. But, how would it stay in? I imagine it would be like a game of ring toss and if your bf won your in trouble. I know there is a shot you can get for six months or something but I don’t know much about it. I’m looking for a pill that will work for me and the chances of spotting after a week is feasible. 

Now ladies…I have to ask and it’s okay if you answer anonymously because I know this is a sensitive subject for people…What birth control do you use? Have you ever had a response like mine or know someone who has? Has anyone tried that Seasonique where there is I think 4 periods a year? I would really appreciate the feedback here. Any suggestions? 

Thank you in advance!!!! =)

So Darling...Save the Last Dance for Me...

 

During the winter, CJ and I used to go take dance lessons with another couple in a lil studio in New Jersey.  Our friend Kate had brought up this idea to break up the winter blues and it used to be so much fun! I remember being shocked at the knowledge that CJ would actually go to something like this and enjoy it. We learned the foxtrot, salsa, some tango, and I think west-coast swing… He used to twirl me around and we’d bump into a few walls, but it all seemed so magical to me that I used to get drunk with the excitement of it. Disney movies used to always show the princess waltzing with their princes and Oooo I wanted that even for just a quick lil hour once a month. 

I guess it was around February-ish or March we stopped going. The other couple’s relationship took a rocking turn and they stopped going, which evidently caused CJ and I to stop. The other day at lunch I drove past the studio and I hit with this wave of sadness because I miss those nights so much. To add an extra stab of it I keep getting emails for Groupons of dancing places, each a lil too far away, and there is a commercial for Living Social.com where a couple is dancing around on a rotating device and I see it every morning. That other couple is long from doing dancing lessons again because of their hectic schedules and CJ seems to want to do more “Guy’s night” stuff on the weekends to wind down from the week so then there is left just me. Cinderella in her dancing shoes without anywhere to go…

The amount of couple friends CJ and I have is dwindling fast too. All his friends are single these days, a couple we used to chill with is moving away, and the one other couple we try to do things with usually the girl has other plans so I’m left with the CJ and his best friend. It sucks. I…I’m not sure how to feel lately but I’m really starting to feel left out of things because I’m a girl. I know CJ doesn’t want me to forget who I am and just be someone “In a relationship” but my friends now are all with their boyfriends leaving me out too. Perhaps I need to just march some time until CJ’s friends find girlfriends or my friends’ relationships become more serious where they do things with other people??? Maybe??

  

I miss going to dance classes, I miss going apple picking, I miss going to festivals with a group of people, I…I’m missing something that I can’t quite put my finger on. It's so classic that one area of your life will get good aka my job when the other parts are in limbo. I hope things get ironed out. I don’t like this feeling of being left out of my life…not at all. 

What did you do in your relationship when the Couple's Ratio is lil to none...?

I'd love to hear...

 

The Little Engine that Could...Three Months Down...

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I can’t believe I’ve been at my new job for that long! Three whole months. My empty desk is now stacked with “To Do” work, my coffee intake has risen, & my gas mileage has increased, but somehow I am able to wake up every morning and get to work on time. The sea of strangers now all have names & stories which I like to catch up on, there is only one closet that gets coats, the heavy duty stapler still hates me and when you hear the radio buzzing in the morning you know it’s going to be a pretty cool day!  Three months…I’m shaking my head in disbelief. 

There is a little story about a little engine that despite all odds made it’s way up the mountain with a trail of animals behind him.  I remember reading that story years ago and frankly it still applies today. Years and years ago my preschool teacher once told my Mom that I wouldn’t last one day in regular school because I was so out of control. I doubt the lady knew that I was listening at the door. For the record I wasn’t crazy, I just had A.D.H.D and I honestly think the teacher was just too lazy to challenge me. But that memory from 20 years ago stuck with me and every time I have an accomplishment I really have to pat myself on the back because I see it as a pie in that horrible teacher’s face & a big “Fuck You”.  

My First Business Card! <3

Today I had a small little accomplishment and I feel those little ones can add up to something great. I got my first real business cards from the new company I work for today and I am beyond thrilled. They have my name, my job title, company address and my phone number. I never thought I’d be so happy to see just a lil piece of paper. I’ve always wanted to have them but didn’t have a real reason to have one. Until now. I won’t be really giving it out to many people but I see it as an accomplishment that I’m finally on the right path.  I made it up that mountain. 

Next month I will have health insurance again with Dental too. I really need to buy that job agency lady a potted plant or something who got me the interview. All because I saved a letter from 2 years ago when I had graduated college...who would have thought? It’s funny how things turn out…I’m so grateful that they did.

Cheers to 3 months down & business cards!  Can’t wait for the more…

 

I love making pizza! <3

Tonight I also made an absolutely delicious pizza with dough from the Rockland Bakery. I shredded the mozzarella cheese, added some minced garlic to the sauce and topped it off with some mushrooms for an extra kick! It was absolutely delicious!! =)

Today was a great day...I hope tomorrow follows this awesome pattern...

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