Friday, May 6, 2011

Honesty Makes the World Go Round…


Thank you all for your responses on my issues post. I’m going to take the advice to heart and not force anything. When the time comes I’ll be natural and honest. I have a bad habit of holding things in up until I just can’t stand it anymore, which then turns into a blow-up rant that never accomplishes anything because I’m just incoherently ranting…so I’m going to take it slow. I try very hard to above all else be honest; especially when it comes to CJ.  I think that’s how we work.  Sometimes blunt honesty can hurt like a bitch and be misconstrued however all the cards will then be out on the table. It’s the best way to go. 

 
I’ve been thinking a lot about all of this and frankly I realized if you’re not honest with someone it just opens the doors for problems or insecurities. I have 3 friends that are not entirely honest with their partners and it shows…

One friend of mine has been dating her boyfriend for 5 years now and they are on the brink of major life decisions that not one of them is really talking about. She is hoping to move to Arizona with him from New Jersey so she can have a teaching career and he has just agreed to go with her. There is SOOO many things they are NOT talking about that it makes me feel almost uncomfortable when it isn’t brought up in conversation. What if he can’t find a job? All his family is here so if he leaves would he be happy? What if she doesn’t find a job and they both are stuck there then? What about their cars? When she talks about how much she loves him she always talks in the past tense…(That one I’m not sure she is even aware that she does it) I think they really need to sit down and talk things out honestly and openly…I hope.

 
Another friend is seeing one guy, is in love with a past lover, and is still trying to get revenge on an old flame of hers by always saying no when he calls her in the middle of night. This girl I really think just craves the attention but she is being honest with none of them. The guy she’s seeing tho has no clue about the other guys and she’s sort of doing this Stepford wife perfect girl routine that she can’t hold up forever. This friend however I’m at lost what to tell her anymore. I’ve told her to be honest with these men but I think she needs to be honest with herself more as to what the hell she is doing…le sigh…


The other friend is keeping a secret from her boyfriend. I doubt either one of them read this but the secret is about something that happened to her a while ago that changed her appearance. If she ever has a baby with the boyfriend the secret will come up. No it’s not a sex change or nose job but she sees it as very personal and doesn’t feel he needs to know. I think it makes her who she is as a person because it was done for health reasons but she is not telling him. I wish she was more open with him because she thinks he’s the one…But it’s her valid life choice…but I think she should just tell him...she used to smile so much brighter before...He should see the light that is there...

Honesty could help out my friends but who knows. When I they come to me for advice I usually tell them honesty is the best way to go. It may not solve the problem but it’s a start…

Do you make an effort to be Honest in your Relationship? 
 I’d love to hear...

15 comments:

Audrey Allure said...

My boyfriend & I definitely are honest with each other, even when the truth hurts. We just openly say whatever it may be to each other. Definitely works a lot better than beating around the bush.

angel6033 said...

I agree honesty is much better than anything, no guilt no shame and no truth coming back to bite you in the butt later lol

Jocelyn said...

Always! I feel like we wouldn't have the relationship that we do without sharing everything as we have.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

Wow you have a lot of friends with honesty issues! That one friend, in particular, who is screwing around with all the guys, is heading towards a giant trainwreck. I cringe just thinking about it. :S

Ri and I have had our share of honesty issues. But we've worked through them.

My bff is a prime example of what you're trying to say though. She should be friends with your friends. Lol. She's been lying to her boyfriend for three years now about everything. She cheats on him and pretends to be religious for him and lies about stuff his exes to do her, so he hates them and feels sorry for her. He's been slowly finding out the truth, but he's so in love with her, he doesn't really seem to care. But to me, it's sickening. She's basing their entire relationship on lies and it is bound to blow up in her face eventually. I don't understand it...

Krystal said...

goodness...that is a lot going on. but i can clearly see your point, honestly is really the only way to go...

Pop Champagne said...

mmm it depends I think, most times honesty is the way to go but sometimes there are things that are better left unknown. at least for me, sometimes I just don't need to know all the details if I know they are safe!

Dancing Branflake said...

You make some amazing points here. CJ is lucky to have you.

Catwalk Criminal said...

Nice pics ♥ I'm not in a relationship, so it's hard to answer the question..

Rachael said...

I'm totally honest when it comes to me and JJ, we're so open and easy with each other. But is all so natural its never been a forced openness between us. If there's something bugging me i'll tell him. Or he can work out that something is wrong. Even if its just through msn.

However, i'm really not honest at all with my parents. I just can't talk to them at all. Its not that I don't want too, just my mum makes it so hard, she just is very unapproachable and jumps off on the wrong things and can be very selfish at times. Its bad I know but I just can't deal with it and its easier to keep quiet. Even when most of it revolves around me wanting to move to America, of which she knows little at all.

I can't face that talk yet!

Call me chicken lol

wallflower said...

Hey. I value honesty more than I value most things. I have NEVER lied to my boyfriend, or best friends.

I know how you feel when you know that other couples aren't being honest with each other.

One of my close friends cheats on her boyfriend. Oh, and her boyfriend only thinks she's been with only one boy but she's been with PLENTY. She lies to him like every day. She even lies to ME.

I hate liars more than I hate most people in the world. I'll never be like them..

Shannon said...

honesty and trust are the two biggest keys to a solid relationship.

a good kisser definitely is important too. ;)

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

My husband and I went through a really hard time a little over a year ago. He HATES to talk about money and wasn't telling me about some major issues money wise. When it finally came out things were so much worse than they could have been had he told me sooner. We're still working on fixing all the issues that his secrets created and we're now working together to make it easier for him to open up and for me to trust him again.

Secrets, white lies and lies, in my opinion, cause nothing but trouble. I love my husband and married him for better or for worse but I can say that it really rocked our young marriage to find out the things he wasn't telling me.

It's much better today and slowly but surely we're getting better. But I truly think each of your friends need to be honest in their relationships. Even the smallest lie can get big with time.

Little Ms Blogger said...

I've found that people only listen to advice when they are ready to really hear you.

Heaven said...

Very interesting post, and blog as well.

Honesty is important, but timing when to tell them to your partner or loved one is also crucial. And there are some things that are better kept as secrets, because it can hurt a lot of people.

By your examples though,I agree that relationships based on lies and dishonesty will blow up some time in both their faces. It won't survive.

CAPow! said...

M and I are 100% honest with each other. We call it Brutal Honesty. We are secure in the fact that we both love each other, and neither are going anywhere that we can be 100% honest about everything with each other. Honesty is definitely key.

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