Where is my mind....

Hey everyone, forgive the sporadic posts this week. I've somehow misplaced this week as well as my mind. It speed past me and it was so fast I couldn't even catch it. Before Tuesday was even here my planner was booked solid.  Somehow I have to find a voice. A voice deep inside that can say, "No." I'm exhausted, I have a pretty bad heat rash from this hot/cold/hot/cold weather, and my head is muffled mess. I feel like I'm at a crossroads and lost at what to choose...it would help if I knew what game I was playing too. I need to get some sleep, perhaps I'm over tired or just feeling the crunch. Not sure. I'll be back later...

"We Thought She was Pregnant Last Month..." Wait...What? "WE" Did??

I have to put "Sunday Stolen Moments" on pause because tonight have to write about something deeper. In one night, a birthday was celebrated, a pregnany was revealed, and an apparent false alarm pregnancy was announced...I was aware of the first 2 events, however the false alarm was breaking news to me AND it CJ was talking about me. Here let me backtrack a lil bit to explain...

Last month my family and CJ all got sick from something we all ate at our Palm Sunday meal. Violently sick with vomiting and other. I think a total of 6 people were unable to move away from a bathroom for an entire day.  It was awful. What was worse was I got sick before CJ did. We were at one his friend's house for Passover and everything was fine up until about 7pm. I'm not as familar with the tradtional Jewish foods and after eating the brisket I got suddenly very warm and felt the meal wanting to burst throw my stomach. Eventually I couldn't fight the urge and threw up. Needless to say CJ caught on that I was vomitting and then when I opened the door to the bathroom he stood perfectly still and said,

"I've never seen you throw up so suddenly. Are you pregnant?"

Immediately I said No, I'm not. I threw up again and again for the next hour and honestly I think I got sicker because I thought about what he asked. Was I? BUT then I got a call later that night that he was sick with vomitting too and my mother and my uncle and....etc.  I knew I wasn't then...CJ and I have never mentioned that brief moment again...til this Saturday...

Fast Forward to this past Saturday: A married couple was at one of my friend's bday parties and made the happy announcement that Christy was pregnant. Everyone was clapping and it was a nice moment AND then CJ says, 

"Well we thought she was pregnant last month. Thankfully we alll got sick so we realized she wasn't. It was a false alarm." 

The table went silent, all eyes on me, and all I could do was turn to CJ and blurt out, "We Thought???". I can't remember who changed the subject or what happened next because my brain just stopped for a moment. I might have laughed it off or I don't know because the next thing I remember now is hearing Christy talk about the guilt of her eating meat while was she was pregnant because she's a vegetarian. I might have said I knew I wasn't but for Cj to say it at a table of people while people are celebrating a real pregnancy I am just flabbergasted. Completely and utterly.

Now in our relationship we try to talk about everything and lately I've just been letting the important topics like moving in together, jobs, engagements and others just come naturally. We hadn't discussed that sickness moment before and for him to bring it up in front of all those people is bothering the hell out of me. I'll admit I'm struggling with the knowing when to talk about things, when to argue, when to just agree, and when not to blurt things out because I value this relationship and I guess I still have fear of losing it all because this is still all new to me. Having a year long relationship is awesome and I don't want to fuck it up but I wonder if he's going through this awkwardness too?? Perhaps he was trying to find a time to bring it all up and it boiled inside of him so bad that he said it at the worst possible moment.....Maybe.....

CJ and I have to talk about the things more...In our openness about things maybe we are actually more closed off than we thought? We're both still mysteries to one another and that's a total good thing but I think we have to crack open the door a lil bit more...??? I don't know...this is big...real big. What a weekend...Seriously....

How to Show it? How to show how him how much he means to me? How?

 

There is an upcoming date that is beautifully dangling on the horizon. CJ and I’s first year anniversary as a couple is next Thursday. Btw, Craig is CJ. ;) A year? Really? Wow. In some ways it feels like just a year but sometimes not at all. When we told his friend Dave our anniversary was coming up he was like, “You guys have only been together a year? Wow it seems so much longer.” So much has happened and honestly I don’t think CJ and I are even the same people we were a year ago. Jobs have changed, responsibilities increased, likes and dislikes have done a 360, and one of the biggest differences is that we both now have someone special in our lives that we deeply care for.

BUT, Cj has had long relationships before that have surpassed the year mark and then some; I have not been that lucky. I’m not speculating that he would be jaded or anything about the 1-year mark but I think he might not have as much grand luster about it like I do. I think it’s a Big Friggin Deal and I want to show him how truly happy I am with him. He didn’t catch on how important I thought our 6-month anniversary was and it turned into a mini fight because he just didn’t see it as a big deal because 6 months didn’t mean as much to him in the past. He said “Happy Anniversary” and brushed it off and said he’d celebrate on our Year anniversary. Well it’s a year now….

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I know guys aren’t usually into that mushiness romanticism can bring, so I’m happy that he even realizes & acknowledges that it’s our year anniversary. I dropped an extremely subtle hint and he was like, “ I know hun, don’t worry.” I want to make next Thursday special for the both of us. This is my first time where I’m actually in a successful real relationship and I‘m not some secret or  friend with benefits, or a in a relationship out of convenience or a girlfriend to a guy who can never love anyone because they don’t love themselves so I want to Celebrate! But How? I have NO idea what to get him either…

 

I’m thinking of getting us concert tickets to one of his favorite bands or Warp Tour or something along those lines and his favorite cologne. The tradition for first year of dating is something fun that reflects his personality. Damn, well concert tickets are perfect. He’s a music guy above all else too. Is that special enough? I’m completely freaking out but that’s natural right? It’s normal to spaz on the ‘first time’ things right? Okay…*Just breathe* 

What do you guys think? What were some of your “Dating” Anniversary Gift Ideas?

Ohhhhh...So this is What Happens...Drats!!

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*Caution* This post deals with feminine habits. I usually don't talk about certain feminine things here because I want to cater to a more general audience but today calls for it. I have now worked at my new job for a month and half. I'm starting to get into a routine and I feel like my life is starting to reach a level of normalcy again. I'm no longer the new girl, but the side conversation over coffee, and the girl you find when the stapler jams. (The Stapler and me had a battle the other day..I won.) Anywho it is like a day and night difference from my old job and I'm not talking about the actual work. 

The big difference between the two jobs is the people. In my last job I was Snow White basically by the end. I worked with 6 men and had little interaction with women at all during the day. NOW at my new job I am with at least 30 women sharing the same bathroom. Certain things I'm now learning will become in sync with the other ladies.  I used have my montly gift anywhere from 32-62 days, usually 40ish days. People have even told me that the lack of interaction with women can cause a delay in period can cause a delay in period . It has always been frustrating all of this especially not knowing when I'd get it...however that is not an issue now.

25 DAYS! Not the normal 28 days it "normally" be, but 25. It's been this way for 2 cycles like clockwork. Needless to say it's driving me a lil stir crazy even tho I guess I should be grateful for the regulation. I guess it is true that girl's periods will become the same if you spend a lot of time with the same women. Just my luck. It's kinda funny tho because all last week everyone was running around like a chicken without a head in a frenzy. Today...it was a calming of the storm. Everyone was tired, craving chocolate, having the hot/cold flashes, looking like someone hit them against a wall, and wanting popcorn. It was the P-Day. I wish someone had warned me.

I think I should bring in cupcakes. Maybe they will all realize I've caught on to the scheduling. I might have that "How did you know I wanted this?" moment with a few and bond a lil. lol. Everyone said it was going to be different switching from working with men to women but I didn't expect this. Oh well...I'll get used to it and plan ahead. Where was that chocolate bar again? =P

Do You Work with Women or Men? Ever Encountered an Issue like this???

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I'm Now a New Maxxinista!

Yup, I have a new addiction. T.J. Maxx & Marshalls. I wish ohh boy do I wish I could buy a pair of Louboutins or a Coach purse without a blink of an eye but I love my lil condo wayy too much to bury myself in debt. It would be so easy to swipe my credit card...maybe one day. However for now I have a mini outlet to buy some nice tops that won't break the bank. I do coupon and save where I can so I can splurge every once in a while on some cute clothes.

Here are my recent finds! 

 Ruffled shirt: $12.99 (Not sure if it's one of those shirts that is "Supposed" to be wrinkled? I'll iron it to see if it looks better)

I wore this to a bar last Friday. Total Success! $13.99

 This top just makes me think of Spring and flowers...I wish the rain would go away! I also bought it in Black! 

I didn't always like these stores because the ones by me were always a mess kinda like the Forever 21 stores in big malls. It's always chaos and VERY hit or miss. The T.J. Maxx by my job tho has some order to it and they actually do get new stuff in each week. =) It's a treat to actually put on something in my size and have it look cute. I'm going back tomorrow to see if can get a bathing suit. Can't wait!

Do you have any these stores by you? What's your view on the Maxxinista craze?

Miss Melanie...How are You Today?

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This week is still in its beginning stages but I can feel the weight of all the other 6 days. This is going to be a week of pure adrenaline, Red Bull, determination, and loss of sanity I know it. It would be just a tad bit easier if it was one thing each day...but I guess that wouldn't be any fun now would it?

Tuesday: 

I return to my Writer's Group after almost a year of absence. I have bits and pieces of my zombie novel to share but I'm still a lil embarressed about my non-commitment. Hopefully it'll change with this new leaf.

Wednesday:

1.) On Sunday my Condo is having it's annual Tag Sale and I actually get to sell stuff in it. I can't wait to get rid of some of my hoarded treasures. Well...not all my treasures. I have to go back into the abyss of my old bedroom at my parent's house and gut it for sale items.

2.) My aunt is coming to get the small fridge from my new place so I can finally clean my kitchen fully. 

Thursday:

1.) It's my Grandmother's 87th birthday. I'm definitely going to see her and bring some cake and flowers. I'm so lucky to have my grandmother's still with me. I love both of them very much.

2.) I'm going to try help my friend Erin ice some cupcakes for her nephew's birthday on Saturday. She wants to learn how to decorate them. I'm going to try and fit it all in.

Friday:

1.) After work I'm going to meet up with CJ's family for a Ladies' Night. I want to see Bridesmaids but I honestly think there is too much sex in it and that would be AWKWARD as all hell to have that happen again. First movie I went to see with them was borderline porn. They had no idea and neither did I. I hope they ask me first what they are seeing.

2.) Then maybe chill with my boyfriend? 

Saturday:

1.) CJ's Mom's Church is having a Tag Sale. I definitely want to go that before 1pm.

2.) My best friend Erin's nephew is having his 4th birthday party. Ooo this reminds me I have to get some more goodies for him.

3.) My friend Kate is having her 28th birthday party at 7pm. Melting Pot was far too expensive so she is having it an Italian Restaurant. I'm happy of her decision because money has been tight.

Sunday:

And then my Condo Tag Sale. Yeah seriously can you jam one more thing into this week?

What makes this all cuter is that it's supposed to rain all week. Why do I stretch myself so thin? I guess this is my ADHD. I feel awesome when I've done a million things in a day but it does all catch up to me eventually. I'm going to go to bed a lil early tonight to prepare. 

Any Advice to tackle this week? I'd love to hear...

"Making a wish it all works out great!"

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Sunday Stolen Moments...

So what happened when Sleeping Beauty woke up? Well back in college when i was in the engineering sorority, Phi Sigma Rho, my sorority name was Aurora because I fell asleep at one of the meet & greet  events. Oops. But I can honestly say that when I woke up...I had my Prince Charming this weekend ask me what I'd like for breakfast with a smile. Our relationship isn't perfect but no one's is. Is our relationship a happy one? Hells Yeah and I think that blows "perfect" out of the water...We had a lot to do this weekend so we were running around all over the place...I wish I could have done more but I was so tired. Next time...

Here are my Sunday Stolen Moments:

~I don't think CJ knew I was behind him as he stood outside the bar I met him at on Friday night as he talked to his friend Scott but I heard him tell Scott about me..."I don't know where I'd be if I didn't meet Melanie. I knew something was missing and when I met her...my life became perfect." I smiled from ear to ear and walked back into a sea of people I didn't care to met because a year ago that night I met the One.~

~I will be the future owner of the BabyCakes Cake Pop Maker from Kohl's. Unfortunately, they didn't have any left on the first day of the sale for some reason but I will be getting that ASAP!

~I watched probably one my new favorite movies. "Arranged" is a realistic independent film about two teachers that become friends despite what their religion and families dictate. One lady was Muslim and the other was Orthodox Jewish and the two of them build such a amazing friendship with the differences only making it stronger while they prepare for their arranged marriages. The movie had me riveted. I couldn't wait to see what happened next and you laugh, you cry, you smile, and it makes you feel good in the end. I have friends from all religions and I really enjoyed this movie. It's now on Netflix's. A+~

~Seriously one of the best places to have a birthday party is Dave and Busters. One of the CJ's co-workers had a birthday and it was a total blast on Saturday night. I ruled the Coin slider machine where you drop the coin in and hope it pushes the big shelf of coins down. I know I'll be 80 sitting there pushing those coins. It's too addicting! ~

Thankfully blogger is back up and running! I have alot more to say but it's hitting 11:30pm here in NY. I'll see you all tomorrow! Here's a lil luck for the week!!

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What were your Weekend Stolen Moments?

Mini Snack Break…What to Choose...hmmm...

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Why are Mondays & Tuesdays such a fight to the finish? Ahhh!! Thankfully Wednesday marked that the week is starting to come to a close. I barely have a minute to even grab a snack. But a lil while back when I bought my Wii Fit I made a promise to myself to eat healthier, exercise more frequently & snack wiser. It has really paid off because I’m finally under the dreaded 170 mark. That number just didn’t want to seem to budge on the scale. Hopefully I have left it in the dust for good. 

I’ve actually lost about 7 pounds total and have kept it off in about a month and a half AND while I’ve had a Cupcake Class. My willpower is growing! This may sound silly but a way I’m saving money these days is to fit back into my older jeans I have barely worn. I’ve never been a designer jeans gal so it’s okay for me to wear last year’s pair. I’m wearing a pair right now I bought a while ago from NY and Company that just didn’t fit after a period of time. (P.S. I think I did the “Oh it’s a lil snug but it’s on sale & will be diet motivation if I buy it” routine & yeahhhh that didn’t happen.) They fit great now and I’m truly happy about my lil progress.

       My biggest problem with it all however is snacking. It’s too many hours for me between breakfast, lunch, and dinner so I turn to smaller snacks to raise my blood sugar & keep the chronic fatigue at bay. But lately I’ve made some healthy switches and choices I’d like to share. 

       

              Laughing Cow Spreadable Cheese Wedges

  (50 Cal 3g of Fat, and yummy…My favorite is the Swiss.) 

  Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwhiches 

– (Skinny Cow products were even in the 17 Day Diet book) The Strawberry Crème ones are delicious. These are an awesome dessert. If your going to have dessert enjoy it but just make it lesser calories.

What’s with the lean cow labels? Lol. Apparently there are skinny laughing cows out there…lol.

    

    Italian Ices – 100 Cal No sugar,

  Special K Bars – Vanilla Crisp or Peaches & Berries.

Grapes

Few Crackers and a serving of Nutella

Fiber One Yogurts – 50 Cal, 5g of Fiber

Gala Apples

Pretty much those are my snack choices and I use the Nutella sparingly. It is so delicious and has a lot of protein. I hope that I stick to my diet and continue forward.

When it’s Snack time what do you Choose to Eat? 

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The Scars of Your Love, Remind me of us...

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I hate it when you totally love a new song, but then when you really start listening to the lyrics it strikes a nerve of a bad memory. I absolutely adore Adele’s new song, “Rolling in the Deep” because it hits the nail right on the head. I can’t tell you how many times in my life I’ve whispered to myself “We almost had it all” about a past relationship. Well fucked-up friendship is a better word I think for the Mess, my Brown-Eyed Mr. Big , and me  because I was never a girlfriend just a side character that knew all the dirty lil secrets.  At times I was the secret but even that was unknown to me. I was such a stupid kid back then & I have to hang my head in brief shame over it and that guy…he is just an asshole and the sad part is…he damn well knows he’s one . 

~ You had my heart inside of your hands, but you played it to the beat…~ 

When you purposely try to remember a date on the calendar for 4 years it’s a lil hard to forget it & Facebook has to send you those not so friendly reminders of things. Today last year I wished this guy a happy birthday. I wasn’t even talking to him at the time but I thought why the hell not. STILL I was like maybe… It was so stupid because I was so done with him. What did I want in that text? For him to be like “Oh I miss you yada yada, we should chill yada yada” and then the spiral of hell would return?  More nights of crying, more nights of now I think emotional abuse because NO ONE one should ever be told, “You don’t phase me anymore” or “You could walk away right now and I wouldn’t care”, and more days & nights not adding up to shit, not even a valuable friendship? 

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Thankfully none of that ever happened. Due to that foolish decision of texting him I realized what the hell was I doing wanting that mess back in my life and went out to meet someone new. LITERALLY that next weekend I met my current boyfriend CJ and when he asked me out I blurted out yes without question. The best thing I did in my life was say yes to CJ. After about 30 minutes he knew he had to ask me out and get to know me. My life has changed for the better since that day, I believe it’s May 15^th when I first met CJ, I pretty much can’t even think about my life without him. Him and I have it all…better than it ever would have been with the Mess. A million times better.  ~"Turn my sorrow into treasured gold"... That is EXACTLY what happened when I met CJ....

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The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again expecting different results. That mess of a friendship was insane because I kept thinking somehow it would work out differently. Maybe if I stayed for one more convention, one more Walmart trip, one more rendezvous in the park, or one more emotional scar…The best decision I ever made was to watch his car turn the other way in my rear view mirror of my car. CJ tells me that these ex experiences make people who they are but I'm welcoming the fading of the ex memories into that void of nothingness. It can stay there as long as possible...

I'm going to go call CJ now and tell him how much I love him. He hurt his wrist the other day and I'm hoping it feels better. I can't wait to see him later...can't wait...=)

Lyrics & Title are from Adele: "Rolling in the Deep"

Messed-up Love Triangle Zombie Novel on the Horizon…Watch out for it one day…

(One of my cherry notebooks circa last year)

Ah writing…I miss you. I know I’m writing right now but I see my blog as more of a Pg-13 diary I have that showcases my randomness each day with a few R-rated twists. What I’m really missing is writing my novel and short stories. When I began this blog I had a lil cherry notebook I wrote EVERYTHING down in, including my back-seated zombie novel. I’m not blaming CJ, my job, my last health-reason surgery or the condo ordeal but there were a lot of factors that took higher priority to me than a quirky messed up love triangle zombie novel. I even had to give up my Writers’ Group because I was just too busy and too tired.

But I found one of the cherry books the other day and brushed the dust softly off of it. It was details of the ending months dealing with the Mess, my Williams-Sonoma demo notes, my blog post ideas, my dreams, and the novel. Finding the last sentence in a chapter barely finished hit me hard. The zombies were attacking and then empty space. I have a problem finishing things and this too fell by the waist line. I can barely finish a song on the radio without changing it…but all the work that was done should not be just lines in a notebook no one will read but me.

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Later in the month I will be returning to my Writer’s Group. It has been almost a year since I stopped going. Yikes! I sound like I’m in a confession here, lol. I’ll admit that I’ve been a lil hesitate to even set foot in that library where the meetings were because I was embarrassed for ditching it. What if I ran into the director of the club and she was upset at me for leaving or the answer I gave for leaving wasn’t believable enough or what if they wouldn’t let me rejoin? But the fear was for nothing. My mom spoke to the lady and she said they would love to have me back. 

Of course there is tons of zombie/vampire/monster stories now but why not have one more with an attempt of an original twist? I’m staying away from the vampire deal tho…that has just been completely overdone. But zombies? Well, I think it’s worth a shot.  The Writer’s Club will hopefully give me a bit of a boost of motivation with small deadlines and some feedback from an array of different people. It should be an interesting experience this summer.

Any Writers Out There? Any Advice on how to Keep up with a Writer’s Group? 

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Stolen Moments...

(Some Mother's Day Homemade Cupcakes)

This weekend was jammed packed and YES I fit it all in...It was awesome going from a communion, to a Kentucky derby party New York Style, then a Graduation Party, and some Mother's Day celebrating! There's alot so here are my Stolen Moments of the Weekend:

~My Mom told me she was so happy to be my mother and so proud of me. I gave her a kiss on the cheek and a huge hug and told her she was the best! I got to wish my aunt and my two grandmother's happy mother's day too. I really am lucky to have these wonderful ladies in my life! <3~

 

~CJ's cousin's Communion was so pretty and elegant. There was mimosas on the tables, karaoke, a breakfast/dinner buffet and all the kids were exceedingly well behaved. Cj's cousin looked like a lil princess. I remember my Communion and just loving the dress and the crown. My crown was my mother's from her wedding. Maybe I'll wear it for my wedding...~

 (This was my Communion picture back in 1992.)

~The ladies of CJ's family sat me down with their planners and told me all the important dates I need to know. They can be so welcoming of me sometimes and I really like that about them. I think I might have a new friend in one of his cousins...She's only a year younger than me and she lives where we work. I told her we have to get lunch one day soon! She agreed!~

~In other news...I'm really starting to love my new job. I was so happy it was the weekend but when I came home on Friday I had the moment where I was like "Wow this week was awesome at work because I got everything perfect that they need me to do. Hell yeah!"

~Last but not least I went to friend Erin's Graduation party. It was so nice to see all her family and it's amazing how time flies. One of her lil cousins is now 10 years old & I remember being there the day the lady announced she was pregnant. How time flies...!~

~I made a wish on a dandelion...I know it seems silly but you never know. I blew it all over my grandmother's grass and then sneezed repeatedly for about 5 minutes after. lol.

The new week is starting...I wonder what new things it will bring....I will be making Cake Pops this week so Stay Tuned for the post! 

All the Mother's in the world... 

Happy Mother's Day!!

What were your Stolen Moments this Weekend?