"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way..."

All this Halloween buzz is starting so I’ve made my decision. Jessica Rabbit. CJ & I decided to do our own costumes this year & next year will do something really authentic & cool. The 31^st is creeping up on us so we have to act fast. When Halloween stops being fun, there is just no point. We were so stumped on what to do so we compromised. I believe he’s going to be Pee Wee Herman. It should be funny. I don’t know how he’s going to get that gray suit but I’ll help him whatever he needs. 

I think Jessica Rabbit should be a lot of fun actually. I’m going to dye my hair red (Wigs just never look right on me), buy purple elbow length gloves, I actually own red shoes, I do own a red corsette (I gotta do my own kick to it), & my mom said she can make the skirt. I do own a garter belt & get stockings so yeah that’s that!! I’m so excited. I can buy a red dress but I think it’s more fun to improvise & put your spin on it. BUT if CJ can’t get a Pee Wee Costume, it might change. I really don’t know why this is getting so hard. Perhaps we’re trying too hard. I… 

 This actually brings me to my Weekly Goal. Cj & I have been dating now a lil over 4 months & we are starting to get to scenarios that I honestly don’t know how to handle because I have no previous relationship for past guidance. I’ve never been in a relationship over the holidays…People are starting to ask me now so who’s going to who’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas. His mom is asking me why doesn’t my two sides of the family all get together & what would she do if CJ went with me to my family. I don’t know what to do. It’s one thing that all the stores are starting to put up Christmas decorations but I like to do one holiday at a time. Halloween first & let’s deal with the others when we’re closer. I fear that the holidays & who goes where might hurt our relationship. 

The whole condo ordeal has taken longer than I’ve expected so people are asking me, “When is CJ moving in?” “Did you both buy it?” or “Is it big enough for the two of you?”…etc. I’m not even living there yet & people are worried about the next step. Those two words are starting to plague me. The Next Step. Everyone is pushing for the next step on seriousness levels when I still want to be just in the relationship. Why is this all so hard? It’s so much stress from all his friends talking about  their future engagements or kids or weddings when I just want time to go by so I can enjoy having a boyfriend, being in a relationship but everyone is rushing me for other. IT’S BEEN ONLY 4 MONTHS!!!!!!

My Weekly Goal for this week is: To be a 100% honest about all of this with CJ. 

I have to tell him that we have to slow down. Relationships should not be rushed or become a chore. I have to tell him that it irritates me that he’s always Go Go Go & not considerate that I want more time to do things. I have to tell him that the reason why I haven’t been chilling with him constantly as much is that I want him to have time to do his coursework for his college classes. I want to tell him that I love him & don’t want the holidays to destroy us. I want to tell him that I’m his & I don’t want anybody else. I want to admit that my biological clock isn’t ticking yet, I feel like I have all the time in the world. I’m 25 & it’s only been 4 months.I want him to know I want this to work so badly because he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. Lil steps. Yeah.

This week is going to be very interesting indeed. Off I go from 10.10.10.