Sunday, October 10, 2010

"I'm not bad, I'm just drawn that way..."


All this Halloween buzz is starting so I’ve made my decision. Jessica Rabbit. CJ & I decided to do our own costumes this year & next year will do something really authentic & cool. The 31st is creeping up on us so we have to act fast. When Halloween stops being fun, there is just no point. We were so stumped on what to do so we compromised. I believe he’s going to be Pee Wee Herman. It should be funny. I don’t know how he’s going to get that gray suit but I’ll help him whatever he needs. 

I think Jessica Rabbit should be a lot of fun actually. I’m going to dye my hair red (Wigs just never look right on me), buy purple elbow length gloves, I actually own red shoes, I do own a red corsette (I gotta do my own kick to it), & my mom said she can make the skirt. I do own a garter belt & get stockings so yeah that’s that!! I’m so excited. I can buy a red dress but I think it’s more fun to improvise & put your spin on it. BUT if CJ can’t get a Pee Wee Costume, it might change. I really don’t know why this is getting so hard. Perhaps we’re trying too hard. I… 

 This actually brings me to my Weekly Goal. Cj & I have been dating now a lil over 4 months & we are starting to get to scenarios that I honestly don’t know how to handle because I have no previous relationship for past guidance. I’ve never been in a relationship over the holidays…People are starting to ask me now so who’s going to who’s house for Thanksgiving or Christmas. His mom is asking me why doesn’t my two sides of the family all get together & what would she do if CJ went with me to my family. I don’t know what to do. It’s one thing that all the stores are starting to put up Christmas decorations but I like to do one holiday at a time. Halloween first & let’s deal with the others when we’re closer. I fear that the holidays & who goes where might hurt our relationship. 

The whole condo ordeal has taken longer than I’ve expected so people are asking me, “When is CJ moving in?” “Did you both buy it?” or “Is it big enough for the two of you?”…etc. I’m not even living there yet & people are worried about the next step. Those two words are starting to plague me. The Next Step. Everyone is pushing for the next step on seriousness levels when I still want to be just in the relationship. Why is this all so hard? It’s so much stress from all his friends talking about  their future engagements or kids or weddings when I just want time to go by so I can enjoy having a boyfriend, being in a relationship but everyone is rushing me for other. IT’S BEEN ONLY 4 MONTHS!!!!!!

My Weekly Goal for this week is: To be a 100% honest about all of this with CJ. 
I have to tell him that we have to slow down. Relationships should not be rushed or become a chore. I have to tell him that it irritates me that he’s always Go Go Go & not considerate that I want more time to do things. I have to tell him that the reason why I haven’t been chilling with him constantly as much is that I want him to have time to do his coursework for his college classes. I want to tell him that I love him & don’t want the holidays to destroy us. I want to tell him that I’m his & I don’t want anybody else. I want to admit that my biological clock isn’t ticking yet, I feel like I have all the time in the world. I’m 25 & it’s only been 4 months.I want him to know I want this to work so badly because he's the best boyfriend I've ever had. Lil steps. Yeah.


This week is going to be very interesting indeed. Off I go from 10.10.10.

24 comments:

Jennifer said...

Good luck with all of that. I have never had a relationship during holidays and such either. It's been kinda crazy trying to figure it all out just for my birthday, I don't even wanna' think about the holidays (especially considering I do not have my own car, so it'll be even harder to split up holidays). Sigh...
Day by day... Day by day...

Gotta' remember to take it slow.

Dancing Branflake said...

Oh man, relationship milestones can be daunting! But they are that and intended to be taken one step at a time. I was just thinking how quickly Halloween is coming up and I have NO CLUE what to be. Yikes!

Madeleine said...

Talk to him. That's all you can really do, tell him how you feel, how important he is to you, but that you don't want to rush through life.
xx

Diana Mieczan said...

That is such a great idea..I cant wait to see you as Jessica Rabbit...Yay!
Have a great week,sweetie and dont let people pressure you...You guys have something so special...Just take your time and enjoy it:)
hugs

Keith said...

I think going as Jessica Rabbit sounds great. I always loved her. I do hope everything works out with your relationship, etc.

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT832 said...

I have to give you props on this one!! Relationships are so hard to manage! Maybe that's why I haven't been in one for almost six years. This new one, well...its new! I'm trying to do what you are doing and doing whatever it takes so that it won't get old. I only spend time with my boo on the weekends because we both have crazy lives...even though I miss him like crazy, I gotta keep it "gangsta" and not show it.

keep it up girl!!!

www.hotcopper.blogspot.com

Noodles and Waffles said...

Your honesty is refreshing. It feels like everyone is constantly trying to 'grow up' too quickly. You'll find that a lot of these people end up unhappy and lost in 5-10 years. I'm starting to see it now with my friends.

Don't let other people's expectations influence you. Their happiness should always be second to your own.

Rachel at The Inspired House.org said...

Good luck girl. Trust me, we have all been there going What the H am I doing? :) Be honest and you will do yourself the biggest favor!

Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

I love the Jessica Rabbit costume idea... I am still trying to decide.

Happy Monday :)

ching said...

that's a great costume idea. :)
and i hope all the well between you, cj and those scenarios. i know you guys will work things out.

Nicoline said...

Love your blog! Please visit/join mine:)
www.abitofeverything-nicoline.blogspot.com

JUST ME said...

Girl, 4 months?! You have every right in the world to tell people to CHILL THE FUCK OUT.

Relationships bloom on their own. In their own time.

Vic said...

there's def. no need to rush!:) stay true to yourself and everything will fall into place!:) life is short but we need to embrace every moment!:) xoxo have a good week!

THE ALTERNATIVE WIFE said...

Good luck with all of that. I know it's a hard place to be in. Does CJ read your blog? Just curious...

And I just love the Jessica Rabbit idea! She's so hot! :)

Melissa Blake said...

Good luck -- I know you can do it!! And i think your costume idea is AWESOME!!!

Teenage Bride said...

Dont you just love halloween!!! Be sure to post pics!! cant wait to see them!

Susan R. Mills said...

There's no need to rush. I have a feeling he'll be very understanding when you share all of this with him.

PinkBow said...

jessica rabbit is a great character...i'm sure the men around you will love it ;-)

Wild and Precious said...

hope your week and everything with you boy works out wonderfully perfect!

Krystal said...

aw, yeah...def be honest with him...communicating is never a bad thing!

tess said...

I'm sorry you have so much pressure on you. You're being honest with yourself, but you need to be honest with CJ. And then ignore everyone else pestering you. This is you and your relationship and you will take it at your own pace, not others.

CAPow! said...

If he loves you as much as he says he does, he will totally understand!
As for the holidays, my family and M's family live about 50 miles apart...on both thanksgiving AND christmas, we go see my family in the AM, and M's in the afternoon. It makes for hectic holidays, but we wouldn't have it any other way!

bananas. said...

jeez you're already getting these questions and you've only been together for 4 months? what's wrong with people?!

i mean i get it all the time..."when are you getting married? when are you having kids? when are you going to do what everyone else is doing?" it's so ANNOYING!!!

just do you and you'll be fine. don't let anyone else rush you.

k. mead said...

since it is still early, just do whatever you both did when you were single - and meet up before or after. Or, divide the day - Dinner w/ the fam, and dessert at his house. Or dinner w/ his mom and dessert with yours.

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