Monday, August 16, 2010

Don't worry baby...everything will turn out alright...

Where to start? This past weekend my mind was everywhere. Everything feels so real to me all of a sudden & I’m a lil taken aback by it. I have to sit & pause & look at the decisions I have made. Maybe it’s from the birthday. I sort of feel like I’ve been a child and now I got dropped into a 25 year old’s life. This odd feeling of “Ohhh so this is what’s happening uhhh can I really do this?” has been a long time coming. It’s not new, I just haven’t written about it. It might be a consequence of the auto-pilot mode I’ve been living in. Life happened fast all of sudden. Deadlines, relationships, mortgages, furniture, health, & moving on all at once. Working out yesterday, yes I did my 10-minute exercise tape, I remembered that it’s been almost a year since I had my gall bladder removal surgery & it’s been less than 3 months since my fibroid removal surgery from my right breast. I hurt a lil bit so I have to remember to take it easy. Taking it easy…..sounds like a foreign concept to me. I need to re-introduce myself to it.

What prompted this sudden I need take a step back was really this weekend. I did in an excel spreadsheet my daily expenses when I’ll have the condo. It’s going to be a lot of money. I scrimp & I save already & now I have too increase that by ten fold & it’s making me upset. I tried to get my mortgage lady on the phone to find out exactly what my payment would be but she apparently wasn’t in today. I’m freaking out that I won’t be able to afford this or my savings will disappear too quickly & that I don’t make enough money for this. I do have enough but I just hope this isn’t going to be more of a burden than a freedom. It’s a big step all of this.

However I did get some pieces at an estate sale & a thrift store. A little paint & some cleaning & I think these pieces will be very nice.

Retro Brass Magazine holder: $3

Canisters for Sugar, Flour, etc: $1 each

Metal Wall shelving for bathroom: $1

Me happy of my thrift store finds.

Getting these items & some others calmed me down a bit. I can get some things for cheap so I don’t feel like I’m drowning too too bad.

The other thing that hit me in the face was my relationship with CJ. We went to one of his family barbecues & I saw him playing with kids and his family was so welcoming but I felt very overwhelmed by seeing a possible future of mine. Overwhelmed is probably the wrong word but I just feel like we’ve skipped something before all these family things. We skipped time going by. Having our parents know each other already we skipped over the “How long should we date before we meet each other’s parents?” stage. We both got catapulted into this. This is a serious relationship & I’m ready for it I just want enough time to go by for it all so it naturally progresses instead of burning everything out. I don’t think that’s too much to ask?

It’s a lot but I’m need some time with it all. Tomorrow I’m going to try to keep to myself a lil & not hang out with CJ & just do some cleaning to think things over. I need to maybe bring things a lil back to my pace so I don’t feel so out of control. New week, new day, new thoughts…new dreams. You gotta chill out once in a while. I’m in definite need. Ever do that? Take a breather & just reflect? I’ll be doing that. Til Tomorrow…


The Owl's Closet said...

wow, these are some great finds, melanie! such a good deal, too! i'm sorry to hear that u're feeling overwhelmed. i'm glad that ure taking some time for urself and just taking a step back to process everything:)

Diana Mieczan said...

Sometimes its good to have a little chill time and relax....I love your new finds...They will look adorable in your new place and please dont worry...I bet you will be able to make all the payments and everything will be just fine...Sweet dreams,sweetie
and see you later:)

Krystal said...

this kind of hit home, i know how you feel! sometimes i feel like i'm playing 'adult' because i can't believe that i'm in the full swing of it. enjoy your reflecting =)

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Take all the time you need to reflect, this is your life. :)

tess said...

First off, as scary and expensive as the new condo is, you need to do it. this is the next big step in your life and I think things will start to make more sense once you're really independent

Second, I think taking a day off from CJ is probably a good thing. Sometimes we just need time to think.

Couture Carrie said...

Nice thrift store finds, darling!


Anonymous said...

Let me tell you a secret, what you are feeling about the mortgage anxiety is all normal. I can't tell you how many meltdowns I had doing bills. Id cry to my mom and freak out but in the end it worked out. I made the adjustments (like highlights, nail tips & expensive dinners went out the window)and it balanced itself out. Nothing will feel as great as owning your own place! You can do this! xo

Ashleigh said...

Give your mind a little break doll. Things will be fine - I speak from experience :)We all have moments of second guessing or comparing but just let them stay moments, don't let them consume you.

Girl Meets Gun said...

Good God do I know what you mean by, "I'm a child that got dropped into a 25 year old's life."

I'm starting all over again in my life. I have to clear my debt after several failed relationships ruined my credit. I have no driver's license. No vehicle. No home. Nothing to put in a home. I feel your pain.

The good thing is, 25 isn't so old. We are confused right now, but it's not uncommon and things will tend to straighten themselves out as long as we work at it.

About the serious relationship topic......Only you guys know when the right time is. It'll hit you. Just take it as it comes and the two of you will figure it out.

Len♥reNeverM♥re said...

Great finds Melanie!
Hope everything will turn out for the best, just know that you are not alone in these similar circumstances~


radiogael said...

Hi hi,

Haven't been on-radar for AGEEEEEES but glad to see you're still around. Loving the thrift store finds :) x

Dancing Branflake said...

Yes, breath and relax and take care of yourself. You deserve that at least!

Meghan said...

Growing up is definitely hard, but so worth it in the long run! You have so many exciting things ahead of you!

And I love your canisters! SO cute!

drollgirl said...

girl, you have a LOT going on. taking a little time for yourself is smart. sometimes i think problems snowball and that is when we panic and/or shut down. deep breath. one thing at a time. buying a condo and having a relationship are GOOD THINGS but HUGE commitments, and maybe you can try to take them a bit slowly if possible. hang in there!!!

Lane :) said...

those canisters are so cute! :D

Audrey Allure said...

Really cute purchases!

ambiguous_angel said...


there's a sunshine after the rain..

great finds anyway:)

Daiane said...

i agree it is so well just to take time and be alone with... yourself and reflect on stuff. it always helps me clear my head. hope it will help you too.


woodlandsblonde said...

I think that was the exact reason for my blog break...and a break of all sorts - I've skipped a couple of happy hours - skipped a few pilates/boot camp classes- & just doing exactly what I want to do - even if that's laying in bed, eating breakfast on a Saturday morning and then going back to sleep for a couple of hours.

Sometimes you just need a break from it all - to give yourself some time to process everything. It's not easy - but I think CJ is making your life easier and more enjoyable and not harder. So, keep in mind the peace he actually brings you.

My ex now lives 4 miles away from me - it's been tough - he's been working with a pastor to sort through some things in his life and I've seen a profound change. But....I, with plenty of good reason, have a ton of doubt.

I want a relationship where you don't have to worry - it's amazing how many things you can accomplish with the love and support of someone that's on your side i.e. CJ. He sounds wonderful - and I secretly hope you all move in together and he can help you with your mortgage payment :) hehe.

Don't be afraid to take a break, no one will be mad @ ya for it. :)

Have a great rest of the week lady!

Cafe Fashionista said...

Honestly Melanie; I think that, as we get older, and find ourselves becoming more situated in life - buying homes/condos, having "adult" relationships, etc. - we begin to question everything. I think the best thing is to take a deep breath and just let nature run it's course. Things will work out. :)


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