So this is a bit of my fault. I haven't been really on blogger for the past few days because I'm been very sick. There are physical & totally mental reasons for me being ill. THe physical...well I did have my gall bladder out back on October & sometimes my stomach is still a brat. Things don't process right in my system so I have a constant "I'm upside-down" nausea feeling or a slight pain on my right side. At the party I went to on Friday night I also ate Canjun gumbo for Mardi Gras. I don't think my body liked the gumbo very much. Now...the mental part of why I've been sick....
I went to a party I never should have went to. I thought maybe it's been enough time to get over it, maybe he wouldn't bring the girl he cheated on that he's still dating, maybe he wouldn't even show up. The Mess is who I'm talking about. The Mess is my ex who I'm trying desperately to get over. He was my best friend...but nonetheless didn't return my love. I would have been completely cool with it if he had left. No, he's been trying to contact me for the past few weeks for what reason I will never know. I went to a party where there was a slight chance he would come. I was told he wasn't going to come. I was mis-informed.
The Mess walked in with his girlfriend behind him in matching hats. MATCHING HATS!!!!! I was dumbfounded. I never thought he'd be the guy who would dress up like his girlfriend. Or vise versa. It's actually making sick writing about it. It took him about 5 minutes to see me standing there & then ran to me & hugged me. He left the girlfriend's side & hugged me tight, I for some stupid reason mumbled "I miss you" & he hugged me tighter. WHY!?!?!?!?! WHY HUG ME?? WHY TIGHTEN A HUG when his girlfriend just stood stupidly behind him. He hugged me then went back to her side. That was the last thing I said to him...Matching hats??
My stomach started to turn...somer-saulted really. I'm not the type of person who makes a scene in a house of a lady I don't really know so I knew I had to get out of there. He stared at me while she stroked his hair. Well he kinda stared at my feet. The girl he's dating looks similar to me. Brown hair, brown eyes, eye-liner, black shirt, hoodie, sneakers...my usual attire. I WASN'T even introduced to her. I was just the girl that her boyfriend hugged for about a minute with no name. I was waiting for the moment to leave...It came.
He turned to her & told her that they have to go to do this thing soon. The thing was something him & I used to go do. I use to wonder "How could he NOT miss me?" I got my answer. How can someone miss you when they've completely & utterly replaced you? You don't miss them.
I don't know how I kept the vomit down for the 5 more minutes til I got my coat, yelled bye to the room of people & ran out of the door. I couldn't stare at the matching hats anymore. Oh yeah the hats are from a band that I introduced him too. I walked out of the lil house & basically threw up til I got home. Sorry to be gross but it's what happened. I threw up in the snow & then for a few hours when I got home.
My stomach is better now. The combo of everything just destroyed me. Matching hats???? I will never ever understand the long hug & the tighter hug after the I miss you but whatever. I didn't think he'd show up but he did. So now what? I picked myself up off the floor, brushed my teeth & realized I gotta shut the door. I have to slam the door really of this story. Even if I was over it, I can't look at the matching hats. He was too shitty to me. Too shitty, too mean, too toxic.
So that's it. This entry will be the Last time I mention him because he's moved on...I, too, have to move on....The door is closed like the picture.
This Valentine's day was lonely, but next year it will be better. Knowing that has me smiling...Knowing that this mess is over has me happy. So bye to the Mess...I hope your happy. Make your bed & fucking lie in it.
It's 11:11. Here's wishing to a better Valentine's day next year. *Wishing*