Sunday, February 14, 2010

The door is closed...so damn closed.


So this is a bit of my fault. I haven't been really on blogger for the past few days because I'm been very sick. There are physical & totally mental reasons for me being ill. THe physical...well I did have my gall bladder out back on October & sometimes my stomach is still a brat. Things don't process right in my system so I have a constant "I'm upside-down" nausea feeling or a slight pain on my right side. At the party I went to on Friday night I also ate Canjun gumbo for Mardi Gras. I don't think my body liked the gumbo very much. Now...the mental part of why I've been sick....

I went to a party I never should have went to. I thought maybe it's been enough time to get over it, maybe he wouldn't bring the girl he cheated on that he's still dating, maybe he wouldn't even show up. The Mess is who I'm talking about. The Mess is my ex who I'm trying desperately to get over. He was my best friend...but nonetheless didn't return my love. I would have been completely cool with it if he had left. No, he's been trying to contact me for the past few weeks for what reason I will never know. I went to a party where there was a slight chance he would come. I was told he wasn't going to come. I was mis-informed.

The Mess walked in with his girlfriend behind him in matching hats. MATCHING HATS!!!!! I was dumbfounded. I never thought he'd be the guy who would dress up like his girlfriend. Or vise versa. It's actually making sick writing about it. It took him about 5 minutes to see me standing there & then ran to me & hugged me. He left the girlfriend's side & hugged me tight, I for some stupid reason mumbled "I miss you" & he hugged me tighter. WHY!?!?!?!?! WHY HUG ME?? WHY TIGHTEN A HUG when his girlfriend just stood stupidly behind him. He hugged me then went back to her side. That was the last thing I said to him...Matching hats??

My stomach started to turn...somer-saulted really. I'm not the type of person who makes a scene in a house of a lady I don't really know so I knew I had to get out of there. He stared at me while she stroked his hair. Well he kinda stared at my feet. The girl he's dating looks similar to me. Brown hair, brown eyes, eye-liner, black shirt, hoodie, sneakers...my usual attire. I WASN'T even introduced to her. I was just the girl that her boyfriend hugged for about a minute with no name. I was waiting for the moment to leave...It came.

He turned to her & told her that they have to go to do this thing soon. The thing was something him & I used to go do. I use to wonder "How could he NOT miss me?" I got my answer. How can someone miss you when they've completely & utterly replaced you? You don't miss them.

I don't know how I kept the vomit down for the 5 more minutes til I got my coat, yelled bye to the room of people & ran out of the door. I couldn't stare at the matching hats anymore. Oh yeah the hats are from a band that I introduced him too. I walked out of the lil house & basically threw up til I got home. Sorry to be gross but it's what happened. I threw up in the snow & then for a few hours when I got home.

My stomach is better now. The combo of everything just destroyed me. Matching hats???? I will never ever understand the long hug & the tighter hug after the I miss you but whatever. I didn't think he'd show up but he did. So now what? I picked myself up off the floor, brushed my teeth & realized I gotta shut the door. I have to slam the door really of this story. Even if I was over it, I can't look at the matching hats. He was too shitty to me. Too shitty, too mean, too toxic.


So that's it. This entry will be the Last time I mention him because he's moved on...I, too, have to move on....The door is closed like the picture.

This Valentine's day was lonely, but next year it will be better. Knowing that has me smiling...Knowing that this mess is over has me happy. So bye to the Mess...I hope your happy. Make your bed & fucking lie in it.

It's 11:11. Here's wishing to a better Valentine's day next year. *Wishing*

"I love you. Always and Never..." - Gale, Sin City

30 comments:

angel6033 said...

That is absolutely heart breaking darling, and I am sorry, and I wish I could be there to comfort you as a friend and talk to you. HE is cruel for hugging you that way, he is cruel no doubt. I am glad you have decided to close the door on that, on something so negative. I hope you never again open it. You do not deserve that, you don ot deserve that at all. I send you lots of hugs and kisses from all the way over here in Texas! I hope you get to feeling 100 percent soon. Stay strong girlie :)....

tess said...

wow that is rough! he is such a jerk. I am so sorry you had to go through that, but at least you now know he is definitely NOT worth it.

Leah said...

I don't know what to say except that I'm glad that you have moved on.

Don't lose that smile and be strong Melanie! You have my unconditional support. xoxo

Seattle Kim D said...

You'll find someone better, don't waste any time being sad or missing him because you deserve way more than he'll ever be. Hang in there! <3

Sophia said...

Matching hats? I see your emphasis... Deadly combination! I also hope you have a better Valentines Day next year :) I'm glad you're over and done with The Mess.

Much love,
Sophia
http://apoetscircus.blogspot.com/

adi said...

That is absolutely terrible that you had to see him with his new girlfriend. And the matching hats(I once saw photos of my ex and his girlfriend in matching Christmas sweaters; it was the worst). Good for you for staying strong enough to close the door and keep it shut. Stay strong, and feel better soon!

The Owl's Closet said...

oh man, i am so sorry to hear about the mess:( he really is a big MESS. ugh! i am so proud of u for closing the door tight, melanie! i totally understand how difficult this is, but u're right the situation is just toxic. hope u feel better soon (both physically and mentally). i really do believe that there are better things in store for u in the future:)

Jennifer Fabulous said...

My heart sank really deep when I read this, Melanie. I'm still completely dumbfounded how a beautiful girl like you can be treated in such a horrible manner.

I'm glad you are determined to move on. This was the closure you needed, as disgusting as it came about. He is an asshole. It's sad that he is doing the same things with that new girl, rather than sharing new experiences with her. I feel sorry for her. That girl probably doesn't know what a jerk he is yet and when she does, it will be too late. So realize that you're the lucky one in this situation.

I wish I could be right there and give you a HUGE hug. You deserve a million. And I hope your stomach feels better soon.

Put that disgusting excuse for a human being out of your head and focus on yourself. Get some rest, watch some of your favorite movies, eat your favorite food, and pamper yourself. He's not worth any more tears or thoughts.

xoxo!

Miri said...

hope you'll be feeling better soon!
love

Christopher said...

Hope you feel better. I'd have trouble respecting someone that would either a) want to wear matching clothing or b) would try to convince me to go along with it.

Gingeyginge said...

Hes playing with your mind and ripping up your heart,take a deap breath put on your best face and hold your head up high your ten of him,and his new girlfriend she's the next to fall...

911 and the Randomness.. said...

I wish I was with you. I would have punched him and stomped on his hat. You really didn't deserve that sickness either. On the up side, you know you have to move on and I am sure that you are stong enough to do it!! Feel better soon!

P said...

Ouch, this sounds like hell!

Sounds to me though as if he's just replaced you with someone exactly like you!

Anything Fits a Naked Man said...

I agree with absolutely EVERYTHING that Angel6033 said, you don't deserve ANY of this. Good for you for closing the door. Stay strong, and move on! Better things await you, I promise!

Secretia said...

Holy, that must have been terrible to go through. You can't help your feelings, Melanie, it is what it is. Next year, like you say. Time helps. Feel much better now.

Secretia

Little Ms Blogger said...

You can remember him and I think it's good you remember both the good and bad. It'll help you know what you want and deserve when you get into your next relationship which will be healthy.

I'm glad you're feeling better. Now, do something for you this week. Pamper yourself.

I'm proud that you recognize how bad he is for you and can move on. Yay!!!!!

Cee said...

Oh no! I know how that feels and it sucks, especially on Valentines Day! Feel better hun!

Grandma Yellow Hair said...

Just found you this morning and maybe a reason for it. I know what it is like to be left for another woman and I too know what its like to shut or slam that stupid dang door. Harder than most realize and lot don't understand how it takes so long to shut it. But believe me it takes some of us longer than others and the faster and harder you slam it the better. Take it from me I waited toooooooo long.
Love
Maggie
Your Tooooo good for him and feel better

drollgirl said...

oh god. that must have been so brutal. just awful. but at least you have made up your mind that that door is closed.

and matching hats? what goons.

Sandy said...

Melanie, you are a strong, independant woman who can achieve whatever she wants. Remember that. I had a "mess" in my life for about 14 years ... off and on ... but it went both ways. After I met Barry the first time, I saw my "mess" for the last time and said goodbye. I think of him from time to time and hope he's happy...I'm not sure he knows how. But it was certainly liberating. At least you haven't wasted 14 years on this guy. NEXT!

J-Diggety said...

Omg, I am so, so sorry!! My heart broke for you. Stand strong, girl... even when you feel like you can crack that door open, even just a little, resist the urge with every ounce of your being. Because you will want to. But it's not worth it. YOU are worth far better, so leave that door be.

HUGS... J

Heather Rose said...

I'd say how sorry I am that this happened to you, if I didn't think it was a kick starter for you. I spent a lot of my life being angry, hurt and confused over some traumatic things. If something hadn't come along and snapped me out of it, I might still be stuck, wandering around in that haze. I'm glad you're purged of all those awful feelings now, even if it was horrible to endure. Thanks to him, for being such a selfish, inconsiderate person. Now you can move on without giving him another thought. You deserve better than that.

bananas. said...

bad blogger? not even. when you're sick, you're sick. no need to explain.

hope you feel better now that you've let go...

Girl in My Own World said...

Sorry girl. That is horrible. It is good that you are moving on though. They can have their hats. Who does that anyway? Hope that you are feeling better now! :o)

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Awww....I'm sorry to hear about what happened. guys can be such jerks! Friends to lovers is always possible but from friends to lovers and then friends again, now that is really hard, especially if a third party is involved. Hang in there sweetie. I hope things start looking up for you.

Bathwater said...

Sorry you had to go through that whole seen, never saw that coming. I hope you can bolt that door closed and find a new door with shiny new hardware and stained glass panels, with the sun shining through inviting you to step on through.

kathleen said...

Lady, we've been there and it hurts like HELL. I'm sorry. Good for you for deciding it's time to move on. I know how hard that can be. Next year will definitely be a better Valentine's Day.

woodlandsblonde said...

Glad you made the choice to move on...I don't think he's forgotten about you...but he always knew you were there...that you hadn't gone anywhere. It seems like he had her- but somehow felt he had you too. He sounds like the guy that wants what he can't have...2 relationships...not how it works.

It's a choice for you to tell him to go to hell, a choice to hang on, and a choice to be happy :)

Sounds like you're on the right track! Now that you -don't need him- watch out...he'll probably come on stronger!

OceanDreams said...

I am so sorry you had to go through that and he DOES NOT deserve you. Glad you got the hell out of there and are feeling a bit better...proud of you girl!

Elizabeth Parsons said...

ouch...so sorry...time will give this perspective and your idea that he is a jerk will only grow...and you will come to know that it is his loss, not yours.

Has your mom put up a blog yet? If so, can you give me the address?
Elizabeth

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