My favorite holiday is February 15th. What seems to be the weight of the largest elephant will be off my shoulders. My favorite color is red but it won't be this week. I'm sorry. I promise not to whine, bitch, cry, or rant about next Sunday at all, except for this One SINGLE post. The reason why I'm going to do it is...it's part of the story that is my life.
I don't have a boyfriend. I'm trying to find someone that I can maybe possibly connect with but I'm drawing a blank. I've met 2 guys in the past 3 weeks. Each have asked for my number & then Never used it. Frankly I'm kinda happy because one of them I found out was a drug addict & when I told him I didn't do drugs it was like a turn-off switch. The other...who knows. I wouldn't be that sad, I would just get back on the horse & try again but the looming date of February 14th really does have me just sitting alone watching, "Titanic" asking so what am I doing wrong? I refuse to be something I'm not but geez I'm starting to feel like a the fuzzy gummy bear you find stuck under a bus seat. Did I like wear my shirt on backwards or something?!?! Is my masacara too runny?? Is my laugh not cutesy enough??
Last Valentine's day sucked. I even was dating someone at the time but he gave me this line days before,
Yeah, I wasn't born yesterday. It was a lie. When I hung out with him the next week he called me the WRONG name at an pretty awful time. So Underworld with his "Mom" was a good movie...what a prick.
The Valentine's day before last year in 08' was worse. I was dating Drummer Boy and when he found out I had bought lingerie he freaked out. He thought I was trying to make the relationship more serious by buying lingerie specifically for him. I had explained I was just trying to just wear something sexy...he freaked & we had a fight. He thought I wanted more out of the relationship then he wanted to give. I told him "All I wanted was a boyfriend to spend the day with & enjoy it with me". The lingerie was too serious tho. What if I had said, "I love you". I fear what might have happened. Whatever...I'm so over that.
I'm not sure why I'm posting this. It's actually my 25th Half-Birthday today. 25 years. I planned on doing a post about that like a list of 25 things to do before my birthday but meh. I didn't feel like it. I don't feel like I'm where I imagined I would be at this age. I'm just passing time to better things come along but I really wish there wasn't a day out of the year designed to make a single person feel lonely.
It's cool tho, the sun will come up, I will clean for the day, maybe go get my nails done, come home watch TV & go to bed. The sun will come up tho on February 15th. I can't wait. I can't wait to get in my car next Monday go to work & take a sigh of relief that the day before will be over. If there happens to be some weird eclipse thing so there is no sun at 8am on February 15th tho I might go literally insane. lol.
All I want is just a guy to want to spend the day with me & maybe kiss me goodnight & maybe call me when he asks for my number. No flowers needed, no candy. I'm good. I just want someone to spend time with me & want to.
Okay I'm done. I needed to let that out. Regular scheduling programming will resume.
Sam Cooke didn't know what I know
I'll never be your valentine
The sleepwalker in me
And God only know that I've tried...
-"Sleepwalker" The Wallflowers