Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Please, can you please take the mask off? Or rather never put it on??


Well there have been quite a few things I’ve wanted to say about my last few days and it all boils down to this. People that I know in real life are two-face, meaning one way or another people seem to be putting on masks or rather taking them off right in front of me and I wish it would stop. I just can’t understand it. The people I’m talking about are the new people I’ve met as well as some old favorites.

Now the mask I’m wearing in the above picture is a cute lil Mardi Gras kitty mask. I look sweet & cute and it might make you think I’m a fun person who would buy a mask in the middle of February just to bring a smile to your face. (That was my actual purpose.) Behind it tho you can’t see that I have honey colored tired eyes, side bangs, a small mole on my left eyebrow, a button nose, & a minute scar above my left eye. See there is so much more that makes me who I am that I would LOVE to show you, but it’s hidden behind the mask. There is so much more to the friends I’ve met & the invisible masks, the games they are playing, are truly covering who they really are. Behind the masks my friends have put on I can’t see the asshole that he secretly is, I can’t see the drugs she does, I can’t see the lists of ex-gf’s he has, I don’t see the lost job, the stress, the anger or anything that these people really are. I can’t see the truth.

I wish I had seen who certain people really were because I wouldn’t have let them in my life. I had met a guy about a month ago but I didn’t write much about him because I was figuring out who he was. It was all a charade. All a game, all false. I found this out this weekend. He seemed nice, caring, fun, even musically talented. I know I never thought I’d try to date another drummer, but he was cute. He kissed me, then the nice guy mask came off. He started picking at all my faults, calling me a “Mess”, criticizing me for not wearing high-heels, arguing that I wasn’t drinking enough, yelling that I couldn’t parallel park right, and trying to order me around. I think I’ve had the shortest almost-relationship ever. 12 hours. I do not stand for any of that crap from a guy. I will never speak to this guy again because who the hell does he think he is. I guess he has commitment phobia or something. Whatever, not my problem he’s gone. I’m done. Honestly I’m not even upset about it because I don’t need an asshole like that in my life. I’d rather be single than put up with that. Bye jerk.


I wonder what makes people think they have to put a good-guy or nice-girl mask to win people over? Why not be yourself? Looking at this mask I would never want to wear it for more than a night, not my life. That cat mask was actually scratchy, uncomfortable, & I lost all depth perception in it. I only wore it for about 5 minutes because it was a lil suffocating. I wonder if those “Fake” people of the world feel like they are suffocating when they are lying and playing games to make themselves out to be something they are not?? I really wonder.

One thing through this experience with this guy & other people that I've learned is that eventually the masks come off. Eventually too the girdle comes off, the high-heels have to come off because your feet are dying, and the make-up even will have to take a rest. But those things are okay. Personality switches are not okay. I think one of the reasons why people stop being friends & relationships break up because people aren’t honest with each other. They don’t tell the truth. They HIDE out for a while behind the mask & then take it off later. That’s fucked up. I wish I had known the truth.

So I’m going to leave you guys with this one thought. Be yourself. Don’t hide behind a mask of a false person you’re not. I’m real. I’m really Melanie with the frousy hair & I guess I’m a bit of a mess but who isn’t? Everyone has their flaws and it’s what makes us unique. I’m happy to be who I am, so I’m going to take off the mask and try to never put a full mask on to people I meet & know. I hope you remember to take the mask off too when you can.

33 comments:

tess said...

thank you for this honest and very inspiring post here. you speak the truth. I am no stranger to false friends unfortunately. There are so many people I meet who seem "cool" they are cultured, intelligent, decent conversationalists, we seem to have a few things in common, but then when we've done everything we've had in common (seen all of the art museums, gone to new restaurants, exhausted the local movie theater) we have nothing to say anymore and things either fall off the map or get ugly. a lot of my freshman year college friends were only good until we ran out of stuff to do. then we realized we couldn't just talk and I started to see that they weren't nice people too. I tend to like those with a sarcastic sense of humor like myself, which sometimes can mask their inner meaness. I go home (back to the midwest) and realize that I am extra rude myself and trying to get away with things that I never would've found polite/acceptable when I used to live back in MN. sometimes I do pick up those bad habits of my "friends' and when I realize said habits mean that I am nasty I know I need knew friends.


ps that guy sounds like a jerk. what are we in 8th grade!? peer pressure is never worth it and when you're in your 20s it is unacceptable. you don't ever need to put up with that, glad you ditched him

I am so sorry you're meeting so many fakes lately. I feel like it is part of our age group. I may be younger than you, but I assume most of these people you meet aren't married, committed to one career, etc. so they're probably still insecure and use fake personas to throw people off and get the attention off their flaws. I am glad you're open about everything though, you're so much more mature and farther along than they are

carissajaded said...

I just wrote a really long comment, but it got erased. Basically I really love this post. I've fallen for people who wear these "masks," and it is really no fun. I try to be as honest as possible and I expect the same out of others. Loves it!

Wacky Jacky & Silly Willy said...

Yes I hate how some people may act kind to you. But they make ignore you or act differently once around others!
You can't just be friends when convenient!

fuck them! lol

Ally said...

I'm myself and I just tell people to their face what I really think of them. I'm not sure if that's the "right" way to be. I'm horribly honest and never hold back. If I don't like your man, I'm going to tell you. If you're acting like an ass, I'll let you know! Somehow I actually have friends. It's amazing really.

Great post and I'm sorry people suck :(

Tales Of A Fourth Grade Nothing

kathleen said...

I am with you, sister. Be yourself. No two ways about it. Amen.

Secretia said...

That was a prize-winning essay, Melanie. You are so so right!

Secretia

Leah said...

Well said Melanie... I agree with you sooner or later, the masks will fall off. I hate unreal people. And I kinda know how to detect them from years of practice and I've got extra training by reading a book "How to Read People".

Glad you were able to see that jerk without his mask. He doesn't deserve you at all.

Happy Thursday! xoxo

P said...

Here, here! You're so right Melanie. I loved this post.

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Great great post. I'm sure everyone can definitely relate, at one point or another I'm sure everyone's either met someone like this or has actually worn a mask every now and then. This is pretty common during the teen years when they are still trying so hard to fit in. But really, it's scary to try to wear a mask and pretend to be this or that, sometimes, people are so busy pretending that they loose sense of self.

perfectionishuman said...

I wouldn't mind if the masks never came off.. I'd be quiet happy going along with that but it's when the masks come off that everything begins to fall apart.. because more often than not, underneath the mask is just ugliness. And I don't mean that in a superficial way.. I mean all the repulsive qualities that you detest in a human will be lurking under the mask *sigh*

Bathwater said...

Nice post. I hope those people under the mask are trying to become the people they are hiding behind, at least it is a goal worth striving for.

Kristin said...

I got burned myself by someone who wasn't who she seemed last year. It's a hard lesson to learn! Ugh.

Jaime said...

I really hate fakeness, be yourself, indeed! Love this honest post.

Pop Champagne said...

hah it's true, my friend and I always say, don't act like a psycho b*tch when you first date the guy, get in a serious relationship and isolate his friends and then be crazy!

Barry said...

Mel, so many guys are like this because they lack self-confidence and self-esteem. They don't feel they're interesting enough to others (women especially)so they act like something they're not in order to impress. This can never NEVER last, a jerk will always reveal himself to be a jerk much sooner than he intends.
Guys who mistreat women should be shot on site and hung by their scrotum. Not necessarily in that order. I hate that mind-game shit that some men and women play.
You've always come across as very honest and vulnerable and real, and I've always loved you for that. If you lived closer I'd be happy to hang out with you, I know Sandy feels the same way. As it is, I'm proud to call you a friend.
Thanks so much for the birthday wishes Melanie. When someone twenty years younger considers you cool you know you're on the right track! ;)

xoxo

Dionne said...

*Applauds wildly*
Well said, sister! Preach it!

I sooo agree with you. The world would be so much better if everyone had the courage to be themselves!

Katy Mary said...

I could not agree with you more Melanie! I love your honestly. I have dealt with the same crap from people and it sucks to be duped. Don't ever let a man treat you badly, you deserve better! and your glasses should arrive today!

1Aeon said...

so true..

911 and the Randomness.. said...

This post is so very true and extremely inspiring. I'm glad that i"m not the only one who thinks it's pointless to wear a mask.
You are so awesome!!

Kelly said...

Well said! You are only fooled by the masks because you want to think the best of people and that's not a bad thing!
I'm glad that you are strong enough I put up with a bad relationship for 7 years (well 5 of them were bad!)and am now with someone wonderful. You need to meet jerks to appreciate the good ones so don't fret :)
Oh and you are most definitely NOT a mess!

Juliana said...

This was just beautiful! I hate when people hide behind a fake facade. I always say it you cannot handle me at my worst you do not deserve me at my best. Bein real--and true and honest---now that is life.

OceanDreams said...

I love this post!! I have been struggling with this a bit too and I try my hardest to not have a mask and when I am honest I get judged for it with some particular friends. I am tired of that and feel like if they don't like me for me then that is their problem. They can be fake if they choose to be. I love that you are real and that you recognize when people are being genuine or not. That says a lot!

Jennifer said...

This is a great post. I agree some people need to stop playing games. Why should the ones who try to be real for others put in so much time and effort when others are simply gliding by behind this fake persona they've created for themselves? It's not fair, and I hope anyone who tries to hide behind a mask is eventually found out.

Susan R. Mills said...

Excellent advice. None of us should ever wear a mask, especially in relationships. And you are right--you don't need a jerk like that.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I think you're right: people who hide behind invisible masks their whole life must be so EXHAUSTED. And in some cases, I bet they're so tired they snap. That scares me.

I don't understand why people feel the need to be someone they're not. If they're pretending to be a nice person, so people will like them, why don't they just work on really becoming a genuinely nice person?! It would be a lot less harder and stressful. It might even make them a happier person. Sigh.

I could write a whole book on this topic, but I'll stop there. Lol.

Great post! :)

drollgirl said...

aw, this post is so true. and that guy sounds like a royal dick. i am so glad his true colors came out quickly and that you ditched him. what a prick.

sometimes i am naive and i take people at face value and assume they are real. that sort of thing recently blew up in my face, and it is sad, but now i am more skeptical and wary of people and how they present themselves. eventually the masks on the liars fall off, and it is really so ugly to find out what they are really like.

adi said...

Good for you for ditching that guy; he sounds like a real jerk.

You've really brought up something complex with the mask metaphor. It is frustrating to realize the people you've met and like are nothing like they appeared, but sometimes it's difficult to break out from behind your own mask put up to protect yourself.

Langley said...

I've learnt be yourself from the first second. If they're going to like you, they will. If they don't; fuck 'em.

Little Ms Blogger said...

This is a GREAT post!

You're a rare 20+ year old without a mask, comfortable in own skin and not worried about pleasing others.

Most people with the mask and very critical are often insecure.

Because of your confidence many others will want to hang out with you.

Sandy said...

I must read this entire post but I just wanted to let you know I left you an award on my blog.
I'll be back to comment soon.

Sophia said...

You wrote down my thoughts for me. I wish I hadn't let in certain people in my life, but who was I to know that they were covering themselves behind a mask. I am strictly myself, sorry if you don't like it.

Much love,
Sophia

Heather Taylor said...

Buh-bye 12 hour douchebag. Seriously, who says all of that to someone? It makes me so frustrated at guys, nobody and certainly not you, deserves to be treated so horribly.

Haley said...

I absolutely love this. Preach it girl!

ps. I found your blog through Amy's, over at Haha.Wait.What? I've really enjoyed reading the past few entries :]

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