Quarter-Life Crisis is on the Menu with all the trimmings…

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In my life I’ve had a few awkward stages. First when I was 10 when I suddenly realized ah crap I need a bra and deodorant, second learning how to battle the huge staircase mob in high school and not be invisible, then college with the seedy nightlife that can go with it, and then…Oh yeah…now. I’m using the word awkward because I woke up the other day and realized everything has fallen into place, where I have the 3 majors. The job, the boyfriend, and the home. I’ve never before had all three and frankly I’m flapping around like a fish out of water.

Behaviors I thought would help people are backfiring, every time I think maybe this month I’ll catch up on my bills and savings there is another $100 bill or $300 I have to pay to something, I’ve been in my condo for 6 months and realized shit I have so much still left to do that is not going to fix itself, and having your first real grown up job with a real salary where you have conference calls, deadlines, emails, and the printer still registering a paper jam when there is totally no paper in the machine is a lot to take in all at once. I’m losing myself amongst the chaos. I used to have just one cup of coffee a day…I’m up to 3 or 4. I sleep 7-8 hours a night but for a 25 year old who is thrown into a 30 year olds life it’s a lil rough on the landing. I’m overwhelmed and my confidence in it all is plummeting down because I fear rejection and fear failure. There I’ve said…isn’t that supposed to be the first steps? Admitting you’ve taken on too much? How do I get “me” back…

I’ve been trying to diet, trying to cut-back on spending, trying to sleep, trying to do lil projects in my home, trying to be there for my family, trying to be agreeable & understanding with CJ, but everywhere I turn there is something reminding me of something else I have to do or it’s just leaving me with worry. I woke up in the middle of the night on Sunday, so restless and itchy (I’m convinced the “unknown variable” is my life that I’m allergic to), and my heart was racing. It wasn't a panic attack but I was upset. I need to chill out, majorly. 

I know I can't build a world in day or solve all the problems with a simple solution but I've reached a point where I have to cut back. I have to make priorities and not stretch myself so thin. This isn't me, this frazzled jumpy mess of a woman. Maybe I'll do my nails, make a yummy meal, clean my condo a bit, have a romantic dinner with Cj, write out all my expenses so I know the big picture? I want my confidence back...I want my zest...I want the smiles back...Even if it's just finding 5 extra minutes to take my make-up off each night or time in the morning to sit and enjoy that cup of coffee or an extra kiss from Cj's I'm going to start...

Today is the start of getting it all back...I'm going to get my groove back...hell yeah...