Sunday, June 19, 2011

Oh...I didn't see this coming, yet I did...

Cj asked me yesterday for a break because he said that I was smothering him. Ive been going through a rough time with all the adjustments & changes of the past six months and he told me that he feels that I have no self confidence or self esteem and it affected our relationship. I needed some reassurance and a hug from him in this rough time and I didn't get it. He pulled away from me more and more and more and naturally when someone pulls away the other person will react stronger to try to keep them I guess? I'm all over the place. It's 3 am I can't sleep. I can't eat. How can I return to being the girl he met a year ago, when I feel like even more shit because he told me that I'm too nice and need to stop trying to be a good girlfriend. Stop doing girlfriend things that came natural to me. I...I'm distraught and devastated. It's been such a rough few weeks and he wasn't there. He pushed me away when I was looking to him for love...I don't know what to think or do. I just don't. I knew something was up with him and asked him to please tell me but the didn't a few weeks ago. He waited to today to tell me he wanted space. I just...I don't know what to think. What to think at all.

He called me after he wanted a break but I didn't pick up. I'm too angry and upset to talk to him. I...Maybe I'll try to eat something and pick up the pieces of myself that are scattered everywhere. I hate having puffy eyes from crying. I truly do. I'll be back tomorrow here. Yeah I'll be back.

16 comments:

Vivian said...

Aw, sweetie. So sorry to hear that. Be strong.

I think you're going through a rough time now, and somehow guys cannot handle it very well when girls have issues in their personal lives. I've been through something similar before. All I can say is, keep your chin up! He wants a break? Then give him a break. Take time to yourself. See your friends, HAVE FUN and build your confidence back up and show him how independent, strong and happy you can be. I know it's easier said than done, but it will be good for yourself. And if he cannot be there for you, then that's his loss.

Thinking of you! have fun and get some sleep! watch a funny movie :)

xx

Sara Bee said...

I know sometimes things in life come at you and you say, "what the hell is going on." You also probably hear it all the time that everything happens for reason... and the really bad part is that you don't know the reason and probably never will.

You're heart is hurting and you feel shattered... but you're not. You're outer shell might be severely damaged, but with time, love from your family and friends, and because you're a strong woman, you'll get better, start to feel better and even if it's not today, tomorrow, or even 6 months from now.... you will be happy and you will be ok.

Whenever I find myself in a sad and heart-shattering place, a place where I feel lost, hurt, and utterly confused, I remember 6 words....

Keep me where the light is.

There are two great songs that, if you don't know them, you should look them up. These are songs that speak to my heart and soul. Both are by John Mayer. The first is "Gravity" and the second is "In Repair." Listen to them. Who knows, maybe they will help you like they helped me.

I know we don't know each other at all and I hope you don't mind my comment, but I for some reason, I just felt I needed to respond to you. To let you know, that even though the last few weeks have been very hard for you, you feel devastated, and confused, you are not alone. There will always be someone (even someone as random as a blog follower) who will be there for you to listen.

Stay strong... and just remember.... "keep me where the light is."

XO

Sunshine Sarah said...

I understand what you're going through.... I have puffy eyes from crying for a week or so. But at least he doesn't hit you when you ask for the truth.
I'm more upset now because you're experiencing this. It's hard, it always is no matter what.

Many supportive hugs from a sad girl from Romania!
Sarah.

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

Oh, dammit. I hate seeing things like this happen to good people. Unfortunately, i've been in this painful situation too. In this case i was being pushed away by the girl. It seems to me that you really don't know what's REALLY bothering him. Talk to each other and really listen. This is were things fall apart because people don't communicate. I sincerely hope things will work out between you two. Good luck!

Barry said...

FB message sent. <3

Shannon said...

Oh Melanie, I'm so sorry to hear this. :( :( :(

Bloggy hugs from me to you.

Jen said...

Im so sorry to hear this :(. I hope things get better and you guys will be back to the way you were.

Rachael said...

I'm thinking of you petal, keep strong xx

just call me jo said...

Oh, friend, I'm sorry that this happened. I learned a while ago (because I'm old) that you shouldn't have to worry about it when you're just being you. If you have to constantly worry about being too good or too nice or too bitchy or whatever that is not the relationship for you. You should feel free to be--whatever you feel like most of the time. I can't tell you what to do, but stay true to yourself. You're a good person and you deserve to be treated with respect and compassion when you're going through tough times, not having to worry about whether you're fitting his ideal. Know that we care here in blogland. Though I know that's not the same, but...it's something. Be strong. Be you. Don't grovel.

Jennifer said...

I'm so sorry, dear. But keep your chin up, I'm sure it will be fine, he just needs some breathing room... Maybe he didn't totally understand everything that was manic in your life that was making you react that way...

Krystal said...

melanie :( I can't believe this and i wish I could help you somehow :(

Celia said...

big hugs to you! :(

Bathwater said...

God I am sorry to hear that. That doesn't sound completely like him. Give him the space but take a look at what he has been doing is my suggestion.

CAPow! said...

I'm sorry :( I'm sure you two can work this out! xoxo

HISdaughter said...

I'm sorry, Mel. I know it's hard, but you are strong and will get through this. THink about what you want and need in a relationship and let CJ know that, even if you are on a break, you can communicate. Dont settle. If he can't be there for you when you need him, consider that, too. I hope it all works out the way you'd like it to.

Praying for you, and sending you hugs.
Amanda

Anonymous said...

a big one hug from slovakia :)

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