Cj asked me yesterday for a break because he said that I was smothering him. Ive been going through a rough time with all the adjustments & changes of the past six months and he told me that he feels that I have no self confidence or self esteem and it affected our relationship. I needed some reassurance and a hug from him in this rough time and I didn't get it. He pulled away from me more and more and more and naturally when someone pulls away the other person will react stronger to try to keep them I guess? I'm all over the place. It's 3 am I can't sleep. I can't eat. How can I return to being the girl he met a year ago, when I feel like even more shit because he told me that I'm too nice and need to stop trying to be a good girlfriend. Stop doing girlfriend things that came natural to me. I...I'm distraught and devastated. It's been such a rough few weeks and he wasn't there. He pushed me away when I was looking to him for love...I don't know what to think or do. I just don't. I knew something was up with him and asked him to please tell me but the didn't a few weeks ago. He waited to today to tell me he wanted space. I just...I don't know what to think. What to think at all.
He called me after he wanted a break but I didn't pick up. I'm too angry and upset to talk to him. I...Maybe I'll try to eat something and pick up the pieces of myself that are scattered everywhere. I hate having puffy eyes from crying. I truly do. I'll be back tomorrow here. Yeah I'll be back.