On Saturday I knew something was wrong with my boyfriend. He had been acting weird for quite some time and I even cried to him on two times asking him what was wrong. He thought I was "attacking" him and was confused but could see how I was feeling because now I've learned he was distancing himself so he wouldn't be hurt and pull away from me hoping I'd get the message. But I went at him more strongly because I didn't think it was me that was the problem but something else because he never gave me the red flag in words that it was "me" that was the problem. I thought I was just being there for him in a rough time. I was wrong. He didn't want to hurt my feelings but that's all he's done. I'm not a low self-esteem, lacking self confidence, cry baby girl. But when your struggling with your life and need a hug and need compassion and sympathy and all your getting is a cold shoulder you will crumple a lil bit more when someone is not there for you. I thought it was a phase for him. Constant guitar playing, constant game playing. He was escaping me, yet there was nothing left of our relationship except me occupying myself while he escaped me. He had problems at work and when they went away and he still had the headaches he realized it was me that was driving him crazy. He told once before that was a driving him nuts and I gave him space before but it wasn't enough. He wants to hang out with his friends, jam on his guitar constantly to build up a band, and he feels like I'm only living his life not my own and that isn't true at all. I would see my friends during the week so I could see CJ during the weekend and be boyfriend and girlfriend....Our communication went to the toilet.
He asked for a space and a break. He called once Saturday...didn't leave a voicemail. Then he texted me Sunday morning, "I am starting to miss you." Then he texted me later Sunday, "This is really hard. I love you so much and I want us to work out." I haven't answered him because I want to give him space. It's only been 36 hours since he wanted space. I'm giving him that space because I want him to really think it over if he wants me. I don't know what I want because if he is constantly jamming to escape me then where is the future. If he can put the guitar down when I'm with him then yes I will fight for the relationship. If when I have a horrible day and he acts right in the situation and is there for me then yes I will fight. If he doesn't belittle things I've done, then yes.
We have a lot to talk about on Wednesday. Alot to talk about.