Monday, June 20, 2011

He wanted space and now I'm giving him space...

On Saturday I knew something was wrong with my boyfriend. He had been acting weird for quite some time and I even cried to him on two times asking him what was wrong. He thought I was "attacking" him and was confused but could see how I was feeling because now I've learned he was distancing himself so he wouldn't be hurt and pull away from me hoping I'd get the message. But I went at him more strongly because I didn't think it was me that was the problem but something else because he never gave me the red flag in words that it was "me" that was the problem. I thought I was just being there for him in a rough time. I was wrong. He didn't want to hurt my feelings but that's all he's done. I'm not a low self-esteem, lacking self confidence, cry baby girl. But when your struggling with your life and need a hug and need compassion and sympathy and all your getting is a  cold shoulder you will crumple a lil bit more when someone is not there for you. I thought it was a phase for him. Constant guitar playing, constant game playing. He was escaping me, yet there was nothing left of our relationship except me occupying myself while he escaped me. He had problems at work and when they went away and he still had the headaches he realized it was me that was driving him crazy. He told once before that was a driving him nuts and I gave him space before but it wasn't enough. He wants to hang out with his friends, jam on his guitar constantly to build up a band, and he feels like I'm only living his life not my own and that isn't true at all.  I would see my friends during the week so I could see CJ during the weekend and be boyfriend and girlfriend....Our communication went to the toilet.

He asked for a space and a break. He called once Saturday...didn't leave a voicemail. Then he texted me Sunday morning, "I am starting to miss you." Then he texted me later Sunday, "This is really hard. I love you so much and I want us to work out." I haven't answered him because I want to give him space. It's only been 36 hours since he wanted space. I'm giving him that space because I want him to really think it over if he wants me. I don't know what I want because if he is constantly jamming to escape me then where is the future. If he can put the guitar down when I'm with him then yes I will fight for the relationship. If when I have a horrible day and he acts right in the situation and is there for me then yes I will fight. If he doesn't belittle things I've done, then yes.

We have a lot to talk about on Wednesday. Alot to talk about.


Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

i don't want to be HIM in Wednesday! - hatch it ALL out - better to put it ALL out on the table and deal with thtings then let it bottle up!

Sunshine Sarah said...

You're very rational and that is very good. All I have to say is "you go, girl!".
I think you'll handle the pressure and the suffering and think it through.

many hugs!

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Good for you in not answering him. I'm sorry this is happening to you. Sometimes men suck! Stay strong. If it's meant to be it will happen.
Wish you the best and sending you lots of hugs.


Rachel said...

Hi Melanie!

I know what it's like I went out with a boy for 4 years but in more times than most I was in your boyfriends shoes, not sure what I was wanting and asking for breaks.
Looking back now I realise I spent so much effort on making a break that I lost some of the most important moments of our relationship.
I hope he realises this too

Good luck! Rachel xxxx

ag. said...

I'm so sad to hear you're going through this right now. I hope it all works out the way you want it to. :(

Celia said...

go you!!! i'm so glad you are staying strong!! :) you're not his freakin' yo-yo!

Rachael said...

Make sure you get everything sorted in your head for what you want to say on Wednesday - don't let the moment loose you or you'll forget to say everything! I'm sure it will be fine just give each other time to say their piece.

Thinking of your lovely xx

Jen said...

I've had this happen in the past month myself. He wanted the break and just didn't think we should talk and I just accepted it and gave him space. Well 2 days later, I get a text while he's at work saying he missed me. I think part of the reason they say that is because they are used to something in their life and when it goes away, they just miss it and not sure how to deal with it gone.
Just give him the space he wants. If he wants to be with you, he will fight for you. No other way around that. Don't be fighting for something that he isn't willing to fight for himself.

Amanda said...

I really hope everything works out, but don't think that you should have to fight for someone who can't be there for you when you need him the most.

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I'm sorry you're going through this. But, alas, it happens in most relationships. The guy has a "freaking out" problem where he feels claustrophobic in a serious relationship and panics.

It's good you're giving him this space. He needs it to see how much he misses you and needs you, which is the inevitable conclusion for most breaks. ;)

Lady Grey said...

Poor you! Stay strong honey. I think you're very right to insist he takes that space. Be fair to yourself - you can't be at his bec & call. He needs to think this through and so do you.
I hope things work out the way you want them to.
Stay strong!

Melissa Blake said...

I'm so sorry, Melanie. I'm sending you a giant e-hug!

Jennifer said...

I really think you need to speak to him soon or he'll assume too much and you two will mess up any possible future you have together.

Just because you go through a rut doesn't mean it's the end of anything.

haze said...

oh darling, i'm sorry i haven't been commenting for ages. i hope everything will be alright for you... and i know that feeling. believe me.

take care of yourself :)


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