Monday, June 20, 2011

Today I woke up...and Opened my eyes and embraced this break....

I heard "Torn" by Natalie Imbruglia today and I cried the last time. I heard that song and then got a pen and began to write. Began to write everything down I want to say to CJ. Somehow today I came up for air from a suffocating feeling. I realized him and I have grown apart and this break is a true turning point. If he meant all those demeaning things and doesn't care that he hurt me then I'm gone. If he doesn't mean them then what the fuck? How can you feel secure in a relationship where your boyfriend is criticizing everything. How can you feel secure when he's asking you to take off the pretty dress because it makes him feel like a he's not dressed good enough. I'm a nice person because I am nice and that is who I've always been. I'm not a bitch and when I talked to him about hurting my feelings he was supposed to stop. If he can ensure me that he will be there for me and be supportive then that's different. If he can't promise me that he will be there...that's not fair to me and I will have to leave.

I wrote it all down and I will read it to him. I did text him today to tell him "I need and want to talk to you". He responded immediately "I'm nervous."  Is he nervous that I will call him out on him being an asshole or is he nervous that I didn't change. But I didn't change I just woke up. I have to see him on Thursday because unfortunately a friend of my family's mother passed away so I have to go to a wake on Wednesday. I will read him the letter. I feel good about this becuase it will either go that we will work on being a couple or then its done. I'm ready to face im with my confidence full blast.

Thank you everyone for your comments. I needed them more then you will ever know. Thank you thank you!

16 comments:

911 and the Randomness.. said...

Good luck to the prettiest and bestest blogger there is! :)

911R

ayu said...

Being nice is something you should be proud of. If he can't accept you being nice, then he doesn't deserve you my dear.

Hang in there. Hope he realised his wrongs and crawl back to you.

Dancing Branflake said...

My heart goes out to you! So many hugs and love to you. I cannot imagine how confusing this time must be. Hugs.

Sunshine Sarah said...

When you'll talk to him, remember that you always thought (and said on the blog) that he was a very nice and loving person. Maybe he's just going through a phase. Anyway, he must make a decision.

zuzzka said...

everything happens for a reason. what´s meant to be will be

Rachael said...

You deserve true happiness sweetie, never forget that x

Shannon said...

I'm very proud of how strong you are being. I'm glad to see that you are "worth it" and that you aren't just crawling back to him b/c you want to make it work.

Just very proud.

Cafe Fashionista said...

You deserve someone who will love you unconditionally, Melanie. Someone who will NEVER flip like a switch, and treat you in an unkind manner. It's better to learn the truth now, rather than later. :/

k. mead said...

I hope writing it all out and talking helps you. Whichever way it ends up -you are strong, confident and fabulous. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise!

just call me jo said...

Stick to your guns, missy. He meant the mean things he said. People always mean what they say and then try to take it back with some lame excuse at humor. I don't think so. You're better than that. Move on and be glad. You're strong, capable, kind, and smart. He who hesitates is a loser. He loses.

Dionne said...

Oh I am so sorry, hun. But you're right, you shouldn't be with someone who wants you to be something/someone else. If you like dresses, you should wear them! He should love that about you!

I hope that he realizes what he's doing and makes the necessary changes - and if not, ditch him!!!

Johnny Madrid aka Tim E. said...

Good luck Melanie. I hope you come stronger out of this mess of a situation. We've got your back! :-)

CAPow! said...

Good for you Mel! You have to be COMPLETELY honest. And if he can't handle it, then he really isn't the one for you.

Kristin said...

Sending prayers and happy vibes your way sweets!

*Simply Colette* said...

Hang in there. :) I'm going through some similar stuff now too. Thinking of you.

Jennifer said...

So, I'm kinda confused because now it seems like a lot more was going on than you let on... Like he was being a really big jerk and you just didn't say it...

If that's the case, I'm sorry, and I hope you guys work through it...

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