Thursday, June 23, 2011

Couldn’t Have Wished a Better Meeting for Our Relationship...


“If you like pina coladas and getting caught in the rain then I’m the lady that you’re looking for…”

CJ and I met at 8pm yesterday and it was a successful meeting. I went in there hoping we were the pina colada song…both people forgetting who we were in the relationship. We are not back together because we both came to the realization we can not just go back to what it was between us. I was assertive & called him a belittling asshole and he agreed that he has been pretty much a distant monster and he couldn’t tell me why he did it. In this “space” time, he realized he is insecure and is a brat and it was truly not me that was the problem. The problem apparently was that I was a great girlfriend to him and he couldn’t handle it. For the life of me I can’t fathom that but in relationships you have to realize that there were other girlfriends before you and people will rack up baggage and they can honestly believe they don’t deserve a good girlfriend for whatever reason. That is NO excuse for trying to destroy a good person’s self-esteem or confidence and try to change them. He wanted us to fight but we were fighting except I wasn’t a bitch when I was fighting…I was a concerned girlfriend that was trying to argue not scream at him whereas he expected the bitch from all that has happened in his past. That is seriously messed up. I was trying to be an adult in a real relationship and he wasn’t and he fully admits he was wrong.

Also we realized from LITERALLY from the first 10 minutes of our first date that was over a year ago there has been a pressure on us that shoved us literally into the serious category and we BOTH crumpled under it. Part of it is his fault, making me tell him I could see him in my future and answer if he was the “one” after 3 dates. He was so afraid of wasting time with someone that he shackled himself to me before he knew me and before time went by AND our parents worked together which we didn’t know when we first met.  That made the relationship serious almost immediately. We were boyfriend and girlfriend before we knew it and lost the fun and sparkle. I was working at trying to bring it back but we both got too comfortable and he stopped trying to be a good boyfriend. It was my fault too, not to speak up more constructively and let this continue on where I was being mentally hurt.

It was weird hearing someone say “I don’t want to have to work so hard at a relationship” but it’s not that hard. Is it so hard to tell someone that they look pretty in that dress? So hard to put your arm around your girlfriend when she is crying? So hard to not be an asshole to a girl who loves you? So hard to hang out with her and not play your guitar the whole time? No it isn’t too hard and I asked if he wanted a girlfriend at all…because it truthfully sounded like he didn’t want the responsibility of having someone in his life. We don’t have to be constantly doing bf/gf stuff but you can’t shut someone out either from your life. Which brings us to where our relationship status is now…

We are together but we are on a break so we both can collect ourselves more. He needs to figure out who the fuck he is because he lost it. He lost himself in his own actions. He admits that fact which I think is promising. He needs to realize that there is a difference between being an honest man and a blunt asshole. He needs to realize that he is almost 30 years old and the world does not revolve around him and will not cater to him hand and foot. And I…I need to sit back and really think if I want to be with him after all of this. I do love him but if he isn’t willing to be a good boyfriend or can’t handle the responsibility of being in a relationship then I have to say goodbye when the 2 week break is up. 

 He walked me to my car and said a line he used from our first date. “I don’t usually kiss on the first date” and then kissed me. It was a different kiss and I could feel it. Different because he put his hand on my face and caressed my cheek. It wasn’t a sexual kiss but a kiss of love. I felt it. It felt like the guy I met a year ago peeked through again.

I still am uncertain what’s going to happen between Cj and I but it looks like it will be a hopeful better future for both of us. Till Tomorrow…

17 comments:

TheGirlAtFirstAvenue said...

You are being really brave and mature about the whole thing... You said all the right things in your meeting... And i hope everything works out between the two of you. And even if it doesn't, it's for the best. You'll be better off without him if he doesn't be there for you when you need him.

At least you are clear with what you want in your life and i think thats a very good thing. Happiness and contentment will automatically follow :)
Keep your chin up and be just the way you are!

Much love
TheGirlAtFirstAvenue

CAPow! said...

That's probably the best you could hope for. I'm really glad you were able to sit down and be totally honest with each other. I hope you two are able to put everything in perspective during your break and figure out where to go from here :) xoxo

Shannon said...

Wow - it seems like a LOT got out in the open last night which was for the best.

I know I said this before, but I'm proud of the way you are handing this. It's very mature of you and I don't think many girls would handle this situation the same way.

Hang in there, girl.

Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

i really do hope everything works out for the best - either way - happiness is key !

just call me jo said...

OK, I'll try not to be a downer, but if I know people (and I usually do), he's using his past to rationalize that fact that he's a self=centered, narcissistic ass...maybe. I think he's too phony for words. I just want to smack him and NOT wait two weeks to do it. But that's just me...I'm miles away, very old, and maybe a bit of a downer bitch. Ignore me.

Dancing Branflake said...

I cannot grasp my head around how articulately you expressed yourself. You are good, real good, and I hope Cj realizes that before it's too late.

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

Its been awhile since I've been over here so I didn't know about the problems you two are having. It does sound like you're being mature about the situation and I'm going to say this: I hope that what is best for both of you will happen.

Jennifer said...

I'm glad you worked through it, and I hope whatever happens is not impulsive or impassioned, but, rather all part of this big plan God has for y'all. ;)

Barry said...

Mel, I've always thought of you as mature and the way you're handling this is just another example. Whatever the outcome I hope it turns out for the best for you.

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

He is lucky to have you in his life. Here's hoping he realizes that ASAP. I understand him though, in that we all act in ways that we regret. You're a catch and I hope everything works out for you :)

Cafe Fashionista said...

I'm glad to hear that your meeting was successful. I hope that things work out between the two of you; but if they don't just know that you are an amazing person, and there is someone equally as amazing out there just waiting to meet you! :)

Bonnie said...

I am curious as to how some of me and my past boyfriends would interact if we were ever together again.
I think you handled this situation beautifully. :)

http://www.glamkittenslitterbox.com/
Twitter: @GlamKitten88

Madeleine said...

I'm so sorry you've been so unhappy. I have my fingers crossed for you. *hugs* I'm sure you'll be able to work out what is best for you and your relationship. xx

Bhargav said...

concept - visualization - expression - presentation = briliant way of paiting grief...

hats off to author, insight and sound... its not an easy task...

do visit if time permits
www.soul-n-heart.blogspot.com

Hollie said...

I just came back from vacation and I'm catching up on my blogs.. I have to say I SO did not see this coming! I'm sorry for all of the emotions youre going through, but I'm glad you seem to be handling it with a little bit of confidence. I hope things work out the way that you want them to, and in the mean time I'm going to be waiting on pins & needles to see what happens after your 2 weeks is up.

Audrey Allure said...

I hope everything works out for the best for the both of you!

Alicia said...

oh lady, i'm hoping for the best for you!! big hugs to you doll :) you've handled this so well!!

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