Ah Yes...Another Week is Here...Another Week of Choices & Decisions...

Last week was probably one of the most stressful weeks I’ve had in a long time. Through everything with CJ I've lost about 6 pounds and got a lil patch of a gray hair, but found my voice…an assertive strong woman’s voice. I fear that he will think I’m too good for him or give me an excuse why we can’t be together when all of this is done. Or that somewhere in his head he has already let me go. When someone is talking about seeing their girlfriend with someone else I don’t think that’s a good thing. Everyone tho deserves happiness, regardless of past relationships. I’m not sure he realizes that. I’m not saying I am the only one who could give him happiness or him, I, but he needs to get it through his head that it’s okay to have bad days & it’s okay to need someone. I miss him so much. 

I watched "Love and other drugs” and I have to say it’s a really great movie besides it being mostly Jake Gyenthall’s ass. Lol. It is very believable and there is chemistry between the two of them that makes you riveted to the screen. It reminds me of the old movie “Love Story” except with a MUCH BETTER PLOT & ENDING! It’s about two people who find each other and it’s nowhere from easy. They both have to admit they need each other and they both have to mentally grow up in order to love one another. It reminded me of CJ and I way too much, and they even went to Chicago like the two of us did. Sigh. From all of my past relationships & all of CJ’s I think we forgot what is to be in a real one…

There is balance, there is courage, there is trust, honesty and there is work but it shouldn’t be hard work. There can be reminders of “Oh shit you know I haven’t complimented my gf in a while let me do that”, family functions you both should attend, there is words of love & cute stolen moments between the two of you, you introduce each other to new people, there can be intimate nights where the world falls away except for the two of you, and there emerges an “Us” & a “We” that shouldn’t be thrown away when moments get rough. I hope it doesn’t get thrown away.

 Source

I drove away from Cj last Wednesday and watched him walk back to his car. I was begging silently for him to turn around to see me off and he did. He waved. The mess never looked back. The Drummer Boy never looked back. CJ did. I think that’s a sign…a good sign that this will straighten itself out.  

This week I’m going to work on myself. I’m going to get my nails done, straighten out the condo, and just feel better. Feel better about everything and myself. Thank you all for your kind and constructive comments this past week. I really needed them. Love you all! =) 

{This is a post I had for Friday but a random trip with the girls delayed it...things are completely different now...I'll explain later...and it's different for the better...}