Monday, February 7, 2011

Well Now We’re "Us"...Okay Now Where am “I”?

When you enter a relationship there is those glorious first months where you want to spend endless time being that couple. Going to the movies, cuddling under the blanket playing with your boyfriend’s cats, romantic dinner for two where he will suddenly kiss you in the middle of a Hibachi show with the onion volcano just because you reacted too cutely, and lil slumber parties where you tell each other your secrets to name a token few things. BUT then you two realize, “Oh wait I have a life and friends and sometimes a Beer festival and commitments and cupcake classes and school and…”  so you have to part ways for a sequence of time to live your individual lives. But where did I go? Where did he go? Uhhh this could be an issue...

How Do You Keep Being YOURSELF in the Relationship? 
How Much Should You Adapt?

It occurred to me this Saturday while I was at the Beer festival that I was doing my own thing without CJ on a Saturday, yet it was barely my thing at all. I wasted a whole day to get some extra cash. Yes it was fun & great that I got some extra money but it made me think what else I could be doing with this time that I spent being “ME” and not a “We” or an “Us”.

I ran into an old friend there who I hadn’t seen in almost year and he asked me, “Hey how’s your Zombie novel coming along?” I got a lil flustered and embarrassed to tell him that I haven’t really done anything with it. He asked me why I responded that I didn’t really have the time. It upset me. He then asked what I’ve been up to and I told him about all the wonderful things I’ve done with CJ. The friend was like Oh cool then left to go drink more beer. BUT it got me thinking…

I love my boyfriend more than any other & please don’t think I’m saying “Geez all I’ve done is relationship stuff for the past 8 months or so & bitching” because I’m not. I’m just realizing I’m letting ALL my time to be consumed by constant  things ALLLL across my life board & saying too many “Oh I’ll go, or we should go or defaulting that I’m going here or there” so I’m forgetting about a lot of other things I want to do. I think I have to start learning how to say “No” or balance my time better or remember how much I like to write not only here, I love to ice skate, I love to go thrift stores & tag sales Saturday mornings, I love to make collages and scrapbooking, seeing movies that are not just guy friendly ones, I like to bake not always eat out, and so much more.

I think I need a lil extra time in the week to do something I want to do so I feel more like myself in my relationship. I had my dreams and told CJ & he said “Babe I’ll back you up 100%” so I’m pretty sure he’ll be cool with me spending a lil time to myself besides just a Tuesday or an afternoon on the weekend. Or I could be writing my book while he's playing the guitar? Hmmm... He liked me just as I was so I want to be that girl and not be a tired frazzled mess that I feel like I’ve been lately.  I’m going to try…I'll talk to him about this tomorrow...Honesty works best. Anything to make the "We" & "US" work better. =)

Follow Melanies Randomness

18 comments:

Meri said...

I definitely need my "me time," and don't let myself feel guilty about that! Time alone with friends, or family, or by myself is sooo needed.
I'm having a giveaway, come check it out!
Meri
merigoesround.blogspot.com

Hollie said...

one of my biggest pet peeves is when someone looses their identity when they get into a relationship. I see it happen to so many people, and it's frustrating. Especially when you invite someone to do something and they have to "check" with the other person first. I think one of the reasons I get along so well with my fiance is that we've never been that kind of couple. I don't think I would reach my fullest potential without my me time.

Dancing Branflake said...

You know, I really used to struggle with this until I realized that I am absolutely my own person. I only wish we spent more time together. You see, my hubby and I have nothing in common except for our religion and our love for each other. And he always encourages me to do my own things and pursue my own talents and interests.

Brunch at Saks said...

Love this post, Melanie. The hardest thing after being together for so long has been to continuously remember who I am throughout it all.

Lady Grey said...

I think taking time for yourself is so important for a healthy relationship.... it's vital actually. But, at least in my case, you only need a little time away to feel restored again.... a few hours out for coffee with an old friend, or quiet evening time writing, shopping... whatever makes you feel whole again. No one person can satisfy ALL of your needs (even though it seems that way initially!)... eventually you realize that you need girl time, or family time or whatever. You'll find your right balance, don't worry, darling : )
oxo

The Shanner of Attention said...

Sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders and are approaching this situation in a responsible way. You have an amazing relationship with CJ but you don't want to lose out on who you are either. Smart smart.

Bird Shit and Baby Caca said...

it's great to talk about it and get it off your chest. Everyone needs "me" time!!!

Krysten @ After 'I Do' said...

When Dustin and I first started dating I wanted to be with him all the time. In fact, that's how it was for a long time.

Sometime after we got married I realized that I LOVE when he goes out of town. I get my me time and when he comes back I appreciate him that much more. It's awesome.

Chandana said...

Hi.. I just came across your blog and couldn't help commenting!
Am going to turn 24 in June and am stuck at the exact same crossroads... Am trying to head somewhere in my career, relationship.. life in general...!

Loved this post.. :)Its so important to have that 'ME' time.. Thats exactly what am trying to do.. and i thing am doing ok so far!

Do visit -
http://coffeeandmadness.blogspot.com

Susan R. Mills said...

Oh, "me" time is important. Don't ever let that go. CJ will still be there for the "us" time.

Katy Mary said...

There's nothing wrong with having some YOU time! It can be hard to balance when you have someone you love spending so much time with but you'll be happy you made time for your hobbies too.

Diana Mieczan said...

I think we all need a bit of "me time" in a week when we do stuff we enjoy. Its a very healthy thing to do and it will only make the relationship stronger. Because if you are happy with yourself - your relationship will blossom:) Wish you a fantastic day, sweetie
Hugs and kisses

♥B said...

Love this topic!

I think we all go through that phase in a relationship where we start missing our former selves but then when you're out doing your thing you can't help but think that you're missing out on awesome "we" time.

The more you do it, the easier it becomes to spend time apart. It even helps with the relationship, it makes things more exciting. Spending time apart is definitely good for any relationship.


-B

Pink Flower said...

my me time's my crafty things, apart from that our hobbies and interests are very shared so things overlap naturally. I guess being in an LDR helps us keep that separate us and me time because we just have to get on and do things.

Its all interesting though.

Audrey Allure said...

Everyone definitely needs to spend time doing things for themselves in a relationship. I definitely love my ME days :)

Pop Champagne said...

I love having me time. thats why I refuse to move in with my bf, I want my space and my time. i mean, he doesn't "beg" me for my time or trouble me for it, but I do find that when he does away for work I get a lot more done... you know what I mean? ha. I still heart him though. But "me" time = productivity :D

Alicia (The Red Deer) said...

I think I totally lost myself in my last relationship - in the end it totally killed my self confidence. So I think it is VERY important to make time for yourself and do your own things - what makes you happy!

Wendy said...

Kind of going through this now, myself. It's important to find balance and to maintain some sense of "me". It sounds like you have some good ideas about setting aside time for yourself. It also sounds like CJ is crazy about you so I have no soubts that he will be supportive. :)

LinkWithin

Related Posts with Thumbnails