Wednesday, November 10, 2010

*Stomp Stomp Stomp* Sorry to Say BUT …My Clock Just Isn’t Ticking Yet…


Oh Mona Lisa Vito from the movie, My Cousin Vinny. What a character you are. There is a scene where she stomps on the floor and yells that her biological clock is ticking and that she’s never going to get married. Well this subject has been buzzing around me more and more lately. Babies and Marriage. But I have to admit my clock just ISN'T ticking yet.

Don’t get me wrong I want to get married and I want to have a lil child of my own one day but I’m honestly not in any rush. How my life has run I’ve been lucky enough to find a good man who treats me right and has fallen in love with me and I’ve been dating him now for about 5 months almost 6 but I’m ready in my life to enjoy it. To take day by day seeing him, making homemade tacos and pizza, hosting a lil game night, meeting our families, sleeping over each others’ houses all spooned together, and I’m perfectly comfortable with that. But the world seems to have other plans.

Two sets of CJ’s couple friends have been dating off and on for 5 or so years and the subject of marriage and babies are always topics of conversation. CJ has been asking me many questions sort of spawned after seeing these couples and then things like our age difference of 4 years comes into play and he may be ready for more life altering decisions and I’m content where we are.

Nothing is going to happen tomorrow or next week but I’m cool with having kids somewhere in my late 20’s. I just turned 25, I don’t think that’s unreasonable. CJ however is realizing he will be in his 30’s by then. He’s 28 now turning 29 in January. I don’t know if this is actually a problem that might have to come to the surface in our relationship. I have a feeling CJ’s clock is ticking WAY faster than mine.

I’m not ready to have to baby yet, but when someone will make a comment like “You have such great Child-Bearing Hips” my mind goes into overdrive and I’m like “HUH?!?!?!”.  I almost will shut down a lil bit and are flustered for a few. How do you respond to something like that? But my silent response is of course not a good one. I have to say something but I’m at a loss. I’m just not ready yet.

In your travels of relationships, How long in a relationship do you think is good time to get married/and have babies?

When did your Clock start ticking?

I’m looking forward to hearing your answers because I really might have to have this conversation and I’m a fish out of water on this one. Every guy I’ve ever dated has RUN FOR THE HILLS if I’ve mentioned Marriage, Age, Babies. This one might be my potential future. We going to have to talk. This convo is going to be a doozie.

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33 comments:

Heather Pranitis said...

I'm 34 and for me the clock hasn't begun ticking. Most of my friends have children and I don't feel the "need or want" to have a baby however, at times I feel as though I might miss out... But, I can always babysit anytime I want. I think timing is everything. 1) You have to be on the same page with your partner (both have to want it - parenting involves 2 people (yes, I know this isn't always the case)). 2) Does your life have time for kids (mine doesn't but, I would change it). 3) Do you want to make time for it... (I'm not sure). 4) It's ok if you don't want them (because it doesn't mean you don't love them - and I do).
I have to say I am not being selfish (well, maybe a little) but, kids just don't fit right now. Its funny, because I thought I would have 3... Anyhow, that's my thoughts on this matter.

Susan R. Mills said...

Okay, I started having babies at the age of 23. Way too young if you ask me! Not that I'd trade any one of them, but still, I wish I'd had some alone time with my hubby before we started a family. On the other hand, there is nothing better than holding your son/daughter in your arms. If you love the man, and he's ready, I say, go for it!

Gabby / Gypsy*Diaries said...

Good question... I guess I'll feel when teh time is right... :)
Thank you for joining the Ex-Presso / Blog couture giveaway! I hope you'll win! ;)
xxx

http://gypsy-diaries.blogspot.com/

Jen said...

My boyfriend turns 29 in January and I just turned 25 myself.
I think once you are in your twenties, every relationship is viewed by people you know as the one and when will they hear wedding bells. But ignore them and focus on the here and now. Things will happen when they do. Just make sure that you and CJ discuss things so it doesn't become the elephant in the room.

The Shanner of Attention said...

I got married at 30 and hope to start having kids by 32. To be honest, I wish I was married at 28 and having kids at 30. So yes, my clock is a ticking. :)

Laura Trevey said...

OMG... Baby Boom is such a hilarious movie! I need to watch it again :)

Hope you are doing well :)
xoxo Laura

Catherine said...

I am 22 years old, and my clock is ticking. I know I seem really young to be thinking about marriage and kids, but I've been dating the same man for over four years, and I've been engaged since February.

I want to have lots of kids. At least 3. Maybe as many as 5. So I feel more pressure to start having children early.

No matter how soon I want to have kids, there are other things that I have to finish first. I have to graduate from college (next spring!). I have to get married. I have to move to a bigger city than this small town. I have to be able to afford to support children. Fiance has to go back to school (if he wants to). I want to be in a house.

I guess you could say that I have a lot of ambition....even if it isn't career-oriented ambition.

Kellie Collis said...

There is no clock ticking if you don't think it is. It solely depends on the person. I believe things happen when they are meant to happen. Have a lovely day! Kellie xx

hiven said...

stunning
x hivennn. enter my giveaway? six whole miss patina dresses to giveaway.

tess said...

Melanie, do what feels right for you. Event though relationships are about compromise, marriage and babies are one thing you both have to be on the same page about. No use forcing it.

Audrey Allure said...

Well if you're not ready you should definitely tell him how you feel when that conversation comes up. If he wants to have kids with you someday, he should respect that you want to wait longer.

Cafe Fashionista said...

Personally, I think it's different for everyone. I have never been in a long-term relationship; and I feel that, once I find someone, I want to enjoy being together, just the two of us, and having fun. I don't want to saddle myself down with kids and a husband too soon. Also, I can't stand the idea of divorce, so I would really want to be positive about someone before I commit in that way. :/

Bathwater said...

God I love that scene and her in that movie, you have plenty of time on that clock --relax.

Liesl @ FabulousFashions4SensibleStyle said...

Interesting post and I agree! Even when I was little, I thought I wouldn't get married until most likely my early 30's, my mother and dad traveled and got married later than most back then, and they have been married for 37 years now! She always said you have time for all that...I'm 31 now and friend in LA are my age or older and still not married or with children, although my high school friends back east are, but it is different for each of us, and you definitely have time being 25...just enjoy it, as you are! :)

Liesl :)

P.S. Thanks so much for stopping by my site and for the nice comment too!

Celia said...

I definitely know where you are coming from. The Love and I have been dating for almost 6 years. We have lived together for 2 and have now bought our first place together.

In as little as 6 months of dating people were asking us when we were getting married, and when we were going to have children. So... you can imagine how annoyed we must be now! ;)

Lucky for me, we are both on the same page on everything. Him and I talk about everything together, and only consider what each other feels or wants.

Neither of us knows if we want kids for sure, every other day we want them, and every other day they annoy us. We both know that we want to get married, ONE day... the time just hasn't been right. We were both in school, I had a lot of tragedy in my life, we were living with his parents, etc. Now, we think we might be getting closer, but we take it day by day.

We are both okay with having children in our 30's...

The best advice is for you two to talk to each other, and don't worry about what other's are / have done. What is right for the two of you is what is right for the two of you, and no one else can tell you otherwise.

The comments we get now, we just answer them with a smile and a "some day, we're just not ready right now" and that usually ends well. :)

And for you... don't ever do anything you aren't comfortable with. :-)

I am so glad though that you have found someone so loving and someone who seems to want to SOMEDAY make that journey with you.

PS - The Love is 26, and I will be too in late December.

Michelle said...

First of all, don't you just want to punch people who say "you have great child-bearing hips"?! I know I do!

Second, good for you for not rushing into anything! Jordana and I are taking things slow too, even though just about all of our friends got engaged or married in the past 2 years.

Marriage is a huge, lifelong commitment that shouldn't be taken lightly or hurried. If people try to pressure you into it, just tell them that you take marriage very seriously and want to make sure you're entirely prepared for it. That's what I tell people (AKA: Jordan's family!!) when they bother us about it.

Kristin said...

I had the dude at 29 and I don't believe I would have been ready a day sooner. HA!

Leeann @ Join the Gossip said...

My views have completely changed. I was that girl who wanted babies right out of college. Thank God things didn't go that way. Now I'm 27 and single and I realize it's OK. Maybe becuase I live in LA though, where people are obsessed with careers and going out.

PinkBow said...

it's so much better that he's older than you, he has years left. it's only the female side of the relationship that needs to think about time running out. but you're still oh so young!

Jaime @ La vie...J'aime said...

my clock isn't ticking yet either but i think it prob will be soon lol. 3 of my best friends are getting married in 2011....yikes!

P said...

I've been 31 for just over a month now and my clock is yet to begin ticking. Don't get me wrong, I DO occasionally get a bit broody when I see a cute baby and I DO want to settle down... but I'm not willing to settle just so I can have a family.

I guess I'll just have to wait and see...

kirstyb said...

age it but a number live life as it happens,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,enjoy it xxxxx

bananas. said...

NEVER!!! bwahahahaha!

no but seriously if i never got married or made babies, i'd be a-okay. my priorities lie elsewhere...like happiness ;)

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I'm with you. My clock hasn't even turned on yet, much less started ticking. LOL. Men are lucky, they can start a family any time they want. Sigh. My ex-boyfriend's dad is expecting a new baby with his new wife in December. That will put 27 years between his current kids and the new one. Sigh.

And every relationship is so different, it's hard to tell when is a good time to start. Ideally, I always thought dating for a year would be an engagement. A year of engagement until the wedding. Two years of marital bliss until the first one is born. Hahaha!

Hollie said...

I was only dating Bryan for about THREE months before I found out I was pregnant. I know that sounds terrible.. and while it certainly wasn't planned, it was what was meant to happen. Now I will say, don't don't don't have a baby until you're 100% ready to live a completely selfless existance. Kids are a ton of work, and I am so thankful I waited until I had all of my fun to have one!

The Owl's Closet said...

Oh wow, this is a tough one, Mel! We're close to the same age and I'm with ya, my clock isn't ticking, either. I think when the time is right, it will happen:) CJ seems like a great guy and I'm sure he will be willing understanding about this:) It's just one of those things that can't be forced:)

TheOwlsCloset.blogspot.com

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Blah at the person you commented about the "child-bearing hips". These days everyone I know seems to be getting married. The bf and I talked about this but there's just a lot of things I want to do before getting hitched. And it seems everyone's telling me that at this age we should already have had a baby.

Rachel said...

I think it's one of those things that clearly varies from person to person. You're not ready for those things yet, and it's just fine. You have to take your time and live your life. So make sure you don't do anything you don't want to do! When the time is right, you'll know it and you will get married and have a family.

For me, I'm only 22 so I'm finishing up college and figuring out my career and all that. I'm certainly not thinking about marriage or babies! Lol. Babies just aren't for me anyway.

Pop Champagne said...

naw people are having kids way later now than before because the times have changed. I think 30 is okay to have a kid for a woman but for a guy it can be a few years later than that even... as long as it's not like a celine dion case it's all good!

Tanya (a Taste of T) said...

I think it's amazing and perfect that you know yourself as well as you do. You'll know when the times right so no sweat. Enjoy your life :)

Christina In Wonderland said...

Don't rush it. Seriously. I see so many teen mothers that it makes me sick, and it doesn't help when all these 20 something are going cuckoo in the head over it. Like, OH my god if they can have a baby in high school I want one NOW." No you don't. They cost a ton of money and you will never, ever be able to get your youth back. Not that kids and baby-making is inherently bad. You just have to have done all of your growing up before you can help someone else grow up, you know?

And, for the record. I always consider the "child bearing hips" remark as saying you've got wide hips and kind of a fat ass. Because why the hell else would they be staring at your hips?

CAPow! said...

I'll be 30 in April, and I don't think my clock has ever ticked. I've never wanted or felt pressure to have children. Luckily, M feels the same. We've pretty much decided we are never having kids, and we are both 100% fine with that decision. His parents always bug us about it. But they will just have to accept it.

Full Cup said...

I literally could not echo your sentiments more! I am turning 27 early next year and have LOVED not being married. I have been dating the same guy for almost a year and he is so fantastic, but I am very much loving my life and nothing having to worry about a wedding and married life is so nice. I think every woman should have a few years to herself to do what she wants, its important! I love your blog by the way, following!


xo,

Molly Jane

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