Monday, November 8, 2010

The Girl You Can Take Home to Mom...Is that a good thing?

This past week a friend of my boyfriends was in town, I met him, & then I asked CJ what his friend thought of me. “She’s a girl you can take home to Mom.” For some odd reason that struck a chord in me, probably because this is NOT the first time I’ve heard it. The ex-New Guy I dated briefly months ago said that I was just right to meet his mother. I never did but he used to say it. The Mess too used to always bring me around his mother, grandmother, & other family members even tho he had tons of girls on the side. What does this all mean? What does it mean that I’m a girl you can take home to Mom? 

I’m not sure why this saying is bothering me so much. I know I’m not a hooker or look like a call-girl but I wear eye-liner, sometimes my tops are a lil too low, I will drink, perhaps smoke a hookah, I’ll wear high leather boots, & once in a blue moon I won’t realize that the skirt I’m wearing is just a wee bit too short. I guess it’s how I carry myself. I mean I’m polite, respectable, I don’t talk with my mouth full, I say please & thank you but hmmm….

Someone in high school told me that I seemed like “The Last Girlfriend”. Someone a guy can fall for & be happy & not want to look somewhere else. That hasn’t been my case in my relationships. Guys would tell me that I was perfect take home to Mom material but then they would cheat on me & stab me in the back & be rude awful monsters to me. I hope it all doesn’t mean that I’m boring or not adventurous or spontaneous or…But I am. I am VERY random & will go on spontaneous trips, party, and be completely down for the ride. I also try to wear fancy lingerie when I get a chance to & garter belts. hmmmm...This still bothers me tho.

Perhaps it means I can successfully be a blend of all the things needed to be a good girlfriend? Be appropriate with a parent AND still be a secret Pretty Woman girl?

Maybe it's bothering me because all the relationships have failed & I’m scared of hearing it again that it will put a damper on my current relationship. CJ is such a good guy that I’m ever so lucky. I don’t want him to think I’m dull or boring or frumpy. I gotta take it up a notch!  Or just be myself. Yeah I like that plan. Just be myself & try to show him how much I love him. I hope he thinks that’s a good thing that he could brought me home to his mother and have her like me. I think his Mom likes me a lot. She actually invited me and my mother to a Party Light Candle Party this Friday. It’s all so promising.

I’m probably over-reacting to this lil statement. I just want the relationship to work out so badly I’m picking at straws to make sure there are no flaws. Forget the past because this is new. CJ is so new to me with a successful serious relationship & I’m loving it. I just have take it one day at a time…

How do you interpret the whole “Girl you can bring home to Mom” saying? Good or Bad? I’d love to hear.

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42 comments:

Blondie said...

I think that's a great thing! It shows you are classy, well put together, and someone who a guy can be proud to take home to mama...It shows you have that something special honey! Kori xoxo

Mo Pie, Please said...

I think it's a good thing! I am the same way and my relationships in the past were a lot like yours. I just chose all of the wrong guys. But then the right guy found me and I was nothing but myself with him and cut to nearly five years later...we are married. Don't take it the wrong way - it's a good thing and you should be happy his friends think that about you.

Christopher said...

As a man that has dated girls that are both good to take home to mom and bad to take home to mom I can unequivocally say that being the girl he'd take home to mom is a good thing. First, it means long-term is a real possibility with you. Second, and most importantly, it means you aren't bat-shit crazy. When a guy says you're a girl he can take home to mom it really means, i'm so glad you didn't turn out to be insane like some of the other women I've met.

Don't feel bad about it, being the alternative means he views it as a long term relationship in the making and that you dont need to be on medication.

Fashion, Art and other fancies said...

A girl to take home to meet mama means different things in America as it does in Europe, but I think the person in question meant that 'She's so ladylie my mama would adore her'.

Jen said...

I think it just means that you are the type of girl that they know when it comes to meeting a parent that you will leave them with a good impression. Like you said, you have manners and can be polite. Some girls just aren't like that. Try to view it as a good thing.

Madeleine said...

I think it's a good thing, you wouldn't want to be the girl no man in his right mind would ever introduce to his parents would you. I think you're right in thinking it's because you have good manners, are polite, pleasant to be around and the rest. You don't have to be the good girl all the time, but a balance is better.
Don't worry too much, if you're getting along with CJ's mum that can only be a good thing. xx

Lady Grey said...

This is a compliment... and just because you are a great girl that moms would approve of doesn't mean you're boring or that you've lost your edge. You'd feel worse if he told you that he didn't want his mom to meet you.
oxo

Quietly Subversive said...

It's definitely a positive. There are a lot of people in this world who are so unpredictable, and you're not quite sure they can gather the decorum for a few hours to not say something incredibly stupid to Mom, eat a meal in a civil manner, or tone it all down for the visit. It's not asking you to be a different person for mom, just being able to make a good first impression for a few hours. :)

I had a boyfriend who would say the stupidest things to my mom and be rude. Of course, she freaking hated him. And I had wished that I could tape his mouth shut when he was around my mom. Oh well, he didn't last, and now I've been married 10 years to someone that mom adores (probably more than me).

Erika @ ~TiptoeButterfly~ said...

girl to bring home i would say is a GOOD thing .. i know we didn't met my now Sister In Law literally YEARS .. my brother wasn't the type to have a girl meet his family - where as me, i bring em' right on home

PS - want FREE art? - come 1 come all and *JOIN PHOTOgraphy Give-Away * .. if you interested of course!

*kiss kiss*
Erika

Andaje said...

I would say good - as those words comes from his friend. Isn't is his way of saying, "she's a keeper"?

I would never bring a boyfriend home to meet my parents unless, I believe he is the right one for me. I have brought home a boyfriend they absolutely did not like - and we were together for 4 years, but they never hinted any dislike towards him, but told me that they didn't like him..

Melissa Blake said...

What an interesting topic. I can see how you'd be scared that history could repeat itself, but I'd rather a guy want to introduce me to his mother than hide me from her, you know?

just call me jo said...

Since I AM the mom he brings you home to, I would take it as a compliment. I think it's the inside you that they are talking about. Obviously the outer you is important too, but the vibes you emit are probably more the kind of things moms pick up on. Moms are great at picking up subtle beeps that emanate from "dangerous" women. (those who might hurt their babies--they are always our babies) If you like yourself, that's probably the gauge to follow.

Diana Mieczan said...

I think people say those stuff without really knowing what it really means..I think its a good thing...For me it means that you are able to adapt to different enviroments and be ok with different people. Dint worry,sweetie
Hugs and kisses

Cafe Fashionista said...

To be honest, this phrase has always baffled me, as well; mainly because it makes absolutely NO sense. I would chalk it up to the fact that someone has nothing better to say, so they simply state "She's a girl you can take home to mom." To me, it's somewhat in the "It's not you it's me" category. Ridiculous! :/

david said...

well, this depends of what kind of mother we are talking about :D
If I brought home Lady Right-Girl, moms, literally, will kick me out cuz' she isn't and never was a right-girl and she hates right girls. I think this is because some childhood troubles she had. :S
About you, well, you seems neutral, maybe aimed at to be fiendishly funny in the near future 'cause of yours lingeries and garter belts, hahah, I'm just kidding...about you I think mom will say " boy, this girl have talent, let me teach her some tricks"

Noodles and Waffles said...

I think it's a good thing and honestly I don't think I want to be called the alternative. "Man, I wouldn't take her home."

Hannah said...

I've been called that as well a lot in my life. I'm a pretty straight edge girl.

But I think you need to stop worrying about yourself. Just because all your ex-boyfriends have been assholes doesn't mean this new one won't work out.

I get tempted to think the reason I'm alone is cause of me. But most of the time this isn't true. So I just listen to this song and make myself feel better.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1AJmKkU5POA

Pop Champagne said...

I think that is a good thing, I'd rather be the girl who can take home to mom than the girl who mom can never meet LOL. But hmmm. you do bring up a good point. well I mean I drink and party too, but everyone puts up an act when you meet your boyfriend's parents... like my bf's parents think Im this sweet thing but really they should really read my blog when i b*tch about celebs LOL

Dancing Branflake said...

I think he was giving you a compliment so that you would be more secure with your relationship with his mother. I think it's a very sweet comment. I think all women want to be assured that they are normal. Not boring but normal and that their potential mother in laws feel the same way.

FALEN AKA THUNDERCAT832 said...

that phrase bothers the hell out of me only because a good handful of guys will always screw over that "good girl". You know how most people say, "the nice guy finishes last"?...that is so true for women too!

I also know a guy who has this "girl you can take home to mom" but also has FIVE OTHER CHICKS ON THE SIDELINE...if she's the perfect one..why does he waste his time with the other chickenheads?

Dionne said...

I think that it's a good thing. To me, it means that you're well-rounded, respectful and can get along with anyone. It's not boring at all!

And yes, BE YOURSELF! I am a firm believer in letting your guy see all sides of you, even when it's a bad day for you. You want to make sure that he can handle you when you're grumpy or sad, because a real man should be able to do that - so it's a good way to see if he's the one you want to spend the rest of your life with. if you spend all your time trying to be perfect, you'll never know if he can be there for the long-haul.

a whole lotta love said...

i personally think its a compliment for people to say this about you. better than saying the opposite. the other guys in your life simply weren't the right 'one'. you are still young. just be yourself and don't over-analyze it. i'm also your newest follower. hope you'll stop by my blog as well :)

Susan R. Mills said...

I think it's a good thing. If I guy can't take you home to Mom, there is no chance of the relationship working out.

BenchesandChandeliers said...

it's probably better than being someone who guys would never bring home to mom :)

http://www.benchesandchandeliers.com

Audrey Allure said...

I think CJ sounds different from all the other guys you mentioned, and he seems to be treating you with respect & doesn't seem like the type to hurt you. You should take it as a compliment and keep on enjoying it :)

Christina In Wonderland said...

First of all, I think in your case, you end up going for the wrong kind of guy... :(

I think the whole "girl you can take home to Mom" thing is really a statement that says "You're respectable enough, and that's cool, so I'm just going to take you to my Mom so she knows I'm not a complete fuck-up when it comes to relationships and that maybe one day she can have respectable grand-children, not hoodlums, but, secretly, I can go behind your back and do what I want, because you're my cover."

But, maybe I'm jaded when it comes to love and these kinds of things. Maybe it doesn't mean anything negative at all. Who really knows, right?

tess said...

I would take it as a compliment. I basically second everything said here: it means you're respectable and someone CJ sees as a long term gf. It means he wants you in his life and wants you to be in the lives of others he loves too.

And don't be too hard on yourself. Although I know you want to be your best for CJ, if he really is the right guy he will probably bring out the best in you. And one of those days you will be vulnerable in front of him. It's inevitable, you're human. And more important it's okay! The closer we get to others, the more we're opening ourselves up to them, but its how they handle this that shows the true character of your relationship. If he's the right guy, not only will he accept your vulnerabilities, but he'll help you too.

Ninjagaiden78 said...

You know Melanie,

Being that girl you can take home to Mom is not a bad thing. Unfortunately, you are prob more mature than the guys you are dating and will get the tools. You will do fine though.

windowshopz.com

Jennifer Fabulous said...

I personally think this is a huge compliment. It means the guy RESPECTS you. You are the perfect girl to bring home to mom because you're attractive, funny, intelligent, sweet, and an overall amazing person. Moms love that. It doesn't mean you can't be sexy and a little devilish when the two of you are alone. ;)

Shauna said...

I agree that it's a good thing! Only the great ones get to meet mom! ;)

bananas. said...

i think it's awesome!!!

and now that i think about it...i don't think i've ever been called that. ha! oh oh!

Clare Lennon said...

I'm definitely one of those girls. It's definitely a maturity thing, but also think it's a confidence and the way you carry yourself.

What Would a Nerd Wear said...

it's a compliment to hear that you can be taken home to mom!!
it's a bummer that boys don't always treat you that way though...

Caroline Cakewise said...

I'm excited for you! Definitely a good thing, I think. It's great you're an adventurous, exciting person, but still someone whom he wants to his family to meet and who he thinks will get along with them. Doesn't mean you're boring - means he wants you to be a big part of his life. Yay! :D Happy for you!! xx

Kris said...

I think it's a good thing. I see it more as a personality thing like your the type who would come over for dinner and not have your guard up when meeting the parents. you'd be real and they'd immediately love you for it!

Vic said...

that's def. a good thing in my book:) i was always the sweet girl that everyone, ok not everyone...(i'm not a hooker either) could take home and it's nice!!!:)

OneCraftyFox said...

GOOD, definitely GOOD. It doesn't mean you aren't sexy hot sauce, it just means that only he gets to see that side of you. In private. In public you make an awesome and respectable impression, you are not someone he would be ashamed of. Does that make sense?

Jenny said...

Girl, this is the EXACT same with me. Some guys have told me they don't want to date me because I'm the kind of girl you marry, not just date. It sucks sometimes, but I think in the end it's a good thing. I've definitely had guys who were giant jerks to me too though, like you. We'll find our prince charming one day!

Liesl @ FabulousFashions4SensibleStyle said...

What an interesting blog post! This struck me too because I too have been told on multiple occasions that I am someone you can take home to mom or the girl next door, and I find that to be a good thing. However, when I wasn't dating or in a relationship, which was quite often I always wondered, if people think I'm the girl you would want to take home to mother, or marry as one said, why is it so hard to find a genuine relationship...so I see where you are coming from, but I do think being told that is a good thing! :)

Liesl :)

The Kid In The Front Row said...

Normally, if it's a girl us guy's want to take home, it just means she has a good heart :)

Molly said...

I loved this post, because I can relate. While I have not been referred to as "The Girl You Can Take Home to Mom" so far, I am often referred to as the "innocent" or "naive" one. It often seems degrading when people tell me that, even if they don't mean it that way.

Ninjagaiden78 said...

Coming from a guy, there are two types of women, the one you take home after 2am and the one you take home to Mom. Does it sound sexist, yes. But I don't make the rules. Besides, you want to be the girl in the latter list because keeping it all the way live, no man respects the former.

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