Monday, May 3, 2010

Well at least now I know & I can prepare.


On Monday's agenda first & foremost was my doctor's appointment to decide what has to be done for my breast health issue. The fibroid, which is a non-cancerous breast lump, has to be surgically removed. My surgery date is May 28th. I... At first I think I was angry hearing that I was going to have to have surgery again on the same breast but now I'm just numb. My head hurts, I've been light-headed the rest of the day, & I just don't want to do anything. I don't know if its depression, shock or it just hasn't hit me yet.

When I had my first set of fibroids removed from that breast back in August 08' it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. The initial going to the doctor & not knowing if it was cancer was like walking on a bed of hot coal...if you step wrong your done. I'm a bit blessed in the size of my chest, being a 36D, so when you have surgery with them it hurts. I really CAN'T imagine how women get boob jobs. I would never in my life voluntarily get surgery on them. But this time I have to. My doctor explained that the possibility of them growing to the size of the other ones is too risky. The others grew to the size of golf balls. I can't afford to have that heath issue later in life.

The doc said he could probably make a small incision & where the fibroid is the scarring will be minimal. I already have a scar on that breast...what's one more going to do? I feel mangled tho, like I somehow got stuck in some horrific trap. I thought I was fine lately health wise. I was getting more sleep, taking care of my skin, exercising, then bam...reality hits ya in the face. I just...didn't want to have to go through all of this again.

My dad hugged me & I almost burst into tears. I haven't cried yet. Maybe its because I know its going to be okay, but another surgery is not something I wanted to hear. I don't know. From wisdom teeth removal, to fibroid removal, to gall bladder removal...to ANOTHER fibroid removal...seriously when I ever have children they are going to walk out cuz I'll be so used to the hospital drill. I'm trying to make a joke to lighten the situation, but right now I don't know how. It sucks. I'm grateful for it not being cancer, however no one wants to hear that they have to remove a mass from your body.

Sorry my thoughts are everywhere. I got 3 weeks to clean & prepare. Sigh. I wish one day I can use my vacation days for a vacation, not a surgery.

Words of Advice to the ladies: I can't tell you enough how important it is to give yourself self-breast examinations. That's how I found the lumps. Also to schedule your mammograms accordingly.

I need to go to sleep...my head is spinning.

22 comments:

Candid Phobic said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear that. I really do hope everything's okay with you right now despite of the upcoming surgery. Let's just hope for the best and keep praying. I can't really think of any words right now, just keep praying :-)

Little Ms Blogger said...

Who says you can't cry? Just because you don't have cancer doesn't mean you can't or shouldn't cry because of fear.

Don't hold your emotions back - express yourself.

Brent said...

Hey Mel,

I know you're a strong person, but it's still tough to hear you're going through stuff like this. Hope you say strong, especially mentally and get through it. We're human, we're not perfect, and at least you caught something like that and it's removable. But yeah, it's still surgery and that's always a drag.

Meghan said...

I am so sorry, hun. I am most definitely thinking of you!

Barry said...

Mel, I won't lie and say I know how you feel about this. But (and I know you're trying to) you really need to keep your focus on the positive honey. The fibroid has been identified. It's not cancerous. Although three weeks will probably feel like a lifetime to you, it's a relatively short time to wait for surgery.

I know having another scar on your breast isn't what you want. But it won't make you any less attractive, or any less of a person.

I'm sorry it'll be painful, you know I'd take that away for you if I could. But it won't be nearly as painful as what you'd have to go through if it were cancerous. And a relatively small incision is a good alternative to a mastectomy.

I understand this is hard for you, and I know you must be scared and angry. But in a short time you'll be through this and healed.

You're a beautiful young woman and after this is done you'll still be able to live out your life. Not everyone gets that gift.

Thinking of you. :)

Cee said...

I'm so sorry to hear this Melanie, hang in there. I'll be thinking about you

Bathwater said...

Well I'll mark the date down and keep you in my thoughts. Don't worry about any scars, those are character lines.

Same Sweet Girl: Memoir of a Southern Belle said...

I'm so sorry girl! At least your doctor made the decision for you and you didn't have to make it yourself. I'll be praying for you and I know everything is going to turn out just fine. I'm just so thankful that it's non-cancerous!! Smile sweetheart! :)

Cafe Fashionista said...

Melanie my heart goes out to you. I literally felt like crying while I was reading this. I feel horrible to hear that you have to go through another surgery. Think positive thoughts; and at least you are catching it before it is too late. :)

tess said...

I am so sorry you have to have yet another painful surgery, but at least you can stop it early. You've done this before, you can do this again. You're a strong woman, Melanie. And I feel lucky to know you.

Pop Champagne said...

cry all you want hon! It's one of the best medicine :) I wish you the best for your surgery, you have my prayers <3

Girl in My Own World said...

I am so sorry Mel, I will keep you in my prayers and it is okay to cry and let it out. Lots of times that is how we get over things. xoxo.

woodlandsblonde said...

I'm so sorry you have to have surgery- but I'm so glad to hear it's not cancer!

I pray for a speedy recovery and minimal scarring for you. You are not mangled, or scarred Mel - they are just battle wounds of life.

Things will be okay - there's a reason you're on the Earth :)

Katy Mary said...

Oh Melanie, I'm so sorry that you have to go through something like this. I am keeping you in my thoughts for sure! I've been through something similar and I know how hard it can be. You are definitely allowed to cry and be upset though, don't feel like you can't!

drollgirl said...

oh girl. i am so sorry. you have been through a lot, and i know this isn't easy. but you are going to get through this, and you are going to be ok.

i wonder if they know what causes these damn fibroids? i think i heard caffeine makes them worse, but that might not be right. it sure would be nice to avoid this problem in the future. ugh. i know it is hard. but please hang in there.

Simon said...

Damn. I'm sorry.

Sandy said...

Hey Mel,
Having gone through a scare a little over a year ago, and all the crap that ensued with it, only to find out it was a cyst, I'm so glad this is, in the grand scheme of things, relatively minor. I don't mean to belittle it, But as Barry said, at least it isn't cancer and at least you won't actually lose a breast.
Good luck ... we'll be thinking of you ... and please let us know asap afterwards... we'll be waiting for info.
thanks for your comment on my post btw. if I figure it out, I'll certainly share it with you.
*hugs*

Eternal Blast said...

As Barry said Mel; it is non cancerous, and that is an immense positive side to it.
Now I know it will be all right, try to rest, eat well, and do not stress!!!

Hugs
Aixa

bananas. said...

i know surgery is something you never want to deal with...it's stressful and not always certain. but i am so glad to hear that it's non cancerous. and for that we should be grateful. good luck honey. xoxo.

Heather Rose said...

Mel,

I totally understand not feeling all peachy about this. Surgery sucks, and you've had your share. I love you, and I thank God that it's not cancer and I'll keep praying that this doesn't happen again.

PS. I'm sure you can come up with some sexy scar comparing game, if it ends up being a noticeable one. :P

Charmed said...

Best of luck sugar...my thoughts and prayers are with you.

Keep your chin up and keep smiling!!

Amanda said...

Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you have to have another surgery. I can't even imagine what you must be going through so I won't even pretend to. I'll keep you in my prayers.

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