Monday, May 3, 2010
Well at least now I know & I can prepare.
On Monday's agenda first & foremost was my doctor's appointment to decide what has to be done for my breast health issue. The fibroid, which is a non-cancerous breast lump, has to be surgically removed. My surgery date is May 28th. I... At first I think I was angry hearing that I was going to have to have surgery again on the same breast but now I'm just numb. My head hurts, I've been light-headed the rest of the day, & I just don't want to do anything. I don't know if its depression, shock or it just hasn't hit me yet.
When I had my first set of fibroids removed from that breast back in August 08' it was one of the hardest things I've had to do in my life. The initial going to the doctor & not knowing if it was cancer was like walking on a bed of hot coal...if you step wrong your done. I'm a bit blessed in the size of my chest, being a 36D, so when you have surgery with them it hurts. I really CAN'T imagine how women get boob jobs. I would never in my life voluntarily get surgery on them. But this time I have to. My doctor explained that the possibility of them growing to the size of the other ones is too risky. The others grew to the size of golf balls. I can't afford to have that heath issue later in life.
The doc said he could probably make a small incision & where the fibroid is the scarring will be minimal. I already have a scar on that breast...what's one more going to do? I feel mangled tho, like I somehow got stuck in some horrific trap. I thought I was fine lately health wise. I was getting more sleep, taking care of my skin, exercising, then bam...reality hits ya in the face. I just...didn't want to have to go through all of this again.
My dad hugged me & I almost burst into tears. I haven't cried yet. Maybe its because I know its going to be okay, but another surgery is not something I wanted to hear. I don't know. From wisdom teeth removal, to fibroid removal, to gall bladder removal...to ANOTHER fibroid removal...seriously when I ever have children they are going to walk out cuz I'll be so used to the hospital drill. I'm trying to make a joke to lighten the situation, but right now I don't know how. It sucks. I'm grateful for it not being cancer, however no one wants to hear that they have to remove a mass from your body.
Sorry my thoughts are everywhere. I got 3 weeks to clean & prepare. Sigh. I wish one day I can use my vacation days for a vacation, not a surgery.
Words of Advice to the ladies: I can't tell you enough how important it is to give yourself self-breast examinations. That's how I found the lumps. Also to schedule your mammograms accordingly.
I need to go to sleep...my head is spinning.