Thursday, May 20, 2010
I saw the sign...and it opened up my eyes???
In the confusing days that have been the past week I have been bombarded by a certain nagging thought in my head. A certain boy that I used to love had a birthday. I’ve tried my hardest to move on & I’ve made such progress that I would love to pat myself on the back. I let him go physically when he showed me the door but mentally it’s been hard. Break-ups are hard, that’s not new news for anyone. The reminders of him are starting to come fewer & fewer but that looming birthday of his brought him back to my thoughts like a runaway train. I will admit I texted him, “Happy Birthday”. I shouldn’t have. I shouldn’t have given him kindness, which is all I’ve ever given him, because he left me out in the cold alone…with not even the friendship left. I did get a reply from him of “Thanks dear!”. What the fuck?????? Why add the “dear” when you deleted me from your life? Who cares. It’s over…I didn’t expect anything to come from a simple text. I’ve been looking forward to my never-ending quest to find someone who at least would pick me up when I fell or fall right along with me.
BUT ever since that text I’m literally being haunted by signs of him. I’m not describing the “Oh we ate a strawberry once together…and now I’m eating one, I must cry now with the reminder.” No, it’s not like that. These are absolutely ridiculous things. I promised myself I wouldn’t analyze things about him anymore, but come on, this is driving me crazy… Here see for yourself:
Sign #1: Saw a friend on Friday night then he introduced me to his best friend. His best friend has the same name as the Mess. (Ok, he has a common name, didn’t bother me)
Sign #2: An hour later I make a face at the fact that the bar was playing “Tricky” by Run DMC in ohh um 2010 & some guy saw me & came over to ask why I made that face. We start talking…we get to the name part. He has the SAME NAME AGAIN as the Mess.
Sign #3: Next morning after the two guys with the same name as him, I go to an antique show in town. I’m walking around then BAM…I see 2 of the Mess’s aunts selling antiques. He does have 3 aunts but COME ON….they didn’t see me, but really? Did I really need to see them?
Sign #4: A day goes by & I’m blocking this all out of my head, & I go to a diner & then I look at the pie refrigerator……………Apparently the Mess’s name is a BRAND OF A PIE REFRIGERATOR!!!!! Big letters on the top of this guy’s name. I almost lost it. I had my friend with me double check the name so I wasn’t losing it. Nah, she saw his name too.
Okay…I don’t know what to think? Once…okay. Twice…creepy. Three & Four…wtf?? (I don’t curse much here but it’s needed now). I do believe in signs. I believe that if I have a bad feeling it’s for a reason. However all of this? I don’t know. People have told me that when someone should be in your life somehow you know. Some way it is made known to you. If he’s supposed to be in my life, well how come he left me countless times? How come I could never tell him how I truly feel? How come he’s so mean? How…there is too many of hows & too many whys. I just don’t want to drown. I don’t want to be plunged into all that madness again. I don’t want to sit & watch him be with someone else & treat her great while he treated me awful. So why the reminder? Why the signs?
What do you think all of this means? Nothing? Everything? Or I really need to just get all of this crap out of my head & just stick to the moving on plan? I’m all ears.