I wish this was my bathroom...
A lil while back the alarm went off one Wednesday morning and I scrambled to get my phone to shut it off. The blurry clock on the TV cable box read 6:59am and the phone said 7am. My mom called like she did every morning to wake her only up, a habit she’s had since I was in college. (I rely on her so much for that phone call <3) Cj’s legs started to squirm under the covers and I heard his yawn of awake. I know I heard his rooster alarm earlier but it was 7am when we both woke up. Here’s the problem: We both have to be out the door by 8am.
Usually Cj will wake up to his chickens or rooster alarm or I will and nudge him as softly as I can to wake up. He’ll take a shower first and I’ll start the Keurig and then while he’s dressing I’ll get up and start to get ready. He’ll leave and glance at “Angel” the Tv show on the screen and shake his head because he can’t fathom how I can watch it over and over again. I’ve recently switched to watching “Boys Meets World” in the mornings. We’ll then do the stereotypical kiss goodbye and I’m thankful that it’s not 1955 where I’d be left in the house all day to putter about without a twitching witch nose like Bewitched. However this present morning, we were late…really late.
I thought we’d both have more than enough time but alas it was 7:40 and CJ was still shaving. I hadn’t even taken my makeup off yet from the day before. Cj like a considerate boyfriend was like, “Babe you should just jump in the shower while I finish.” I really don’t know why I hesitated. It’s not like he hasn’t seen me naked before duhh we’ve dated for over a year now but I said I’ll wait. My subconscious drove my answers because all it saw was my shower curtain…WITHOUT A LINER!!! He could see all my wobbly bits as Bridget Jones so deftly puts it and I freaked out. He eventually finished and I popped in the shower quickly and started regretting my decision to not shower with him in the room. That was the moment where I realized I’m insecure with my body and vowed to try and fix that.
I know he loves me, even if I’ve gained about 10 pounds since our relationship began, but I’m apparently body conscious around him. That has to go if our relationship is going to work. So I’ve decided to make a pledge to LOSE THAT LAST 10 POUNDS not for him but FOR ME, so I feel more comfortable in my own skin and more secure. If I’m going to spend the rest of my life with someone, anyone, I need to be able to shed the clothes and step into a shower with them in the room. If Cj and I do move in together, I’m pretty sure this 7am wake-up will happen often. Perhaps I’m scared of rejection still…Perhaps I was looking for a deeper motivation then just fitting back into my clothes better…or the damage of the past to my self-esteem is rushing forward in my stress and tiredness. Not sure…but acknowledging the pledge is the first step. Stay tuned for the progress….
Have you ever had a “No Showerliner” type incident in your relationship where you realized you were still shy around your significant other? What did you do to overcome it?