Pennies....

The saying goes, "Save your pennies." Um...yeah...Whoever said that, do they realize how many pennies or how many times it's gunna take me to fill that lil piggie on the left to ACTUALLY buy that Chanel bag, the Wii I want, or those LouBoutin shoes I want????!!! I don't think they have a clue. It's alot of pennies to save, and alot...is ALOT.

Well everybody needs a lil mad money now & again. P.S. the movie Mad Money with Diane Keaton, Queen Latifah, and Katie Holmes rules! This is a screen shot from that movie via Imdb.


So. I'm gunna start a blog on every last day of the month to reflect on what I've tried to save. Susan, my other owl shopper, tells me I'm good at finances. I recently finished college with a Bachelor's Degree in Mathematics. However, I can do a Calculus 6 course, yet I can't do alegbra. How Ironic, don't ya think? So I wanted to try to reflect that on the blogging world for a moment for you to get some ideas. This month was a lil bad with spending cuz yes I am a victim like I said before of emotional buying. It's a killer. But first step to recovery is admitting the problem. But I did manage to save some.

Here are a few saving tips that I used this month:

- Kohl's Cash: Free $10 off any purchase coupon. I bought a beautiful belt that from the coupon cost 80 cents. lol. All you have to do is put your email or phone number in when the sales associate asks.
- Victoria Secret: Free Cotton Panty & $10 off a bra coupon in the mail. Again, when the sales associate asks, TOTALLY Give them your email & Phone number
- Border's Reward Card: 40% off any book email coupon. The card is FREE! They email you the coupons. I got the Time Traveler's Wife book by using this.
-Express: $15 off of a $30 purchase coupon. Give email or phone number.
-Best Buy Rewards Card: It's FREE! The more you buy, the more points you get & when you get enough points they give you free money to spend. I paid barely anything for the "Watchmen" Dvd last month. AND if you find out when your movie is going to come out on DVD, there is always a sale on it at stores that first week.
-Writing what you buy down!:I wrote down what i bought on my credit card. It's kinda like balancing a check book but more laid back. This way if you happen to be window shopping & see a Must have, you can look at the list and say maybe, oh i haven't bougt that much i can afford this!!

In this economy, money sucks. Plain and simple. So when you can save a lil here and there it helps. Maybe those tips may help?

I'm in an odd transition period right now in my life due to drama but knowing that my finicals are in order do help me sleep a lil at night. I would love to buy a Wii. I still have my Nintendo 64. I wouldn't trade that for the world but I think it's time for an upgrade soon. I also am saving to buy an apartment. I want to decorate sooooo badly!!!! I want a place to call my own. I want a boy to call my own. I want somewhere to hang my hat & not worry about bankrupting myself. Also I realized, eww...I can get an apartment but then I'll have to buy furniture which is more money...sigh. My piggie bank better love spare change.

This month I started this blog, 20 posts later and yes first step of things is admitting that there is a problem that needs to be fixed. I have hopes for September. I don't have college anymore cuz i graduated so its like oh...this is weird...What to I do now?? For like 21 years, September meant "Back to School", so without it I feel a lil out of place. I did cave in and buy a notebook for no reason cuz I felt left out. lol. Well I will spend my time with other things. It was a really difficult day at work & it made me tired & feel so frazzled. I did scream alot too today in my car and sing at the top of my lungs, and cried but I'm trying to get over & cope. It's hard. Very hard, cuz its gone on so long. But I'm a fighter. (Also I realized it's REALLY hard to sing Cristina Aguilera songs in your car with the window open without getting stares.) lol.

On a final note I just wanted to take a second and say R.I.P. Princess Diana. She died 12 years ago today. I remember my mom telling me she died late at night and I wasn't sure who she was, but I was 12 actually when she died so i was too young to know Politics really. She did soo much and won't be forgotten. "Your candle burn't out long before, your legend ever will." - Elton John.


YEAH THIS WAS POSTED ON 11:11. Make a wish!! *Wishing*

Who needs Ihop...I can make it myself!!

Well, try to make it myself.


Today I went to another demo at William Sonoma. Thats a lil collage I made of the some of the demo. This one was about Crepes. Crepes are those lil think french pancake thingies. I've never really been a fan of them because EVERY time i ever went to Ihop I got ridicolously sick. I don't have a bad stomach but without fail I get seriously ill from that place. Well not anymore!! I'll make my own. It wasn't the usual teacher so this lady seemed a lil scattered but it was still intersting. I'm becoming known as the Cocoa Cola girl because I always get one before showing up. Well it's early on Sunday mornings and I need more caffeine.

Well you can find really good recipies for crepes and things at William Sonoma. OH!! I know the William Sonoma;s in NY and NJ have these demos but i don't know if its everywhere. BUT!! They are doing an Espresso, Cappuccino, or Coffee Anyone demo...I'm hooked. I must go. Free Coffee!! Woohoo!!! I got offered a part-time holiday job there. I might take the offer. Not sure tho. I could use the money for future-apartment fund. hmmm....*thinking*

These demos are making me feel like I'm watching the opening of the remake of the Stepford Wives. Ya know that scene in the beginning where you see all those scenes from the 50's & the 60's conventions. That's one thing I wish I could go to. A World's Fair. My parents have told me that they were just amazing to see all new futuristic things. I wonder why the world stopped doing that?

Side Note: I wonder when the world especially certain people also stopped caring about each other's feelings. A little birdie told me information last night that just hit me like a ton a brick. I knew the information already but when you hear it from somebody else it hits home. I have to realize I'm not Carrie Bradshaw and Big won't come back in the end. My Mr. Big( I call him "the mess") didn't stop his chase when he met me. I can't understand why he still talks to me when he doesn't want to see me? If we were just friends and that was it to him, he would tell me Im sorry I'm dating someone else but I still want your friendship. It would give me closure. I'd cry, maybe hit a pillow, but I'd get over it because there would be closure. But no. I get lies. I get, "Oh I havent been up to much, just chillin in his job parking lot & then go to bed". That's a lie. I never thought I could meet a man who could be so cruel. I would & have walked the line for this kid...and yes i mean kid, even though he's older than me. I have to give up the ghost. I have to stop waiting for him to come back. Maybe just maybe if I'm not there......he'll understand. Maybe this just needs to be a fade out. I just have to let it go...But its hard. Ever so hard. But ya gotta take it one day at a time and just march time. I HATE that expression, but it's all that left to do. The one thing I have never done is leave. Perhaps if I left I'd be missed? In all honesty probably not. Soo I just gotta let time pass cuz eventually the smile will come in some shape & form. I hope.


Back on track. I realized that Im Preparing. It's almost like I'm doing a "nesting" thing, which is kinda weird. Im basically preparing myself for new people to come into my life. New friends, New guys, just New. I'm trying to find out what makes me happy, what makes me tick, who is this character that I am and what lets me forget the world. Thats why Im going to demos. Thats why Im trying to do a craft a week. That's why I'm buying lil pieces of flare. When someone asks, "Who are you" I want to give them an answer. Also when I go on job interviews which i need to start, and they ask me, "So tell me a lil bit about yourself" I won't studder and go Oh No what do i say?? I want depth. I want to get rid of the, "I just don't know what to do anymore" feeling. I don't want to be a Stepford Wife version of me. I want to be the real me. Maybe I'll buy a GPS it'll help me find me? lol. I'm lost. kinda like Stitch in Lilo & Stitch, but he was found. And I will find myself too n someone will find me. *Keeping fingers crossed*

I want to date a guy who would take me somewhere so I could have a reason to buy this dress: It's Jessica McClintok!:


Absolutely gorgeous. lol. I saw it before the demo and had to take a picture! I'm not that big of a Jessica McClintok fan but I'm in love with this dress. If there is ever an Enchanted by the Sea Dance like in Back to the future I want to go!

Okay stuff to do this week: #1: go back to the gym. #2: Make my own crepes #3: Move on with my life.

I'm liking those plans. =) After all, "Tomorrow is another day." - Scarlet Ohara, Gone with the Wind.

Hope everyone has a good week.

Look at the Pretty Butterflies.....

It's raining. This summer I felt like I somehow moved to Seattle, Washington but someone sneakingly took my town and dropped it there so I woudn't notice the difference. It's rained alllll the time. It's kinda like Blade Runner too, it's always raining in that movie... I can't wait for fall because its something new. I need something new.

I texted my Mr. Big because he sent me an message online yesterday. No answer. Figures. Why is it that it rains on the days your feeling down? But Tears are lost in the rain...or so they think they're lost. I kinda wonder what it would be like if I cried and it came out as marbles, or gumdrops, or chestnuts? Would I not be able to hide it on my sleeve or not be able to just say oh I had been staring at the computer too long?? That would be weird if you suddenly had bowling balls in your hands if you wanted to cry, but! he'd definitely notice that you were upset and would not be able to hide it.


I'm trying not to stay in these weird moods long so it doesn't consume me more than it already has so I'm going to hang up the butterflies me and my mom made last night in my bedroom. We were sitting down to watch Project Runway and the idea hit me to make some butterflies to brighten up the room. A beautifully spirited woman named Inga, who is a student in one of my mom's quilitng clases, taught us all how to make a butterly out of paper one day. We made them & fell in love. Then one day I Was at the Post Office and noticed one of Inga's butterflies was there. She actually has given them to alot of places in my town and they are so cute how could you not put it up for her.

I think they are soo cute so Im going to show you guys them. All you need to make them is gift wrapping paper, a black marker cardboard, and some wire. There is a cardboard pattern. I can try to measure it if anyone would be interested in learning how to make one. I like the brown one with the flowers the best. =)





Its all done with a pattern. I would trace it and measure it you anyone wants. Well you take the pattern, trace it on to a piece of wrapping paper, a magazine page, a piece of calendar paper, anything you would like that has a lil strength in the paper to it. Then you start to fold over a lil part of it. You flip it over to the other side and make another fold and continue flipping and folding til your at the end. You find the middle of the folded paper and tie a piece of wire for the antlers. Here's is the pattern.

Okay, I'm going to put these up in my bedroom because even tho I want to go out tonight and possibly meet someone new or even just meet a new friend, its raining and its dreary. Ill try to go out tomorrow...

Oh just a few random lil things....

"Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment!" - the Joker, Dark Knight
Today I was sitting in the diner that's right across from my job and I realized, Woa I have bad A.D.D.. My mind races with ideas, thoughts, and dramas that occupy a newly 24 year old's life. My job, my future, my weight, that concert he invited me too before he did the damn missing persons report thing, my credit card bill, my depart from a 3 year ridicolousness friendship, my health, this year's halloween costume, that cute guy who is always outside my office building but I dont have enough nerve to talk to him, going to the gym, oh Ill have that piece of pie, Woa this bra from Victoria Secret is really nice, if i use the coupon then this will be cheaper...then the other people in the diner's convo's start leaking into my head...and just AHHH!!! My mind is like a TV set and accidentally the remote control fell between the couch cushions and the channels keep flipping by. Yeah thats a perfect analogy for it.

I dont have a problem going to a diner by myself, but maybe its cuz I'm an only child. Maybe I should start to have a problem with it. I'm starting to feel like those Match.com commercials where they are trying to be a wake up call of yeah your alone. But Im trying to convince myself of the truth so like that Evanescence song, "My Immortal" Even when he was in my life, I was alone along.

Anywho...I decided to take a few random pictures to show you what ran through my mind today. Yeah its pretty random.

Step #1: Buy some new Hair Clips to make yourself feel a lil girly. I bought these, they are actually Scunci brand and you can find them in Shop Rite or CVS:


Step #2: Realize Oh damn I have alot of these clips everywhere so buy some cute lil boxes to put them in. =)


Step #3: Well from Project Runway I was looking at my fashion sense lately and Yeah I apparently fall in love with 1 style and then buy it every color. So the step is to have the duel of shirts and see who wins. I think the black shirt won! What do you think?


Step #4: Hmmmm...maybe check out that lil thrift store in the next town at lunch hour and see perhaps what you can find. I was feeling down yesterday so I went to a thrift store in Westwood and found this miniature tea pot.


Step #5: I wonder if I could use that bottle vase my mom bought at a tag sale as a crown?? Yeahhh, my boss is on vacation and didn't tell me about it. I'm pissed so my mind went elsewhere...Here's the vase and yes it can be used as a crown.



Step #6: Don't forget those post-its from your desk of all the blog ideas, and story ideas, and your reminder not to think of him cuz hes not thinking of you notes. And yes....Dont ever stop thinking of your dreams. (aka..the unicorn...a friend(not Mr. Big) bought me this lil plush toy becuz apparently I picked it up and made the Awww sound and he had to buy it for me. Sometimes random people show you they care.)


I took these pics today. I am a hopeful future engineer, and just realized after a year how to properly use her camera. lol. Well my ADD is running and I'm going to try and get to the gym...But how I feel I know I'm gunna do a face splat like Bridget Jones' in no time. lol. Gotta run because I gotta be back for Project Runway.

"I once fell in love with someone. I couldn't stop wondering if he loved me back. I found an android which looked just like him. I hoped he would give me the answer." - 2046

Awareness....

I have never been a person to preach about things. I've never been the, "Oh you should have only 2 drinks, you should brush your teeth after you eat, you shouldn't smoke or you should NEVER mix those 2 colors in an outfit," type of person. But for Breast Cancer Awareness I am. I wanted to just take a moment to write about this.

It is my year anniversary from when I had surgery to remove 3 fibriods from my right breast. Fibriods are benign tumors that are not cancerous. Thank you God. But feeling a lump in your breast is not a kidding matter. My surgeon remarked them looking like oddly shaped golf balls. I never thought my first sonogram experience would be for my boob. I knew I had them for about 4 years but was too scared to go to the doctor. I'll admit it. I think I thought that one day I would wake up and the lumps would just be gone. I was petrified. But last July I went and told a doctor. Fibroids generally occur in your 30's if they do, but I was early. I was 22 when I told the doctor. This whole experience was one of the scariest things in my life, but I am one of the lucky ones and the tumors were benign. The surgery took about less than hour my mom said because it happened to be textbook procedure and the fibroids came right out. My mom said she barely had time to be upset because I was done so fast. It was done at Englewood Hospital in Englewood, NJ. I still can't get over how nice and how supportive and how just you actually felt like the nurses and the surgeon cared. The lady who had given me the gown to wear also had fibroids removed. Ironically, my surgeon's first name was Faith. I guess I had a lil faith. The only thing that to this day I chuckle about is that in the waiting room at the hospital there was a sign along the lines of, "Be kind. Don't eat in this Waiting Room." Well I was supposed to not eat for 12 hours before, so okay I understand the sign's point. But what boggles my mind is why on the TV in the waiting room there was Rachel Ray's TV show and she was cooking a feast???? Did they not realize? lol. Probably not. The TV was also very near to the sign. Go figure.

It's a year later and I only really have a little pain everytime it rains. I'm not sure why everyone who has ever had surgery is a little sluggish when it rains? hmmm. I don't have any regrowth and I actually feel okay physically from it. I have a line scar from this but from using Vitamin E cream every night for a year I barely notice the scar. I don't have the "I really have no idea what these lumps are?" thought in the back of my head anymore. I think the reminder of this experience has made me a little sad this week in addition to other things but thats understandable. But I'm glad I went to the doctor and it turned okay for me.

My point for sharing this is for you to go to the doctors if you feel a lump in your boob, or if you notice a muscle feels wrong, or if you just don't feel right, if your noticing unusual pain on the sides, or any abnormality in a self-breast examination. I was lucky to just have fibroids. I know doctors seem intimidating but GO because unfortunately you never know what life deals us. So go get the mamogram, do the breast self-examinations, and go to your women's doctor appointments because Early detection does save lives.

The picture of the ribbon is via The Pink Ribbon Shop

This is me surrending.

On the way to grandma's house we go! My grandpa's birthday went really nice. I was glad because something happened that put me in such a good mood!! I noticed my lil cousin weaving this string together and I was like, "Hey Ri, whatcha making?" She was like, "Oh I'm making an ankelet. Wanna make one with me Mel?" I was like sure!!...Now I use to LOVE making alphabet letter bracelets with lil beads when I was little. I still do in fact. I adored putting on my lil plastic jewelry and thinking I was a princess and pretending to put on the fake plastic make-up. For a while I made alot of lil things. Ohhh I'm so addicted again right now, I can't wait to go buy string.

So its a weaving technique, with knots to make this bracelet in my hand. I'm gunna ask Marina for any more information she has on this technique. Its mostly you pick 5 colors, fold them in half so there is 10 strands, and then you knot it at the top of the middle of them. You then separate the strings so one side has 5 colors and then the other side is the other 5 in the same color order. Then you pick the outside string and then start knotting 2 knots with the outside string around the base string whatever color that might be. You proceed to do these 2 knots for each color strand. When you reach the end of the 5 colors, you switch to the other side and repeat. It's really easy and really fun. Im really gunna try and find better directions if anyone wants to learn something to get their mind's off of things. Or Ill try to do a photo blog of EXACTLY what i did in steps. Yeah I think Ill do that when I make the next one so you can see how the knot is made. =) Its easier to show what i did with pictures.


Its all about knots and separating colors.


I cant wait to wear it tomorrow and buy some string to make new ones.

Yes, I'm trying to get my mind off things and its working so I'm running with it. I surrender. I loved and did not get that love back but a ridicolous mean boot out the door. I feel like I was window shopping off and on for 3 years and then never got into the store(aka my Mr. Big's heart). People can be soo cruel that it would make your head spin. I don't get it...but then again, who does?

On a mini last positive side note I thought I would share a pic of my lil Nightmare before Christmas snow globe I bought the other day. It's in some Disney stores, but its a lil Jack Skeleton - Jack in the box snow globe with the duck. hehe. I think its adorable. Well, Carrie in Sex and the City bought shoes, I buy toys. lol. You gotta have an outlet somewhere....Nighty.

Oh...that was supposed to be today.

There was supposed to be a wedding I would have had to go today. It didn't happen. My two friends broke up before the wedding invitations went out. I'm staring at the save the date card and its just feels weird. It's an odd day when you know you were supposed to be somewhere and then from some twist of fate you aren't. I feel a lil bit like I'm in a coma and somewhere somehow it's taking place and I'm there drinking champagne and having the blast that I thought I might. Actually where this group of friends now are, I would have paniced over the akward moments of things and finding a date. I probably would have asked my ex from about a year ago but I'm glad I didn't open that can of worms. It's just such an odd feeling of displacement. The weather today was crappy as hell too in NY & NJ so all I can think of this Alanis Morissette song, "Ironic"...where she says, "It's like rain on your wedding day..."

Maybe it's odd because I'm looking for forms of happiness so desperately lately and this reminds me of the potholes in the scheme of things. I'm well aware of life's ups and downs but I was just hoping for some light.

It will come just right now I'm stuck in the dark for another period of time.


This is an odd blog...Im sorry...but I'm in an odd place at the moment. I think this week the adult education classes booklets from my high school comes out. Perhaps I'll take a class, perhaps I'll go back to the gym, maybe I'll get all dressed up and try to meet someone new to pull me out of this funk.

It's my grandfather's 87th birthday tomorrow so I have something to look forward to. I might even make some chocolate covered strawberries.

"The night is darkest before the dawn" - Harvey Dent, Dark Knight, 2008

"He said there's a stom coming in."

"He said there's a stom coming in." - Gas Station attendant
"I know" [sighs] - Sarah Conor, Terminator (1984)
I took that picture from inside the back conference room at my job right before the mini storm we had today. It looks like a face. What the hell? But it's like the face of a skull. It's creepy, really creepy. I don't like thunderstorms. They scare me, even though I'm indoors. Perhaps it's because it's soo loud that I fear it somehow got me but then i catch my breath. I was okay with them for a while due to Rip Van Winkle's story I used to say the angels were bowling or something like that but then i grew up.


This got me thinking of one of my favorite authors. Kate Chopin. The name may ring a bell if you ever looked at the summer reading list in high school or happened to read one of her stories. She was so pivotal in the late 1800's and her stories were published in Vogue Magazine. My favorite short story of her is called "The Storm". When i first read it, I got chills. Its about a woman named Calixta who has a husband and a small boy who go out one day to the market, leave her home, and then the storm hits. The storm is in the shape of a man named Alcee. I still can't get over that I was reading a love scene from 1898 that was more full of passion and love and sexy as hell then any of the erotic novels of today. Calixta lets go of her life in the arms of this man she had known in the past as the storm rages on around them. I often thought that if my Mr. Big and I ever got back to some semblance of how we were it would be a storm. Well it was a storm again but only for a lil while. Maybe him and I we'll have yet another storm...some day...

"As she glanced up at him the fear in her liquid blue eyes had given place to a drowsy gleam that unconsciously betrayed a sensuous desire. He looked down into her eyes and there was nothing for him to do but to gather her lips in a kiss." -"The Storm"
It's a very short story and it's actually a sequel to another of Chopin's work. I recommend reading the story if you ever feel a lil caged. Feeling that there are walls all around you and your trying so hard to look over them or break free from them. It has passion, lust, and that sigh of I just read a story that left a lil mark on me. Her story "Desiree's Baby" is also a moving read and very shocking with her twist of words.

I found the Kate Chopin information via Kate Chopin. The short stories are also on that site.

But on a positive note, I'm trying so hard to stay positive with things, I did see a rainbow when I drove to the mall tonight. Its hard to see in the picture but it was there. It was my lil ray of sunshine of the day. I had to stop and try to take a picture. And this lil deer also showed up at my job. I swear my job isn't to impersonate Snow White with the animls too. =)


It's faint but it's there.


I'm tired. It was a long week. Too Too long. Hope everyone has a restful weekend and be careful if your on the East Coast of U.S. for the Hurricane.

Oooo Oooo!!!

Hoot Hoot!! Today two owls went shopping. We Oooo Ooooo Oooo'd all over the Palisades Mall. My friend Susan started this owlness. Everytime she saw something pretty or noticed another item in a store she wanted she'd make the Oooo sound like an owl....Well I came to the dark side today and became an owl too. What started my transformaton was this strap of black fabric that (Yeah, I guess I am getting old) was soo small that even if I maybe lost my kidneys and removed a hip it wouldnt fit me, I gasped and said That cant be a dress??? To which Susan lauged and then I tried to see if it would stretch and then accidentally the hanger flung right off the dress and into the wall. (It totallly does NOT stretch.) I felt like I was in one of those B movies that should've went straight to dvd. We also found a dress that was shaped like a pear. Small on top and then it bounced out where the hips were and came back in at hem. I guess it's one of those dresses that it has to be the right girl and the right shape to wear it or else it'll just looks bad??? I'm still not sure.

But this lil owl did go Oooo Oooo and find these really cute butterfly hair clips:


While I was searching for more blogs I spoted one where someone talked about how nice it is to have an accessory for your hair. I can't remember what blog it was unfortunately, but I was in inspired. Thank you!!

I also noticed that I buy the same style shirt in alot of colors. Does anyone else do that? I mean no one notices at work that I have worn an aqua studded shirt one day and then a black studded shirt the next, so I guess its okay. But I work 5 guys, and I don't think they have much of fashion sense so i guess I'm a wee bit lucky. hehe.

Back to the story, the two owls gossiped about high school memories, and how yes that girl is having yet another baby, and this one got married and did you hear about this and that. I haven't been shopping with Susan in a while so it was alot of fun. We've known each other for years but then finally started being true friends. I'm happy we did and relieved. You need a gal pal that totally just understands.

But alas, it came to 9:30pm when the stores close and the two lil shopping owls then parted ways and went home with their bags of goodies from the mall. =)




P.S. Project Runway Starts TOMORROW!!! on Lifetime at 10pm E.S.T. Oooo!! Oooo!!

Help I'm alive, my heart keeps beating like a hammer...

So I found this book that one of my mom's friend's gave me for my college graduation. It is Dr. Seuss's "Oh, the places you'll go." I had never read it. "The Cat in the Hat" was the big one when I was younger not this one. Well, I forgot to remember the message. I will go places, I will succeed, I will have motivation, and the sun will shine. And I can't let some fool bring me down. I'm sick of being just a faded memory and being treated like a secretary.


Today was one of those get up, drink a pot of coffee, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch tv, and then go to bed days. But I added a dash of spice. I actually sat down and did a mini collage. I got out my lil book of latin phrases, my stamps, an old book I got from the library for a quarter and then some clipboard stamps. I originally had many ideas for this but I thought I would leave it small and simple. I might go back and add something else, but maybe later.


It's just a little girl lost in her thoughts.


Here's a closer look. I really like the blue hearts for some odd reason.


I love the big "AND" symbol.

It's simple, but it's a start. I actually feel good that I did something. =)

The phrases are in latin. I used to translate Latin very well back in high school. While doing this I was like Oh yeah I remember that maybe I should pick it up again. But then I thought oh if I know Latin the only one I could talk to would be the pope. That'd be akward as hell. lol.


Oh and I was telling a friend yesterday about a story idea I had about a diary of zombie who came back. I don't think that's ever been done. I told him about it and he actually told me that I should write it and he'd read it for me. His words struck a cord in me and I'm going to really start planning this out. People throw you curveballs that I just don't understand. But I'm going to get out my little cherry notebook and start writing down my ideas.

I'm starting to feel like a phoenix. I keep coming back from the ashes. I've died a hundred times...But you have to come back...some way.

I'm exhausted. I've been reading "The Time Traveler's Wife" non-stop. I can't wait to finish it and write about it. I'm going to go read some more and wait for the glue to dry on my collage.


"We'll put them all to sleep, until Rose awakens." - Flora

Kiss me and tell me it's not broken.

This is a random series of Why's. This is a perfect time to do it.

Why do you still message me when your online?

Why do you act completely different to me when your in front of all our friends?

Why did you hold me so tight when we laid together and watched all those movies?

Why did you hold my hand when we kissed?

Why did I help you pick out the shoes you wear everyday? Why don't you rememeber that?

Why do you call me when you need help?

Why did ask for my help then proceed to call me a dumbass when i asked a simple question?

Why do I still answer the phone when it's you?

Why don't you tell me about all the other girls? Why do u fumble your words and change the subject when someone brings one of them up in front of me?

Why did you take my hand when we were ice skating and say, "Its funner with you" and then said, "You shouldn't be so nice to me."

Why do you put both hands on my face when you kiss me and make me forget the world?

Why do you always bring me down when I'm one of the only 2 people that showed up for your birthday?

Why did you hug me ever so tightly like you didn't want to see me go?

Why do u plan things with me months in ahead when you never want to see me in the present?

Why didn't you stop looking when I came along?

Why did you let me see the softer side of you and turn around and let it shatter right in front of me?

Why didn't you just suck it up and be a man and find the courage to tell me its over all those times?

Why do you keep me on a yo-yo string?

Why did you rant and rant and let me see you break down and then disappear and come back with such hatred on your tongue for no reason?

Why do you make me feel so useless yet needed? Why do I feel that if I leave you won't have anyone to notice that you left your coat downstairs at the bar?

Why did you flirt with a girl all night in front of me and then when you looked over at me you stared at me like I was a ghost?

Why did you let me into your life and ignore the fact that you did?

Why do I hope that your mother was right when she said, "Oh he'll notice you when he gets his kicks!"

Why cant I just let it go?

Why do u push me away when I waited in the rain with you for an autograph and took all those pictures for you?

Why am I still there for you and fear that I will always be?

Why did this friendship get soo fucked up???

Why do I wish every text is you, every call is you wanting to hang out with me?

Why do you give me that look when I stop kissing you that begs me to kiss you again?

Why cant you see me, for me?

Why do I love you and equally hate you with all the passion of the world?

Why don't YOU let me go? Ah...now thats the why that keeps the other whys going....

le sigh.

Yeah know what Im tired of all these whys.

"Well it was a turning point, Oh what a lonely night!" - "Spaceman, "THe Killers"

Had a bad day and a realization that I hope will stick.

Yes! I cant cook, guilty, therefore I go to Demos.

I cant cook. I'll admit it. I can boil water and make cups of soup, I can make simple pasta, um...i can make instant coffee, and I can make killer chocolate-dipped strawberries. My mother almost fell over one day when i started dipping the strawberries and it came out really good. She was like uhh when did you learn that? I told her about an ex-boyfriend who is now a host for parties taught me. Its my favorite thing to do. Whenever someone comes to visit me when i have an apartment, that will be the dessert. Sorry in advance =P.

But its a lil talent that I keep secret to those who know me so i can suprise them one day.



To try to change this, me and my mom have been going to these free demos at Williams Sonoma. It's that gourmet cooking store that omg they have those most gorgeous cookware. I'm in love with this mini cupcake holder.

Here it is it can be found here: Cupcakes!!



I wanna learn how to make those mini cupcakes. Watch I'll then turn into Nicole Kidman from Stepford Wives the remake with a million cupcakes in the house when I learn.

Well my mom and I went to the demo this morning and it was on Olive Oil. That sounds boring but the lady made this fresh pesto that Omg I asked for a second helping of the sample and it was soooo delicious. I went to the class on Vinegar last week and I've been living on Balsmic Vinegar from Modena brand and Olive OIl mixed together on cucumbers all week. It's something to do ya know? But they gave us little booklets with recipies and hey it was all free and it was fun. I'm not sure if every Williams Sonoma does this but the one in the Palisades Mall in New York does it.

In 2 weeks Im learning how to make crepes. I love crepes. I love french cooking. One day when I somehow get over my fear of flying I'll go to France.

I realized today Im doing the typical single girl thing. Find things to pass the time. I feel like Carrie when she was in between her flings with Mr. Big (Yes I have my own Mr. Big, but he has brown eyes instead of green). I dont have to prepare for school so yeah. Not having to buy school supplies for a fall semester is fucking weird. I feel like I'm forgetting something all the time but I dont know what it is.

Maybe I'm Rapunzel trapped in the tower But I accidentally cut my long hair and Im waiting for it grow back and Im trying to find things to do to pass the time til the prince comes or the time traveler shows up again or I can get down out of the tower and not worry about them.....



Waiting...

I went to the ends of the earth and back...

Nah...I just went to New Jersey. hehe.

So today I did a bit of emotional shopping. There's a emotional eating (I am Very guility of that too) and then there is the emotional shopping. It happens, it's easier not to fight it. I reallly need to save money because I want to get an apartment. I actually somehow that I really have no reasonable clue don't have any student loans so I really just need to stop buying and saving (easier said then done.)... Well I'll start that tomorrow. lol.

So here is what I bought today and I gotta say that coupons and going to places when there is a sale makes me so freakin happy. Its my get out of jail free card for buying stuff cuz I just say "Oh it was on sale". I'm a ridicolous shopper because I can go in a store get 4-5 things and pay lil to nothing. For example today I got 2 pair of flat shoes(if you have high arches they are like gold) and 3 pairs of earrings from the same store for under 10 dollars. Hearing "Buy one get one free" is like eating the best cupcake in the world. The only thing is it's so easy to find the 1st shoe...not so easy to find the 2nd.

Here are the shoes and the earrings I got.



I'm soo loving these. The skulls are too cute.



These are from this store called billito. I tried to find a site but they just have a few stores. If your in New Jersey there is a couple of them. Very inexpensive and you can always find something lovely.

Then I went to Old Navy, and I btw those Super Manequinns in the commercials that talk are soo freaking creeeeeepy!!! Now Old Navy is weird...I never thought I would find something so pretty that wasn't clothes. I bought these magnets with flowers and they look straight out of the 70's Art Deco stuff. I had to pick them up because one day I will have my own refrigerator. They look old, I like it. For $3.50...I'll take it.



My mom said to me a lil while ago to start picking up stuff for the future. Hey, its something to look forward to. I'm actually obssessed with dreaming about my future place because somehow in my brain if i get an apartment my life will straighten out...I think? I dunno.

Then I went to Borders and picked up my copy of the Time Traveler's Wife. I LOVED the movie. I loved it. Erin rocks because she had tissues. I definitely want to write a blog about how much I loved it but I don't want to spoil it for anyone so I will do that later. I already read the prologue and I'm hooked. I cant wait to read it.

Oh i almost forgot. To start out this lil shopping spree I went to a tag sale with my mom. I love tag sales because you NEVER know what you will find. Like this lil porcleian doll. I sorta collect antiques but when it looks priceless and you get it for 2 dollars, its soo finding a home. Here it is:



I don't know when it is from but it's now gunna join my mess of lil trinkets. It reminds me of the white rose from Disney's Alice in Wonderland. That sings the last part when all the flowers sing.

I did also go to Michael's Craft store and picked up a few lil scrapbooking things to try to get myself in the groove of working, that stylish box in the beginning of this, and a cute lil bat stamp for halloween. My mom calls herself the "Frustrated Sculptor"...I'm definitely the "Frustrated artist" Once I get going I cant stop. But its the starting thats hard. The acceptance of things is hard. The ability to stop being in denial, that's hard too.

Here's the lil bat stamp.



I dunno sometimes you need to treat yourself. It does make you feel better at least for a little while.

I can't wait to go read that book so thats it from my lil shopping spree. =)

The Time Traveler's Wife.

I am SOO Uber excited to go see this movie. I haven't been this excited to see a movie since The Dark Knight. I have a total soft spot for the romance movies. It looks so cute and meaningful and I think I need a good cry. Ya know that chick flick cry that actually makes you feel good? Even watching the trailer Im crying. I'm a hopeless romantic and I crave it oh soo much. I hope it has a good ending. I really do. *Fingers Crossed* I hope she waits for him to come back and be with her. I love this idea because it seems like I'm painfully waiting for things in my life to come and Rachel McAdams is in that position too. I'm waiting for that turning point, that moment where I smile and it all makes sense.

Here's the trailer for The Time Traveler's Wife if you have not caught it.




I wanna be someone's big event.


It reminds me of this book and movie I've read and seen called Portrait of Jennie by Robert Nathan. Its one of my favorite books ever. Its a story about a painter who's a little lost in his life and he sees a little girl one day playing and he talks to her and she immediately falls in love with him, then she disappears...BUT! Then he sees her a few days later again and she's ice skating but she's much older...of course he then falls in love with her and everytime he sees her she's older til she gets to be his age. And he paints her picture but there is a heart-wrenching twist that I won't spoil. It's such a good but sad story. The movie is in black and white but oh it doesn't matter. The book is a fast read too. If they remade the movie I would give anything to play Jennie. Maybe one day...

Okay I gotta go get ready to meet Erin shes another one of my best friends. I can't wait. I hope they wind up making it work...I truly do.

"For good times & bad times I'll be on side forever more...Thats what friends are for..."

This is a quick mini blog that I just have to do. One of my best friends who due to distance I dont get to see very often just called me up and totally made my day. She works for The Body Shop and she was like, "Oh Melanie I'm gunna make you a little sampler of stuff so I can give it to you when I see you" Woohoo!!! <3. They were testing the fire alarms at my job and OMG they are LOUD!!!! So my brain feels like I just went to a Metallica concert and was sitting in the speaker. I needed a little pick me up.

True friends are the friends that no matter how much time goes by, or how far you live away from them, you pick up right where you left off. It's amazing.

This is Danielle and me.



Actually I cant believe this picture is this old. This is from my 21st birthday. I have to go down and visit her. We're both only children so its like the lost sisters found each other.

We always wave at the gate too. (In Ever After, Danielle always waves at the gate to her father...we watched it many times when we were roomates in college.) =)

What to do with these lil dolls?

In my cleaning, yes I actually am cleaning, hehe, I found these lil paper dolls that I actually bought at a tag sale. It's amazing what you randomly can find! There lil china dolls made out of paper. They're hand-made definitely and its just little clever tricks with paper. I wish i could give credit but I don't know who made them. Ooooo This is Motivation to make a collage!!!! I think these would make a cute little addition to one!!

Thought I'd share because they are too cute.





This one is my fav!


This is the other type of them! The face is a lil wooden rod.



They were only 50 cents too for i think there is 8 of them. The pink bow in the hair is just adorable too!!

I wonder what lil treasure I'll find next!