Thursday, September 15, 2011

Changing Who You Are or Just Growing Up? You Decide...


Upon entering and being in a relationship it is a natural thing to embrace the change it brings. The "I" becomes a “We”, you’ll watch the same shows, eat sometimes similarly, hang out with each other’s friends, and adapt to one another. I’m talking like matching hats changing (*I still can’t get over that ridiculous night*) because that is just creepy, but the subtle changes over time that affect both of you in the relationship. I know I’ve changed a lil bit in my relationship with CJ but I feel he thinks they are MAJOR changes while I don’t think so at all…I’ll explain…

He only drinks Coffee Mate French Vanilla creamer. I really could care less which one I drink but I do love French Vanilla. Solution: I keep Coffee Mate French Vanilla in my fridge. Cj likes to wind down at night by reading or playing a game before bedtime. I usually just go to sleep but sometimes I’ll watch TV right before. Solution: I’ll stay up extra with him because I really do love going to sleep with him because we cuddle before (I know, hold the aww’s lol). Sometimes tho I say fuck it and head right to sleep without him. If I haven’t seen him in a few days and then I know he’s busy the following day and If I have plans I’ll push them to the next day so I can see him…


Writing all that out it may seem to you that I have changed to cater him but those minimal things I don’t see as big changes at all. I think I’m just being a good girlfriend to be honest. I’ve been trying to make him more comfortable in my condo by buying food I know he likes. So what I changed coffee creamers? CJ thinks that I have changed for him and he doesn’t feel like that’s fair to me but with those small things as the changes I don’t see the big deal. Maybe he feels guilty because he hasn’t changed as much for me so he’s trying to make himself feel better by getting me to stop instead? I’m not sure, but I don’t think he realizes that when I tell him he is the first relationship where I’ve truly been myself I actually do mean that with all my heart.

When someone changes their hair if their bf or gf says they want it that way, loses weight because they call they’ve been called heavy, change their clothes to what the bf or gf likes, only listens to their significant others music, gives up hobbies to like only what they like, etc…THAT to me is changing. Not me. 

Perhaps he’s seeing me grow up more than when I first met him so he’s mistaking that as me changing for him? I’m four years younger than him and still have lots to learn especially becoming a homeowner. Of course I’m going to change. I'm not picking him over other friends, I'm not changing my shoes because he doesn't like them, I don't feel like I've changed the real me…hmmm…now how to tell him this? 

Today’s Question:
Have you changed since you’ve been in a relationship or did you just grow up within the relationship? 


9 comments:

Dancing Branflake said...

Well, I think it's a little of both (ha! What isn't?) I feel like I've for the most part chosen what I've wanted to change and not change. It's always being aware of what you're doing and why.

Shannon said...

I think every relationship requires compromise (change) to a certain extent, but you should never change who you are as a person.

It's finding the fine line in between that makes a relationship rocks!

creativefashionglee said...

We naturally change and we grow in a relationship. It´s normal. There are compromises, however, it has to be two-way. When only one partner does the changing, tolerating and adjusting, then it´s a relationship akin to a sinking ship.

Great post. :)

Cafe Fashionista said...

As long as you're changing for your own personal reasons, then I think it's a form of growing up. The minute you start changing for someone else, it's just...changing into someone you're not. :/

Annemarie @ Brunch at Saks said...

Such an awesome post, Melanie, and a fantastic question. I think I've grown within the relationship and separetly as a person because of the relationship, if that makes sense! I've learned to compromise and I've learned my own likes/dislikes are just as valid as well.

Happy weekend to you :) xx

Madeleine said...

I agree with what the other commenters have said. Relationships are about compromise, not compromising your personality, like you said, but being willing to make small adjustments to make life better for you both. I certainly think that in the year The Boy and I have been together we've both made small changes in the way we are in order to fit together better as a couple. Like he's given up space in his bathroom and cupboards so I have storage space, and I've learnt to cook the things he likes, even if it's not something I'm enamoured by.
I think that's the only way to make things work. You don't have to give up your life, and it works both ways.

Fickle Cattle said...

I don't see why changing is necessarily a bad thing. I've always thought that making someone you love happy would, logically, make you happy as well. :-)

Fickle Cattle
http://ficklecattle.blogspot.com/

jozen said...

i don't think you are changing yourself at all! like you said, you are just doing things to make him feel more comfortable and to be a better girlfriend. that's what relationships are about... give and take.

awesome post.

Bathwater said...

I think the word is adapt. You need to learn to adapt to each other to get the most out of a relationship.

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