“The greatest thing you'll ever learn is just to love and be loved in return.”
– Toulouse-Lautrec, Moulin Rouge
I have a confession to make. I don’t think I’ve ever truly had a successful relationship. I would find out that it wasn’t going to work out early on like when an ex of mine called me the wrong name at an inopportune time, or when another ex was spending more time with my roommate than me, or when I realized another stopped calling but then I called him from a blocked number to be like yo what the hell is up? BUT for some stupid reason I’d have get this sick twisted notion that it might work out, that something might change, or whatever guy it was would realize we fit together. All of them failed. Till now…
CJ & I have been together now for 4 months. I believed him when he said he came back into the bar we met at because he was hoping he’d see me again. I even went to the bar he went to after he asked me out to make sure I wasn’t dreaming & he had in fact asked me out to dinner. I’ve even had a surgery during the relationship & he still wanted to be with me. He’s the first guy to ever truly tell me he loved me. He’s the first guy that has actually made me feel like I have a true boyfriend who wants to be with me. It’s…this has all never happened before. First guy who’s wanted to show me the world…I am so happy it has happened. All of it.
He wanted to know if I thought there was potential for us to be long-term when I said I would date him. I was scared at first because this is my first true experience with a real love that was returned. I said yes. I actually think there might possibly be a potential here for something greater. I’m so not getting ahead of myself I want to take things slow even tho people are pushing me for information that I couldn’t possible give, but I can see this going far.
So this is what love is? Endless nights of talking, laughing, sharing our stories…snuggling together to keep each other warm, taking each other’s hand & giving it an extra squeeze just so they know you’re happy to be with them, playing video games til the wee hours of the morning, making each other breakfast, & making each other smile…if it is love then I’m in love. But more importantly, I'm happy. That I think is worth its weight in gold.
4 months. It seems like longer. There will be some changes in our schedules because he will have class & I will have my cake decorating class & the winter will bring snow & it might be harder for us to make time for one another. I’m up for the challenge. I hope it works. I’m keeping my fingers crossed! =)
What is your definition of love? I’d love to hear…
|CJ & me @ Octoberfest!|